Trying to price the entire process...

[SMR 368]

Perception?

If I would've found a woman to offer me an all-expenses-paid vacation somewhere exotic for a weeklong sexcapade followed by another all-expenses-paid trip around the world to live in a HUGE house, free college tuition, free car, allowance, etc. - with part-time job optional - plus the guarantee that I could go home every couple of months, you're darn right I would've jumped all over it.

If you read between the lines, it's not the women I'm perceiving.... it's the men. Perceiving, not judging. Nothing against what they're doing, just want the OP to know that's not necessarily going to be his reality.

Your perception is fair but you are making some misconceptions which really need to be pointed out. I can only speak for myself but I think some of the guys here would agree with me.

1. The fact that I live my life this way and treat my wife this way really has nothing to do with immigration. It's my belief as to how men should be and that's how I treat my wife. She happens to be Russian but if she was American I would look at things similarly. Children need a mother to take care of them full-time. A father needs to make that possible from a financial stand-point. If we didn't have a child, Marina would probably work or study, not because I would make her but because she would be bored.

Certainly a woman can take advantage of this. But if I didn't trust her, I wouldn't have married her. Before we were married, she was free to walk away with anything I had given her, no hard feelings. We discussed that. Perhaps some of this comes down to the amount of time that you have with your wife on a day to day basis before you get married. If you just had a couple vacations and distance communication, that's different than if you had time for a traditional courtship or if you met and interacted on a non-romantic basis first.

2. If a random woman offered me an expenses paid vacation, etc. I wouldn't take it (even when I was single). I'm not saying I'm above letting the woman pay if she's got the money and wants to do it. But I wouldn't do it for the money. I would have to be in it for the relationship.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

I guess I'm on one of the extremes...we're on the pool/team method. When we got married, everything went from being mine to ours. Right now, I'm the sole contributor to the pool since she's in college. Someday when she's a doctor, she'll be a contributor as well and I'm really looking forward to it. Other than a couple spending sprees in the beginning to make up for some things she always wanted but never had and also taking care of a few essentials (duvet cover, handmade curtains from Ukraine, etc.), she's been very good about saving. It was all new to her, but she picked right up on all the financial differences. I feel pretty dang lucky to have gotten such a smart (and sweet) gal!

I would say that sbout where we are. Lest anyone forget it is our plan for me to retire in a few years and for Alla to be the ESL teacher in exotic locations with solubrious weather. We will see. But I definitely am of the "all in one pot" attitude

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Perception?

If I would've found a woman to offer me an all-expenses-paid vacation somewhere exotic for a weeklong sexcapade followed by another all-expenses-paid trip around the world to live in a HUGE house, free college tuition, free car, allowance, etc. - with part-time job optional - plus the guarantee that I could go home every couple of months, you're darn right I would've jumped all over it.

If you read between the lines, it's not the women I'm perceiving.... it's the men. Perceiving, not judging. Nothing against what they're doing, just want the OP to know that's not necessarily going to be his reality.

I resemble that remark! But the house is not HUGE. well actually it is HUGE but most of it has been converted to Alla's walk-in closet. (I'm kidding)

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Perception?

If I would've found a woman to offer me an all-expenses-paid vacation somewhere exotic for a weeklong sexcapade followed by another all-expenses-paid trip around the world to live in a HUGE house, free college tuition, free car, allowance, etc. - with part-time job optional - plus the guarantee that I could go home every couple of months, you're darn right I would've jumped all over it.

If you read between the lines, it's not the women I'm perceiving.... it's the men. Perceiving, not judging. Nothing against what they're doing, just want the OP to know that's not necessarily going to be his reality.

You make it sound as if our wives are attracted to us for purely physical reasons. I'm offended.

[LvivLovers 39]

They tend to be really good at saving when you're paying their way through college.... especially when they're saving your money!

Right now, the state of GA is paying most of her way (thank goodness for Hope scholarships). It costs me only a few hundred bucks per semester mostly for textbooks which is apparently a legal way to gouge students (i.e. $265 for a 10th edition Calculus textbook that is WORSE than the Calculus textbook I used in college). But even I was paying for it fully it would be the same. I have no problem helping her out because I can and it's really the best way for both of us. If she was working in addition to college, either a) her grades would suffer, and/or b) I'd never see her because she'd always be at school or work. a) wouldn't work for us because she has to have at least a 3.7 GPA to get into med school. b) wouldn't work because it would pretty much defeat the purpose of being married if you never get to spend time with your spouse. So it just makes the most sense for us. That said, if/when she does go to medical school, she'll most likely take out a loan as it's another form of legallized gouging.

