Expectations

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Even under the best of circumstances, moving from the Philippines to the U.S. can be a difficult adjustment.

For those foreign spouses who haven't yet arrived here in the U.S., what are your expectations? For example, if you are Catholic, are you expecting that both you and your husband will attend Mass regularly? Or if he is not Catholic, are you expecting that he will take you to Mass if you can't legally drive right away?

For those foreign spouses who have already been here, what was the biggest shock for you once you arrived to your new home and life here in the U.S.? What did you have the most difficult time adjusting to? For example, the weather or not having any friends or family close by.

And for the USC, what will you do or have done to minimize the shock for your foreign spouse in adjusting to their new life with you here in the U.S.?

Edited August 6, 2010 by El Buscador

[pookaphilus 12]

Good day!!..nice post...hmmm..what are my expectations??...as for me, I do not expect alot..coz I know and understand the kind of living he has at the moment(what he can provide will be appreciated and what he can't provide will be worked out for us to have..)..hmm..for the food, it's fine..I can cook(but not so good..hehe)..partly I would expect the different lifestyle that people have is USA and their personalities too!!..and ofcourse, expecting to be more in love with each other everyday of our lives and have a happy family(misunderstandings would be there, but it's part of family life ..)..hehe..as for attending the Mass(I'm Catholic, he's not), we talked about it already..he said, he can drive me to the Mass and can go with me but he can't promise to attend always(it's ok..at least he was honest to admit that!! ..)..I told him I can attend his church too(as for Catholics that's not a problem).. .....hmmm..he toured me inside his apartment(skype ), so somehow, I believe I won't get lost..heheh..

I guess, lucky for me(and for others too..who has family abroad)..I have a sister who lives in USA(also married to an american)..she lives in WI, my fiance lives in CA..although it's quite far, it made me and my family at ease as well to know she is there.. ...

chances are, by far, I know I'm an open-minded person and flexible...now, we don't expect but really pray that everything will go well with my upcoming Med exam and interview(With God's grace and guidance, support from Matt, his family and my family)..we really hope and always have faith that we can get an approval too!!..God bless everyone..

[baby44 0]

Even under the best of circumstances, moving from the Philippines to the U.S. can be a difficult adjustment.

For those foreign spouses who haven't yet arrived here in the U.S., what are your expectations? For example, if you are Catholic, are you expecting that both you and your husband will attend Mass regularly? Or if he is not Catholic, are you expecting that he will take you to Mass if you can't legally drive right away?

For those foreign spouses who have already been here, what was the biggest shock for you once you arrived to your new home and life here in the U.S.? What did you have the most difficult time adjusting to? For example, the weather or not having any friends or family close by.

And for the USC, what will you do or have done to minimize the shock for your foreign spouse in adjusting to their new life with you here in the U.S.?

well, i just want to share my experiences and somehow these would be help to my co fellow Filipinos. I am very much independent even when I was in Phil. living alone for 23 years and yet didn't help my loneliness here. was here in us less than a month, I was very surprised because i was expecting usa is a cold country and yet i was wrong, this more hottier than in Phil.

Family and friends? not a problem to me because i can live by myself and besides my husband and his family is always there when i need them. Going to church? yes, my husband is trying to find time to bring me to the church although it is catholic methoddist church but i dont mind at all and if ever we cant go, we watched Joel Osteen on tv and read the bible.

we need to adjust, lifes before is very much different than now. I told my husband I give up everything, my good job, my position in the company, my superiority, my comfortable life because we do have maids and drivers etc. but i don't regret because i love him. I know he is trying his best to make me feel comfortable, I'm glad. So God Bless us all.

[rheanick 42]

Even under the best of circumstances, moving from the Philippines to the U.S. can be a difficult adjustment.

For those foreign spouses who haven't yet arrived here in the U.S., what are your expectations? For example, if you are Catholic, are you expecting that both you and your husband will attend Mass regularly? Or if he is not Catholic, are you expecting that he will take you to Mass if you can't legally drive right away?

not applicable for me

For those foreign spouses who have already been here, what was the biggest shock for you once you arrived to your new home and life here in the U.S.? What did you have the most difficult time adjusting to? For example, the weather or not having any friends or family close by.

the allergy attack... my allergy is really worst here. Good thing that i found a good doctor here. I dont really worry about it now.

Not being able to work immediately... I'm quite workaholic and not being able to have job for few months is quite horrible.

And for the USC, what will you do or have done to minimize the shock for your foreign spouse in adjusting to their new life with you here in the U.S.?

my hubby financed my business.

[dluke77 9]

El Buscador so you have a softer non-political side. I loved the dialogue your post on the Filipinos Against Arizona Immigration Law created—even though we ‘may be’ on two different sides of the issue it was a good post and made the work day here go by quicker.

What have I done to help my fiancé prepare for coming here? Well I am Catholic although don’t go to church—she does every week. Simply going to have to man-up, stop making excuses not go, and go because I actually enjoy going (just like sleeping in or the Playstation 3 better). But I know this will be good for both of us to go and another avenue to minimize the effects of her big move abroad.

