Ramadan & overbearing WASP family

[mspain 1]

Meghan,

The letter shows that the person who wrote it is very close-minded. If I were you I'd have wrote a long reply answering every part with answers 'that would shut them up' before I asked her to stop talking to me again, but you still did good by closing the door for more interference in your life.

I also find the part Jenn quoted from the later racist. It does in a way sound wise and all, but if a person is wise enough would realize that s/he shouldn't discriminate against people or categorize them based on race, religion, nationality, etc.

I hope everything starts cooling down soon.

I agree Aya. I think marriage can be difficult for some and for others they know how to pull through things. I have seen couples who speak the same language, grew up in the same town, same religion that absolutely can't communicate or don't know how to make it work. It really has nothing to do with any of that- if you make it work with your husband, that's great. My fiance and I look at our differences, not as obstacles, but we look to what we can learn from each other and things like language barriers and how he'll adapt to life in the USA as an adventure. And we know itll be tough, but isnt that what keeps life interestin?

[mspain 1]

My aunt is in her 80s and is infamous for her bashing letters, offending family members with her outspokenness, and extreme conservativism to the point of insanity (she all tried to get us to vote for Palin, saying "she's not black and she breastfeeds, too").

I aint messin with her. She aint messin with me. Ok that's fine.

PS- she replied to the email with one line. "I was talking about YOU, not Anwar. CAUTION: Treacherous waters ahead!"

Whatever, you cant waste your time with people like that and I certainly wasnt going to waste alot of time writing to her.

[Prawninator 138]

I don't have anything against outspokenness, but I don't see how being a breastfeeder automatically makes a person a good leader.

From what I've been reading though Meghan, your aunt is racist, and extremely toxic. No one has the right to put you in such a toxic environment except yourself. I guess in a way it's good that you cut off contact with her, but in a way I kinda pity her, because well... she's blood family and as they say, blood is thicker than water. Also, she's 80, and would probably plop any time soon.

[Khadijah1 0]

Anybody have a similar story?

My fiance and I have been together for three years now. I was born into a Christian family, but made the decision to practice Islam. Three Ramadans ago, not yet a Muslima, I decided to do Ramadan as much as I could. My family would be mortified if I had told them, but I did mention my fasting to a cousin, and it later got back to my family that I was fasting and it was a scandal, but no one talked about it openly- just behind my back. Last year I was fortunate enough to be living in Granada where my fiance lives and was able to do Ramadan freely. Now I am back in the states awaiting my fiance and practicing Ramadan in my own home. My fiance thinks it is best we do no discuss my practicing Ramadan with my family because of how upset they would get and cause alot of problems for me. However, my mother has been picking at me since the first day of Ramadan to get me to eat, admit I am doing Ramadan, or just bring up the subject of Christianity with me. First of all, she called me up the first day of Ramadan to have dinner (scallops- my favorite) with them at six- I told her I'd be busy till later and might stop by. Then she started asking me what I ate for lunch in the cafeteria at the school where I work and went on about how they ought to have crawfish etoufee, shrimp scampi, baked chicken or whatever at the school. I finally told her I couldnt talk since she refused to change the subject. She called me back ten minutes later saying she was going to stop by my house to bring me some homegrown vegetables and some pastries, and she wanted me to make a pot of coffee. Told her I was going to be out running errands and hung up. She called me a couple of minutes later to say they would have dinner early and that I could run my errands later. Told her sorry, cant.

She knows exactly what she's doing and knows I'm fasting but wants to tempt me. So I never went over to their house and I broke fast at the appropriate time at home. I ignored her call the next day, but called her back Sat. morning. She said she wanted to go to this new store that just opened and did I want to go with her. I told her sure, but we'd leave at 9 cause I had to be back for 11 ( I did not want to get stuck with her at lunch). She shows up at my house at 1030, of course, we both silently know this is on purpose. Anyway we go to the new store, then to the bank. I needed to stop by target to get something, but on the way (she's driving, my mistake, I shouldve driven) she says we ought to go to my favorite cafe and get my favorite salad there. I told her I didnt have time and needed to be back soon cause I had to be at work at 1. So what does she do? Orders it to go. I tell her really, Im not hungry and I'll eat later.

So shes being very obnoxious about it all and waves the food in my face when she gets back in the car. I'm trying not to make too big of a deal but shes really overdoing it. We get back to my place. She starts dishing everything up, I tell her not to get me a plate cause I still have to get ready for work, etc. and I'll eat later. She refuses and almost physically forces me to eat with her. I tell her to stop being childish and pushy and that I'm leaving for work, shell have to eat alone. She says "NO Come back and tell me why you're not eating. Jesus would want you to eat. Come back." I ask her if she knows how to lock up after herself and I leave the house for work.

I call my fiance on the way and tell him the ordeal. He tells me I did right in not eating and that I have to be a little harsh with her so she'll stop. She is seriously pushy!

He tells me I ought to be nice to her next time, but let her know I'm not going to put up with any foolishness. So later when she calls I hesitate to answer, but pick up. She wants to know at 5:30 if I want to eat crabs. I tell her maybe, that I'm taking a nap and I'll let her know later. She asks me if I'm taking a nap because I'm hungry, I tell her I'm taking a nap because I'm tired. She asks me if I will go with her to church tomorrow, I say maybe. She says " that sounds like no to both" and I tell her I'm tired and I'm going back to nap.

I never went to her house or anything so here I am. The big pink elephant in the room. They know, I know, but no one wants to say the R word and I know if someone says it, they will launch a Christian "jihad" on me and will make a huge deal for months about it just like they did when I got engaged "to a Muslim".

I'm pretty much disgusted with their behavior and wish my family would stop the pushiness and the evangelizing. You cant force anyone to do anything even if they are your child.

They same thing happened when I stopped eating pork and drinking alcohol several years ago and they still try to get me to eat/ drink it.

Anyone have any similar stories?

My heart gos out to you hun but your doing the right thing.Its hard when you convert to Islam to stop things you did as a christian and even harder when you have family hounding you and dont want to accept your decision in life.The main thing you have to do is be strong and make it known in your family that this is a LIFE choice for you and you will not be deterred by anything they say or do.Be firm but in a loving way and tell them you will be glad to discuss Islam with them if they would like to know more and remember...Jihad is an inner battle and not Holy war! it can be a holy war but theres not a prorblem with that right now except from extremists weird ideas.This is your Jihad baby girl and you will win it im sure. Allah will give you the strength and he will bless you for your struggle with family. Good luck baby girl and RAMADAN MUBAREK!! Khadijah

[sara..... 371]

wow i just read the parts of the letter from your auntie that you posted........my heart goes out to you and i have included you in our prayers...

sara