Are Uppity Women Paving the Way for Gay Marriage, or Closing the Door?

[PhiLandShiR 18]

http://www.politicsdaily.com/2010/08/12/are-uppity-women-paving-the-way-for-gay-marriage-or-closing-the/

"If you don't like gay marriage, blame straight people. They're the ones who keep having gay babies." That's the new virtual bumper sticker slapped onto my mother Frances' Facebook page. Frances, a lesbian, is unmarried for three reasons 1) it ain't legal -- yet; 2) she hasn't found an acceptable "mate"; and 3) because who the heck wants to get married nowadays anyway? I'm considering coming up with a commitment-phobe catch phrase of my own -- "Marriage is as marriage does."

In nearly every state save Hawaii (one of the first to question the constitutionality of banning gay marriage in 1993) the rate of marriage has dropped over the last two decades. In good old South Carolina, for example, the marriage rate in 1997 was 15.9 per 1,000 people, and in 2007, it was 7.9. According to the Center for Disease Control, "The majority of men and women will marry at some point: The probability that men and women will marry by age 40 is over 80%." Oh, and half of those marriages will end in divorce. Awesome. There is hope for me yet! I'll more than likely get married, but that contract is pretty much doomed from the outset. With numbers like these, who needs constitutional amendments?

The religious Right, gay marriage opponents, people who hate Rosie O'Donnell, and whomever else would like to hop on the banning bandwagon seem to be fighting the wrong fight. Like Sisyphus, the mythical king forced for all eternity to push a huge boulder up a large hill only to see it roll down again, opponents of same-sex marriage are doing nothing to solve the very real problem of the declining importance of marriage. No one's come knocking on my door asking why I'm single (well, no one but my mom). In order to save the sanctity of marriage, why not just give it to the folks who are actually asking for it? Because the rest of us, the straight people, don't seem to be treating it right. And isn't the first thing you're supposed to do in an abusive relationship is get the heck out?

"Uppity women changed marriage a lot. If they hadn't, why would any gay or lesbian person want a share in it?" wrote Linda Hirshman for Slate earlier this week. Hirshman's take down of the idealized "between a man and a woman" coupling most same-sex marriage opponents allude to is eye popping, to say the very least. The history of the institution involves legalized rape, indentured servitude and sanctioned murder. Hardly the Ozzie and Harriet archetype. But it's Hirshman's assertion that "uppity women" helped save marriage by changing it that I find both true and paradoxical. Because it's these same "uppity women" -- whom I assume are well educated, financially solvent on good days and contributing actively to society -- who are eschewing marriage in the first place.

In "Eat Pray Love," Julia Roberts, playing real-life writer/world traveler/former wife Liz Gilbert, simply decides one day that her marriage is over. Her then-husband is portrayed in the film as something like a 1950s housewife -- cute, supportive and flighty -- and in the end, the traditional gender role reversal in their marriage just doesn't work for Liz, who has the means to go it alone. And so she does.

Up until last month, Gilbert's ex-husband "Stephen" (nee Michael Cooper) was releasing a rebuttal memoir called "Displaced," which he is currently re-shopping to publishers after parting ways with his book's former home, Hyperion. He said his former editors wanted something more "racy," and apparently the idea of borrowing some of the shine from his ex-wife's sparkling name left a bad taste in his mouth. Actress Portia De Rossi, on the other hand, is happy to have her name tied tightly to her better half's. De Rossi, who married comedienne Ellen DeGeneres in 2008, recently petitioned to change her own name to Portia Lee James DeGeneres. See? Some people still value tradition.