Children

[Missa 0]

it may seem scary, the thought of bringing up a child in todays messed up world. i used to be on the fence about having children, i did, i didn't , i don't know. when i finally decided that i wanted a child i had the opportunity taken away from me forever because of a disease. this disease may have fast forwarded what it would have been like if i had gotten to chose not having children. i feel bitter sometimes when my friends talk about it. i get sad when i see my friend's little boy and how much he's grown. i'll never have that ( unless i adopt of course.

if you can have children and its only money that is swaying your decision, please know that financial situations change and that i know people that have raised children with practically nothing to their name (my husband's mother is one of them).

People who never want children usually are pretty firm in their decision, if you're undecided it means that somewhere deep down you know you'll regret it.

i know i will, only difference if i don't have the choice anymore

[FireKari 4]

Missa I'm very sorry to hear about you no longer having the choice.

My mother has miscarried 11 children, including my twin.

She keeps a book of all the ultrasounds and some of the various baby things.

Sometimes I fear that when I get older, and if Ray and I were to ever change our minds, that I also may not be able to have children,

It can be very heartbreaking to not be able to have children, especially to those who actually want them.

[Canadiandggal 49]

I do agree with you, I am sorry you are going through that. I have one child and went through a miscarriage just over a year ago. It is hard when you want children and cannot have them or more(although i have one)I have been to the doctors and due to a mix of things I may never actually get to have any more. I still hope but it is a cloudy road.

[Flames9_RN 358]

Sorry about ur situation Missa! But I believe--and yes probably get flames for it,lol, but its my opinion, which means nothing,lol---but if one can not afford kids, one should not have them!! If one can't afford to go buy a car--should that person have that car?? no! So whats the difference in having kids?? besides that society will have to kick in with their taxes (yes not in all situations) and pay for that kids upbringing!! Todays society is too much "I need" rely on credit cards and others goodness!! Gone is the hard work ethic and the desire to save $$$ until you can afford things!! Oh well, just my lowly opinion! I get that at work--oh ur not working as much as before, blah blah, well I save my $$ and do not have kids,lol I drive older vehicles, no car payments! So I'm not stressed out about that stuff! again, just my opinion!! I'm sure that would change if I had 1 or 2 rug rats!! lol

[Danu 19]

I agree to an extent Flames. Its one reason we aren't starting our family yet (though we are young and eventually we will have kids as I know I would regret not having any). I would like to say though it depends on the state of money though...right now I would feel HORRIBLE bringing a child into the world. We can barely support the 2 of us at the moment, and until I can work and save up some money its just not reasonable to bring a kid into the situation knowing that feeding and clothing it would be an issue. Heck, I can't even afford to buy myself new cloths unless mine are completely falling apart (just bought a pair of pants, first new clothing piece in over a year). However, once we have saved up enough to help us cope with the few years I will be out of work taking care of the little ones it will be different. I know we will never have enough money to give our kids everything they want, but I think thats a good thing too in a way. As long as we can provide for their needs, and give them all our love and instill in them a good work ethic to help them get the things they want in the future, I think thats good parenting.

My parents didn't pay for my college, I paid it with their help and then paid them back what I owed. At 16 I got a job and that allowed me to get the things on the side that weren't necessary. I even paid rent to them when I moved back home after losing one of my jobs. Because of them I have a brand new car of my own (which I got before I met Wes) and I'm able to live life on my own, even if things are tight.

[Flames9_RN 358]

I dont think one has to make oodles of $$$ to have kid, but one should be able to support them without gov't assistance!!

[Danu 19]

For sure...My mom substitutes in a small town north of Kingston and a lot of the girls there, their biggest lift goal is to get pregnant and go on welfare, just like their momma's did. Its really sad.

[Hugglebuggles 60]

Yeah, I agree. I think for some people who say they can't afford kids really could if they really wanted to. I think I would fall under that category. I could afford kids if I made sacrifices in my life. If I didn't buy all the clothes and purses I want, have Avalanche season tickets, and sold my new car for an older one, I could make it work... but do I want to do that? Absolutely not. So I say I can't afford it, but I can't because I choose not too. For some people, they can't afford kids because they really, really cannot afford to have kids. The money isn't there, and life is already filled with sacrifices to make ends meet. I think for people in category A not being able to afford kids isn't a very good argument or excuse, but for people in category B, I think it's a very good reason to hold off.

