Anyone feel like they've made a huge mistake?

[Sprailenes 47]

I love it too. I loved it for their cake stuff as well. Just the idea of buying what you need with little packaging is such a great idea also. It really is a great store all around.

[nab 74]

Yea I told them that there's scoops. No one around here thinks that sounds like a place they would want to shop at. Every single time I have talked about it, they're just really grossed out by the idea regardless.

maybe they've seen the 'undercover cam' shows where they show how disgusting people can be

i think it was on Dr Oz where they showed some lady crawling up into the fresh produce (yep, legs, behind, everything up on the veggies!) to get that elusive 'better' veggie eeek!

people sneeze into their hands, wipe noses, possibly dont wash hands after potty, and even if they do none of these just every day germs from touching products in store (which have been touched by how many other hands from packagers to shippers to stockers to other customers), touching unwashed produce, handle of cart, handles of the scoops ... handles of scoops which lay in the bulk food, or get scooped into the bulk food. you get the idea.

for a germaphobe this makes me shiver, but it doesnt prevent me from buying produce (which is most of my shopping since we do not eat many convenience foods). just use care in washing thoroughly before preparation/eating.

bulk foods: i buy nuts in shell but not shelled nuts and i've purchased wrapped candies in bulk for stocking stuffing, scavenger hunts, etc but would not buy unwrapped candies.

unlike produce, you cannot scrub clean candy corn or Brach's chocolates

i have homemade wipes in the truck for 'washing' my hands after every store we leave becasue i feel like there's a germfest going on after i've had to touch so many things from cart and products to checkout screen and buttons on the credit card thingie.

suddenly i feel one step away from "What About Bob?"

Edited September 27, 2010 by nab

[Gemmie 142]

Sorry for more moaning, I'm having a seriously bad day. I know it was a topic here or somewhere else in this forum about family members back home not liking the fact that we've moved to the US.

Well (as some of you know) my brother has been a constant source of frustration since the move. The other day I told him about a family crisis that was going on here in the US and he reacted with anger, saying that I never should have come here and he knew/said it was a mistake from the beginning. I emailed him the next day saying that it was totally unfair to say that to me, and that life comes with downsides that we don't expect. I told him that I make decisions carefully and I don't regret moving to the US, even though times are cr@ppy right now. Well he failed to call me on our usual talk day, and after sending him an email to ask if everything was OK, he responded by telling me that he's not speaking to me until I "sort myself out" over here (get a job, apartment, etc) and also told me that I forget about my family back home in the UK. He's of the opinion that because there's only me, him and my dad left in our biological family, I'm selfish for moving away while he's trying so hard to keep us all together (we've had a lot of losses over the past few years). Apparently he also told my dad that my husband could've just as easily moved to the UK and that he doesn't know why I'm struggling so much over here when I could 'easily get a job in retail".

I don't want to end my relationship with my brother, especially because I now have a baby nephew. But I can't handle all of the judgment. He said I misunderstand everything he says because ultimately he's looking out for me, I'm his only sister that he worries about me. And I love him to bits. But he has no idea how hard it was for me and my husband to be together (the visa process) and for me to try and adjust to the US. It's never as simple as 'just getting him a visa' or for me to just 'get a job'.

Is it normal for families to be so ignorant? Do I really have to choose between my relationship with him, and my decision to move to the US? It's now been 15 months.

Edited September 27, 2010 by Gemmie

[Ontarkie 14,221]

I'm so sorry Gemmie that your brother isn't more supportive. I don't think its unusual, brothers are supposed to protect their sisters, and for him its alot harder to do with an ocean between the both of you. I think he's frustrated that he can't help and he is taking it out on you without even realizing. It really sucks when we can't be completely truthful to family when we are stressed and just need to talk and complain about stuff here, its not that its so bad we need rescuing its just we need to talk with ppl we trust without the "I told you so" attitude. I hope he is just not being spiteful and things get better soon.

