Verbal abuse

[horseloverinfl 1]

Hello everyone,

My husband got his two year (conditional) green card about two months ago. Before we got married he borrowed money from me saying that his brother needed an emergency eye surgery and they did not have the money and they will pay me back as soon as he or his brothers can afford to, that dragged into more borrowing. It has been a year now, and no one has made the initiative to give me back at least a sign of good intention to return the money. Since he got here, every-time I did something he did not like, he starts yelling and screaming and telling me what he did to his mom when she behaved the way I did, and that he put his fist through windshield while driving when his dad gave a comment about my husband's driving, and what he did to his former B**** fiancee. he said a man has the right to be depressed and upset and to express his feelings. When I ask him to talk in a nicer way and stop yelling and making threats he says he is not yelling, he is just telling me what he did and that's his tone of voice. Now, he asked my cat "if I kick you slamming against the wall, what would you do?" Are those things considered threats? Thank you for reading all this. There is a lot more, but those are the highlights, what do I need to do? Would divorcing him get him deported? Should i give him the chance to get a visa to the country where brother resides, rather than getting him deported back where he doesn't want to be?

Thanks,

Horseloverinfl

[Kathryn41 3,205]

Moved from Immigration News and Discussion Forum to Effects of Major Family Changes on Immigration Benefits as a more appropriate location for this discussion.

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

Hello everyone,

My husband got his two year (conditional) green card about two months ago. Before we got married he borrowed money from me saying that his brother needed an emergency eye surgery and they did not have the money and they will pay me back as soon as he or his brothers can afford to, that dragged into more borrowing. It has been a year now, and no one has made the initiative to give me back at least a sign of good intention to return the money. Since he got here, every-time I did something he did not like, he starts yelling and screaming and telling me what he did to his mom when she behaved the way I did, and that he put his fist through windshield while driving when his dad gave a comment about my husband's driving, and what he did to his former B**** fiancee. he said a man has the right to be depressed and upset and to express his feelings. When I ask him to talk in a nicer way and stop yelling and making threats he says he is not yelling, he is just telling me what he did and that's his tone of voice. Now, he asked my cat "if I kick you slamming against the wall, what would you do?" Are those things considered threats? Thank you for reading all this. There is a lot more, but those are the highlights, what do I need to do? Would divorcing him get him deported? Should i give him the chance to get a visa to the country where brother resides, rather than getting him deported back where he doesn't want to be?

Thanks,

Horseloverinfl

I sense there's a heckuva lot more to this story than you're telling here. For most people, it takes a bit more than a spouse with an unpleasant disposition before they start considering divorce.

Anyway, do not consider, even for a moment, his future immigration status when you decide whether or not you want to divorce. It is completely irrelevant. You should not feel like you need to remain married to him in order to help him with his immigration status, nor should you feel like you should divorce him in order to deny him any immigration benefits. When you consider what to do about your marriage, you should make the decision based on the same criteria you would if you were married to another US citizen. His immigration status should not sway your opinion in any way. I suggest you talk to a counselor about your marriage, and try to persuade him to talk to a counselor as well.

Re. his immigration status - you cannot "get him deported". If you had evidence that he married you just to get an immigration benefit, then you should provide your evidence to USCIS and ICE. There are phone numbers at the bottom of the page. If you don't have any evidence of this sort, then don't worry about his immigration status. That's his problem. Let him worry about it. If he decides to stay in the US then he'll have to apply to remove conditions on the green card in less than two years. If you're still married to him, then you'll file this application jointly with him. If you're divorced then he can do it on his own.

[horseloverinfl 1]

I sense there's a heckuva lot more to this story than you're telling here. For most people, it takes a bit more than a spouse with an unpleasant disposition before they start considering divorce.

Anyway, do not consider, even for a moment, his future immigration status when you decide whether or not you want to divorce. It is completely irrelevant. You should not feel like you need to remain married to him in order to help him with his immigration status, nor should you feel like you should divorce him in order to deny him any immigration benefits. When you consider what to do about your marriage, you should make the decision based on the same criteria you would if you were married to another US citizen. His immigration status should not sway your opinion in any way. I suggest you talk to a counselor about your marriage, and try to persuade him to talk to a counselor as well.

Re. his immigration status - you cannot "get him deported". If you had evidence that he married you just to get an immigration benefit, then you should provide your evidence to USCIS and ICE. There are phone numbers at the bottom of the page. If you don't have any evidence of this sort, then don't worry about his immigration status. That's his problem. Let him worry about it. If he decides to stay in the US then he'll have to apply to remove conditions on the green card in less than two years. If you're still married to him, then you'll file this application jointly with him. If you're divorced then he can do it on his own.