As far as college goes Danu, I had a similar experience. My parents didn't pay for college. I had some money put away from a family trust for my first year, but the other 3 I paid for it myself. I worked 24-32 hours a week during the school year, 40 hours a week during the summers lived at home at commuted, and made it work. It was hard, but I graduated with honors and my total college debt is $1,000. That's something I'm proud of. I guess it would have been easy for me to say I'm not going because I can't afford it, but I had the determination and made it happen. I guess when you have kids, it is a similar situation. You make it work financially because you know you need to make it work.

[OBX 51]

That's pretty much where I'm at too Flames.

I can understand a lot of what you're saying OBX, especially the responsibility and maturity part. I don't think we are ready for kids. We love to go out and have fun, and financial responsibility really isn't out strong suit. We can be pretty frivolous and spend money on things we probably shouldn't, just because it's something we want to do or want to have. Having kids would certainly change our lifestyle in a way I'm not sure we are ready for.

With that said, I'm 23 and my husband is 25. We've only been married for a little over a year. I think we will have kids eventually, but at this point we talk about it like it is a plan for the fairly distant future. We own a house, and are pretty financially stable, but I'm enjoying our life as it is right now.

Just to echo everyone else, if you don't want kids, then there is really no reason to have kids. There are lots of couples I know who have no intention of having children, and they are perfectly happy. I wish more people would consciously think about having children before they do, because there are far to many unfortunate children brought into the world to parents who regret having them.

A little typo Huggles? The OP was DeadPoolX not me.

I have two boys; there was never a question of not having children and despite the challenges and occasional heartbreak that comes with raising children I cannot imagine my life without them.

[Hugglebuggles 60]

Ooops! I guess you were just on my mind OBX (sorry that sounds rather creepy...)

[warlord 73]

We never had kids and neither of us ever desired to have them. It was great, because it really saved us a lot of work during our divorce not having to worry about it (kids makes divorce a lot more complex even if both sides agree on everything). So really happy we never had any. Though she was in her early 40's she had started talking near the end of what it would be like to maybe have one. Again, didn't want to have an extra mouth to feed and so on. I think it was just because she was 43 at the time that she felt her time was running out soon (though my mom had me a bit older then that and I turned out perfect )))

[OBX 51]

Ooops! I guess you were just on my mind OBX (sorry that sounds rather creepy...)

Not creepy at all because I was thinking about you also.

(In one of your other posts about surnames I realized what a small world it is ...in Welland at least...I think we know a lot of the same people. )

[antda 13]

Hi Everyone,

What an interesting question....

I'll post my reply later....(I have to log off...library computer...)

Meanwhile, it does give me something to think about...Interesting topic, indeed!

Ant

P.S. I don't regret having children though...I love my son....

Edited September 21, 2010 by Ant+D+BabyA

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

I was just 22 when my first daughter was born. Was I ready emotionally or financially? No I wasn't. Have my children suffered as a result? No they haven't because I stepped-up to the challenge and became the parent they needed me to be. It isn't something you can learn or prepare for ahead of time, it is a process of growth and development that happens as you grow with your child(ren).

Now my daughters are 18 & 15 so many would consider me an experienced parent. My son just turned 3 6 weeks ago, guess what... I'm still learning and growing with him!

There are times when I think about "what if", how I could have spent all of that money on more fun and nicer cars but then I remember how much I've grown as a person and any regret or doubt quickly fades away...

[Hugglebuggles 60]

Very nicely put Bob 4 Anna I bet that rings very true for a lot of people.

Not creepy at all because I was thinking about you also.

(In one of your other posts about surnames I realized what a small world it is ...in Welland at least...I think we know a lot of the same people. )

I bet we do! And I can almost guarantee we've been in the place at the same time on more than one occasion