Anyone feel like they've made a huge mistake?

[AMERICAN/CANADIAN 0]

"all Americans are this or all Canadians are that"

I don't think anyone here has said that...

oh you are right....no one said "all" but some did imply how scared they are about the violence of the US and its people. Even the implication is stupid. Thats like when Fred Phelps and his clan say all american soldiers deserve to die bc americans allow gays in the military. Being prejudie is Ignorant. I am american and married to a canadian and will one day be both and am proud to be both!

[Marilyn. 340]

oh you are right....no one said "all" but some did imply how scared they are about the violence of the US and its people. Even the implication is stupid. Thats like when Fred Phelps and his clan say all american soldiers deserve to die bc americans allow gays in the military. Being prejudie is Ignorant. I am american and married to a canadian and will one day be both and am proud to be both!

I really think you need to calm down a bit..

people here are just saying how they feel about moving to a different country away from everything they know...

[Tater&Bugger 3]

People dont realize how hard it is on the one moving. I know yall think Canada is all wonderful but let me tell you something. People in Canada can be just as mean as they are in they US! I came from a town of 1200 people and moved to a city with over 1.2million people. I like some Canadians. I like some Americans. But no one can say "all americans are this or all canadians are that" and it infuriates me in an immigration thread people are acting like they can

I totally agree with that. I find too often, in general (not speaking of the forum), people seem to stereotype citizenships. I blame it on their individual lack of intelligence. One of my fiance's unintelligent acquaintances thinks its funny that every time I am talking about something that is disagreeing with what someone else said, or anytime I make a joke he somehow feels the need to point out 'This is AMERICA' and try and make some lame joke. Luckily since he is so unintelligent it's not hard to have a come back. The guy is alright, but his jokes are horrible. I get it all the time when I am in the US, like I am sure most of you do. Everyone is very interested to know about Canada and welcome me with open arms. In general I find Americans very friendly, and at the same time I find many Canadians to be very unfriendly.

When my USC fiance comes to Canada he gets the same unintelligent jokes said to him. Because he's from the US they expect him to act or be a certain way, and he is not. So it works both ways regardless. It is not the countries fault, but specific people. Both countries have their pros and cons, and we're lucky enough they are so close together and have the freedom to move around.

On a similar note I'll tell you I have travelled the world and it's not a North American thing. It's every where, it's life and all we can do is chose how to deal with it. I chose to do so with a light heart.

Edited July 30, 2010 by Tater&Bugger

[ashenflowers 5]

I don't think stereotypes or judgments of any kind belong in this conversation. However, it does have to do with cultural adjustments, which can be difficult, as we've established. I do agree with you that the same difficulties are faced when going in the opposite direction though (TO Canada, rather than from). I know no less than 3 people in my immediate social circle in Canada who immigrated there from the U.S., all because of spouses (and another who has attempted both sides of the border with her husband, but that's another story), and they too have had to struggle with the adjustments of moving from their families to a new country.

All I can say is I still envy those of you within a day's drive of your 'home' in Canada. Not to discredit anyone's hardships, but I personally feel that it is even more difficult for those of us who know that we can not even visit home if we wanted/needed to because it is so far. There is no way for a simple long-weekend trip home for me. And I mean, I just watched a Christmas episode of a TV show and broke down because I know I won't be spending Christmas with my family this year. And it's July! lol

I can't imagine what the adjustment is like for people from countries overseas, who's distances are even farther, and cultures vary even more significantly. I have a brother, sister in law, niece and nephew all living in Cambodia right now, and no clue of when I will see them next. So actually, I suppose I do sort of know what that is like... but still. It makes me sad how large this world still is some times...

[Penny Lane 8,159]

But no one can say "all americans are this or all canadians are that" and it infuriates me in an immigration thread people are acting like they can

Nobody in this entire thread has said anything remotely close to that statement.

[Galateia 1]

I don't think stereotypes or judgments of any kind belong in this conversation.

I agree. I'd rather not see what has been a wonderful thread devolve into this again.

[Peachey 10]

I often feel like I don't fit in, in my new "home town". It's very hard for me because I'm being forced to be someone that I am not to gain people's approvals.

Like the word Sh!t is a swear in my husband's family. Really? I dunno, I guess that's how some people see it, but I like to say that word when I need to and now I have to bite my tongue and say a different word instead. I also have to cover up my tattoo when I'm with half of Varba's family because it's not accepted. Little things like that are starting to really bother me.

Today I went to lunch with my MIL, and I got to meet her boss's wife. She told her that I'm really fitting in here. I looked at her and said "I don't always feel that way" and then she got a real sad look on her face so I had to tell her that I feel welcome in the family but that I don't "fit in".

