Trying to price the entire process...

[AKguy 1]

Alla is my wife and the boys, all 4 of them, and a grandson.

I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of the earth (sorry Shawn, but I'M the luckiest guy you know)

Luckiest? Ehhhh.

Busiest? You bet.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Luckiest? Ehhhh.

Busiest? You bet.

I get the two confused...probably a good thing.

[slim 1,530]

I will do anything I CAN do for them. If it will not kill me, why not? I consider myself the luckiest

It works for you and yours in your situation. The OP sounds like he's not going to be in the same situation so, as fair warning, he should know what the expectations will be for him in his situation.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

There has been a lot of excellent discussion concerning the financial matters and differences that need to be vetted out when bringing a spouse over from the FSU to the US. This ought to be made into a sticky.

My personal experience echos everything perfectly. My wife's percentages were:

Want to Leave Russia: 0%

Want to Live with me: 100%

She had carved out a nice life for herself and her young son in Moscow and we had tons of discussions (sometimes we almost called it off) about finances and how much I make and how much I have to spend and what kind of job she could get here, etc etc.

She even spoke to other folks verifying the facts and discussing the same, Russians already living here and even Gary's Alla and my Alla met up and discussed these details. That was very helpful.

Off the top of my head, expenses that are foreign to them will be mortgage payments (30 years? Why?), real estate taxes, income taxes, income tax returns. She is aghast at the high cost (and foolishness) of our medical system but just loves the low priced clothes of decent quality and the low priced food also of good quality.

So you have a lot to talk about and you should engage her now before she comes so that she is not surprised.

My Alla now discusses the same with women who are planning to come over to their new spouse and she would be happy to call your fiancee to discuss the same if you both want.

Phil

Hint: Send her some junk mail flyers from food markets and the new Home Depot or Kohls or Penneys catalogs so she can get an idea of what things cost.

In my opinion, FWIW, Phil & Alla are quite a reflection of myself and Alla. Both women had sucessful businesses in their respective countries, and children and neither needed to move or particualrly wanted to move. We may even move back in a few years. And yes, my Alla met up with Phil's Alla after she had been here for a year which worried me because my Alla is not a shrinking violet and will not go by anyone's script. She said Phil was in a lot of trouble because "His alla is just like me!" She told me "if she comes, she WILL be happy because she WILL make it that way" Both of them will grab the knobs and twist until they get what they want...so to speak.

Alla had a kidney stone within 2 weeks after arriving, so she got to see the local hospital from the inside. She was impressed, REALLY impressed. We got the bill a few weeks later and she flipped out and said she had to move back to Ukraine because there was no way we could afford this for a whole family! Yikes! Just for an emergency room visit! But I explained we really didn't PAY that amount, it was the amount billed the insurance...look! Here. We pay -0-. But yes, she thinks it is a very expensive medical system but very good. Incredibly good. She does think it is heavy on medications while Ukrainians tend to be more interested in healthy eating, and potions and conconctions which taste terrible but "are good for you".

She does not consider the house "ours", since we do not "own" it. Not until it is paid for. she has resigned herself to how it works here and that is all. It doesn't stop her from going to Lowe's and making lists of home improvement projects. I told her, before she came, that our house would always be a "project" She thought that was silly, but now she agrees and it is a favorite hobby of hers (thinking up projects for me to do while she gets out of the house) OK, by me, I like to do that stuff and prefer not to have her around when I do those things. The boys help me and we can say bad words when we drop things, hit our fingers with hammers, etc.

Alla sticks with her "life here has many big pluses and many small minuses"

It is always good to hear that Phil and Alla are doing well and I sure wish them the best. Leonid is a lucky little guy!

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

It works for you and yours in your situation. The OP sounds like he's not going to be in the same situation so, as fair warning, he should know what the expectations will be for him in his situation.

Of course what each person CAN do varies and that should be discussed in detail, absolutely. But FSU women in my experience have a very deep appreciation for a guy that does what he CAN for his family. Not so much that it is a life of luxury, but that it is what he CAN do.

I think FSU women prefer a cozy, safe, quiet home of any size to a mansion with unhappy people in it. The vast majority of them are not living in luxury now and do not have a lot of the things they will have here (Alla had never seen a electric can opener and could never count on a enough hot water for a bath and we have a NICE apartment in Donetsk, in the good area!)

Our friends range from a couple living in a one bedroom apartment to a couple that are wealthy by any standard and most in between but it seems to be of little importance to them. At least I never hear too much about it.