As far as saving goes...given the reasons above for not having a job and temporarily depending on me for money, I'm thankful she doesn't spend unnecessarily. About the only expense is all those fruits/vegatables and a few things she gets ridiculously cheap at Kohl's, TJMaxx, etc. If something is expensive, she'll flatly declare I won't pay that even if I'm encouraging her that she should get it if she wants it. So, yeah, I'm happy with that! She understands the value of money even when she's not the one earning it! That's not something to be taken lightly...there are quite a few women in relationships that don't get that.

[1HappyGuy 45]

I've always been of the mind set that marriage was a joint venture where the monies were utilized for the benefit of all. Unfortunately the first wife held to the understanding that "what is hers is hers" and "what is mine is hers". Whether you need both spouses to work or if you can manage on one income is up to the individuals. Generally speaking, if both spouses work that is good overall for the family, but again it depends upon the situation. If they are in the child rearing period, then having a full time mother at home is best for the children. All marriages go through changes over time and if you don't adapt, communicate and jointly agree on everything (including finances), then eventually it will fail.

I suspect that a great majority of us on VJ have experienced these changes during our lives and probably most did not succeed the first or second time through. Let's all hope for greater success this time.

[sea-monkey 13]

Perception?

If I would've found a woman to offer me an all-expenses-paid vacation somewhere exotic for a weeklong sexcapade followed by another all-expenses-paid trip around the world to live in a HUGE house, free college tuition, free car, allowance, etc. - with part-time job optional - plus the guarantee that I could go home every couple of months, you're darn right I would've jumped all over it.

Lol, you crack me up!

Sign me up as well if you can pull that off. On second thought, since neither of us looks like Ashton Kutcher, the best we’ll get is an over 55, heavyset variety.

Making money so others can leech off of me is not what I’m about either. This is why I would only marry someone with a career that can earn income and pull their own weigh… But furthering one’s education is not something I’m against. So long as it would bring a higher income later on My FSU chick wants an MBA when she gets here. She could get one in RU, but she thinks it would be worth a little more than toilet paper stateside. Business schools are going to cost an arm and a leg but she’ll have some money saved and I’m willing to make some sacrifices. It will improve her chances of scoring a better paying position after living stateside for a few years.

Slim, I think I read on another thread that your woman doesn’t work full time, have you looked at sending her to nursing school or cosmetology school? Heck, I would attend trade school in the evenings just as a backup option but I would never cut it sitting down and listening to lectures for hours on end. I can barely make it through meetings now on my job

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Lol, you crack me up!

Sign me up as well if you can pull that off. On second thought, since neither of us looks like Ashton Kutcher, the best we’ll get is an over 55, heavyset variety.

Making money so others can leech off of me is not what I’m about either. This is why I would only marry someone with a career that can earn income and pull their own weigh… But furthering one’s education is not something I’m against. So long as it would bring a higher income later on My FSU chick wants an MBA when she gets here. She could get one in RU, but she thinks it would be worth a little more than toilet paper stateside. Business schools are going to cost an arm and a leg but she’ll have some money saved and I’m willing to make some sacrifices. It will improve her chances of scoring a better paying position after living stateside for a few years.

Slim, I think I read on another thread that your woman doesn’t work full time, have you looked at sending her to nursing school or cosmetology school? Heck, I would attend trade school in the evenings just as a backup option but I would never cut it sitting down and listening to lectures for hours on end. I can barely make it through meetings now on my job

Those FSU chicks are clever as well as sexy.

Alla got a certification here pretty darn quick to teach (their degrees from there are fairly well honored here, it is worth much more than toilet paper, I assure you) But she ran into the problem that to be an ESL teacher most places want you to be a "native speaker" (that's out) or have been educated in the USA. So...MA-TESOL it is. Not cheap. And the salaries for ESL teachers are not great but if you are willing to live in, say, Tuscany for a year, they will pay you a good (not great) salary, an overseas bonus and give you an apartment (furnished), health club membership etc. all for teaching English 4 hours a day or so. The year after that, maybe Rio or Sao Paulo. Who knows? Life is a B*TCH and then you die.

But yes, our plans include a US masters degree for our sons and for Alla. Then they will have one of each, except maybe Pasha may be "All American" educated, we will see.

[sea-monkey 13]

One of my ex-gf (american) went overseas to teach English. This was to S. Korea. She was not Korean, didn’t know anything about the country nor the language. She just got out of college a year earlier with teaching credentials and taught from 5-10pm to classrooms full of kids and the pay was pretty good. The parents paid for additional school after school They pay a premium for native English speakers.

The dimwit kids in our country are going to have no chance with global competition like that. The only kids going to after school programs here are the slow ADD types. My own dimwit nephew include d

[slim 1,525]

Your perception is fair but you are making some misconceptions

The misconceptions you pointed out had nothing to do with the perceptions I was making.

