Moroccan Culture?

[~PalmTreeGurl~ 154]

Dear friend and neighbor,

there is no culture or religion on this earth that encourages cheating,it`s all about morals.am sorry this happens to you,helping his family is a duty,just like helping you is a duty too. most immigrants are coming from poor families and they need to support their families,it`s an act of worship for them, especialy when it comes to their parents.but as i said it`s his duty too to support you and help you.He doesnt seems a bad boy as he confessed to you what he did,i hope you`ll be able to work it out.i wish you the best.

Sorry but he is bad if he cheated not only once but TWICE! Imagine how you'd feel if your fiancee/wife cheated 2 times then someone told you she wasnt a bad girl...

[Mithra 1,185]

Cripes. Maybe it is a culturally acceptable thing in a round about way?? This is how many MENA men now that have suggested that infidelity is a forgivable offense?

About the money thing, if I would've known for myself going into my marriage that I'd be responsible for sisters who can't keep a husband or other family members I'd have definitely thought twice myself. Helping out family in need is all good but being completely responsible for able bodied, grown adults is another thing. ugh.

Dear friend and neighbor,

there is no culture or religion on this earth that encourages cheating,it`s all about morals.am sorry this happens to you,helping his family is a duty,just like helping you is a duty too. most immigrants are coming from poor families and they need to support their families,it`s an act of worship for them, especialy when it comes to their parents.but as i said it`s his duty too to support you and help you.He doesnt seems a bad boy as he confessed to you what he did,i hope you`ll be able to work it out.i wish you the best.

[sandinista! 1,816]

Cripes. Maybe it is a culturally acceptable thing in a round about way?? This is how many MENA men now that have suggested that infidelity is a forgivable offense?

About the money thing, if I would've known for myself going into my marriage that I'd be responsible for sisters who can't keep a husband or other family members I'd have definitely thought twice myself. Helping out family in need is all good but being completely responsible for able bodied, grown adults is another thing. ugh.

it's indicative of no such thing. it's a random assortment of a couple guys from mena on a single website. i could do a google search of american marriage counselors, advice columnists, etc. and find tons who would suggest counseling, forgiveness, in order to move past such indiscretions. i wouldn't then say "americans believe infidelity is a forgivable offense". there's more to it than that. some people find it forgivable, others don't, regardless of where they are from.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

If I had known what I know now, I would not have married my husband. I have known him for 5 years and we've been married 3 1/2 years. He had an affair 9 months into our marriage for two weeks (they talked and kissed-no sex-I actually talked to the woman) and another one this past June for 6 weeks (he says no sex). Both affairs arose (according to him) because of my reaction to him sending money home.

The first time he sent $100 to his brother. That isn't a huge amount of money but at the time, I was working 2 jobs in order to pay our bills-we were behind on rent and the car payment. I was soooooooooo angry and he got angry right back saying I hate his family. I called my mom and cried to her. He said that I should not have told her and it should be between the two of us. So, taking his own advice (joking) he sought out another woman to talk to.

This past June, he sought out another woman after an argument about money again. He sent $700 home. He wasn't helping with any of the monthly bills (part of his defense of not paying bills was he didn't like the place we were staying in ) . I got very angry again and told him that I was done with our marriage. He asked if he could stay that night and I told him that since he didn't like this place and it wasn't worth it to him to pay for it then why would he want to stay? He left. He didn't talk to me for about 3 days. He continued to stay in a hotel (paying $50/night + food - I saw the hotel bills). He was willing to pay a lot more money to stay in a hotel than to help me pay the monthly bills. He has done very well for himself financially since he's been in the U.S., but still can't help. He has helped for months at a time but if his family needs money, then it is up to me to pay all the bills.

It was during that time that he found another woman. The day after we moved into a house that he wanted to live in and we made a financial agreement, he told me about her.

As soon as I found out about both women, he stopped seeing and calling them.

As strange as it sounds, I know he loves me but I will be the first to agree that love doesn't equal cheating. I believe he loves me the best way he can. It's not the kind of love that I deserve though. I've met with an attorney and know what I need to do.

I just want others to realize what can happen, or at least what happened to me.

I know two of his sisters are being cheated on my their husbands. My feeling from him is that his cheating wasn't that big of a deal.

I'd love to hear any thoughts by other members who are familiar with the Moroccan culture and MENA culture in general and how cheating is viewed. I know what Islam says about cheating, however, my experience has been that Islam and the culture in general don't always coincide.

I know this sounds like a very weird question. Where were the girls that he was cheating with from? Were they Americans or from somewhere else...

This is actually very pertinent..

I think you would have to ask a Moroccan woman who was NOT giving someone a greencard about how she would feel about her husband cheating on her.