I will or have given her advice and encouragement to:

a) Learn to drive. My visit was vacation (all free time to devote to her), here in US I am at work 10 hours a day. She will be on her own when I am at work or even extended alone time when I am deployed. You can’t just jump in a trike or jeep for a few pesos and get to where you need or want to go here.

b) ESL (English as Second Language)—she speaks good enough English for me but written English needs some, ok a lot of improvement, even though I love her emails and adore the broken English—just don’t think employers will.

c) Philippine Cultural Center (PCC)—we have a large Filipino population here fortunately that is big enough that they have a large PCC with good community support and fellowship.

d) Filipino Package: Yep already called cable and got the Filipino cable package… like $14.99 per month and has three channels—ok I’ve had it for 3 years and don’t understand tagalog but don’t need to know it to look at the wowowee dancers  so maybe the Filipino package is more for me than her  hate to see the show go and become something else now.

e) Computer / Internet Access / Web-Cam: Yes I have these but her family doesn’t. I know they don’t have the resources to have them either. I will be getting her family this stuff there so they can stay in contact as much as possible.

f) Job/School: Provide encouragement and resources to help her do what she wants in order to become what she wants (she has degree but doesn’t like the line of work). If she wants to go to school and learn new career/trade that is great… doesn’t matter to me if that career is homemaker, wal-mart greeter, lawyer, dentist or doctor. My job is easy—just provide her loving support and encouragement.

We have talked about her move and she was surprised by a lot of things that will be different. Communication is the key… don’t assume anything here is the same as there in Philippines.

If I missed anything major let me know???

[jrmejia 31]

Good post

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Great posts so far. My wife has been here now for 3 1/2 years, but I do remember the difficult adjustments for her:

• She is very close to her family and friends and was used to going to someone's wedding, baptism, birthday or whatever celebration. Filipinos love to get together and celebrate and for the first couple of months here, she sorely missed that until she met some other Filipinos near us and began to celebrate with them.
• The food difference was a big shock also and she's still slowly warming up to different foods, but initially, she didn't like a lot of food we Americans eat. She does love her steak and buffet style restaurants - I think that's in every Filipino's DNA. I took her to a local Asian market within the first couple of days after she arrived and just the familiarity of finding things like toyo suka helped her feel less alienated from the life she left behind.
• Thankfully, she had a Philippine driver's license, so she was able to drive here legally right away, which helped her feel less dependent on me for everything while she waiting for her Green Card to begin working.
• Not working for several months was also really hard for her. Probably the most difficult adjustment as she had her own dental practice back in Cebu. Even when she finally could work here, it was an exercise in humility because she had to take a job working in a department store initially.
• The best thing that helped her was making friends with other Filipinos near us. I can't overemphasis how important that was for her sanity as well as her contentment.

Edited August 6, 2010 by El Buscador

[Pinay Wife 47]

Great topic, Steven!

Edited August 6, 2010 by Pinay Wife

[adiiann 163]

Even under the best of circumstances, moving from the Philippines to the U.S. can be a difficult adjustment.

I agree!

For those foreign spouses who haven't yet arrived here in the U.S., what are your expectations? For example, if you are Catholic, are you expecting that both you and your husband will attend Mass regularly? Or if he is not Catholic, are you expecting that he will take you to Mass if you can't legally drive right away?

Even from the start of our relationship, I don''t have to compromise when comes to my religion 'coz we're both Catholic.

For those foreign spouses who have already been here, what was the biggest shock for you once you arrived to your new home and life here in the U.S.? What did you have the most difficult time adjusting to? For example, the weather or not having any friends or family close by.

Truthfully, nothing shocks me when I came here. I just have disappointment to the transportation because I need to have driver's license so that I can freely go wherever I want without bugging my husband.

And for the USC, what will you do or have done to minimize the shock for your foreign spouse in adjusting to their new life with you here in the U.S.?

Maybe for my adjustment period, my husband always have so much time for me and always understand me when I go crazy a little bit sometimes... Hahahahaha! Get me a puppy so that I have company when he goes to work and of course helps me to get my driver's license.

I didn't feel any difference between my life in the Philippines and here except people here looks different.

[Psoas10 17]

Actually, it is me who had to adjust more than my wife, when she came here. I have to learn Ilcoano and Tagalog now, since every party we go to, I am the only Puti/Japanese person there. I have to eat more Filipino food, coz it is so easy to get here, I mean I planted bitter melon and mulungay for her, and also papaya as well. She has alot of family here, esp on Oahu. Her Uncle said there is about 300 or so from her brgy in Laoag. The one problem was price of things, esp for the imported Filipino stuff. She also got a job at the bank, coz she can speak Ilocano, and get plenty of sakadas here who don't speak English to well. So all in all she had no real problems adjusting here, even the weather is similar, just less hot.

[marklovetina 52]

Even under the best of circumstances, moving from the Philippines to the U.S. can be a difficult adjustment.

For those foreign spouses who haven't yet arrived here in the U.S., what are your expectations?

uhmmm, not expecting too much from my honey, all i want is that we live happy, inlove and peace.. :wub:

For example, if you are Catholic, are you expecting that both you and your husband will attend Mass regularly?

uhmm somehow YES, he already told me that he is looking for a beautiful church where i can go every sunday to attend mass..

Or if he is not Catholic, are you expecting that he will take you to Mass if you can't legally drive right away?

YES.. for sure

For those foreign spouses who have already been here, what was the biggest shock for you once you arrived to your new home and life here in the U.S.? What did you have the most difficult time adjusting to? For example, the weather or not having any friends or family close by.

N/A

And for the USC, what will you do or have done to minimize the shock for your foreign spouse in adjusting to their new life with you here in the U.S.?

will ask him,

[Adam & May 4]

One of the things May and I had discussed with getting the Filipino channels on TV. But the more she thought about it the more she thought it would slow her adjustment. She said she would like to have it in the future but for now just wanted to concentrate on being 100% "here".

Adam & May