not fasting.... :(

[venusfire503 54]

Please, no nasty comments.

Even though I'm not Muslim, I made the decision in 2006 to fast with my SO, and I've been doing it since then. I was concerned about it this year because I was having some dizzy spells and nausea even before Ramadan started. I tried, and did manage to fast the first 3 days. This morning, I wasn't sure if I could do it or not, or even if I should be doing it. I spent the day in turmoil, trying to decide what I should do. About an hour ago, I finally decided to eat. I know I can sit here and justify it - I'm not Muslim, I'm not sure if I'm healthy enough to fast, I don't have health insurance right now (so I don't want to find out the hard way), I have children to take care of (and haven't been able to really do that because of how I feel, physically), I'm nervously starting grad school in less than 2 weeks, going back to work in a few weeks (I'm a sub), dealing with an ex/custody problems/more stress than usual (I'm sure the resulting insomnia doesn't help).... but this was a very difficult decision to make, and very emotional for me. I cried, and my husband comforted me and said it's ok. I still feel ... unsettled about it. I'm a little relieved, but also feel like a failure. I have some other uncomfortable emotions that I can't quite label right now.

I guess I was just wondering if anyone else out there has experienced this same - or similar - situation. I don't have anyone to talk with about this, because I don't know anyone other than my husband and his family who fast. No one I know 'gets it' either - most haven't said anything, but I don't think any of them can understand why I was fasting anyway.

Thanks

venusfire

Edited August 14, 2010 by venusfire503

[mandyu1 5]

I don't think you should feel like a failure. I think one thing people need to realize is that most Muslims began fasting at a young age, and I'm sure even as a child it was tough. Also, I'm sure people who have converted to Islam (myself included) can admit that it is very tough to do, especially in the beginning and when you live in a society where majority of people don't celebrate Ramadan and there is a lack of support. Although you're not Muslim, I believe your intention was to support your husband during this time, and that's whats important. I wouldn't let it get to you too much, and if it makes you feel any better maybe try and fast again tomorrow and in the coming days. Also, even in Islam, if a person is not physically well to fast they shouldn't, your health is most important and you know your body better than anyone else, if you feel that this was making you sick or could cause more serious problems then you should most definately stop. Keep your head up

[pinky2000 0]

Hi, the last part you said is funny when u said that you dont think any of them understand why you were fasting because im muslim and I too was like huh??? if shes not muslim than why is she fasting? lol but from reading what you wrote you are doing it to be supportive of your hubby and I think thats great not alot of woman are supportive enough to fast during ramadan with their hubby but i think its a great thing that he has your support because this time of year is very important for muslims he is very lucky to have someone so supportive and understanding

[Jenn! 918]

I've fasted in the past during Ramadan and I'm not Muslim. But not this year or last since I was pregnant and now I'm still nursing. If you want to and are able to, then great. If not, then I don't think it's something to beat yourself up over. I mean, why is it upsetting? Is it just that you like you accomplish things you set out to do? Because there aren't any external pressures, it must be coming from within. Give yourself a break - it's really not a big deal IMO

[venusfire503 54]

Thank you for the supportive words.

Yeah, I'd say the pressure is at least 95% internal. Some of it is just that I know my husband and his family know I've been doing it. They've never pressured me to do it, but they all seem so proud of me for doing it.

Yes, I have done it to support my husband. Some of it is to challenge myself, reduce how much I eat, etc. But there's part of me that wonders if God wants my husband to fast, why wouldn't he want me to as well? I mean, before I met him, I had heard about Ramadan, but didn't know much about it, and didn't think about it either. But now that I know... then it's different.

Yes, I think starting so late in life doesn't help - I was 38 the first time. And yes, the fact that this country doesn't accomodate it at all doesn't help. Plus, the 14 hour daylight really makes it difficult. If it was 10 hours, for instance, I don't think it would be too much of an issue. Oh - and having my young ones here, eating off and on all day adds to it.

I will make sure not to eat or drink in front of him. And if I feel better, I will try again. I think the least I can do for now is cut back on how much I eat - especially the 'junk' food. That's a good idea anyway!

Best of luck to all of you - especially those of you who are fasting!

venusfire

[amysaid 9]

I am Muslim, and I haven't been fasting this ramadan because i am struggling with nursing my baby... couldn't chance the dehydration leading to worse supply issues It has felt very weird not fasting along with my husband, and in a way it doesn't feel like Ramadan at all, and I feel a bit of guilt about that. So I can see where you're coming from.