Also, Varba's uncle says that I'm adjusting really well. Well I guess you can say that compared to the other people he knows. He helps refugees coming to America, but I still don't feel like I'm really adjusting. I'm always thinking about some things that happen here "Well that's now how I'd do that".

I love my husband very much and so far I don't really regret moving here (other than not being able to find a job). I just hope one day that we can move a bit further away from his family or to a less conservative area.

Edited July 30, 2010 by Peachey

[Hugglebuggles 60]

I think I got really lucky. There are a lot of Canadian connections in this town. It's a fairly Christian conservative place, but I still think a lot of people "get" Canada. It's not like this strange and foreign place. Everyone knows someone who is Canadian, or is married to a Canadian, or has a friend that is Canadian. I even work with 2 other Canadians.

With that said I still feel out of place every now and then. I'm starting to realize that it's completely normal and I'll probably feel that way until the day I either die or move back home. It's always really silly things too, like saying "zed" accidentally, or every now and then the "well in Canada..." comes out. I'm definately not a native of Colorado or an American and I'm reminded of that everyday. But I'm ok with that, I don't mind being different.

The hardest part is the distance from my family. I agree with you Ashen, not being able to just pick up and drive home for a weekend is hard. It requires time and finances to make a trip back home, and I don't always have a lot of either. It seems like when I have the money I don't have the time, and when I have the time I don't have the money. I haven't been back to Canada since January, which is the last time I saw my family.

But, I haven't experienced a lot of those depressing feelings that some of you are describing, and I really hope I never do. My heart goes out to you gals who are struggling. I often think that I came here at a good time in my life. I had finished getting my education, and I was ready to start a new life. I just picked a new country to start it in! I have a husband who loves me, a job I enjoy, a cute house to call my own, and pretty new car sitting in the driveway. I'm a lucky girl, I know that. Sometimes though, I wish I was a lucky girl and back in Canada. Unfortunately you can't just pick up and transplant life.

[Sprailenes 47]

oh you are right....no one said "all" but some did imply how scared they are about the violence of the US and its people. Even the implication is stupid. Thats like when Fred Phelps and his clan say all american soldiers deserve to die bc americans allow gays in the military. Being prejudie is Ignorant. I am american and married to a canadian and will one day be both and am proud to be both!

You are really missing the point of this thread. We're expressing how hard it has been to leave our HOMES behind.

There's no need to take anything said in this thread personally, as people are just expressing how they really about things. Immigration is tough, I am sure you know this. No matter where you go, it's going to be tough. Some people are having a really hard time adjusting. There's no need to come in here and start being abrasive, especially when this has been a really welcoming thread for everyone to express themselves.

Like Marilyn said: Calm down!

We're all here to support each other.

Edited July 31, 2010 by Sprailenes

[lgg 2]

Word!

and Peachy, I hear you on the conservative thing -- I suppose it'd be like living in a small soccer mom kind of area in Ontario? I dunno, it's not so much which country I'm living in, it's a comparison between living in the city and living in small towns-ville. Don't get me wrong, i totally dig it and I'm close enough to the cities that I can get my fix but it sure does take some time getting used to. I feel like an animal in a zoo sometimes.

You are really missing the point of this thread. We're expressing how hard it has been to leave our HOMES behind.

There's no need to take anything said in this thread personally, as people are just expressing how they really about things. Immigration is tough, I am sure you know this. No matter where you go, it's going to be tough. Some people are having a really hard time adjusting. There's no need to come in here and start being abrasive, especially when this has been a really welcoming thread for everyone to express themselves.

Like Marilyn said: Calm down!

We're all here to support each other.

[AMERICAN/CANADIAN 0]

I have been here over 6 years now and can so empathize with what you are feeling! Many of the same thoughts have and are going through my mind. I love my husband and we don't have the additional financial stress that you do, but I feel like there is no place for me here. I don't fit in. My world views are different than the majority of people with whom we interact and I find more often than not I have to 'bite' my tongue rather than say what I would really like to say, first because they wouldn't be able to 'hear' it and everyone would end up frustrated and annoyed, and second because even if they 'heard' it, they wouldn't understand. My husband is like this and as supportive as he is, he just doesn't understand the difference in culture that divides Canada and the US; the differences in life styles; the differences in expectations, the differences in ideology. We view the world so differently! There is so much anger and hate and violence - if not physical, then psychological and emotional - in this environment and I find myself living with fear far more than I ever have in my life. The fear isn't just from being in the US though - it is being in a relationship in the US. We are older and with the economic situation my husband who had hoped to retire this year now doesn't know when he will be able to afford to. I have not been able to find a job in my field in this area and we are tied to this area by my husband's job, so yes, all of my hopes, my talents, my abilities seem to have drifted off to the wayside. I was able to stay productive for the first little while but by now, I know that I too, feel little interest in doing much of anything. I do what I need to support the relationship but I find I just don't have it in me to do what supports me - and I find myself crying for my lost self. Yes, I am aware that I have had bouts of depression while here as well - something that never happened when I lived in Canada. There is a sense of loss of control over my life now. I can't make decisions for myself anymore but am tied into a relationship where both of us need to be considered - and it often seems to end up that my considerations and needs become less important. I am the 'support' person now, and it feels like I just don't make a difference anymore.

