Dealing with the waiting game

[John & Flor 3]

I never remember a more hopeless and lonely feeling than when I left my fiancee to return to the States. Next to a death in the family, that was the worst I'd ever felt in my life. It was eased alot once I got back home and we were continuing Video chats. However, seeing some people have filed for K-1 after I did, and have already gotten an interview, is really hard to take. At the same time, though, there are many who have been waiting longer than me, by far. That in itself is of small consolation, but we should still realize that there are, most likely, many other couples who are in more desperate situations that any one of us are in.

Keep the faith, and God Bless you all.

[Rob and Jill 82]

Wow!

This is like the thrid time in the last week or so I've posted this, but here I go again!

Don't count on anything with immigration being quick. EVER!

Just because it HAS been taking 3-4 months for SOME people to get through does not mean this trend with continue at all! It was a "5 month wait" when I started the process, and we're on the 8th month.

If you're the person moving to the states, go through your clothes and start donating what you don't wear/want/need. (And depending on where you're moving, we could probably tell you how many of those wintery clothes you're REALLY going to need) Start packing things that you want to keep that have been in your closet for more than 1 year untouched...that way you won't miss it.

Do yourself a favor for all of your well meaning friends and make an immigration mailing list. For everyone who wants to know about it, sit down and send out a weekly email or where you are in the process, so everyone knows how long it takes and they won't constantly ask.

If you are the US Citizen, start cleaning and making room for your spouse. Clean out your closets, clean off some knick knack shelves, give your future husband/wife space in the home you'll share. Get some household projects knocked out of the way, or start an herb garden.

[missicy 87]

I know all my friends are like well its got to be soon surely, and to try and explain the process over and over again its sometimes like way too much effort! And then u get the questions why is it taking so long and all u can say is I have no bloody idea!! Stop asking me!! I just wish there was a light at the end of the tunnel so it gives you a date to work for. the thought of all this lasting until like next summer is just too much to bear.

Its just so hard and I kow we will get through it but sometimes u just feel so miserable about it all. And everyones is like oh cheer up it will happen soon, and by the end of the day u just want to chuck something at them!!

Oh yeah, don't you just hate that! At least one person a day asks me if I have got any news yet and it can get really frustrating explaining that it takes a while. I'm like I'll make sure everybody knows when we get approved! LOL

I am really trying to be positive and not worrying so much about how long it is going to take. Sometimes I think about the day when we find out we got approved, I try to visualize my interview at the embassy and day dream about the day when I am finally back in his arms! It's going to happen soon, just keep the faith! God's timing is always right!

[Aztec&Taino 144]

Hello everyone,

I can totally relate to the painful waiting game that we are all going through! I know, I know, I just filed my petition, so people must be thinking, "she does not know what she is talking about" or "just have her wait 6 months!" Yet, to know you have met the man (or woman) who you KNOW you want to build a life with, be married to, and spend your life with, and not be able to fulfill your wish right now is very painful. Yes, I've heard it too, about needing to be patient and all, but for people who are not living the love and desire one feels it may be difficult to fully understand.

So, what I have been thinking I should do is that if every time I begin to obsess about the wait and get sad about the whole being-away situation I exercise, then by the time we get married I will look and feel much better! Just by refocusing my energy to exercise (or something else positive as other members have suggested like remodeling the house, cleaning, organizing, etc.) Then I can begin to make the best out of a not-so-ideal situation. As they say; "if life gives you lemons, learn to make lemonade!"

Best wishes and strength to us all in this journey

[REINITA♥REY 8]

I check the status daily...a little OCDish, I know! Although I am on the text message and email update, I still check it.

In three days I am going to Peru for a week but after that...I probably will not be able to go back until the interview date....so that is unknown Not knowing the next time we will be together will be maddening....but at least we will hopefully (assuming they approve the K1) be together always after that. I know it is going to be horrible when I leave, but I am just trying to concentrate on the time together.

