How do you NOT miss your kids?

[Abby62 23]

In some short time I'll be (with any luck) moving to the USA to be with my hubby. I am soon going to have to deal with the fact that my 20 y/old and 16 y/old won't be "right" there anymore. My 20 y/old has decided to move to Toronto and start a new life. I had always hoped my 16 y/old would come with me, but this was my choice and I can't ask him to do something he doesn't..i.e. move to the USA to start a new life. So, he will stay in Canada with his father, friends, schools ..everything he has known his whole life. I will be 5 hrs away and separated from him. My heart breaks with the thought, I am just not sure how i'm going to cope without him not being close with me...yes..this was my choice to marry an American, but I can't help but cry and cry over how much I'm going to miss my sons.

I don't know how to deal with this sometimes? Anyone else in this position? How do you deal with this?

Thanks

[BishopM 114]

In some short time I'll be (with any luck) moving to the USA to be with my hubby. I am soon going to have to deal with the fact that my 20 y/old and 16 y/old won't be "right" there anymore. My 20 y/old has decided to move to Toronto and start a new life. I had always hoped my 16 y/old would come with me, but this was my choice and I can't ask him to do something he doesn't..i.e. move to the USA to start a new life. So, he will stay in Canada with his father, friends, schools ..everything he has known his whole life. I will be 5 hrs away and separated from him. My heart breaks with the thought, I am just not sure how i'm going to cope without him not being close with me...yes..this was my choice to marry an American, but I can't help but cry and cry over how much I'm going to miss my sons.

I don't know how to deal with this sometimes? Anyone else in this position? How do you deal with this?

Thanks

Hello dear,

I was in a similar position. When my wife moved to the USA her daughter (whom I love, and was 12 at the time) did not feel confident enough in her English to move to the USA. So she stayed back in Thailand and that was tough on mom for a while(F). However, her daughter studied English while they were separated and now she is living with us in the USA ;-) What I'm trying to say is that you do have some good fortune in that you're 1) close to him geographically 2) close by phone. So, that alone is a blessing. The main blessing you have (from an immigration standpoint) is that you're marrying before he turns 18. Therefore, you can do like my wife and I did and have him come to the USA at a later time. Kids change their mind all the time! He may change his mind and decide to come to the USA shortly after you arrive. If he does change his mind then you have some advantages 1)He can do a 'follow to join' K2 visa if you've been in the USA for less than one year, which is the simplest process 2) if you've been in the USA for more than one year then you can still file a I-130 for him to come to the USA and he'll have his visa in around 6 months (this is a good option and really only works because you'll marry before he turns 18...which keeps this option open until he's 21, after age 21 if you want to petition for him he'll have to get in line and wait...and the wait is about 8 year right now).

Personally, you may find that he'll change his mind once high school is over. Between then and now, I'd be talking to him about the benefits of having the ability to live in both the USA and Canada. That would be awesome if he wants to go to college in the USA, or even just work in the USA someday...

Well...just some thoughts to help you with your difficult time...it will turn out ok though...you have many blessings,

BishopM

[thongd4me 69]

In some short time I'll be (with any luck) moving to the USA to be with my hubby. I am soon going to have to deal with the fact that my 20 y/old and 16 y/old won't be "right" there anymore. My 20 y/old has decided to move to Toronto and start a new life. I had always hoped my 16 y/old would come with me, but this was my choice and I can't ask him to do something he doesn't..i.e. move to the USA to start a new life. So, he will stay in Canada with his father, friends, schools ..everything he has known his whole life. I will be 5 hrs away and separated from him. My heart breaks with the thought, I am just not sure how i'm going to cope without him not being close with me...yes..this was my choice to marry an American, but I can't help but cry and cry over how much I'm going to miss my sons.

I don't know how to deal with this sometimes? Anyone else in this position? How do you deal with this?

Thanks

You shouldn't feel far away via the internet.

I have 2 daughters in the US and they won't contact me or acknowledge my attempts to contact them.

My wife's adult son is doing fine in Thailand and she can contact him anytime online.

My kids are so near yet so far.

Her son is so far yet so near.

[Abby62 23]

My kids are so near yet so far.

Her son is so far yet so near.

I'm so sorry to hear this. I know all of this is painful for us as parents. Sometimes my son will guilt trip me and say "well, this was YOUR choice" not mine...I just don't know how to respond to this. I remind him that he's never had a relationship and someday when he is walking down the aisle with his bride, I will ask him..."why did you choose her"??? But, until that day it is just painful. When I am here in Canada I miss my husband sooo much, when I am in the USA, I miss my kids sooo much. It is just the being torn all of the time, no matter where I am..just sucks.

Someday this will all pass? Well I pray to God it does.

[Abby62 23]

BishopM, thanks for your kind words of encouragement. I know there will be many advantages for him down the road, I just hope he takes them as they come. I would love for him to be with me, but I know this is his choice. Regardless, I will apply for that visa for him once I am in the USA. Thanks for the advice!!

[Kathryn41 3,205]

Moved from Off Topic to the Canada Regional Forum as it isn't really off topic but does deal with an aspect of the immigration process. I suspect tri_gear will get more Canada specific responses here - and I know some of those in this forum have experienced exactly what tri_gear will be experiencing when she immigrates.

[OBX 51]

I'm so sorry to hear this. I know all of this is painful for us as parents. Sometimes my son will guilt trip me and say "well, this was YOUR choice" not mine...I just don't know how to respond to this. I remind him that he's never had a relationship and someday when he is walking down the aisle with his bride, I will ask him..."why did you choose her"??? But, until that day it is just painful. When I am here in Canada I miss my husband sooo much, when I am in the USA, I miss my kids sooo much. It is just the being torn all of the time, no matter where I am..just sucks.

Someday this will all pass? Well I pray to God it does.

I totally understand how you feel. My husband and I spent over 10 years travelling back and forth prior to getting married because I did not want to leave my boys until they were older. I have been here a year now, both of my boys are in university and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't miss them. I still feel pulled in two different directions. On a positive note they were very accepting of my move and their response when I told them about our plans was "We would rather have you happy there than miserable here"

My boys are busy living their lives, they are happy at school and we keep in close contact. I find communicating via computers the best way to stay close. We do talk on the phone but our most frequent method of communication is through Messenger, Skype and Facebook. If I'm online and they are online we will touch base and set times when a phone call will work for their schedules. I am almost 8 hours away and I try to make it back at least every month and a half, any longer and I get miserable! I don't think there are any easy answers but knowing my sons are happy where they are helps.

Over time I am sure your younger son will adjust, just keep letting him know you are still there for him even though you are a little farther away.

Hang in there.

[Krikit 1,165]

I'm going to tell it to you straight and it is going to hurt so I apologize in advance. You will always miss your kids.... and the distance will emphasize that. Saying goodbye to them will break your heart... and theirs. You (and they) will recover. But it's a very painful recovery. There's going to be a lot of anger and a lot of hurt feelings. You will all feel abandoned by each other. You will be faced with a difficult decision at that point. Do you return to Canada or do you stick it out and hope for the best? Only you will be able to weigh all the scenarios based on your own (and their) personal circumstances. Your husband will have to be very strong and very supportive.

Having said all this... you would have gone through a milder version of this when your children leave home and strike out on their own. It comes with the territory. When it's the parent who is leaving the nest... that makes it harder because it's not in the natural order of things. I wish you all the best.