Guys who use prostitutes

[Dr. A ♥ O 203]

It takes all kinds in this world.

I don't have an opinion either way on the matter but the ethical debate is interesting to watch.

[elmcitymaven 9,712]

Don't you just hate those charismatic types lol He seems beyond moral lecturing, I wonder what will happen when all the money is gone.

The sad thing is, if she (the wife) doesn't respect herself (by trying to put a stop to it) he is not going to magically start respect her of his own free will.

The problem is exacerbated by the fact that when this money goes, there's still more to come from other family members. One of those times it looks like being loaded really doesn't bring you happiness. He's a charismatic little f^cker, all right. It's easier for me to drop him since he's 6000 miles away, but then I'd also lose his wife and their girls, one of whom I'm godmother to.

SIGH

[Trumplestiltskin 5,791]

maybe, maybe not - it could take away from opportunities, but i'd bet that if he did get involved with someone later on it wouldn't be solely based on a physical relationship, which we see quite often nowadays.

Well I'm sure its not impossible that he'd meet someone, but yes it would take away from opportunities if you get so used to it - why talk to the woman in red when he can just "order in"?

again - maybe, maybe not. he could hook up with, for example, the queen tart of birmingham and catch every known disease, or he could for example purchase the services of some gal doing it on occasion to make extra money and be entirely safe.

while i agree there is a statistically higher potential for catching something from a prostitute, that does not discount the potential for catching something from someone he's seeing as i'd suspect people would be more inclined to use protection (condoms) with a prostitute and more likely to engage in unsafe sex with someone who isn't a prostitute.

Well yes - but you've got the risk of a single random sexual encounter versus many sexual encounters - the odds *have* to be higher, however you slice it.

A lot of these things are symptomless and condoms don't necessarily help prevent it - herpes for instance. I believe that's transmitted by skin contact.

[Gemmie 142]

I do think you've been a little harsh in saying that it's not much higher than child abuse. To me, they're nowhere near the same. As with smoking, drinking, drug-taking, paying for sex is another vice that is frowned upon but is inevitable, even animals do this (prostitution).

As morally wrong as prostitution might be to you (I'm not a fan of it either and find it disturbing mostly because the girls are often desperate to fund their troublesome lives), your friend at least had the decency to purposely not have a girlfriend because of his prostitution habits. At least I think that's why he doesn't get involved in relationships, from how you described it. I would have less respect for him if he were to be involved with someone WHILST visiting prostitutes. With Maven's situation, I see it totally different, because he's affecting others in his life when he does it.

If it were me, and I felt that uncomfortable with his lifestyle, I would remove myself from the friendship.

[Trumplestiltskin 5,791]

At least a prostitute is probably more likely to take an active role in her sexual health, getting checks at doctors and whatnot.

I suppose there is that - but it's impossible to get a certificate of health when many std conditions have long incubation periods. 30 months before you can get a reliable HIV test isn't it?

[Jenn! 918]

Ditch him. It's not like you have any obligations to him.

I guess I hold my friends to high standards. Maybe that's why I'm finding myself with fewer and fewer.

[Ban Hammer 13,491]

Well I'm sure its not impossible that he'd meet someone, but yes it would take away from opportunities if you get so used to it - why talk to the woman in red when he can just "order in"?

perhaps in time he'll get bored with it all and settle down.

Well yes - but you've got the risk of a single random sexual encounter versus many sexual encounters - the odds *have* to be higher, however you slice it.

A lot of these things are symptomless and condoms don't necessarily help prevent it - herpes for instance. I believe that's transmitted by skin contact.

that's under the assumption that the gal for the one nighter is the epitome of chastity. i'd be willing to bet that her numbers aren't small either.

correct on the last paragraph. add crabs to that too.

I suppose there is that - but it's impossible to get a certificate of health when many std conditions have long incubation periods. 30 months before you can get a reliable HIV test isn't it?

far less, last i knew of was a few months.

Ditch him. It's not like you have any obligations to him.

I guess I hold my friends to high standards. Maybe that's why I'm finding myself with fewer and fewer.

those who find fault in their friends have faulty friends.