It takes 2 to cheat. A man to look for it and a woman to willingly engage in it with a married man . If she doesnt know do not blame her. If she is a Moroccan and your husband is looking outside his marriage, he may have told her you are for papers only and believe it or not, this is very culturally acceptable in North Africa. Some men from North Africa actually marry someone back home while they are married to the ghorba or westerner and to wait till your papers are cleared then get divorced is very normal . However, he will need his citizenship to bring anyone here and secondly if the girl is actually from back home and living stateside, you cannot expect a hell of alot of remorse

PS.. The standard operating procedure is to tell the westerner that its their COUSIN..So if someone seems miraculously to have so many COUSINS stateside, dont be shocked if thats just a ruse to get busy with your approval

No its not a mena thing but yes in some low class families it actually is a ruse everyone seems to go along with... and NO not all Moroccans or Algerians are ok with it. No, not all people in the culture think its cool. Some think it really sucks for the westerner and feel sorry for them

By the way , the reason I say westerner is because this happens in France so much they have a name for it... MARRIAGE BLANCHE

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Sorry but he is bad if he cheated not only once but TWICE! Imagine how you'd feel if your fiancee/wife cheated 2 times then someone told you she wasnt a bad girl...

I think its looked down on in both societies.. But for sure , for sure, cheating is really not a reason most Moroccans end their marriage

Hence all the remorsefull rai songs...

Like BAIDA MON AMOR

Forgive me my love, I love the dark haired girl,,,then he says forgive me dark haired girl, I love the blond

HASNI

ahhahahahaha

I just dont think most Moroccan women would leave their husband over cheating.. They might go down to the market and buy some magic dust and blow some evil dust on her or go to djeddia and do some talking to AICHA KANDISHA and call the djinns . I think we need to do some sehour on him..

You can put on some gnawa music really loud in the house....like really drum beat... Start rolling your eyes back in your head and whip your hair around and scare the living ####### out of him

ahahhahahahahahhahahahhahahahahahahahahahahaahah

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

I think its looked down on in both societies.. But for sure , for sure, cheating is really not a reason most Moroccans end their marriage

Hence all the remorsefull rai songs...

Like BAIDA MON AMOR

Forgive me my love, I love the dark haired girl,,,then he says forgive me dark haired girl, I love the blond

HASNI

ahhahahahaha

I just dont think most Moroccan women would leave their husband over cheating.. They might go down to the market and buy some magic dust and blow some evil dust on her or go to djeddia and do some talking to AICHA KANDISHA and call the djinns . I think we need to do some sehour on him..

You can put on some gnawa music really loud in the house....like really drum beat... Start rolling your eyes back in your head and whip your hair around and scare the living ####### out of him

ahahhahahahahahhahahahhahahahahahahahahahahaahah

Ok I thought about this

ok

Step one

When he comes home

Have all the candles lit

Have very loud gnawa music playing

Ok roll your eyes back in your head...some creepy skeletons from CVS will help too

Tell him you are casting a spell on him for cheating and you are calling all the djinns.. Oh and run some water in the kitchen while you are doing all of this..

I wish I was there to help you plan this....hahahhahahaahahhha...You need a good Moroccan djinn party for that jackass you are married to....

Where is Aicha Kandisha when we need her?

[itsallgood 1]

Wow.... I am so sorry to hear of what you have gone through..... There are bad men an women in evry culture.... Before I met my Moroccan hubby I dated a Tunisian for 8 years.... He dumped me for a 19 year old and her trust fund :0( 3 weeks (after he married her) later he was calling me telling me how miseable he was and that he made a mistake.... Before that he had cheated on me with her bestfriend and who knows who before her....People cheat for different reason but whatever the reason it's wrong..... As a muslim he should always take care of his wifes needs first... It is his obligation.... 9 months in and he had an affair I would have sent him packing.... Back to Morocco.... Personally this would have made me question his reasons for marrying me...... When my hubby gets here I expect him to help out ( and he is aware of my expectations)..... I don't mind helping his family because they are my family too, however our household needs have to be met first......

I can't tell you what you should do but me personally would walk away.... There are too many things going around to play this game with him..... Not to mention all the crazies in the world.....

IDK if you are muslim.... But I am and Islam says I am to be treated like a gift from God..... I will accept nothing less and neither should you....

I'm sorry you went through something similar. Nothing hurts as bad as betrayal in any sense of the word. I did leave him the first time. Fortunately and unfortunately, I give everyone the benefit of the doubt and believe in the good of people. I know that sounds crazy but that's who I am. We went to marriage counseling and it worked very well. We were closer than we had ever been during that time. Then he went to Morocco for about 6 weeks and we stopped going to the counselor. The money issues continued though. Again, I want to stress that I talked to him over and over during the entire time before we married about my expectations. He agreed to all my conditions. He was wonderful in the beginning. I couldn't have imagined a better husband.

