Abusive wife! i need help!

[acaglumac 1]

heres my situation. i came to america 4 years ago as an exchange student in 12th grade. then went to college for two years. in the meanwhile i met my wife n we got married 1 year ago but i didnt file for AOS till last month because we didnt have money.when we got married last year i stoped going to school cause we didnt have enough money. so basically i was out of status. anyway i know that is forgiven when u marry a us citizen. so last month i finally applied for green card but got my stuff sent back because i used an outdated form. so i resent the package a week ago. my wifes been abusive since we got married. once she gave me a black eye. i couldnt call the police cause she threatened me shell get me deported. but ever since i sent the package last month the violence is getting worse. she already cheated on me several times by making out w my closest friends n i forgave her. several weeks ago we got into a fight n she started hitting me and at one point she took a budda statue n hit me in the head n i blacked out for a second n my head started bleeding. the budda shatered into pieces n she took the remaining n threw it at me. i ran outta house n was barefoot n shirtless n walked for 2 hrs to my friends place n got blisteres on my feet. i didnt call the police again cause i loved her n she threatened me shell call the police. oh also 2 days before that she chased me w a knife around the house n there are holes in the door of the bathroom. i locked myself in there. anyway i dont have police reports but these friends i walked to when she hit me in the head are willing to witness for me that i came to their house almost naked, bleeding etc. also later when they talked to my wife she admitted that she hit me w the statue n also that she was chasing me w the knife 2 days before. also they know that she was threatning me shell get me deported. they are willing to witness all this for me, under oath. would this be enough as evidence for me to be able to get green card w out having to be married w her for two years?as i said i already sent the aos n petition for alien relative a week ago, but still havent gotten response from the government. please help me!

Edited August 23, 2010 by acaglumac

[Anh map 2,098]

She can't just call someone and get you deported.

Talk with a family law attorney about a divorce. And it is probably a good idea to speak with an immigration attorney about your AOS.

Some professional guidance will be good for you in both circumstances.

[inpitb 3]

Unfortunately, you did not go to the police or a doctor. Your friends did not actually witness the abuse taking place so their testimony is worthless. Your wife can just deny everything to the police. But you should report it anyway so it is on file as soon as possible.

Go to a doctor immediately to have your injuries evaluated and recorded.

There are domestic violence and hardship provisions in US immigration law for cases such as yours. Get a lawyer and file for a divorce and a restraining order.

At worst you can get a divorce and be sent back to your country to serve a two year ban for your out of status / overstay, but at least you will be free from the abuse.

You must not and do not have to let this continue.

[acaglumac 1]

Unfortunately, you did not go to the police or a doctor. Your friends did not actually witness the abuse taking place so their testimony is worthless. Your wife can just deny everything to the police. But you should report it anyway so it is on file as soon as possible.

Go to a doctor immediately to have your injuries evaluated and recorded.

There are domestic violence and hardship provisions in US immigration law for cases such as yours. Get a lawyer and file for a divorce and a restraining order.

At worst you can get a divorce and be sent back to your country to serve a two year ban for your out of status / overstay, but at least you will be free from the abuse.

You must not and do not have to let this continue.

but why cant my friends testemony b enoough? they talked to my wife n she admitted to them everything...

[inpitb 3]

The US Legal System is based in innocent until proven guilty. Since your friends did not actually witness the abuse taking place, it is only hear-say or circumstantial evidence which is not enough for charging someone with a crime. It is good enough for a restraining order and good enough grounds for a divorce.

But then again, I AM NOT A LAWYER OR AN EXPERT. Please talk to a lawyer who specializes in this type of scenario.

[acaglumac 1]

The US Legal System is based in innocent until proven guilty. Since your friends did not actually witness the abuse taking place, it is only hear-say or circumstantial evidence which is not enough for charging someone with a crime. It is good enough for a restraining order and good enough grounds for a divorce.

But then again, I AM NOT A LAWYER OR AN EXPERT. Please talk to a lawyer who specializes in this type of scenario.

oh also i have a screen shot from my wifes n mine chat on fb where i tell her that i cant b with her anymore because of all the violence(i wrote about the time she hit me in the head w statue) n she responded that she is sorry for doing these things. also i can take a pic of the door where she made holes w a knife.

can that be used as an evidence?

Edited August 23, 2010 by acaglumac

[acaglumac 1]

also i want to let everyone know that i dont wanna use vawa as an easy way outta marriage, i trully am being hurt by my wife, n i gave her so many chances n she doesnt stop. i feel horrible to divorce her but i am worried about my safety n my life. but also i care about my immiration status because i dont wanna b deported.

im really begging for help! i dont have money for an attorney so you ppl here r my only help.thanks

[Harsh_77 718]

Dude- we can only give you some advice as we know or we have gone thru a process. We are not lawyers, you need a good family lawyer who can help you with your situation.

Your friends testimony cannot be used as mentioned earlier, they did not witness anything nor it was recorded in pics or cam.

For example you can take picture of your bathroom door with knife hole in it, but how do you prove it was done by your wife and not you.

