Did I do wrong?

[jrmejia 31]

Hello guys,

I have a good friendship with my fiancee's family and specially with one of her ate. So any way, yesterday I had the age syndrome attack and I was chatting with her sister about it. (Age syndrome attack is when I feel depressed when I think about our age diff.) 22yrs apart.

Well, today I told my fiancee that I chatted with her sister yesterday for about 4 hours and we chatted about my age syndrome attack. I think my fiancee did not like that very much. Do you guys think I screwed up?

I did not think so. But I have the feeling she does.

Thanks

[Bobby+Umit 161]

Short answer - yes, you screwed up.

If you have an issue with age, you should be talking to your Fiancee, not her sister.

Your Fiancee may be thinking you do not want to marry her, and is now looking for a way out.

(Other theory - how old is her sister? closer to your age? Jealousy is a green eyed monster)

[May2 3]

If you chatted with your fiancee's sister for 4 HOURS and your girl is just around, then that is wrong. Especially when your fiancee's Ate is still single... but seriously what would you feel if your girl chatted with your brother, best-friend or son for 4 hours?

[jrmejia 31]

Hi Guys,

It is not like that. Her ate has a bf and I chat with her when my fiancee is not available or sleeping.

I really love my little princess...I just can not help feeling the age syndrome attack.

[Laser1 63]

Are you mainly concerned with what others think about your age difference?

You might find this topic helpful: How to Deal with your Marriage Critics Effectively

[jrmejia 31]

Are you mainly concerned with what others think about your age difference?

You might find this topic helpful: How to Deal with your Marriage Critics Effectively

My question is : can she handle the age gap. What will happen when we go to the gym or dance class and she sees young couples having fun? Will she regrets? that is my fear.

About me I care less what people think. One thing for sure, once some one taste fresh chicken soup, it is hard to go back to old chicken soup.

Edited August 28, 2010 by jrmejia

[Darnell 8,478]

My question is : can she handle the age gap.

That's a great question to ask yer fiance - good topic for conversation, always.

[John+Lourdelie 28]

This is something that you and your 'little princess' need to discuss. For me and my sweety bird, there is a 21 year difference. We have discussed it many times early in our relationship. We have discussed what her family and friends might think and what my family and friends might think. We have concluded that none of those things matter. What matters is what we think and we do not have an issue with it. It is very important to find this out early in the relationship. Talk with her. What her Ate thinks may be important, but what your girl thinks is what matters. I hope that everything works out for both of you.

John

[rlogan 2,036]

My question is : can she handle the age gap. What will happen when we go to the gym or dance class and she sees young couples having fun? Will she regrets? that is my fear.

About me I care less what people think.

You don't trust her.

Previously you indicated that you lacked trust because she was cold and distant. There was something inside her you could not connect with.

You had trouble talking with your fiance because she used her "puppy eyes" to thwart the discussion.

So you talk to the sister four hours instead. You have a "feeling" that the fiance is upset, but not from direct, open, and honest communication.

This has nothing to do with your age difference. It has nothing to do with talking to her sister.

Manipulative people never want others to be talking outside of their control. They do not communicate openly and honestly. You have gut feelings conflicting with what's going on at the surface. There would be jealousy in normal circumstances in talking to the sister, but there is a larger context you have shared.

I doubt the sister would say "She doesn't love you, but we're all depending on this so I'm going to help her by lying to you..."

It looks like you are committed to the unsinkable titanic. I'll feel bad when it happens, and won't take sport in it. I've made bad decisions because of my own blindness, so I have some empathy for it.

[DaRoq 36]

My question is : can she handle the age gap. What will happen when we go to the gym or dance class and she sees young couples having fun? Will she regrets? that is my fear.

About me I care less what people think. One thing for sure, once some one taste fresh chicken soup, it is hard to go back to old chicken soup.

i guess that depends on what kind of "chicken soup" it is. if all you've ever had is Campbell's, then tasting even Progresso for the first time might seem like a treat... hahaha. just remember that it works both ways, though. all things being equal, women would prefer grade A angus beef over "chopped meat" if they have a choice. so yes, they will feel envious (not necessarily regretful) when they see women like themselves with younger, attractive men. there's nothing you can do about that. all you can do is take care of yourself and be a good guy. the good thing about being "mature" is that we should have less of an ego by now, and are [hopefully] more financially secure than a twenty-something. i wouldn't worry about it too much...

[virgo22 0]

regarding the age gap,make sure your fiancee is true to you even though you have a big gap in age..i have a friend shes 22 and her husband is 62 about 40yrs gap..there reletionship last only for 3 yrs..after she renew her green card she left her husband and now shes living with a younger man...so sad but true...

i guess that depends on what kind of "chicken soup" it is. if all you've ever had is Campbell's, then tasting even Progresso for the first time might seem like a treat... hahaha. just remember that it works both ways, though. all things being equal, women would prefer grade A angus beef over "chopped meat" if they have a choice. so yes, they will feel envious (not necessarily regretful) when they see women like themselves with younger, attractive men. there's nothing you can do about that. all you can do is take care of yourself and be a good guy. the good thing about being "mature" is that we should have less of an ego by now, and are [hopefully] more financially secure than a twenty-something. i wouldn't worry about it too much...

[DaRoq 36]

You don't trust her.

Previously you indicated that you lacked trust because she was cold and distant. There was something inside her you could not connect with.

You had trouble talking with your fiance because she used her "puppy eyes" to thwart the discussion.

So you talk to the sister four hours instead. You have a "feeling" that the fiance is upset, but not from direct, open, and honest communication.

This has nothing to do with your age difference. It has nothing to do with talking to her sister.

Manipulative people never want others to be talking outside of their control. They do not communicate openly and honestly. You have gut feelings conflicting with what's going on at the surface. There would be jealousy in normal circumstances in talking to the sister, but there is a larger context you have shared.

I doubt the sister would say "She doesn't love you, but we're all depending on this so I'm going to help her by lying to you..."

It looks like you are committed to the unsinkable titanic. I'll feel bad when it happens, and won't take sport in it. I've made bad decisions because of my own blindness, so I have some empathy for it.

your post rings so true (as always). i had completely forgotten about his recent dilemma. it surely will be a sad thing if he does go through with this journey, because things will no doubt go bad. but i guess the opportunity to taste some "fresh chicken soup" is too enticing for some men, even before they know what it tastes like...

[marklovetina 52]

weeeeee, this is the beneficiary talking to u... me and honey has 23 yrs age gap... but until now were still together... we been apart for 1 yr and 6 mons., if ur feelings are true to each other and pure then nothing to worry about even ur age gap is big...

i can say i love my honey more than he loves me...

BTW: yeah u should not talk to her ateh about the age gap problem but talk it with ur gurl...

Edited August 29, 2010 by godsgift

[jrmejia 31]

Hi Guys,

Thanks guys for all the good comments. I will stop sharing our personal issues with others including her ate.

[SuperDuper! 230]

I wish the moderator would recognize that this thread would BEST be handled in the Philippines Forum, and move the topic.

We members of Fil-Am relationships of 20+ years age gap LIVING IT know best how to address the issue.

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