I guess the newness wore off and he settled back into what was familiar to him; being taken care of and waited on hand and foot. I didn't fall for it because I worked just as much as he did. I wanted equal responsibility for everything. I don't think that is too much to ask when we both work. The way he grew up is ingrained in his mind and he only felt like a husband if I did everything for him.

I'll just say that even though they agree before they get here, it is in no way a guarantee that is how things will be when they do get here.

Also, my sister always had bad relationships and was cheated on over and over by every guy. I just couldn't imagine any partner of mine doing such a thing. I dated a guy for 7 years; from the time I was 15 to 22, who would never even dream of cheating. My ex husband and I were together for 8 years before he cheated.

I was with everyone of you out there that say they would throw the guy to the curb in a heartbeat if they found out their partner was cheating. I KNEW I wouldn't put up with it. Then when it did happen to me, it was much easier to understand my sister. It is different when it actually happens to you. If there is anything I've learned in this life, it is to not say what I would do in any situation unless I have gone through it myself.

Dear friend and neighbor,

there is no culture or religion on this earth that encourages cheating,it`s all about morals.am sorry this happens to you,helping his family is a duty,just like helping you is a duty too. most immigrants are coming from poor families and they need to support their families,it`s an act of worship for them, especialy when it comes to their parents.but as i said it`s his duty too to support you and help you.He doesnt seems a bad boy as he confessed to you what he did,i hope you`ll be able to work it out.i wish you the best.

I do appreciate a mans' perspective. Thank you for replying. I appreciate all of you ladies replying just as much - don't get me wrong! Thank you all for replying.

His family is not poor by any means. They live much better than the majority of Moroccans I saw in the 5 times I've been to Morocco. He has 6 sisters who are all married; most of which have very financially stable husbands. He has a brother in France who does very well for himself as well.

I understand the duty of a muslim man to his family. I understand that if he didn't send money to his family, he wouldn't be a good man at all. Again I want to stress that I have no problem with him sending his money to Morocco AFTER our bills are paid. I am only asking him for half of the bills and that for him is pocket change with the amount of money he makes. So why can't he help??? Why is it always such an issue? I feel completely betrayed - even when it's about money - that I am left to take care of most of the bills and debt that he promised to help me with.

I don't know what kind of morals he has when he doesn't feel remorseful about cheating and he can't help his wife with expenses. What woman would feel secure with a husband like that? I certainly don't.

Sorry but he is bad if he cheated not only once but TWICE! Imagine how you'd feel if your fiancee/wife cheated 2 times then someone told you she wasnt a bad girl...

I don't even want to think about what he would have done if I cheated just ONCE on him. He would have left me in a heartbeat. He would never forgive me the way I have forgiven him.

Cripes. Maybe it is a culturally acceptable thing in a round about way?? This is how many MENA men now that have suggested that infidelity is a forgivable offense?

About the money thing, if I would've known for myself going into my marriage that I'd be responsible for sisters who can't keep a husband or other family members I'd have definitely thought twice myself. Helping out family in need is all good but being completely responsible for able bodied, grown adults is another thing. ugh.

I know. I don't get why it is expected of me to forgive and forget. I still question if it is in some way culturally acceptable. I know full well that american men cheat all the time on their wives. But I still feel that it is more culturally acceptable here to be furious and to expect the woman to leave (or man - I know women cheat just like men do) than it is there. I guess women there would be SOL if they left their husbands. It is very unlikely that they would marry again; especially if they are in their 30's or older. I think it is tolerated more there because of that fact.

it's indicative of no such thing. it's a random assortment of a couple guys from mena on a single website. i could do a google search of american marriage counselors, advice columnists, etc. and find tons who would suggest counseling, forgiveness, in order to move past such indiscretions. i wouldn't then say "americans believe infidelity is a forgivable offense". there's more to it than that. some people find it forgivable, others don't, regardless of where they are from.

I get what you are saying. We were able to move on from the first affair through marriage counseling (but you've got to find a really good counselor to be successful). He refuses to go to counseling so adding that fact to the fact that he isn't remorseful about cheating and he doesn't find me worth helping with money, I realize that he isn't all that interested in continuing this marriage or respectful of me in any way.

I know this sounds like a very weird question. Where were the girls that he was cheating with from? Were they Americans or from somewhere else...

This is actually very pertinent..

I think you would have to ask a Moroccan woman who was NOT giving someone a greencard about how she would feel about her husband cheating on her.

