not fasting.... :(

[Carrie1978 2]

It's a great thing that you are trying to do for your husband! This is only my third year fasting and it has gotten easier each year but still not like it is for my husband who has fasted for the last 20 yrs! IF (coz if ur sick u cant fast) you want to try fasting and want a suggestion...my kids are starting to get to the age where they want to try to fast, so for them (bc the days are so long and they aren't yet of age) we have them eat breakfast a few hours later in the morning and then we all break fast together. This way they don't have to go the long days and they feel that they accomplished something because they break fast with us. It's a suggestion anyway Don't feel that you failed...you have made your husband so proud and feel loved for showing him how much you care about him! Remember that!!!

[sandinista! 1,816]

ok but if your going to internally stress out over NOT doing it, then your making a problem for yourself when you're not required to do it to begin with. Its ok if your choosing to do it but when your wrestling over it in your mind and its not good for your body it just seems rather crazy to me.

well i guess there's just no pleasing you, because you got all snippy when anxious suggested feeding someone who can't afford food instead of not eating or drinking all day. whether you like it or not, or approve of it or not, some people just like to incorporate certain aspects of ramadan and it's particular focus on charity along with their husband or fiance when it's that time of year. i'm pretty sure everyone participating in this thread knows that hungry people exist 365 days a year. 366 when it's a leap year. but there's not a dam thing wrong with doing something extra in solidarity with the person one shares their life with. good grief.

[~PalmTreeGurl~ 154]

well i guess there's just no pleasing you, because you got all snippy when anxious suggested feeding someone who can't afford food instead of not eating or drinking all day. whether you like it or not, or approve of it or not, some people just like to incorporate certain aspects of ramadan and it's particular focus on charity along with their husband or fiance when it's that time of year. i'm pretty sure everyone participating in this thread knows that hungry people exist 365 days a year. 366 when it's a leap year. but there's not a dam thing wrong with doing something extra in solidarity with the person one shares their life with. good grief.

I dont have any problem with people fasting. I know its done for many reasons. Im just wondering why some would stress themselves out over not fasting when one they arent required to do it, and arent in physical shape to do it.

Religiously I believe its between that one person and God. Thats exactly how I believe and if others dont, then I have no idea why they do what they do or for what reason.

Adam had talked to his uncle the other day and his uncle made a comment to Adam about being a bad muslim for not fasting. His uncle is in denial that Adam is not a muslim. So to his uncle bcz Adam isnt fasting hes a bad person. But sorry, my husband is by choice a christian and a good person. Fasting is between my husband and God... not for anyone else to judge him and say he should be fasting or hes a bad person. Hes not the only one that has made comments like that. I've had muslim friends back home make comments to each other like that. So some muslims seem to judge each other and/or others based on them fasting or not fasting and I think its wrong bcz to me fasting is between a person and God.

[ErikaAndHamit 73]

Muslims aren't the only ones to "judge each other"-everyone in every religion has it's judges and like you said:it's between God and that person and so why are you judging here? Please don't answer-it's just an observation.

Venusfire: I commend you for wanting to fast and when one is ill or stressed it is difficult. You are not Muslim like you said, but doing it in support of your husband and I totally get that....now you just cannot for whatever reason. It bothers you because you really love him and guilt follows people whether or not it's called for. No worries!

[ErikaAndHamit 73]

Muslims aren't the only ones to "judge each other"-everyone in every religion has it's judges and like you said:it's between God and that person and so why are you judging here? Please don't answer-it's just an observation.

Venusfire: I commend you for wanting to fast and when one is ill or stressed it is difficult. You are not Muslim like you said, but doing it in support of your husband and I totally get that....now you just cannot for whatever reason. It bothers you because you really love him and guilt follows people whether or not it's called for. No worries!

[ErikaAndHamit 73]

Muslims aren't the only ones to "judge each other"-everyone in every religion has it's judges and like you said:it's between God and that person and so why are you judging here? Please don't answer-it's just an observation.

Venusfire: I commend you for wanting to fast and when one is ill or stressed it is difficult. You are not Muslim like you said, but doing it in support of your husband and I totally get that....now you just cannot for whatever reason. It bothers you because you really love him and guilt follows people whether or not it's called for. No worries!

Muslims aren't the only ones to "judge each other"-everyone in every religion has it's judges and like you said:it's between God and that person and so why are you judging here? Please don't answer-it's just an observation.

Venusfire: I commend you for wanting to fast and when one is ill or stressed it is difficult. You are not Muslim like you said, but doing it in support of your husband and I totally get that....now you just cannot for whatever reason. It bothers you because you really love him and guilt follows people whether or not it's called for. No worries!

[caybee 21]

I know where you're coming from. I fasted in solidarity with my husband our first three years together. Last year, our baby was a newborn and I was nursing, so I didn't fast and knew I should not for either of our sakes, but I did feel like I was missing something. It had nothing to do with feeling a religious compulsion. I knew from experience that my husband benefited from the support. It was good for us as a couple in ways I don't really understand - I just know it happens. I felt healthier in some ways and less caught up in my own desires. So even though I didn't do it for the same reasons Muslims do, I do believe I received some benefit from it as well. I struggled with the decision again this year because I'm still breastfeeding, and my husband at first didn't think it was a good idea. But our baby is 1 and eating solids well, and after a lot of thought, I decided to do it but to watch closely for signs of dehydration or loss of supply. So far, that hasn't happened, but if it does, I'll stop immediately. And I'm sure I'll feel some disappointment about that.

