Husband is over it

[ghanagal 2]

So I was just married fro two years in July and mind you I was just in Ghana in July as well. After they denied my husbands visa in December we began to argue a lot. I took it out on him a lot. I was mean. I had him to blame not like it was his fault but I had to yell at someone. We spent the last year argueing a lot. I wasn't even sure if I should go to Ghana in July but my ticket was non fundable. I went in hopes that we would work everything out. When I left Ghana I thought we would be ok that we worked everything again. I am waiting to hear on the appeal still at the USCIS. I have well had high hopes of the case being reaffirmed. Only to have my husband tell me he can't do this anymore, he told me I need to let go. He also used the dumb saying if I let him go and he comes back to me than it was met to be if not move on. He wants to be freinds how can we be friends we are married. I am hurt and confused right now not to mention if they do reaffirm his case do I move through the NVC again in hopes we will work things out or just let it go? Just seeking advise because my mind is so mixed up with pain right now.

[RightClicK 17]

So I was just married fro two years in July and mind you I was just in Ghana in July as well. After they denied my husbands visa in December we began to argue a lot. I took it out on him a lot. I was mean. I had him to blame not like it was his fault but I had to yell at someone. We spent the last year argueing a lot. I wasn't even sure if I should go to Ghana in July but my ticket was non fundable. I went in hopes that we would work everything out. When I left Ghana I thought we would be ok that we worked everything again. I am waiting to hear on the appeal still at the USCIS. I have well had high hopes of the case being reaffirmed. Only to have my husband tell me he can't do this anymore, he told me I need to let go. He also used the dumb saying if I let him go and he comes back to me than it was met to be if not move on. He wants to be freinds how can we be friends we are married. I am hurt and confused right now not to mention if they do reaffirm his case do I move through the NVC again in hopes we will work things out or just let it go? Just seeking advise because my mind is so mixed up with pain right now.

well...first you were so wrong in yelling at him and taking it out on him . he can't control anything and if he could he would . you don't understand how hard is it for the immigrant to wait all that and build his future on there and that he already decided that he will leave his FAMILY and all these stuff. you would never feel it because you have never been immigrant so don't tell me that you know how it feels like , now if you really love him , wait to his command and apologize to him for everything you did to him and beg him to forgive you , and keep encouraging him that it doesn't matter and you will figure it out anyways , tell him what ever it cost you will get him there, get a lawyer but choose a good one because there are some idiot lawyers mess up things and show him that you are fighting for him , go and contact your senator and governor and congress man and show him that you really love him and wanna do something for him .if you lost him ...believe it or not . you wont feel the taste of the life anymore because you will regret every second and say i wish i did this and that.

Good luck

Sam

[ghanagal 2]

I already have a lawyer, Marc Ellis. I have said I was sorry like I said just last month when I was there we worked everything out so I thought. I may not be an immigrant but I have been through the ringer spending all my money going to visit him in Ghana every six months.

[lori7734 6]

well...first you were so wrong in yelling at him and taking it out on him . he can't control anything and if he could he would . you don't understand how hard is it for the immigrant to wait all that and build his future on there and that he already decided that he will leave his FAMILY and all these stuff. you would never feel it because you have never been immigrant so don't tell me that you know how it feels like , now if you really love him , wait to his command and apologize to him for everything you did to him and beg him to forgive you , and keep encouraging him that it doesn't matter and you will figure it out anyways , tell him what ever it cost you will get him there, get a lawyer but choose a good one because there are some idiot lawyers mess up things and show him that you are fighting for him , go and contact your senator and governor and congress man and show him that you really love him and wanna do something for him .if you lost him ...believe it or not . you wont feel the taste of the life anymore because you will regret every second and say i wish i did this and that.

Good luck

Sam

so u think she should beg for forgiveness,because she was stress just bcs we live here doesnt mean we are not stressed i believe he should also understand her side.she has put her all into this and she should beg pls..its not easy for either side we are not all rich we dont have money trees we struggle to ...we are all here for the same thing we want to be with our love ones no matter the cost.

[ghanagal 2]

Thanks Lori, you feel me than I see.

[Heather Rae 2]

I totally understand your frustration also but can understand his has well...... If you don't mind may I ask why they denied him??????? And sometimes even though most of them there have a lot of faith and strength some get very discouraged just like us and you have been going through the process a long time maybe this is just his way of trying to release some of the aggrevation he is feeling. I have heard that saying before he used.....and believe it or not I have talked that same conversation with my husband but he is the one that will always refuse to give up. Even if I have to move there we will be together one way or another. So maybe you should really speak to your husband about other options and see how he feels. I'm sure he needs to know that your so dedicated you will do whatever necessary to be with him. Good Lucky my friend and God Bless but always remember Everything works in God's time.......

[Zee Bee 61]

I think both of you need to take a step back and breathe! This process is hard enough for those that have an "easy" time let alone the stress when there are unforeseen obstacles.

Both of you (from what you have wrote) have reacted from anger. I know that its stressful and you both need to vent, but don't take it out on each other. You have a lawyer, so let the lawyer, so let him deal with that. The 2 of you need to focus on how you can encourage and support each other through this process.

Ask your husband what it is that made him change his mind. Is it because he really sees no future or is it the stress? Sometimes its hard to put emotions into words and sometimes people take the easy way out to stop the hurt. Its hard when its something that you cannot control.