Both women were american. I didn't know either one. Both were nurses too (I just found that interesting). Get this, the first woman had FIVE children all under the age of 13. What was he thinking?! The last one knew he was married. She wouldn't stop trying to contact him so I got fed up and sent her a text saying that selfish men were bad enough but the women that help them cheat make me just as sick. She stopped contacting him after that. Cheating is so wrong to me and the thought of myself doing it is completely foreign to me. Knowing that there are women out there all over out there that will cheat knowingly with a married man is even more foreign to me.

Ok I thought about this

ok

Step one

When he comes home

Have all the candles lit

Have very loud gnawa music playing

Ok roll your eyes back in your head...some creepy skeletons from CVS will help too

Tell him you are casting a spell on him for cheating and you are calling all the djinns.. Oh and run some water in the kitchen while you are doing all of this..

I wish I was there to help you plan this....hahahhahahaahahhha...You need a good Moroccan djinn party for that jackass you are married to....

Where is Aicha Kandisha when we need her?

His cousin was supposedly under his wife's spell with witchcraft. He ended up commiting suicide. Revenge is fun to imagine but in the end, no one feels good about it, including yourself.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

I'm sorry you went through something similar. Nothing hurts as bad as betrayal in any sense of the word. I did leave him the first time. Fortunately and unfortunately, I give everyone the benefit of the doubt and believe in the good of people. I know that sounds crazy but that's who I am. We went to marriage counseling and it worked very well. We were closer than we had ever been during that time. Then he went to Morocco for about 6 weeks and we stopped going to the counselor. The money issues continued though. Again, I want to stress that I talked to him over and over during the entire time before we married about my expectations. He agreed to all my conditions. He was wonderful in the beginning. I couldn't have imagined a better husband.

I guess the newness wore off and he settled back into what was familiar to him; being taken care of and waited on hand and foot. I didn't fall for it because I worked just as much as he did. I wanted equal responsibility for everything. I don't think that is too much to ask when we both work. The way he grew up is ingrained in his mind and he only felt like a husband if I did everything for him.

I'll just say that even though they agree before they get here, it is in no way a guarantee that is how things will be when they do get here.

Also, my sister always had bad relationships and was cheated on over and over by every guy. I just couldn't imagine any partner of mine doing such a thing. I dated a guy for 7 years; from the time I was 15 to 22, who would never even dream of cheating. My ex husband and I were together for 8 years before he cheated.

I was with everyone of you out there that say they would throw the guy to the curb in a heartbeat if they found out their partner was cheating. I KNEW I wouldn't put up with it. Then when it did happen to me, it was much easier to understand my sister. It is different when it actually happens to you. If there is anything I've learned in this life, it is to not say what I would do in any situation unless I have gone through it myself.

I do appreciate a mans' perspective. Thank you for replying. I appreciate all of you ladies replying just as much - don't get me wrong! Thank you all for replying.

His family is not poor by any means. They live much better than the majority of Moroccans I saw in the 5 times I've been to Morocco. He has 6 sisters who are all married; most of which have very financially stable husbands. He has a brother in France who does very well for himself as well.

I understand the duty of a muslim man to his family. I understand that if he didn't send money to his family, he wouldn't be a good man at all. Again I want to stress that I have no problem with him sending his money to Morocco AFTER our bills are paid. I am only asking him for half of the bills and that for him is pocket change with the amount of money he makes. So why can't he help??? Why is it always such an issue? I feel completely betrayed - even when it's about money - that I am left to take care of most of the bills and debt that he promised to help me with.

I don't know what kind of morals he has when he doesn't feel remorseful about cheating and he can't help his wife with expenses. What woman would feel secure with a husband like that? I certainly don't.

I don't even want to think about what he would have done if I cheated just ONCE on him. He would have left me in a heartbeat. He would never forgive me the way I have forgiven him.

I know. I don't get why it is expected of me to forgive and forget. I still question if it is in some way culturally acceptable. I know full well that american men cheat all the time on their wives. But I still feel that it is more culturally acceptable here to be furious and to expect the woman to leave (or man - I know women cheat just like men do) than it is there. I guess women there would be SOL if they left their husbands. It is very unlikely that they would marry again; especially if they are in their 30's or older. I think it is tolerated more there because of that fact.

I get what you are saying. We were able to move on from the first affair through marriage counseling (but you've got to find a really good counselor to be successful). He refuses to go to counseling so adding that fact to the fact that he isn't remorseful about cheating and he doesn't find me worth helping with money, I realize that he isn't all that interested in continuing this marriage or respectful of me in any way.