[sea-monkey 13]

Slim is correct in saying I won’t be a door mat and wallet for the FSU. She will be working I’ve covered the cost of my sister’s college/mom for the past 4 years in the tune of $750/month. I got a little sick adding up the total I gave away during those years while revising my budget for this process.

The payments to them are being trimmed down. I’m forcing my brother to chip in, he was paying nothing because he was just starting out with his family/kids and I was single, living on my own and took the brunt of the cost.

So yes, I have experienced firsthand how females can and will drain your pocket book if you let them. I don’t even want to think about how much divorce/alimony would cost me if it ever comes to that.

Speaking of health insurance, I’m lucky to have pretty good health insurance with minimal cost out of my pockets. I was surprised to learn she had similar a package. But she does work for a European company. They even have an attorney allowance with their coverage. Never heard of that before here. I feel bad for all of those who pays 100’s and 100’s on premiums each month, I probably wouldn’t opt for the coverage if that were the case.

The FSU got into a minor fender bender in Moscow this week. A jalopy would be the only thing I’ll let her touch while starting out here. I can hear her often using her horn. She’ll honk at cars not moving fast enough after a light change….I guess that’s Russia for you =) I told her she has a good chance of getting shot for using her horn as much as she does if she did it here in Cali.

[SMR 368]

Slim is correct in saying I won’t be a door mat and wallet for the FSU. She will be working I’ve covered the cost of my sister’s college/mom for the past 4 years in the tune of $750/month. I got a little sick adding up the total I gave away during those years while revising my budget for this process.

The payments to them are being trimmed down. I’m forcing my brother to chip in, he was paying nothing because he was just starting out with his family/kids and I was single, living on my own and took the brunt of the cost.

So yes, I have experienced firsthand how females can and will drain your pocket book if you let them. I don’t even want to think about how much divorce/alimony would cost me if it ever comes to that.

Speaking of health insurance, I’m lucky to have pretty good health insurance with minimal cost out of my pockets. I was surprised to learn she had similar a package. But she does work for a European company. They even have an attorney allowance with their coverage. Never heard of that before here. I feel bad for all of those who pays 100’s and 100’s on premiums each month, I probably wouldn’t opt for the coverage if that were the case.

The FSU got into a minor fender bender in Moscow this week. A jalopy would be the only thing I’ll let her touch while starting out here. I can hear her often using her horn. She’ll honk at cars not moving fast enough after a light change….I guess that’s Russia for you =) I told her she has a good chance of getting shot for using her horn as much as she does if she did it here in Cali.

You do realize that FSU stands for former Soviet Union and thus is not a standalone for a person? I like the image of the former Soviet Union getting into a minor bender though.

[baron555 934]

Slim is correct in saying I won’t be a door mat and wallet for the FSU. She will be working

So yes, I have experienced firsthand how females can and will drain your pocket book if you let them.

I know that everyone's relationship is different but speaking for mine, Alla and I are best friends. That came first and we love being with each other and love to do everything together, including making monetary decisions and spending the money together. I have no fear that she will suck me dry; just the opposite, she is very frugal with the money and really really wants to contribute financially to the family.

Again, for your future happiness and success as a couple, talk in depth about these money matters now. No need to take the high road or whatever, but do talk.

And, sounds like she'd be a great driver here in Chicago (or New York City), where your car is a weapon.

[sea-monkey 13]

I don't know where I got the impression that FSU stood for "female spending unit" but I now know the true meaning behind the acronym

[slim 1,530]

Both of them will grab the knobs and twist until they get what they want...so to speak.

Aha! The secret of true happiness revealed!

FSU women in my experience have a very deep appreciation for a guy that does what he CAN for his family. Not so much that it is a life of luxury, but that it is what he CAN do.

If what he CAN do is above the acceptable standard. In my experience, FSU women are no different than any other women in that they'll take on the richest sucker they can put up with in order to get the most stuff they want.

The "sucker" who fares the best is the one who can toe the line between giving them what he's got and keeping them "suckered in" for the future. "There's more where that came from, baby! A whole lot more!"

I don’t even want to think about how much divorce/alimony would cost me if it ever comes to that.

Prenup. It's not just for American women.

I feel bad for all of those who pays 100’s and 100’s on premiums each month, I probably wouldn’t opt for the coverage if that were the case.

I don't feel bad for those folks at all. It's a scam, and if you pay into a scam, you get what you pay for.

The insurance available to me through my employer is $320/month for myself and my wife. Needless to say I opt out of that bullsh!t. She's brought up the possibility of purchasing individual insurance for herself and when we found "cheap" insurance for about $120, she suddenly wasn't all that interested anymore.

