Kids adjusting

[Bajih 4]

Salaam! I have not been on it quite a long time. My SO came in February and since then we have been doing so much! The most exciting part is that he got his green card in the mail at the beginning of August. yea!

I think my kids are having a delayed reaction to him being here.

Looking to talk to a few people who have gone through some "hard times" with their kids once SO was in the states and in the house. Is there a parenting forum anywhere on the web about this? (immigration;step-family; tween/teen issues) I need some advice and help!

Thanks!

Baj

[msheesha 548]

That's a great idea for a topic. I'm sure lots of people go thru it.

What about starting a thread in the Adjustment - New Life in America forum here on VJ?

That might be a good place for it. Good Luck. I hope things get smoother soon.

[nurse1967 287]

I can tell you there are definitely adjustments even if your kids were excited about your relationship with a foreign SO. For my kids, who are a 15 year old girl and 10 year old boy it was an immediate reaction. Talking to him on webcam and then having him show up one day and be a permanent fixture in the home was a whole different ball of wax. They both resented his presence and were very verbal about the fact. Now, 10 months later things are much smoother. My daughter said it would have been an adjustment no matter who it was and that she likes my husband. I think culture plays a big part in it too. Communication can be difficult and what 15 year old wants to take time to understand someone with a thick foreign accent? My husband could feel the resentment too and it hurt his feelings. I told him to continue on being kind to them and in time it would work itself out. Today, my ex-husband came by to work on my 11 year old son's computer. He needed to come into our bedroom where the main computer was and my son told him "no you can't my dad is in the shower) (talking about his step dad). That is the first time he has referred to him as his dad and to say this to his biological father I think is a powerful message on how he feels about Tarek. So hang in there, it WILL get better.

[Mithra 1,185]

I agree, this is a great topic and something many of us can relate to.

What kinds of issues are you having, Bajih? Are they issues related to your husband being foreign ie cultural issues, language issues or are they general step parent adjustment issues or both? Maybe we could be more helpful if we knew some examples of what's going on.

We had some issues in the beginning regarding the language and understanding my husband's accent and some misunderstandings based on language. We also had the normal step parent adjustment issues. Several years have passed now and things are going fine, thank goodness. We've adjusted but of course, like any family, we have issues that come up now and then.

[Always+Forever 7]

I'm sure it is all very confusing for them & a very hard adjustment...especially the older they are. I have been lucky, because my daughter is 4 & her biological father has never been involved, so she was OVERJOYED to have a man she can one day call "Daddy". If anything I was having more difficulty with "sharing" her with someone else. She had been just mine for the last 4 yrs I hope everything works out for you guys, and I think communication is the BIGGEST thing, and not pushing anything on them. Letting them work up to accepting him as part of the family, and MAYBE one day a father. But if they are older, it may be more of a friendship. Thats how it was with my step mom. And best of luck to everyone still waiting or still trying to adjust...the never ending process of being with those we love.

Monica

[amysaid 9]

I'm sure it is all very confusing for them & a very hard adjustment...especially the older they are. I have been lucky, because my daughter is 4 & her biological father has never been involved, so she was OVERJOYED to have a man she can one day call "Daddy". If anything I was having more difficulty with "sharing" her with someone else. She had been just mine for the last 4 yrs I hope everything works out for you guys, and I think communication is the BIGGEST thing, and not pushing anything on them. Letting them work up to accepting him as part of the family, and MAYBE one day a father. But if they are older, it may be more of a friendship. Thats how it was with my step mom. And best of luck to everyone still waiting or still trying to adjust...the never ending process of being with those we love.

Monica

off topic... monica, i think i saw pics of your daughter on FB through sarah's FB and just wanted to say, she is beauuuutiful

[Always+Forever 7]

off topic... monica, i think i saw pics of your daughter on FB through sarah's FB and just wanted to say, she is beauuuutiful

thanks she was spoiled rotten in Morocco...they don't know how to say No to kids...lol

Monica