Both women were american. I didn't know either one. Both were nurses too (I just found that interesting). Get this, the first woman had FIVE children all under the age of 13. What was he thinking?! The last one knew he was married. She wouldn't stop trying to contact him so I got fed up and sent her a text saying that selfish men were bad enough but the women that help them cheat make me just as sick. She stopped contacting him after that. Cheating is so wrong to me and the thought of myself doing it is completely foreign to me. Knowing that there are women out there all over out there that will cheat knowingly with a married man is even more foreign to me.

His cousin was supposedly under his wife's spell with witchcraft. He ended up commiting suicide. Revenge is fun to imagine but in the end, no one feels good about it, including yourself.

Thats BS. It was easier to blame some poor Moroccan girl for him killing himself than anyone apparently in that family to take responsibility. Just like its your fault he cheated. What was he thinking? It was easy sex and I doubt either one knew he was married. If she knew about you, she would have texted him back

I would love to know what kind of a job does he have. Whats your real screen name anyway. Its all good is not the one you used to post under.. Who are you? If I knew a little back story , this would make some sense

And stop buying into his #######. He doesnt love you because he wont help with bills or anything. Part of showing love in that culture is buying things and in their words.. HELPING THE HOUSE.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

If I had known what I know now, I would not have married my husband. I have known him for 5 years and we've been married 3 1/2 years. He had an affair 9 months into our marriage for two weeks (they talked and kissed-no sex-I actually talked to the woman) and another one this past June for 6 weeks (he says no sex). Both affairs arose (according to him) because of my reaction to him sending money home.

The first time he sent $100 to his brother. That isn't a huge amount of money but at the time, I was working 2 jobs in order to pay our bills-we were behind on rent and the car payment. I was soooooooooo angry and he got angry right back saying I hate his family. I called my mom and cried to her. He said that I should not have told her and it should be between the two of us. So, taking his own advice (joking) he sought out another woman to talk to.

This past June, he sought out another woman after an argument about money again. He sent $700 home. He wasn't helping with any of the monthly bills (part of his defense of not paying bills was he didn't like the place we were staying in ) . I got very angry again and told him that I was done with our marriage. He asked if he could stay that night and I told him that since he didn't like this place and it wasn't worth it to him to pay for it then why would he want to stay? He left. He didn't talk to me for about 3 days. He continued to stay in a hotel (paying $50/night + food - I saw the hotel bills). He was willing to pay a lot more money to stay in a hotel than to help me pay the monthly bills. He has done very well for himself financially since he's been in the U.S., but still can't help. He has helped for months at a time but if his family needs money, then it is up to me to pay all the bills.

It was during that time that he found another woman. The day after we moved into a house that he wanted to live in and we made a financial agreement, he told me about her.

As soon as I found out about both women, he stopped seeing and calling them.

As strange as it sounds, I know he loves me but I will be the first to agree that love doesn't equal cheating. I believe he loves me the best way he can. It's not the kind of love that I deserve though. I've met with an attorney and know what I need to do.

I just want others to realize what can happen, or at least what happened to me.

I know two of his sisters are being cheated on my their husbands. My feeling from him is that his cheating wasn't that big of a deal.

I'd love to hear any thoughts by other members who are familiar with the Moroccan culture and MENA culture in general and how cheating is viewed. I know what Islam says about cheating, however, my experience has been that Islam and the culture in general don't always coincide.

Oh and by the way, I would find out from the nurses whether he spent those 3 days in the hotel with either one of them. I would also if he is still in the house, install spector pro on your computer and just shut your mouth. Watch what he does online and who he is contact with to help your shattered mind wrap around the fact that he doesnt give a ####### about you and just used you for a greencard. Stop taking this ####### personally. This isnt about Moroccans. But this is not that far fetched of a scenario.. And the reason he hooked up with nurses is he got booty with a well paid woman that he didnt have to dish out money for or works with for that matter... Just start accepting whats going on and realise it has nothing to do with you

[sandinista! 1,816]

I get what you are saying. We were able to move on from the first affair through marriage counseling (but you've got to find a really good counselor to be successful). He refuses to go to counseling so adding that fact to the fact that he isn't remorseful about cheating and he doesn't find me worth helping with money, I realize that he isn't all that interested in continuing this marriage or respectful of me in any way.

that wasn't my point at all. my point was that everywhere, from morocco to the us, you will find people with varying opinions about what they would do in that situation, or what they think others in that situation should do. i wasn't saying to do one thing or another, just emphasizing that there's a wide range of opinion on the matter. that's all.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

I'm sorry you went through something similar. Nothing hurts as bad as betrayal in any sense of the word. I did leave him the first time. Fortunately and unfortunately, I give everyone the benefit of the doubt and believe in the good of people. I know that sounds crazy but that's who I am. We went to marriage counseling and it worked very well. We were closer than we had ever been during that time. Then he went to Morocco for about 6 weeks and we stopped going to the counselor. The money issues continued though. Again, I want to stress that I talked to him over and over during the entire time before we married about my expectations. He agreed to all my conditions. He was wonderful in the beginning. I couldn't have imagined a better husband.