[KaiserD 12]

The problem is exacerbated by the fact that when this money goes, there's still more to come from other family members. One of those times it looks like being loaded really doesn't bring you happiness. He's a charismatic little f^cker, all right. It's easier for me to drop him since he's 6000 miles away, but then I'd also lose his wife and their girls, one of whom I'm godmother to.

SIGH

Why would you have to stop talking to them? Can't you just be honest and say "I don't approve of what you're doing, you're hurting your family and I don't have anything else to say to you until you do something about it" (or something like that).

If I was one of those family members I think I would set up a trust fund for the kids instead.

[Trumplestiltskin 5,791]

I do think you've been a little harsh in saying that it's not much higher than child abuse. To me, they're nowhere near the same. As with smoking, drinking, drug-taking, paying for sex is another vice that is frowned upon but is inevitable, even animals do this (prostitution).

As morally wrong as prostitution might be to you (I'm not a fan of it either and find it disturbing mostly because the girls are often desperate to fund their troublesome lives), your friend at least had the decency to purposely not have a girlfriend because of his prostitution habits. At least I think that's why he doesn't get involved in relationships, from how you described it. I would have less respect for him if he were to be involved with someone WHILST visiting prostitutes. With Maven's situation, I see it totally different, because he's affecting others in his life when he does it.

If it were me, and I felt that uncomfortable with his lifestyle, I would remove myself from the friendship.

I don't think that's really it. It's that he's clearly been doing it for a long time and I think he's gotten used to it. He doesn't see the point in pursuing relationships because he'd rather not deal with all the "####### that comes with it".

[KaiserD 12]

I suppose there is that - but it's impossible to get a certificate of health when many std conditions have long incubation periods. 30 months before you can get a reliable HIV test isn't it?

Wow that's a pretty long time. Seems like a lot of chances to take lol

[Amby 490]

I think if you feel like this then you should ditch him. He wasn't in your life the entire time you lived in the US so it's not like you're close or anything.

[Ban Hammer 13,491]

I don't think that's really it. It's that he's clearly been doing it for a long time and I think he's gotten used to it. He doesn't see the point in pursuing relationships because he'd rather not deal with all the "####### that comes with it".

i'm guessing he's about the same age as you - he sounds a bit jaded with the dating scene. and i kinda see his point - the territorial battles, the zomg she left her toothbrush here, then the meet the parents and before too long she's looking at rings and rushing him right along into something he doesn't want.

More than 98% of people who are infected would test positive within 3 months. In rare cases, it could take up to 6 months for someone to test positive.

link

[Trumplestiltskin 5,791]

perhaps in time he'll get bored with it all and settle down.

He's 32 - been doing it for 11 years. Awful long time to be on the shelf.

that's under the assumption that the gal for the one nighter is the epitome of chastity. i'd be willing to bet that her numbers aren't small either. correct on the last paragraph. add crabs to that too.

Well you don't have to be the epitome of chastity to be somewhat selective of who you have sex with.

less, last i knew of was a few months.

Oops - 3 months, I meant. If they're working all the time - then they'll never be able to get an reliable HIV diagnosis because the 3 month clock resets each time they have sex.

those who find fault in their friends have faulty friends.

I think the guy is definitely faulty. A lot of things make sense now that didn't before.

[Ban Hammer 13,491]

He's 32 - been doing it for 11 years. Awful long time to be on the shelf.

Well you don't have to be the epitome of chastity to be somewhat selective of who you have sex with.

Oops - 3 months, I meant. If they're working all the time - then they'll never be able to get an reliable HIV diagnosis because the 3 month clock resets each time they have sex.

I think the guy is definitely faulty. A lot of things make sense now that didn't before.

32 - he's still sowing his wild oats.

while one does not have to be the epitome of chastity, alcohol sure reduces that selectivity

true on the clock reset. and hopefully we've been able to help make heads or tails of things (no pun intended).

[Trumplestiltskin 5,791]

i'm guessing he's about the same age as you - he sounds a bit jaded with the dating scene. and i kinda see his point - the territorial battles, the zomg she left her toothbrush here, then the meet the parents and before too long she's looking at rings and rushing him right along into something he doesn't want.

I don't know how he can be jaded with the dating scene given that as far as I (and other friends who are still here) know that he's never had a long-term relationship.