I have seriously thought of going back 'home' as well to get away from all the ugliness and fear that seems to be inherent in the US culture. I miss the sense of community, of friendliness, of caring neighbours, where people were concerned about each other and not just about themselves. I miss the kindness and the compassion and the curiosity about life where different cultures and experiences were causes of celebration, not condemnation. And then I feel guilty because everything looks so good on the surface here. Why should I be feeling like this? What right do I have to complain - I have everything - a nice home, a loving husband, all my current physical needs met - but in many ways these 'things' also become burdens. There are times I would just love to run away from everyone and every thing just to see if I can find myself again. I got lost somewhere over the last 6 years, so Galateia, I so very much understand how you feel, even though our circumstances are different.

For the record. What I highlighted is what upset me. And yes I do understand every ounce of pain yall are going through. Not only did immigrating to Canada cost me the miles between my home, family, financial success, career, etc. It has also more than likely costed my husband and I our dream of having a family. I NEVER meant to negate anyones feelings about the burden placed on the one moving.

For the record; Canada had 7518 reported crimes per 100,000 people as compared to their neighbors to the south's 4982 per 100,000. So the US isnt just some cespool of murders, there are ten times more people in the US than Canada of course it is going to seem like there is more crime. I love Canada and would never bash it, but to say my former home is so violent you live in fear blah blah blah is hurtful to me. But I guess as I am an american my feelings on this should be negated because they do not conform with the groups?

[JlovesA 109]

For the record. What I highlighted is what upset me. And yes I do understand every ounce of pain yall are going through. Not only did immigrating to Canada cost me the miles between my home, family, financial success, career, etc. It has also more than likely costed my husband and I our dream of having a family. I NEVER meant to negate anyones feelings about the burden placed on the one moving.

For the record; Canada had 7518 reported crimes per 100,000 people as compared to their neighbors to the south's 4982 per 100,000. So the US isnt just some cespool of murders, there are ten times more people in the US than Canada of course it is going to seem like there is more crime. I love Canada and would never bash it, but to say my former home is so violent you live in fear blah blah blah is hurtful to me. But I guess as I am an american my feelings on this should be negated because they do not conform with the groups?

What Kathryn41 wrote isn't necessarily the shared view amongst everybody here and besides, you don't know anything about her life or her surroundings. Her life very well could be full of the things she mentioned. Judge not lest ye be judged...

[Kathryn41 3,205]

For the record. What I highlighted is what upset me. And yes I do understand every ounce of pain yall are going through. Not only did immigrating to Canada cost me the miles between my home, family, financial success, career, etc. It has also more than likely costed my husband and I our dream of having a family. I NEVER meant to negate anyones feelings about the burden placed on the one moving.

For the record; Canada had 7518 reported crimes per 100,000 people as compared to their neighbors to the south's 4982 per 100,000. So the US isnt just some cespool of murders, there are ten times more people in the US than Canada of course it is going to seem like there is more crime. I love Canada and would never bash it, but to say my former home is so violent you live in fear blah blah blah is hurtful to me. But I guess as I am an american my feelings on this should be negated because they do not conform with the groups?

I am not going to get into a disagreement with you about my feelings. I do not believe I have negated anyone else's feelings in sharing my own. I shared my reactions, my feelings and my situation - no matter how much you disagree with my feelings, they are mine and they are valid for me - just as yours are valid for you. This isn't a competition about whose feelings are more valid than another's - this is basically a baring of souls, not about groups or who is better or anything like that - just each of us speaking honestly from our hearts and sharing what may not be happy thoughts. It is not to put anyone else down and I'm sorry if that is what you found here. I don't believe anyone who has posted meant to make you feel negated because your experiences differ.

[Flames9_RN 358]

These topics tend to go astray! people are just trying to keep them on track,simple as that! One is always free to start their own post.

[Sprailenes 47]

Wow. Out of all of the things said in this thread, to pick out what offends you and attempt to change the subject and turn this wonderful thread into something it is not. Just stop.

Yes like flames said, lets get back on topic.

Edited July 31, 2010 by Sprailenes