I guess the newness wore off and he settled back into what was familiar to him; being taken care of and waited on hand and foot. I didn't fall for it because I worked just as much as he did. I wanted equal responsibility for everything. I don't think that is too much to ask when we both work. The way he grew up is ingrained in his mind and he only felt like a husband if I did everything for him.

I'll just say that even though they agree before they get here, it is in no way a guarantee that is how things will be when they do get here.

Also, my sister always had bad relationships and was cheated on over and over by every guy. I just couldn't imagine any partner of mine doing such a thing. I dated a guy for 7 years; from the time I was 15 to 22, who would never even dream of cheating. My ex husband and I were together for 8 years before he cheated.

I was with everyone of you out there that say they would throw the guy to the curb in a heartbeat if they found out their partner was cheating. I KNEW I wouldn't put up with it. Then when it did happen to me, it was much easier to understand my sister. It is different when it actually happens to you. If there is anything I've learned in this life, it is to not say what I would do in any situation unless I have gone through it myself.

I do appreciate a mans' perspective. Thank you for replying. I appreciate all of you ladies replying just as much - don't get me wrong! Thank you all for replying.

His family is not poor by any means. They live much better than the majority of Moroccans I saw in the 5 times I've been to Morocco. He has 6 sisters who are all married; most of which have very financially stable husbands. He has a brother in France who does very well for himself as well.

I understand the duty of a muslim man to his family. I understand that if he didn't send money to his family, he wouldn't be a good man at all. Again I want to stress that I have no problem with him sending his money to Morocco AFTER our bills are paid. I am only asking him for half of the bills and that for him is pocket change with the amount of money he makes. So why can't he help??? Why is it always such an issue? I feel completely betrayed - even when it's about money - that I am left to take care of most of the bills and debt that he promised to help me with.

I don't know what kind of morals he has when he doesn't feel remorseful about cheating and he can't help his wife with expenses. What woman would feel secure with a husband like that? I certainly don't.

I don't even want to think about what he would have done if I cheated just ONCE on him. He would have left me in a heartbeat. He would never forgive me the way I have forgiven him.

I know. I don't get why it is expected of me to forgive and forget. I still question if it is in some way culturally acceptable. I know full well that american men cheat all the time on their wives. But I still feel that it is more culturally acceptable here to be furious and to expect the woman to leave (or man - I know women cheat just like men do) than it is there. I guess women there would be SOL if they left their husbands. It is very unlikely that they would marry again; especially if they are in their 30's or older. I think it is tolerated more there because of that fact.

I get what you are saying. We were able to move on from the first affair through marriage counseling (but you've got to find a really good counselor to be successful). He refuses to go to counseling so adding that fact to the fact that he isn't remorseful about cheating and he doesn't find me worth helping with money, I realize that he isn't all that interested in continuing this marriage or respectful of me in any way.

Both women were american. I didn't know either one. Both were nurses too (I just found that interesting). Get this, the first woman had FIVE children all under the age of 13. What was he thinking?! The last one knew he was married. She wouldn't stop trying to contact him so I got fed up and sent her a text saying that selfish men were bad enough but the women that help them cheat make me just as sick. She stopped contacting him after that. Cheating is so wrong to me and the thought of myself doing it is completely foreign to me. Knowing that there are women out there all over out there that will cheat knowingly with a married man is even more foreign to me.

His cousin was supposedly under his wife's spell with witchcraft. He ended up commiting suicide. Revenge is fun to imagine but in the end, no one feels good about it, including yourself.

This may sound cliche...but some of my very best friends are Moroccan and I can honestly say, you may very well find a good moroccan friend ( stateside of course that doesnt need to be brought here) and they will be compassionate and understanding. Why dont you make some Moroccan friends that dont need papers or some other thing and talk to them about this? Especially since you are getting divorced...you dont have to suffer in silence and think all Moroccans are like this. My daughter is arab and if there is anyone that has had a ####### experience with arabs its me.. I actually have sought out and found some friends from North Africa that absolutely nothing to do with my daughter or someone I have been involved with that just loved me for me. I have about 2 moroccan close girlfriends and 4 algerian female friends that I chat with all the time and believe you me, they struggle with stuff men have done to them, especially my moroccan girl friends. I have one who s moroccan guy made her have an abortion 12 weeks into the pregnancy and shes moroccan and then he went and married a dr from back home, then wanted to cheat with my moroccan girlfriend again. She went through the ringer.. I think the only difference between our cultures really is all the hypocrisy that deals with marriage choice... aka virginity, marriage for money and convenience and of course papers. Thats what American men have has a different load. Maybe they will hit you, maybe they will cheat, take your money.. But no American will plot to marry you to get papers and if you have ever really lived a lie, it super duper sucks donkey you know what..