[Dr. A ♥ O 203]

I'm not Muslim and this is my husband and I's first Ramadan together and his first being out of the country. There aren't a lot of Muslims where we live. We have to drive 30 miles to get to the nearest Islamic Center. For support I offered to fast with him but he told me frankly that since I'm not Muslim I shouldn't fast. Also that it wasn't good for me to fast when I am ill. I've had a severe cold for the past two weeks. My Uncle is fasting with him to be supportive and see what it's like. He's a hard worker so I think it's really hard on him. Plus like you said there is the daylight hours issue and my husband isn't used to these long days. He's tried to adjust his schedule to manage the fasting. My family and I try to be supportive and make him comfortable providing dates and apricot juice to break his fast with and share that with him and have some meal for him ready. I bought Ramadan lanterns and he said it's not that I bought them that is significant but that I thought of it for him that mattered just like with the dates and apricot juice. One other thing he mentioned to me tonight was that they say Ramadan is the fastest month. So before you know it these worries will all be over.

[Mithra 1,185]

You shouldn't feel guilty about this at all. I understand your wanting to do this in solidarity but it's affecting your health. Besides, you're not Muslim.

[anxious 0]

The fact that you feel bad for not being able to fast says alot about your

heart and intentions. You are doing Great!

Feeding a hungry person will help keep you in Ramadan mode.

Ramadan Mabrouk Venusfire

[~PalmTreeGurl~ 154]

Why does it have to be in ramadan mode? Feeding a person is a good thing to do any time of the year. Shes not muslim, she doesnt need to be in any ramadan mode. I dont get the logic behind doing a ramadan thing just for the sake of doing it at that moment, when your not muslim

[Ahmed&Rachel 8]

Why does it have to be in ramadan mode? Feeding a person is a good thing to do any time of the year. Shes not muslim, she doesnt need to be in any ramadan mode. I dont get the logic behind doing a ramadan thing just for the sake of doing it at that moment, when your not muslim

Peace and Muslims should give to charity all year round. Also she is not doing it just to do it. And to Venusfire, it is commendable of you to try and support your husband during Ramadan. You must really love him! You tried your best hun, and you should be proud of yourself for sacrificing for your relationship. No need to be sad, be proud you gave your best and understand that if you are going by the rules of Islam, you don't have to fast if you're sick So you really didn't fail either way.

[LaL 418]

I am pretty sure most of you know that I am probably the furthest thing from a religious or spiritual person, yet I have fasted in solidarity with my husband. So what if someone isn't muslim when fasting? I recognize that it is a special time culturally for my husband, and I join him in that. He also goes bananas for xmas and isn't christian.

*shrugs*

Edited August 15, 2010 by LaL

[~PalmTreeGurl~ 154]

I am pretty sure most of you know that I am probably the furthest thing from a religious or spiritual person, yet I have fasted in solidarity with my husband. So what if someone isn't muslim when fasting? I recognize that it is a special time culturally for my husband, and I join him in that. He also goes bananas for xmas and isn't christian.

*shrugs*

ok but if your going to internally stress out over NOT doing it, then your making a problem for yourself when you're not required to do it to begin with. Its ok if your choosing to do it but when your wrestling over it in your mind and its not good for your body it just seems rather crazy to me.

[LaL 418]

I guess it's a mind thing. One tries to do something (anything) and fails to complete what they started, I guess anyone could really beat themselves up a bit. I get sad when I can't finish fasting with my husband because I get kidney stones. Despite the fact that I am not muslim or whatever - I still get annoyed with myself for not completing something I set out to do.

[mspain 1]

No matter what anyone says, it's all about your intentions and what's in your heart. I did Ramadan before becoming a Muslim with my fiance several years ago and I know what you are going through. I honestly feel that anyone who has ever fasted for whatever reason would understand what you are feeling. If anyone is criticizing you or belittling you for feeling how you feel, they probably have never been in your situation. If they say ugly things to you, ignore it because they dont know what they're talking about because theyve never actually fasted.

Well it's iftar in a few minutes here. Stay strong and take care of yourself. If you are sick, pregnant, breastfeeding, menstruating, travelling, etc. you are excused. Once again, it's what's in your heart that matters.