Like most things she "has to have" on my dime, they become far less important when it's time for her to pay for them.

I told her she has a good chance of getting shot for using her horn as much as she does if she did it here in Cali.

A few weeks after my wife got here we were out on the town for a night of fun. We were walking through parked traffic and she smacked the back of a car - I guess to make a loud sound - and needless to say, several MF'ers came flying out of the car. A few tense moments and several hundred meters later, we were safely out of harms way.

But, to this day, I still worry about her doing something "like how we do in Russia" causing us to get into a major pickle here in the hood.

I don't know where I got the impression that FSU stood for "female spending unit" but I now know the true meaning behind the acronym

Dude, that rocks! I'm totally going to steal that one and use it. So much better than MOB and definitely more applicable.

[clueless_in_usa 8]

Slim is correct in saying I won’t be a door mat and wallet for the FSU. She will be working

Two things I have to say as a reality check, in case you have not figured it out yet by what others married to FSU women have said:

1) FSU women are usually tough cookies with tough characters. In my experience, they know how to make your life difficult if they don't get their way.

2) My wife "thought" that she was going to be working in June, after she got her EAD (eight months after entering the country), but she only started working in September, and it took her only three months because she was willing to do any "legal" job possible. Her dreams of a particular type of job faded after a few interviews.

Of course what each person CAN do varies and that should be discussed in detail, absolutely. But FSU women in my experience have a very deep appreciation for a guy that does what he CAN for his family. Not so much that it is a life of luxury, but that it is what he CAN do.

I think FSU women prefer a cozy, safe, quiet home of any size to a mansion with unhappy people in it. The vast majority of them are not living in luxury now and do not have a lot of the things they will have here.

Agree with the first paragraph, if you are lucky and find the right person, but I would be careful assuming the second as a blanket statement. I have seen every color of the rainbow and scams are common in the MOB world for a reason.

I know that everyone's relationship is different but speaking for mine, Alla and I are best friends. That came first and we love being with each other and love to do everything together, including making monetary decisions and spending the money together. I have no fear that she will suck me dry; just the opposite, she is very frugal with the money and really really wants to contribute financially to the family.

I consider myself very lucky too because my wife only wants to spend her own money. She even waited a year to go back to Russia to make sure that she had enough money to pay for her own airfare. She even wants to pay me back for the car I gave her. But in my experience that is the exception instead of the rule.

OP: Heed the advice from the ones who already traveled this road and be 100% honest with her about your expectations. It is better (and cheaper) to know the outcome sooner rather than finding out the hard way later.

[LvivLovers 39]

I guess I'm on one of the extremes...we're on the pool/team method. When we got married, everything went from being mine to ours. Right now, I'm the sole contributor to the pool since she's in college. Someday when she's a doctor, she'll be a contributor as well and I'm really looking forward to it. Other than a couple spending sprees in the beginning to make up for some things she always wanted but never had and also taking care of a few essentials (duvet cover, handmade curtains from Ukraine, etc.), she's been very good about saving. It was all new to her, but she picked right up on all the financial differences. I feel pretty dang lucky to have gotten such a smart (and sweet) gal!

[slim 1,530]

I'm the sole contributor to the pool

That's some pool you've got there!

since she's in college........ she's been very good about saving.

They tend to be really good at saving when you're paying their way through college.... especially when they're saving your money!

[JoannaV 174]

Slim's perception of women is cracking me up In our case, we are better off after marriage because I'm the more frugal one, and hate buying anything for myself whilst we still have things to pay for (such as mortgage, so it'll be a while...) Every relationship is different. Be upfront from the beginning. You can always relinquish financial control slowly, as you get a better idea of her spending habits.

If you have a few thousand saved then you are in a perfect position to start the whole immigration process. Her first car can be a cheap one, just whilst she settles in. As for weddings, there are plenty of ways to have a wonderful wedding on a really tight budget.

[slim 1,530]

Slim's perception of women is cracking me up

Perception?

If I would've found a woman to offer me an all-expenses-paid vacation somewhere exotic for a weeklong sexcapade followed by another all-expenses-paid trip around the world to live in a HUGE house, free college tuition, free car, allowance, etc. - with part-time job optional - plus the guarantee that I could go home every couple of months, you're darn right I would've jumped all over it.

If you read between the lines, it's not the women I'm perceiving.... it's the men. Perceiving, not judging. Nothing against what they're doing, just want the OP to know that's not necessarily going to be his reality.