[Inky 1,110]

Is it normal for families to be so ignorant? Do I really have to choose between my relationship with him, and my decision to move to the US? It's now been 15 months.

Your not the only one with family problems back home, im there too more or less the same with nearly ALL my family. I just don't post it on the forums. It really does suck when family is ignorant like that =(

[nab 74]

{snipped}

Is it normal for families to be so ignorant? Do I really have to choose between my relationship with him, and my decision to move to the US? It's now been 15 months.

men and women have different thought processes... women can talk things out, talk things through with others, and sometimes come to a solution and soemtimes not but just feel better getting off their chests. other women undertsand this. most men dont. a woman tells a man a problem, the man thinks he needs to 'fix' it for you... they dont understand just talking it out, getting it off your chest, and you feel better even though nothig is 'fixed'. does that make sense??

with him being your brother, there is even more desire to 'fix' things, and he cannot. imagine his frustration now.

so just try to be patient with him, find someone else with whom to share your troubles (or try starting a diary). dont cut ties with your family. sounds like you have a loving and caring brother who is worried about you and the situation you are in.

[TerriandEric 4]

Sorry for more moaning, I'm having a seriously bad day. I know it was a topic here or somewhere else in this forum about family members back home not liking the fact that we've moved to the US.

Well (as some of you know) my brother has been a constant source of frustration since the move. The other day I told him about a family crisis that was going on here in the US and he reacted with anger, saying that I never should have come here and he knew/said it was a mistake from the beginning. I emailed him the next day saying that it was totally unfair to say that to me, and that life comes with downsides that we don't expect. I told him that I make decisions carefully and I don't regret moving to the US, even though times are cr@ppy right now. Well he failed to call me on our usual talk day, and after sending him an email to ask if everything was OK, he responded by telling me that he's not speaking to me until I "sort myself out" over here (get a job, apartment, etc) and also told me that I forget about my family back home in the UK. He's of the opinion that because there's only me, him and my dad left in our biological family, I'm selfish for moving away while he's trying so hard to keep us all together (we've had a lot of losses over the past few years). Apparently he also told my dad that my husband could've just as easily moved to the UK and that he doesn't know why I'm struggling so much over here when I could 'easily get a job in retail".

I don't want to end my relationship with my brother, especially because I now have a baby nephew. But I can't handle all of the judgment. He said I misunderstand everything he says because ultimately he's looking out for me, I'm his only sister that he worries about me. And I love him to bits. But he has no idea how hard it was for me and my husband to be together (the visa process) and for me to try and adjust to the US. It's never as simple as 'just getting him a visa' or for me to just 'get a job'.

Is it normal for families to be so ignorant? Do I really have to choose between my relationship with him, and my decision to move to the US? It's now been 15 months.

Gemmie, you are truly not alone in that issue with your brother. My brother has been supportive, my issue has been with both my parents! They were great before I left and initially when I arrived in the USA in April. NOW my father refuses to speak to me, my mother is rude & obnoxious and totally unsupportive.

Nobody understands how difficult it is to leave all you have ever known in your life, your entire family & support network. They think we have made a very selfish choice and no matter how hard or eloquently we try to explain it, they still do not understand and they still pass judgment on us for it.

If someone had said to any one of us 5 years ago that we would travel this route in life I am sure we would have all had that person committed. This choice we have all made to immigrate is not an easy one, it is one that you would only do for love...well that is how I think about it.

In regards to the OP...well let me collect my thoughts..

I have days where I struggle immensely with this choice. I left behind 3 of my 4 children. My 2 oldest children chose to stay in Australia, and my youngest daughter her father refused to allow her to leave. My oldest daughter who is 13 came with me and she has adjusted better then I thought she would. That is not to say we have not had some seriously rough times with her. She has made some wonderful friends and because she is in school I guess the transition for her has been a lot easier. I envy her that...sadly.