Edited August 27, 2010 by LADUQUE13

[Dom & Fel 0]

Oh! I totally understand it drives me crazy that people always ask me how are my papers going ... when am I going to the States it just puts me in such a bad mood, I get super cranky ... but hey ! I found a solution, I signed up for yoga an pilates and trust me it just keeps my mind away from this USCIS stuff. Since I am jobless now because I didn't renew my contract since I got married it is super important to find something to do and just be straight with people, whenever the process is done YOU will let them know in the meantime don't ask .. I had to do it hope it helps and let's be patient

[Fishlady 2]

I knew the questions would happen (when is he coming, etc). So I simply havent't told anyone the process has even been started. It is hard to hold in the anticipation but it alleviated a lot of explanations.

[Kukolka 8]

Thank you for starting this topic, Lucy. I've had the easier time than my fiancé dealing with the wait. I've been patient and optimistic for 7 months. Two days ago, my cheerful patience vanished. I was too depressed that day to make a post about it or even a one-line status update. I could not make myself stop frowning on the drive home from work, and I could not make myself care about anyone other than him or anything other than finding out the interview date and being with him.

I think the contributing factors to my sadness were, we got to visit this past weekend and know the next visit likely won't be until the interview; the fact that our P3 was checked in 46 days after Canada Post said the consulate received it and we'll probably never know why the check-in took so long and meanwhile others who mailed their P3s after us already have interview dates; and me deciding to call DoS this Tuesday and not call again before next Tuesday and knowing no news then meant no news for the rest of the week.

How we cope with being apart. We e-mail each other in the morning before work, and talk on Ventrilo for a few hours every night and most of the day on weekends. And text once in a while if we need to, and call once in a great while if we -really- need to. Sometimes we go through some questions from 1001 Questions to Ask Before You Get Married. Silly magical thinking guesses about what Montréal is waiting for before they assign us an interview date: "oh, they're waiting for us to get through so many chapters, or for me to finish painting the cake topper." Hyper planning mode has helped me some; planning for the interview (EVERYthing we need or want to bring, logistics of us getting there and then traveling on to meet his family), and the wedding and the order of everything we need to do before and after it, and what we'll want to get when we're able to move into our own place. Filling time with playing online games, reading humourous websites.

Every time we visit, we take home a shirt the other has worn and not washed, to sleep with the comforting scent of our beloved.

*Wishing everyone an easier wait and good news.*

[usmcwife 3]

I had a really hard time waiting and waiting for my visa. It always seems to take longer than you think. At first I was checking online every day for any info on uscis, both online and calling them, and watching what other people were getting here on Visajourney. then one day i realised I had to stop before my brain exploded. I limited myself to checking once a week, and i mostly stuck to it.

then I got in touch with my long lost hobbies. I knitted a blanket! (well half of one). I attempted to build a website. etc.

My S.O and I did talk every day and i think that got me through it most of all.

And I do agree that people asking only made it worse. Just when i wouldn't be thinking about it somebody would ask again. Eventually i had to tell people that they would know without asking because i would be jumping up and down in joy and shouting at the top of my lungs.

[unpredictable 0]

.:: I had previously posted this on the wrong thread::.

but here goes....My situation is different, I am waiting or should I say have been waiting for my VAWA approval/Denial for quite sometime now. I am very angry and bitter because my life has been put on hold because of this. My MOM passed away and I could not even go to say my last goodbyes..I saw her last at the bus station on my way to the airpor eight years ago, I have also been accepted to Medical school after graduating this year and even that is a bleek future for me right now. There is soo much stuff in my life that has been put on hold because of this wait.I curse, I question God every night, I get so angry listening to people talk about how they got approved and sometimes I hate reading "happy posts" here. I recently stopped looking at the website because it's a constant reminder of the many dissapointments that I have had to endure because of this delay, wait or whatever it is that they do at VSC. I live in constant fear of both the Immigration and my USC spouse who after my graduation is determined to get me deported, now more so than before. It's just a heavy load to bear sometimes and it just feels so hopeless at times.