I can make as many hole as I want on the door and take a pic and tell someone you did it, does it mean you really did it? Answer is No….!

Why are you afraid of returning back home, atleast you will be safe from such abuse, it should not happen in first place and if it happens you should not be afraid or reporting them.

How many times you caught her cheating and you forgave her does not matter to USCIS, so how many times you were nice to her is not what USCIS cares about.

At this time you are already out of status, and by not reporting it you are making it worse.

[Bobby+Umit 161]

also i want to let everyone know that i dont wanna use vawa as an easy way outta marriage

VAWA does not get you out of marriage, it only helps you maintain your immigration status and process for greencard.

Only divorce will get you out of marriage.

Right now - from what you posted - that is the only way you can maintain your chance of getting a greencard.

[~happyndinlove~ 540]

Sorry about your situation.

Domestic violence is horrific, confusing, and should not be tolerated for any reason!

(based on your side of the story) You should contact the police and file a victim protection order (VPO) immediately. She will be served the VPO w/in a couple days or sooner and be ordered to leave the home and she is not allowed to return (except with police escort to retrieve some personal need items otherwise risking incarceration, unless you invite her which will void the VPO if she can prove your invitation) until a court hearing is held and the matter settled. (if) The court rules in your favor then an extended order will be imposed and she faces possible jail time. BTW...you better be able to support your VPO claim or you risk being charged. This is a very brief explanation regarding the mechanics of a VPO, there is much more for you to learn and please consult with an attorney regarding VPO rules.

The fact that she admitted her offenses to your friends can be used as testimony because it is not "hear say". The confession was made by her directly to your friends. This can be used as evidence to support your claims. I would take pictures of any damage to the home to further support your allegation. The testimony and pictures will at least create some doubt if indeed she is able to effect a debunk of your claim and possibly stave off the courts' interest to come after you.

(if) You cannot afford an attorney then ask the police to provide advice on how to acquire a public assistance attorney.

I am curious if drugs or alcohol are being consumed before or during the conflicts. The reason I ask is because I'm wondering if you might be more tolerant, thinking, it's the booze and not her.

Please consider something...you are currently caught up in a nightmare that is freaking your rationale and senses. To do nothing about it is ludicrous and is allowing the violence to escalate. Taking action to end the violence could indeed be the salvation of your marriage and more importantly, maybe save your life.

Do yourself and her a favor and take the first step. Contact the proper authorities!!!

Good Luck!

Edited August 23, 2010 by ~happyndinlove~

[BobandXiaomei 14]

#1 Get the hell out of that house and leave NOW. Get whatever you can carry and leave. She's violent and your life is in danger. Forget about Love, she doesn't love you and that's obvious. Love doesn't crack one's head open with a Budda statue.

#2 File a police report. If she's arrested that's not your problem.

#3 Don't worry about being deported for now. Free help is available with a bit of looking (Googling); try Catholic Charities for a start.

Edited August 23, 2010 by BobandXiaomei

[hamigirl710 112]

If there is domestic violence happening for men and women there is always the National Domestic Violence hotline you can call:

http://www.thehotline.org/

1.800.799.SAFE (7233) 1.800.787.3224 (TTY)

Anonymous & Confidential Help 24/7

This hotline can refer you to local resources in your community that may help you with shelter, food, and legal assistance.

I just wanted to also give you this resource as a possible option. Hopefully no matter what you choose you take steps to protect yourself. Best wishes!!

Edited August 23, 2010 by hamigirl710

[thongd4me 69]

Dude- we can only give you some advice as we know or we have gone thru a process. We are not lawyers, you need a good family lawyer who can help you with your situation.

Your friends testimony cannot be used as mentioned earlier, they did not witness anything nor it was recorded in pics or cam.

For example you can take picture of your bathroom door with knife hole in it, but how do you prove it was done by your wife and not you.

I can make as many hole as I want on the door and take a pic and tell someone you did it, does it mean you really did it? Answer is No….!

Why are you afraid of returning back home, atleast you will be safe from such abuse, it should not happen in first place and if it happens you should not be afraid or reporting them.

How many times you caught her cheating and you forgave her does not matter to USCIS, so how many times you were nice to her is not what USCIS cares about.

At this time you are already out of status, and by not reporting it you are making it worse.

Your situation, although not funny to you at all, sounds like a reality show.

If you see staying in the US as a high priority, better see a lawyer fast.

The downside of this is that allegations of abuse on the part of a foreign

husband who is out of status will probably fall on ears that are deafer than corn.

Understand well that the domestic issues (to be handled by family or supreme court in your state)

are totally separate from the immigration issues and the USCIS won't want to hear anything about

abuse. They will, however, require you to comply with their regulations which you have already

violated to some extent - the reasons why they were violated are not so important to them.

They are not a social service agency.

[ajigglin 0]

but why cant my friends testemony b enoough? they talked to my wife n she admitted to them everything...

i would get notarized statements from them in addition to seeing a doctor, filing a police report, and talking to a lawyer.

[BobandXiaomei 14]

Get out of the House Now.

Get out of the House Now.

Get out of the House Now.