By the way, hooray for greencard fraud...my daughter is on the planet because her dad snookered an American in the 90s to get here...screwed and tattooed her and just dumped her..Now he has an American daughter and is eating a little bit of what he dished out.

Dont blame all Moroccans,there are some really fantastic moroccans and north africans that would give you their shirt...you just have to realise what trash you are dealing with and let it go..

Dont worry so much.. just tell him you are going out to the arabic restaurant and make some friends who give a ####### about you because he obviously doesnt

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

This may sound cliche...but some of my very best friends are Moroccan and I can honestly say, you may very well find a good moroccan friend ( stateside of course that doesnt need to be brought here) and they will be compassionate and understanding. Why dont you make some Moroccan friends that dont need papers or some other thing and talk to them about this? Especially since you are getting divorced...you dont have to suffer in silence and think all Moroccans are like this. My daughter is arab and if there is anyone that has had a ####### experience with arabs its me.. I actually have sought out and found some friends from North Africa that absolutely nothing to do with my daughter or someone I have been involved with that just loved me for me. I have about 2 moroccan close girlfriends and 4 algerian female friends that I chat with all the time and believe you me, they struggle with stuff men have done to them, especially my moroccan girl friends. I have one who s moroccan guy made her have an abortion 12 weeks into the pregnancy and shes moroccan and then he went and married a dr from back home, then wanted to cheat with my moroccan girlfriend again. She went through the ringer.. I think the only difference between our cultures really is all the hypocrisy that deals with marriage choice... aka virginity, marriage for money and convenience and of course papers. Thats what American men have has a different load. Maybe they will hit you, maybe they will cheat, take your money.. But no American will plot to marry you to get papers and if you have ever really lived a lie, it super duper sucks donkey you know what..

By the way, hooray for greencard fraud...my daughter is on the planet because her dad snookered an American in the 90s to get here...screwed and tattooed her and just dumped her..Now he has an American daughter and is eating a little bit of what he dished out. I friended her on facebook. I thank her all the time and send her pics of my daughter..I tell her I am so glad he used you for papers....here is the little person that came out of his bs.....

Dont blame all Moroccans,there are some really fantastic moroccans and north africans that would give you their shirt...you just have to realise what trash you are dealing with and let it go..

Dont worry so much.. just tell him you are going out to the arabic restaurant and make some friends who give a ####### about you because he obviously doesnt

[~PalmTreeGurl~ 154]

I would think forgivness and counseling could be possible with someone who was truly sorry and completely stopped all forms of cheating. But if not, then move on without him.

I cant stand guys that take up for other men who cheat. Its different to offer advice for forgiveness and counceling but to suggest she work things out with a man that is a continual cheat? Nonsense!

[itsallgood 1]

Thats BS. It was easier to blame some poor Moroccan girl for him killing himself than anyone apparently in that family to take responsibility. Just like its your fault he cheated. What was he thinking? It was easy sex and I doubt either one knew he was married. If she knew about you, she would have texted him back

I would love to know what kind of a job does he have. Whats your real screen name anyway. Its all good is not the one you used to post under.. Who are you? If I knew a little back story , this would make some sense

And stop buying into his #######. He doesnt love you because he wont help with bills or anything. Part of showing love in that culture is buying things and in their words.. HELPING THE HOUSE.

My other screen name was miles08. I couldn't remember the login or password and I wasn't getting anywhere with retrieving it so I made another account; itsallgood.

The reason for posting this topic was to get people's ideas and thoughts on Moroccan/MENA culture regarding money and cheating. I am divorcing him as soon as I can save up for the retainer fee for my attorney. I've been through a divorce before and know that I don't want to go through another one without a good attorney so it will take me a few weeks to get the retainer fee. I have stopped buying his ####### and I am very well aware that he doesn't love me in the way a human being deserved to be loved. Not even an animal deserved to feel what I've felt.

He is a web developer - extraordinarily talented. I've never seen anyone with the kind of talent that he has. I've been around many talented and intelligent people with the people I work with but he is on a whole other level than I've ever seen. I will have to give him that. We both make a decent living; into 3 figures. It just amazes me how intelligent he is but so NOT intelligent when it comes to money. He gets overdrafts in the mail nearly everyday. I am so happy that I always kept my own account. How does one make that amount of money and yet is always overdrawn???

BTW when I did text her, she did text him back.