Once again, I'm not saying anyone should justify their relationship. To each his own. If it works for you, more power to you. What I'm getting at is the OP's situation is not the same as many of you are making your own out to be. You "rich" old men working on your second or third wives who are 10+ years younger than you are in a position that is vastly different than the position the OP is soon to find himself in.

I'm merely attempting to shed the serious light of reality on it for him as opposed to candy-coating how wonderful it all is.

I resemble that remark! But the house is not HUGE. well actually it is HUGE but most of it has been converted to Alla's walk-in closet. (I'm kidding)

I know you do!

Your house is a lot bigger than the flat in Donetsk, and that's all I'm really getting at. Once again, I'm not judging anyone's situation (as I've said a million times, if I could live the High Life that you old guys are living... I would!) and I'm glad to hear when people find someone that makes them happy.

You make it sound as if our wives are attracted to us for purely physical reasons. I'm offended.

Well, for those of us without the big house, college scholarship grants, free cars, etc.... there's a reason they stick around!

It costs me only a few hundred bucks per semester

Wow! That's a great deal for food, clothing, shelter, transportation, a cell phone, etc.

I should probably move to GA.

I suspect that a great majority of us on VJ have experienced these changes during our lives and probably most did not succeed the first or second time through. Let's all hope for greater success this time.

OP, I don't know your history, but as you'll notice from the posts, the "happy" guys are all on their 2nd or 3rd go-round and "making it work" with someone 10 years younger than them by paying for almost every single one of her greatest wishes and desires without requiring too much from her in return.

Since you're talking about "barely making it" financially, I'm assuming you're not in the position to "award" your bride with a brand new car, free college tuition, and an allowance to keep her happy.... all while paying the mortgage on a large house. If that's the case, you can expect for things to be pretty tight - especially the first couple of years - and you can also expect for her to be pretty disappointed at the amount of work required on her end in order for the two of you to achieve "happiness" together.

Much of that for her will come from reading the MOB forums and talking to other wives about women whose husbands pay for everything and "make for me nice life." What they won't talk about, at least publicly, is how they're going to be changing diapers in about 15 years and then forced to deal with the death of their spouse and subsequent remarriage, etc., all while being too old to be "marriageable" again.

The fact is, the younger ones who marry younger guys know they're in it for the long haul - yet they'll b!tch and b!tch and b!tch all day long because "you event not man and make for your wife nice house. Zis woman from forum have so nice house and car and go to za school because her husband so wonderful and great."

"Her husband is a senior fcking citizen."

You'll never win that argument and it's a waste to even go there. (For the record, you'll never win any argument while you're married so better to not even go there anytime!) However, deep down, she knows you're right and she also knows it's going to take a lot of hard work on her end and that's why she's really upset. If you stick with it, stand your ground and be "the man" that she wants you to be, you can ensure a long, long, long time of happiness together.

And, as evidenced by this forum, if it doesn't work - trade her in and get you a newer model!

since neither of us looks like Ashton Kutcher, the best we’ll get is an over 55, heavyset variety.

Ashton Kutcher is a douche. And the FSU chicks I've "hung out with" aren't really into "pretty" dudes anyway. They're into "manly" men. The mirror belongs to them. The 32 products in the restroom should be hers, not yours.

Be the dude. Not the douche.

I think I read on another thread that your woman doesn’t work full time, have you looked at sending her to nursing school or cosmetology school?

I'm not "sending" her to any school. She's free to pay for whatever schooling she'd like to attend though.

She graduated from bartending school about 18 months ago. Still not working as a bartender. She's talked about going to vet. asst. training soon but I'm guessing there are even fewer vet. asst. jobs out there than bartending positions.

One of my ex-gf (american) went overseas to teach English. This was to S. Korea. She was not Korean, didn’t know anything about the country nor the language. She just got out of college a year earlier with teaching credentials and taught from 5-10pm to classrooms full of kids and the pay was pretty good. The parents paid for additional school after school They pay a premium for native English speakers.

The dimwit kids in our country are going to have no chance with global competition like that. The only kids going to after school programs here are the slow ADD types. My own dimwit nephew include d

I was very close to doing this after separating from the military but I don't have a college degree (which is required by S. Korea govt. for visa) so I was unable to do so. I almost did it anyway (possible with monthly jumps to Japan/Russia/etc.) but ended up getting married and settling down.

S. Korea is one of the funnest places on earth to live and the money over there is AWESOME for Americans teaching ESL. ($2000+/month with free housing, etc.) I recommend teaching ESL in S. Korea to anyone who is single (don't do it if you're married!) and has a college degree.

And yes, our future is doomed!

[SMR 368]

The misconceptions you pointed out had nothing to do with the perceptions I was making.

Once again, I'm not saying anyone should justify their relationship. To each his own. If it works for you, more power to you. What I'm getting at is the OP's situation is not the same as many of you are making your own out to be. You "rich" old men working on your second or third wives who are 10+ years younger than you are in a position that is vastly different than the position the OP is soon to find himself in.