You both have been through so much up to this point. Figure out what it is that is making him change his mind before you throw it all away.

Good luck.

[ghanagal 2]

Thanks Zee Bee I will try that

[Pakie 0]

So I was just married fro two years in July and mind you I was just in Ghana in July as well. After they denied my husbands visa in December we began to argue a lot. I took it out on him a lot. I was mean. I had him to blame not like it was his fault but I had to yell at someone. We spent the last year argueing a lot. I wasn't even sure if I should go to Ghana in July but my ticket was non fundable. I went in hopes that we would work everything out. When I left Ghana I thought we would be ok that we worked everything again. I am waiting to hear on the appeal still at the USCIS. I have well had high hopes of the case being reaffirmed. Only to have my husband tell me he can't do this anymore, he told me I need to let go. He also used the dumb saying if I let him go and he comes back to me than it was met to be if not move on. He wants to be freinds how can we be friends we are married. I am hurt and confused right now not to mention if they do reaffirm his case do I move through the NVC again in hopes we will work things out or just let it go? Just seeking advise because my mind is so mixed up with pain right now.

Sounds to me like both of you are really stressed and acting out of emotions, unfortunately both of you are not handling that stress very well. This process is extremely hard on both sides and it needs both of you to be strong for each other. Hopefully your situation will work out and you will feel the joy that you once felt. I don't know what the circumstances of your case are but pointing fingers at this point will not help. It's a good thing you enlisted the services of a good lawyer, let the lawyer handle this situation meanwhile you two need to reconnect and work on strengthing your relationship, as a matter of fact, don't even bring up immigration unless you hear something from the lawyer. I hope you both don't make any hasty decisions based on your stress level. True love is rare and very hard to find.

[Evans and Flor 2]

So I was just married fro two years in July and mind you I was just in Ghana in July as well. After they denied my husbands visa in December we began to argue a lot. I took it out on him a lot. I was mean. I had him to blame not like it was his fault but I had to yell at someone. We spent the last year argueing a lot. I wasn't even sure if I should go to Ghana in July but my ticket was non fundable. I went in hopes that we would work everything out. When I left Ghana I thought we would be ok that we worked everything again. I am waiting to hear on the appeal still at the USCIS. I have well had high hopes of the case being reaffirmed. Only to have my husband tell me he can't do this anymore, he told me I need to let go. He also used the dumb saying if I let him go and he comes back to me than it was met to be if not move on. He wants to be freinds how can we be friends we are married. I am hurt and confused right now not to mention if they do reaffirm his case do I move through the NVC again in hopes we will work things out or just let it go? Just seeking advise because my mind is so mixed up with pain right now.

As so many had said here, you do have to think about what you have with each other. You both have love for each other and you done so much together to get this far. God is with you and try to TALK WITH HIM not at him. I pray that he does the same. You are both stressed and it will take time. Right now thats what you both have. I will pray for you tonight and I hopefully you will find what you both base your love on and the reason you married. Think of what you have with him and remind him why you had wedded. Good luck, sweety! We are here for you.

Edited August 12, 2010 by Evans and Flor

[Nwanyioma 11]

Hello ghanagal,

Im so sorry to hear about what you and your husband are going through. This visa journey is not an easy process. I too was in the same boat with you as well. My fiancee (then we are married now), was denied intially. We were both heartbroken,distraught and frustrated over the visa denial.I even discussed options about breaking up as well. But with all that being said we prayed about it. You two are husband and wife, and if you believe and put your faith in God, anything is possible.Just believe and have faith. Please excercise patience. Dont give up and fight for your marriage. Take care and All the Best.

Nwanyioma

[ghanagal 2]

Thanks everyone for your support I will keep you posted. Thanks for your advice and prayers. Meanwhile the 60 days are up on my rebuttal for his denial so my senator just contected ths USCIS for the status. I just got the letter and they said they are doing additional backround checks. Anyone knows whats up with that. Is that typical for a denial, do they always do that?

[Zee Bee 61]

Additional background checks is good! Pretty much anything besides "you are denied" is good. Keep the faith.

[ghanagal 2]

Thanks Zee Bee!

[idocare 3]

So u were just there last month and things were worked out between you and him, but now that your back in America he's telling you that he just wants to be friends? Well here's another point of view; maybe in his mind your marriage to him was based on you bringing him too America only. You love him and you have showed him that you do by spending all this money every 6-months going to see him. Has he helped you pay for any of your trips? How well did you know this fellow and his family before you married him? Did you have time to search and study his family history?

Actually if he's asking you to let him go maybe you should, and see if he comes back to you before you hear anything from immigration, that way you can save up some money that you'd probably be spending on phone calls, gifts etc. Give him time to think and take time yourself to evaluate your situation, because nobody knows your situation better then you, that's why it's hard for any of our advice to be taken to heart; unless you feel it applies.

Un fortunately there are Aliens out there that will marry anyone to make it to America, and the American spouse is the last to know that they've been used for a greencard. Could it be that your husband knows exactly why you all were denied and placed in Administration and no longer needs you? Is he the type to flip flop back and forth, do u think that his love for you is pure?

Is he still worth you continually flying there at your expense ? I know it's hard, but if you love him let him GO as he asks, take your money that you would of spent on his cause's and fly to Vegas for a girls weekend out or something; my thoughts to you is to let him go financially, Give him time to seek you out.