Oh and by the way, I would find out from the nurses whether he spent those 3 days in the hotel with either one of them. I would also if he is still in the house, install spector pro on your computer and just shut your mouth. Watch what he does online and who he is contact with to help your shattered mind wrap around the fact that he doesnt give a ####### about you and just used you for a greencard. Stop taking this ####### personally. This isnt about Moroccans. But this is not that far fetched of a scenario.. And the reason he hooked up with nurses is he got booty with a well paid woman that he didnt have to dish out money for or works with for that matter... Just start accepting whats going on and realise it has nothing to do with you

I have realized that I don't know the real story and will never know the real story of what happened with these women. All I know is what the first woman told me and what he told me. Their stories matched at that time. I have no idea if either of them told the truth and I really don't care anymore. I know that these are two times in 3 1/2 years that he did cheat on me, but how many are there that I don't know about? I don't care what he does online. It doesn't matter anymore. There was a time I would be worried sick about what he was doing on the computer or checking his phone, etc. but after a while I had to stop and ask myself what the h@ll I was doing. Is this how I wanted to live the rest of my life? Is this the kind of man that I want as a husband? I was making myself sick over trying to control what was out of my control and now have learned that I am much happier accepting that none of it matters anymore.

Please understand I have accepted what is going on and I do realize it has nothing to do with me other than the fact that I choose crappy men an I've put up with him until now.

that wasn't my point at all. my point was that everywhere, from morocco to the us, you will find people with varying opinions about what they would do in that situation, or what they think others in that situation should do. i wasn't saying to do one thing or another, just emphasizing that there's a wide range of opinion on the matter. that's all.

Sorry I missed your point! I agree.

This may sound cliche...but some of my very best friends are Moroccan and I can honestly say, you may very well find a good moroccan friend ( stateside of course that doesnt need to be brought here) and they will be compassionate and understanding. Why dont you make some Moroccan friends that dont need papers or some other thing and talk to them about this? Especially since you are getting divorced...you dont have to suffer in silence and think all Moroccans are like this. My daughter is arab and if there is anyone that has had a ####### experience with arabs its me.. I actually have sought out and found some friends from North Africa that absolutely nothing to do with my daughter or someone I have been involved with that just loved me for me. I have about 2 moroccan close girlfriends and 4 algerian female friends that I chat with all the time and believe you me, they struggle with stuff men have done to them, especially my moroccan girl friends. I have one who s moroccan guy made her have an abortion 12 weeks into the pregnancy and shes moroccan and then he went and married a dr from back home, then wanted to cheat with my moroccan girlfriend again. She went through the ringer.. I think the only difference between our cultures really is all the hypocrisy that deals with marriage choice... aka virginity, marriage for money and convenience and of course papers. Thats what American men have has a different load. Maybe they will hit you, maybe they will cheat, take your money.. But no American will plot to marry you to get papers and if you have ever really lived a lie, it super duper sucks donkey you know what..

By the way, hooray for greencard fraud...my daughter is on the planet because her dad snookered an American in the 90s to get here...screwed and tattooed her and just dumped her..Now he has an American daughter and is eating a little bit of what he dished out.

Dont blame all Moroccans,there are some really fantastic moroccans and north africans that would give you their shirt...you just have to realise what trash you are dealing with and let it go..

Dont worry so much.. just tell him you are going out to the arabic restaurant and make some friends who give a ####### about you because he obviously doesnt

I don't blame Moroccans or arabs or anyone for that matter. I don't see myself getting involved with another one any time soon or with anyone at this point. I work with people from all over the world and know for sure that there is good and bad no matter where you live.

As for green card fraud; his company offered to sponsor him with a work visa when our AOS took forever to be approved and we didn't think that it would ever be. With me or without me he would have been able to be in the U.S.

I would think forgivness and counseling could be possible with someone who was truly sorry and completely stopped all forms of cheating. But if not, then move on without him.

I cant stand guys that take up for other men who cheat. Its different to offer advice for forgiveness and counceling but to suggest she work things out with a man that is a continual cheat? Nonsense!

I couldn't agree more. He isn't truly sorry and he never will be. He says he is but actions speak louder than words. A continual cheat he is in every sense of the word.

[Mithra 1,185]

I was joking in that statement about being culturally acceptable. I was mostly bringing attention to the fact that many of the male MENA members have come forth to convince other members that cheating is forgivable.

it's indicative of no such thing. it's a random assortment of a couple guys from mena on a single website. i could do a google search of american marriage counselors, advice columnists, etc. and find tons who would suggest counseling, forgiveness, in order to move past such indiscretions. i wouldn't then say "americans believe infidelity is a forgivable offense". there's more to it than that. some people find it forgivable, others don't, regardless of where they are from.

Edited September 26, 2010 by je veux ton amour