I'm merely attempting to shed the serious light of reality on it for him as opposed to candy-coating how wonderful it all is.

I'm 23 and my wife is 25 (both of us had never been married before). But I understand what you're saying and it's a decent point.

[sea-monkey 13]

I didn’t say you had to pay for her education/training. Just sign her up for some brochures without telling her and when they come in the mail, she’ll think she came up with the idea. Its all about planting the seed It sounds like you do want her working so maybe she needs that push or shove. Try career fairs? I helped my buddy redo his resume, he did bartending school 2 years ago. He worked at 3 different places, none were bars. 2 restaurants and 1 country club. I’m sure a blonde Russian chick would find bartending work a lot easier than my buddy.

My ex-gf did like the teaching gig in S. Korea. It only lasted for a year and she did tutoring under the table for extra income on the weekends. Doing that was illegal she said

[AKguy 1]

What they won't talk about, at least publicly, is how they're going to be changing diapers in about 15 years

I'm sorry... I laughed...

While I may be 11 years older than Anna (35), I surely hope I won't be in diapers in 15 years. Unless I develope some type of fetish...

[slim 1,525]

I'm 23 and my wife is 25 (both of us had never been married before).

So you're going to have a different situation than someone who is, say, 50 years old. So will the OP. That's all I'm really getting at here.

But I understand what you're saying and it's a decent point.

Not trying to talk down on anyone's relationship, just letting the OP know that he's not going to be able to make his wife happy the same way some of the other posters are. He's going to have to be more creative!

I didn’t say you had to pay for her education/training. Just sign her up for some brochures without telling her and when they come in the mail, she’ll think she came up with the idea. Its all about planting the seed

She gets all kinds of brochures and training info. She wants to go to school and further her education. There's nothing stopping her from doing so except herself. I've long been supportive of her going to school - provided she can pay for it and still pay her car note and other expenses.

I'd love for her to go to school and get a great job in a "fashionable" career and make lots and lots of money and be really happy. But, the reality of the situation is it's really not necessary because she can make plenty of money without going to school IF she would work. She simply refuses to work a full-time job. She's on her 3rd vacation of the year right now. Not bad for someone who works 12-14 hours a week.

Honestly, I could care less if that's how she wants to roll. But jeez, louise, give me a break about us not having anything nice when you won't work.

It sounds like you do want her working so maybe she needs that push or shove. Try career fairs? I helped my buddy redo his resume, he did bartending school 2 years ago. He worked at 3 different places, none were bars. 2 restaurants and 1 country club. I’m sure a blonde Russian chick would find bartending work a lot easier than my buddy.

I don't think it's a problem of finding the job... it's a problem of showing up to that job day in and day out, punching the clock and taking valuable time away from more important things like the 12 hours of beauty sleep she needs every day or the hours spent reading books by the pool with her friends on days she could be working.

Priorities, man! Gotta have priorities!

In all seriousness, I think she's kind of taking the approach enjoyed by most MOBs on this forum, and that is, just sitting back and letting the man pay for it all. (Or, in her case, as much as possible.) She's to that point where her dreams of a mansion and Mercedes SUV have been crushed by the reality of a rented apartment and a decent car. Instead of trips to the Riviera there are trips to Florida and as time goes on, that gets more and more OK because the illusions of grandeur are being replaced by the reality of - "it's really not that bad."

My ex-gf did like the teaching gig in S. Korea. It only lasted for a year and she did tutoring under the table for extra income on the weekends. Doing that was illegal she said

Illegal shmillegal in Korea. The cops there are like the cops in Russia except you don't even have to pay them or beat them up. You just yell at them and walk away and they'll leave you alone. They're more interested in sleeping away their conscription (nothing like a conscript police force!) in the back of the van than stopping crime. And why not? The only crime in Korea is drunk people peeing on stuff.

I lived there for two years and loved just about every minute of it. I keep dreaming when we fly back to the Far East (Vlad/Khab) we'll have a nice long layover in Seoul and I'll be able to paint the town for a few nights.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

One of my ex-gf (american) went overseas to teach English. This was to S. Korea. She was not Korean, didn’t know anything about the country nor the language. She just got out of college a year earlier with teaching credentials and taught from 5-10pm to classrooms full of kids and the pay was pretty good. The parents paid for additional school after school They pay a premium for native English speakers.

The dimwit kids in our country are going to have no chance with global competition like that. The only kids going to after school programs here are the slow ADD types. My own dimwit nephew include d

Korea and Japan usually demand native English speaking only teachers, but their pay is among the best. Leaves Alla out though. But the majority of countries will accept either native speakers or non-native with US education. There is a high number of foreign students in Alla's classes, most of them have someone in their country paying the tuition!