Air Sex World Championships

[Amby 490]

(Sept 15) -- We have lost our perspective on what makes us, as a people, great.

We have become far too focused on the wrong things: the tea party, Glenn Beck, the debate surrounding the Bush tax cuts, the "end" to combat operations in Iraq and recently the proposed burning of Qurans in Florida. All of this infighting and disagreement has clouded our judgment and caused us to turn a blind eye to what's really wrong with this world.

Mary SleddIs this what the world has come to? At the Air Sex World Championships in Brooklyn, N.Y., eager participants will get it on and have mock intercourse -- and make a mockery out of sex, according to our columnist.

I speak, of course, about the Air Sex World Championships in Brooklyn, N.Y., and the "No Nudity or Profane Gestures" Pole Dancing Championships in Vancouver, Canada.

PEOPLE! I implore you, let go of your petty differences and unite with me against these horrible social injustices! Pole dancing with clothes on? And no "profane gestures"? This, in and of itself, is profane! The entire concept of pole dancing is to get dirty while naked! Doing it with clothes on is not only pointless, it gives the dancer far too many places for me to stick $1 bills!

And "air sex" -- what the hell? Air guitar, sure. That can be amusing as we watch morons pretend to have talent while engaging in an activity practiced exclusively by those who have none whatsoever. But to take this mockery to the world of sexual positions and movements is just disgusting and smacks in the face everything we hold dear ... namely, boobs.

Clothed simulations of sex and pole dancing. And we're worried about people burning religious books? Wake up, sheeple, lest we next see clothed porn.

Oh, and a quick tip from your ol' pal Joe: Alligators, even injured ones, can bite your arm off.

"But Joe, we already knew this," you're saying. "It's common sense."

Well, not in Florida it's not -- which is scary. When you hear stories about guys like Alexander Alcantare, it just makes it easy for me to produce my daily column.

http://www.aolnews.com/weird-news/article/forget-quran-burning-air-sex-and-clothed-pole-dancing-are-blasphemy/19634576

here's more on it

It’s time to get your “O” face on — the Air Sex World Championships are coming to Williamsburg.

Yes, the same spirit that turned fake guitar playing into a nationally televised event has gone rogue, allowing you to replicate the aesthetic grace you display when you’re doing “it” to an entire audience at the Music Hall of Williamsburg — onstage and completely alone.

To be a Svengali of air sex, the bottom line is this: have a game plan. Indeed, air sex virgins should follow the advice of the veritable Wilt Chamberlain of air sex: host Chris Trew.

“Have a costume, have a game plan and commit 100 percent to whatever you’re doing,” said Trew. “If you’re having sex with a goat, then I wanna see you stroking its horns. I want that goat to be turned on.”

If the event’s anything like the U.S. Air Guitar Championship that we covered in April, then one can expect a face-full of titillation on Oct. 9. Contestants will thrust, grab and motorboat their way for two minutes, while covering all the bases of the air sex experience: meeting, seduction, foreplay, intercourse and, if successful, afterglow.

The performance is accompanied by the participant’s favorite song — you could go with Ravel’s “Bolero,” any Barry White tune or even Boston’s “More than a Feeling.”

In other words, oh, oh, oh yes.

Past that, there’s only one other rule: all climaxes must be simulated (and judges do not want to check). But everything else — props, teams and talking — is fair in this war of love.

Judges — local comedians, musicians and artists — will choose their three favorite sex acts based on a slew of factors, including realism, humor, and the ability to please the crowd (though not necessarily in the manner in which you are thinking).

The winning three will enter the final round, where they’ll do the horizontal bop to a mystery song. The champ will go on to compete the world title in Austin, TX — if he or she can penetrate the regionals later this year.

That said, all you have to do is sign up and you’re on your way to stimulating Williamsburg’s senses. Send an e-mail with your stage name (we like “Colin Oscopy”) and an MP3 file of your song to chris@airsexworldchampionships.com.

http://www.fark.com/cgi/go.pl?i=5617362&s=1

[fozzie 41]

[john & jean 37]

that ranks right up there with "Mental Masturbation"

[fozzie 41]

[Ban Hammer 13,619]

i thought this was gonna be about people having sex while parachuting....in other words, a flying **.

[TBoneTX 46,261]

a flying **.

They obviously don't give one, no man.

My question is: Don't these people have anything better to do?

[thongd4me 69]

I recently saw Air Guitar Nation (courtesy of my local public library)

and thought it was a hoot. Just goofy, goofy, in two words.

I can imagine the air sex world movie will be more of the same.

People are starving in developing countries, thass a fak, Jak.

Those of us "more fortunate" folks need to let off steam

like this in order to give us distractions so we don't start WW III.

Now let me dream up a stage name: "The Thong-In-Ate-Her"

[Amby 490]

sounds like it would be funny to watch

[thongd4me 69]

Now going from air guitar to the real thing...

Al DeMeiola & John Mclaughlin move over, this guy is the real thing!

[Amby 490]

I would go if I lived there!

[thongd4me 69]

I would go if I lived there!

I live near Brooklyn but if I go it will probably be next year as I'm too busy right now.

[Fandango 1,440]

I can't see the word 'afterglow' without a flashback to that Terri woman and that awful, awful photo. *shudder*

[elmcitymaven 9,712]

I can't see the word 'afterglow' without a flashback to that Terri woman and that awful, awful photo. *shudder*

A classic! Who can forget the dirty radiator in the background as well?

[trillium13 84]

Why am I not surprised that the world championship of this is in Austin?

Austin is awesome.

[thongd4me 69]

Why am I not surprised that the world championship of this is in Austin?

Austin is awesome.

I'm a fan of Austin City Limits - I remember that from the first days.

They had it on at around midnight in NY.