Guys who use prostitutes

[Trumplestiltskin 5,791]

So I have an interesting problem:

I've recently reconnected with a very old UK friend of mine who I haven't seen since I moved out to the US in 2004. Really nice guy when I knew him before and a great laugh down the pub. Since I've been back we've been out on the piss a few times; anyway the other night I met him for a drink after work and we got talking about relationship issues and I asked my friend if he has a girlfriend (as far as I can remember he's never had one), anyway I got a response that I wasn't really expecting. Apparently, he doesn't have a girlfriend because he uses prostitutes, and apparently has done since he was 21.

Didn't quite believe him at first, but apparently he's dead serious about this. What I don't get is that this guy isn't unattractive, nor does he have a problem talking to women (that I've seen), in fact, he's actually quite literate and intelligent. Yet - he uses prostitutes...

Generally speaking, I don't really care what someone does in their private lives - I figure that most people have a little kink in them to some degree. Still, I have misgivings about someone who uses prostitutes for their own pleasure. To me, you have to be pretty far down on the moral scale to do something like that (especially regularly) and I think its not far removed from someone who abuses children.

Obviously I've not been back in contact with this guy for very long, but I'm tempted to close off the relationship. Not something I usually do and certainly not lightly. Has anyone had this sort of situation?

[Ban Hammer 13,334]

So I have an interesting problem:

I've recently reconnected with a very old UK friend of mine who I haven't seen since I moved out to the US in 2004. Really nice guy when I knew him before and a great laugh down the pub. Since I've been back we've been out on the piss a few times; anyway the other night I met him for a drink after work and we got talking about relationship issues and I asked my friend if he has a girlfriend (as far as I can remember he's never had one), anyway I got a response that I wasn't really expecting. Apparently, he doesn't have a girlfriend because he uses prostitutes, and apparently has done since he was 21.

Didn't quite believe him at first, but apparently he's dead serious about this. What I don't get is that this guy isn't unattractive, nor does he have a problem talking to women (that I've seen), in fact, he's actually quite literate and intelligent. Yet - he uses prostitutes...

Generally speaking, I don't really care what someone does in their private lives - I figure that most people have a little kink in them to some degree. Still, I have misgivings about someone who uses prostitutes for their own pleasure. To me, you have to be pretty far down on the moral scale to do something like that (especially regularly) and I think its not far removed from someone who abuses children.

Obviously I've not been back in contact with this guy for very long, but I'm tempted to close off the relationship. Not something I usually do and certainly not lightly. Has anyone had this sort of situation?

in bold - judge much?

[Trumplestiltskin 5,791]

Shouldn't I? I don't think it's wrong to speculate on the character of someone who freely admits paying for sex.

[Fandango 1,439]

Meh, I see it nowhere near someone who abuses children, but if that's how deplorable you see it, then you have no other choice than to close off the relationship.

[KaiserD 12]

Wow that must've been super awkward.

If I had been you, I would have cut that line immediately but that's just me and personal preference more than morality.

I mean on a base level, technically there's nothing wrong with it. If it's consensual and it's a service rendered for payment, it sounds like he just chooses not to have a girlfriend? It makes me facepalm that there's a ton of people with the opinion "well at least with a prostitute you know you're gonna get what you pay for" or cr!p along those lines, is he one of those people and if so perhaps that's for the best? At least he'd be following through with the logic unlike most people I meet who continually choose to date money sucking girls and then complain about them.

[Trumplestiltskin 5,791]

Wow that must've been super awkward.

If I had been you, I would have cut that line immediately but that's just me and personal preference more than morality.

I mean on a base level, technically there's nothing wrong with it. If it's consensual and it's a service rendered for payment, it sounds like he just chooses not to have a girlfriend? It makes me facepalm that there's a ton of people with the opinion "well at least with a prostitute you know you're gonna get what you pay for" or cr!p along those lines, is he one of those people and if so perhaps that's for the best? At least he'd be following through with the logic unlike most people I meet who continually choose to date money sucking girls and then complain about them.

Yeah basically that was the gist of it.

[IndigoSkies 168]

You're going to end your friendship with someone because they peruse prostitute?

That actually makes sense. More power to you, mate.

Edited July 22, 2010 by IndigoSkies

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

Shouldn't I? I don't think it's wrong to speculate on the character of someone who freely admits paying for sex.

Try and get it for free, sometime!

ETA: (At least you don't have to talk to them the next morning.)

Edited July 22, 2010 by ##########

[Trumplestiltskin 5,791]

Meh, I see it nowhere near someone who abuses children, but if that's how deplorable you see it, then you have no other choice than to close off the relationship.