[Alan-and-Ira 1]

It has been almost three years now I am 'sitting on my suitcases' waiting to be reunited with the love of my life... Yes, those questions from friends like "have you gone to the US yet?' or 'when are you going to the US?' drive me nuts, but HOW CAN I EXPLAINE PEOPLE THAT IT IS NOT THE USA, BUT MY HUSBAND I want to be with? No matter where - I would love him to come here because I am very close to my parents and friends, I have lived in this place since my early childhood, but how he would make it here if he does not speak the language and does not know the local traditions? Yes, the US is a good country to live in, but we, who apply for immigrant visas to be with our loved ones, we also do love our home countries, and our only fail is that we found the love of our lives in another country... Before I met Alan I had been married once, and I had to go through the rough time of the divorce back then, years ago. All that seem now like another life... Before meeting Alan I had never in my life met so caring and loving person like him! And I do want to be with my husband, through thick and thin, through good and bad - to give him my love, care and support! "While there is life, there is hope' - we do have a hope that one day, sooner or later, we will eventually be together forever in real life!

[Alan-and-Ira 1]

.:: I had previously posted this on the wrong thread::.

but here goes....My situation is different, I am waiting or should I say have been waiting for my VAWA approval/Denial for quite sometime now. I am very angry and bitter because my life has been put on hold because of this. My MOM passed away and I could not even go to say my last goodbyes..I saw her last at the bus station on my way to the airpor eight years ago, I have also been accepted to Medical school after graduating this year and even that is a bleek future for me right now. There is soo much stuff in my life that has been put on hold because of this wait.I curse, I question God every night, I get so angry listening to people talk about how they got approved and sometimes I hate reading "happy posts" here. I recently stopped looking at the website because it's a constant reminder of the many dissapointments that I have had to endure because of this delay, wait or whatever it is that they do at VSC. I live in constant fear of both the Immigration and my USC spouse who after my graduation is determined to get me deported, now more so than before. It's just a heavy load to bear sometimes and it just feels so hopeless at times.

So sorry for you!

Try to have a hope that one day you will leave this nightmare far behind... Keep your Faith in God, and He will Bless you! My husband has lost two his loved ones (his Dad and Granny) since we first applied for K1 for me, and all these three years have worn us out... Especially our K1 'soft denial' was hurtful because we had really high hopes to be together... His Granny wanted top see me so much! She passed aways two months after we got denied, and my husband's health condition has much deteriorated since than... I keep strong only due to my family support, my parents, who have been very understanding to me... I lost my job, I stay away from friends constantly asking me "when?" - it's painful! And I do understand the OP's opinion about all those annoying questions... I wish I knew WHEN!

Stay strong, and keep your faith in God!

[Alan-and-Ira 1]

Oh yeah, don't you just hate that! At least one person a day asks me if I have got any news yet and it can get really frustrating explaining that it takes a while. I'm like I'll make sure everybody knows when we get approved! LOL

I am really trying to be positive and not worrying so much about how long it is going to take. Sometimes I think about the day when we find out we got approved, I try to visualize my interview at the embassy and day dream about the day when I am finally back in his arms! It's going to happen soon, just keep the faith! God's timing is always right!

Feeling the same... Yes, God's timing is always right!

[Auris 0]

Nothing wrong with venting we all have our days. i feel your pain especially that NOA2 pain...my only advice is take it one dat at a time...do something around the house I would paint I now have so many new walls in my house I would think about the wedding and put together a plan I even went wedding dress shopping. I prayed a lot as well....I too feel that the system is so unfair but your time will come my dear and once that NOA2 comes your days will go by faster and since you in the UK you should get an interview date sooner than later unlike Nigeria where I was approved in June but no interview until November which I think is insane...but I digress... well I hope your days get better...good luck the rest of the way oh PS stop checking the USCIS website because sometimes that thing never change you will just get NOA2 in the mail without any notice.....it has happened before....

Interesting, I just wonder why they created the date of interview after 4 months for you, is it normal practice? NOA-2 is valid for 4 months only. it's written in that document. I know that CO can add another 4 months, but they never give this written in any paper, just say THEY CAN DO THIS, but I guess nobody had notification about it as a hard copy when in many cases it's a reason to "kill" petition because it's "expired".

[patient2010 93]

I knew the questions would happen (when is he coming, etc). So I simply havent't told anyone the process has even been started. It is hard to hold in the anticipation but it alleviated a lot of explanations.

I agree i didnt tell anyone either because I so cant take all the questions