IMHO you had very good reasons for both starting and stopping the fast. I think the charity idea is a good one - sure, there are needy people all year, but if you're looking for ways to give a little extra push, a little extra sacrifice to feel in solidarity with your husband, that sounds like as good a way as any. For our son, until he's old enough to fast, we're going to make a family tradition of putting a can of food in a box for the food bank each evening at Iftar - this way, he'll experience some of the meaning of the month in an active way before he actually fasts. I also think that when people engage in periodic challenges like this for whatever reason, it tends to carry over into the rest of the year. However, I can tell you that when I get up to make sure my husband has suhoor (he'd probably sleep through it otherwise), that benefits him greatly and doesn't involve fasting, but it takes some extra effort on my part. We also fast in a way even if we aren't fasting because we abstain from physical intimacy when they do.

My thoughts are a little disjointed because I just woke up. I mainly just wanted to say that you are supporting your husband in ways you probably don't even realize even though you aren't actually abstaining from food and drink, but I do understand how you feel, and I hope you will find some peace in your decisions. IMHO you've made them carefully and thoughtfully, and some disappointment is normal, but you've done nothing to be upset with yourself about.

[tnh9479 1]

Venusfire -- you are not the only one to have fasted during Ramadan, even though you are not Muslim. The first few years of our marriage, I fasted with my husband. He appreciated the support, and in a lot of ways, it brought us closer together as a couple. When I was pregnant two years ago I did not. I have yet to fast again. I am hoping to again next year to be an example to our twins, since this will be their faith (even if I am still debating if it is mine -- I have issues with any organized religion).

[Liz Rodriguez 1]

I applaud your support of your husband. I am trying to do the fast this year to get closer to Allah because I am converting but I have not yet. I am finding that I get dizzy if I go to long without drinking something. I have been doing ok but if I feel I am becoming a danger to myself because of fasting I stop. That is all there is too it. I am home alone with my children and I can not take a chance of something happening to me when he is still in Egypt. I wanted to go to Egypt for Ramadan this year but we decided to wait. And if he is not here next year at the time of Ramadan I will go there and spend the month with him there. Don't worry about upsetting him or anything like that. You tried but you have to look for your health too.

[~PalmTreeGurl~ 154]

As I've said before, I dont see a problem with someone fasting bcz its done for many reasons. But again, for one: Why be in turmoil over something you arent religiously required and cant physically do? Its making an added stress. and secondly, why did one person say she could be in ramadan mode when shes not muslim at all-why attach a religious reasoning for her when thats not her religion. Her religion is buddhism or something close I believe. If shes just trying to do it in support of her hubby, then shes not even doing it for islam, then shes not in any religious mode.

[Liz Rodriguez 1]

I dont think I said anything about being in turmoil over it. Either I do it or I dont. If it is going to cause me to be unable to properly care for my children I will not do it. And if I feel that I am getting to that point I stop. It is your intentions that count not really if you continued to do it. Her intentions were to supportive of her husband and she feels she is some how letting him down by not doing it this year with him. That is it.

[sandinista! 1,816]

As I've said before, I dont see a problem with someone fasting bcz its done for many reasons. But again, for one: Why be in turmoil over something you arent religiously required and cant physically do? Its making an added stress. and secondly, why did one person say she could be in ramadan mode when shes not muslim at all-why attach a religious reasoning for her when thats not her religion. Her religion is buddhism or something close I believe. If shes just trying to do it in support of her hubby, then shes not even doing it for islam, then shes not in any religious mode.

because the person she loves and is married to is in "ramadan mode", and she wants to join him in that. obviously she wanted to participate in one way or another-why on earth would she have even attempted fasting at this specific time of year in the first place if she didn't feel like participating in her own way? it's really not a stretch to therefore conclude that she's wanting to participate in this specific event regardless of her own beliefs. one of the ways to participate is through charity, because that's what people who can't fast do. this.is.not.a.difficult.concept.

what did you think she was talking about in the original post? that she randomly decided to do some crash diet that entails fasting during daylight hours, and it just coincidentally happened to be the same time as ramadan? obviously her attempt to do so was centered around ramadan, and it's not yours or anyone else's business why she does it.

[Carrie1978 2]

I think the thread has gotten hijacked by somebody that just seems to want to start problems. Can we please just get back to being supportive where needed instead of having to defend all our comments?

[~Jackie~ 30]

...ah feel the VJ love Good to see some things never change

Jax

[Staashi 371]

...ah feel the VJ love Good to see some things never change

Jax

Amen!

And to Venusfire...sister, why not go down to your local mission and volunteer with the homeless? Make it a priority to at least do a night of service each week of Ramadan. That way you will feel a bit more positive about this whole experience and even though you are not a muslima and do not need to fast, you will still be remembering those less fortunate and serving them. Even though I'm not muslim, during Ramadan I think of the less fortunate - those who fast day after day unwillingly because they have no money to buy food. It is a sad situation in this world - one that should be on our mind at all times; and yet somehow we forget about it until Ramadan, when the muslim faithful deny themselves food or drink during sunshine hours. And then soon after Ramadan is over, we all go about our lives again...slowly forgetting about those who continue that unwilling fast and continue to suffer. C'est la vie. <getting off of soapbox now>

I don't know what the answer is, but make your peace with it and you will feel better. God bless.