I miss so many of the little things...foods, smells, familiar sights, things that are familiar to me. I miss my children more then I can ever explain to anyone including my husband. I miss friends who were my support network for most of my adult life. I am extremely grateful for my life here in the USA...I detest not working, I really want a few friends of my own that I can go out for coffee with, have a drink with, share an insider joke. So many things that I do miss and at times I ache for.

As Vanessa said earlier, going from English speaking country to an English speaking country is not as easy as some would believe. It is harder, rougher and a rocky road to adjust for everyone involved...us as immigrants & for our spouses as they do not know how to give us the comfort we desperately crave.

I guess we can only hope that we will all adjust, and find our own form of happiness here in our new home with the spouses we love dearly.

[FireKari 4]

It's my grandfather for myself.

He outright told me after Ray and I got married that he didn't want to even meet my husband.

Seriously how can people be that rude to people they claim to love.

I told him that if he wanted to be like that he could do it alone, and didnt speak to him for months.

I have enough drama, stress, and poop going on without 'family' adding to the problems.

Sidenote---- two more weeks until I get my benefits through my husband... damn cold needs to go away.

Edited becuase I wasn't allowed to say the other form of poop.... hahaha

Edited September 28, 2010 by FireKari

[Gemmie 142]

Nab, I totally understand what you're saying about men feeling they need to fix problems whereas women just enjoy expressing themselves for the sake of it. But this is an issue that goes back to childhood and how we were raised.

My grandparents were HUGE family-people, they called us every single day, so when I was out with friends or spending every night on the phone to others, I was reprimanded for that. This carried on, and when I was 18, I was told after a two-week period of not speaking to them that I was forgiven, but I was being cut out of the will because my brother cared more for the family than I did, and that hurt me deeply. I was criticized for moving away to college, and God forbid I should be out with friends when one of them tried calling. My grandmother wrote a letter to my husband, saying that she knew I would end up moving to the States because he would manipulate me, and she didn't like that, as the family needed me close. My brother agreed, I was told that there are only a few of us left in the family, and I'm making it worse by moving away, whilst he's making it better by having a child and adding to the family.

As time went on, and my grandparents passed away, my brother became the one who looked down on me for what he calls 'abandoning the family'. When I went for job interviews in my field, or even plain desk jobs, they were ignored, and instead I was told I was aiming too high and should be working in retail like the rest of them (no one in my family has a degree). You'd think that they would be proud of me, I even told them I was thinking of doing a PhD next year and becoming a psychologist, this is something that NO ONE in my family has ever come close to achieving. But it wasn't pride, it was annoyance.

Right now I'm reading a book about a boy that has been living in one room ever since he was born, and when he escapes, he can't handle the real world - I almost feel that my brother is in the same situation. He doesn't have any friends or hobbies outside of his apartment. He looks at me like an alien sometimes when I visit him, looks me up and down, comments on the way I look, frowns at my wedding ring. I'm the only one in the family that has a slim figure, and I'm constantly asked why I'm so skinny, and if I have an eating disorder. Why did I put my grandfather's inheritance in a joint account with my husband when it's nothing to do with him. Why am I best friends with X because she's childish. Why do I always look for the good in people rather than seeing them for what they are. When I say enough is enough, I'm just told that he does it all because he cares.

So as much as I want to believe that it's all done out of worry for me, I know it's also a deep-rooted issue of jealousy and resentment because I was able to do things that he wasn't because he was chained to the family. I once read that when you want to know how someone handles issues in life, you should look to their family relationships. Well my brother has a problem with every single person in his life, and it all revolves around not showing enough care. I try to stay in touch as much as I can. I call him every week, I send him and his girlfriend gifts every Christmas and birthday, I ask how my nephew is doing, see him on webcam and send him gifts, I don't know how else to show I care. I refuse to be sorry for having my own life.

(Sorry for the life story )Thanks for the responses guys, it's such a shame to hear when family are so unsupportive. I really believe that if my children want to travel the world, become actors, move to Australia, be street-entertainers, no matter what I would support them. I would show healthy concern, not be rude and obnoxious about it. Maybe it's different when it actually happens, who knows.