Thank you for your reply, yes there is a lot more to this.

Would I still be responsible for him financially after the divorce. He has the two year conditional Green Card.

Thank you,

[sachinky 465]

Yes, the I-864 remains in effect even after divorce. It only becomes void after death, departure from the US or if the immigrant becomes a USC.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Hello everyone,

My husband got his two year (conditional) green card about two months ago. Before we got married he borrowed money from me saying that his brother needed an emergency eye surgery and they did not have the money and they will pay me back as soon as he or his brothers can afford to, that dragged into more borrowing. It has been a year now, and no one has made the initiative to give me back at least a sign of good intention to return the money. Since he got here, every-time I did something he did not like, he starts yelling and screaming and telling me what he did to his mom when she behaved the way I did, and that he put his fist through windshield while driving when his dad gave a comment about my husband's driving, and what he did to his former B**** fiancee. he said a man has the right to be depressed and upset and to express his feelings. When I ask him to talk in a nicer way and stop yelling and making threats he says he is not yelling, he is just telling me what he did and that's his tone of voice. Now, he asked my cat "if I kick you slamming against the wall, what would you do?" Are those things considered threats? Thank you for reading all this. There is a lot more, but those are the highlights, what do I need to do? Would divorcing him get him deported? Should i give him the chance to get a visa to the country where brother resides, rather than getting him deported back where he doesn't want to be?

Thanks,

Horseloverinfl

Id help him get to the other country and divorce with publication.. if you think its bad now, wait till you dont help him remove conditions..youll lose alot more than your cat...PLEASE POST THIS IN THE MIDDLE EAST FORUM..they will have alot of advice and comments for you....

[Ontarkie 14,450]

the I-864 remains in effect even after divorce, but that doesn't not mean you need to pay him anything you do not have to support him, if he somehow get any means tested benefits the US government will collect from you to pay back anything he gets. He does not qualify for any till hes been a LPR for 5 yrs. Do not stay with his just cause you fear the I-864.

[rlogan 2,036]

yes there is a lot more to this.

Well, if there is "a lot" more then some idea about the nature would be good. It seems your primary concern is financial - he caused you to borrow money and you are worried about liability for supporting him after the divorce.

But the verbal abuse begs a question to you about physical abuse. Has there been any?

Yes, what you related is a set of threats and intimidation.

[horseloverinfl 1]

Well, if there is "a lot" more then some idea about the nature would be good. It seems your primary concern is financial - he caused you to borrow money and you are worried about liability for supporting him after the divorce.

But the verbal abuse begs a question to you about physical abuse. Has there been any?

Yes, what you related is a set of threats and intimidation.

No, there has not been any physical abuse. He knows the consequences of such a thing. He just yells and screams that there is no food for him to eat in the fridge, when the fridge and freezer are full but not with what he likes, he shows that he is ungrateful and then tells me to have faith, it is tough for him to sit home for so long. I told him he can at least work on the yard instead of playing computer games all day, or paint, or do something to show he is serious about being a responsible man. He told me today that he never meant to threaten me, he and his brothers will return the money, and I am misunderstanding his intentions, he was trying to tell me what a good person who is, he had the chance to hurt others, but he did not and will not. Of course I do not believe him. I consulted with an attorney today who suggested that I should tell my husband to leave the house and that divorce papers are in the works, he did not move a muscle, he was very calm and asked me if me misunderstanding him is enough to divorce him and that he loves me, however his eyes did not say a thing, they were fixed with a glaze.

[rlogan 2,036]

I consulted with an attorney today who suggested that I should tell my husband to leave the house and that divorce papers are in the works, he did not move a muscle, he was very calm and asked me if me misunderstanding him is enough to divorce him and that he loves me, however his eyes did not say a thing, they were fixed with a glaze.

Very good for you.

His reaction says a lot IMHO. I don't need to tell you that he doesn't care for you.

[twowls 217]

[He said] he had the chance to hurt others, but he did not and will not.

People who say such things are deeply sick. Make sure you have plans in the works for a safe place to stay, etc., as you go through your divorce. Be prepared.

[lissa04 3]

I know I don't know you from Adam, but I can tell you from my own experience my step father now ex step father was from Egypt and he was a tyrant. Always yelling and screaming with that glaze in his eyes. If I were you I would get divorced and let him worry about his own immigration status. You don't need to be mentally abused by anybody. You're a person who deserves to be treated with respect. Although he hasn't been physical with you doesn't mean he won't. Women in Middle Eastern countries are nothing to men like that. If he can talk about what he has done to his own mother and EX there is a problem. I hate to say this but have you ever thought he only married you for the green card. He may not have but I wouldn't be surprised since he doesn't like where he comes from.