Well it seems that way to me because there is no way to know who is doing it "freely" (though I can't imagine that many of the women in that trade do it because they "enjoy" it as much as they are financially desperate) VS. those who have been trafficked into it against their will.

Edited July 22, 2010 by Its a MADHOUSE

[Nina~ 431]

I generally do not like to judge and like giving people the benefit of doubt. However I must agree with you. It is a huge redflag to me if someone ever admitted using prostitutes.

1. It generally implies, that either the person is that desperate or they have impulse control issues.

2. I dont know if it is legal in the UK, but it is not legal in the US. And I have serious misgivings about hanging out with people who disregard the law.

3. Don't know what cooties he has (applies especially if you are thinking of dating that person).

[Trumplestiltskin 5,791]

I generally do not like to judge and like giving people the benefit of doubt. However I must agree with you. It is a huge redflag to me if someone ever admitted using prostitutes.

1. It generally implies, that either the person is that desperate or they have impulse control issues.

2. I dont know if it is legal in the UK, but it is not legal in the US. And I have serious misgivings about hanging out with people who disregard the law.

3. Don't know what cooties he has (applies especially if you are thinking of dating that person).

It's not legal in the UK.

[elmcitymaven 9,712]

Actually, Six, I'm in a very similar situation to yours, except that my friend is still in the UK and I am obviously over here. He is a married man with two adorable daughters, a career in publishing, a towering intellect and halfway decent looks. His wife is a lovely woman and very devoted to him, and also happens to be filthy rich (I mention this as it is relevant). I knew that before he married his wife, he occasionally used prostitutes, even when he was dating his wife. However, recently his wife came into a very large family inheritance, somewhere in the region of 500k GBP. Something about that set him off and he has been blowing the money away on French prostitutes -- going over to Paris on his own and using the most expensive call girl services. He even set one up in a flat and would go weekly to see her. All this while his wife stayed back in Oxford with the two girls -- and she knew all about it but felt helpless to stop him since she made the mistake of allowing him access to the money (and she's too much of a chicken to stop him).

My friend has now gone through most of the inheritance this way, money which was supposed to be for the comfort of his family. On the one hand, I find his actions despicable. But on the other hand, he's still the same bloke I've known for 15 years, funny, charming and good fun. I also don't know what to do.

[Fandango 1,439]

Well it seems that way to me because there is no way to know who is doing it "freely" (though I can't imagine that many of the women in that trade do it because they "enjoy" it as much as they are financially desperate) VS. those who have been trafficked into it against their will.

I can see your logic, although I will respectfully disagree with it. But again, what everyone else thinks is superfluous; if YOU feel it is that morally reprehensible, then you can either sacrifice your morality to hang out with him, or stick by what you feel is proper, and end the relationship. It really is a no brainer, because once the respect is gone, what kind of friendship will you have now anyway?

[Trumplestiltskin 5,791]

Actually, Six, I'm in a very similar situation to yours, except that my friend is still in the UK and I am obviously over here. He is a married man with two adorable daughters, a career in publishing, a towering intellect and halfway decent looks. His wife is a lovely woman and very devoted to him, and also happens to be filthy rich (I mention this as it is relevant). I knew that before he married his wife, he occasionally used prostitutes, even when he was dating his wife. However, recently his wife came into a very large family inheritance, somewhere in the region of 500k GBP. Something about that set him off and he has been blowing the money away on French prostitutes -- going over to Paris on his own and using the most expensive call girl services. He even set one up in a flat and would go weekly to see her. All this while his wife stayed back in Oxford with the two girls -- and she knew all about it but felt helpless to stop him since she made the mistake of allowing him access to the money (and she's too much of a chicken to stop him).

My friend has now gone through most of the inheritance this way, money which was supposed to be for the comfort of his family. On the one hand, I find his actions despicable. But on the other hand, he's still the same bloke I've known for 15 years, funny, charming and good fun. I also don't know what to do.

PM me the guy's name - I might know who it is.

Seriously!? Blowing his wife's inheritance money on prostitutes? That's certainly different. His wife sounds like a bit of a mouse if she tolerates that.

[KaiserD 12]

Yeah basically that was the gist of it.

I see. Well if he's happier that way it makes sense than going through strings of negative relationships but personally I could not be friends with someone who thought all women were worthless money grabbers. I was raised to be responsible, loyal, honour my self respect and do my part to provide for my family so very few things annoy me more than having this stereotype apply to my entire gender lol