A question

[MelissaJulian 30]

I have a blog that I keep to talk about my and my fiance's visa journey. When I started it, I didn't intend for it to be anything more than just a place for me to work through some of the stuff I'm going through -- I had always kept a diary so it seemed like the same thing to me. Anyway, I now have a lot of anonymous commenters who leave really disgusting comments on my blog, but I also get some really useful advice from other anonymous commenters too, so I am hesitant to turn off comments from unregistered readers. I also think, maybe, it IS useful for me to read advice from people who I don't agree with, or for me to see maybe how something I said was unclear. And some of the really terrible stuff is so ridiculous, even I have to laugh occasionally!

Anyway, if you were me, would you turn anonymous comments off? My fiance thinks it's a good idea, since I get upset sometimes, and also some nasty stuff has been said about his mum recently. I think I should leave them on so I can get a full range of opinions. Ideas?

[Empress of Groovy 373]

Hmm...a curious question, getting people's opinions about whether you should continue to receive other people's opinions...

The short answer is that it depends on the purpose of your blog. If you just want a place to vent and sort through stuff, I'd turn off the comments. But if it's to vent, sort through stuff, and get some feedback, keep comments turned on. It's inevitable that you'll get some anonymous nonsense, but what can you do? It's the InterWeb!

I know this isn't much of an answer, but it's really your call. It's your blog, and only you can determine its purpose and usefulness to you.

[Ricky+Vanessa 43]

I think I should leave them on so I can get a full range of opinions.

The end.

[mandyu1 5]

Well Melissa I have seen your blog and some of the comments and some are yes beyond rude. You said the feedback helps you, but how can it be helping if some of the comments make you upset? I have to agree with your fiance, when you put your personally life open on the internet for everyone to see you open all kinds of doors, good and bad. If you can learn to accept that these comments as someone voicing their opinion and in some cases being jealous and having nothing better to do then it wouldn't hurt to keep it on. But I think it would be better for you and your relationship to shut the comments down.

Also, you compared it to a diary, however a diary does not talk back to you, you don't let others read your diary, it is a place for you to write and work thru your issues and reflect on life. If you want your blog to be like a diary close down the comments.

Good Luck!!

Edited July 21, 2010 by mandyu1

[MelissaJulian 30]

Thanks guys. I'm trying to figure out what I want the blog to be. Yeah, to some extent it IS a diary, but I also really appreciate the feedback and I don't want to lose that. Some commenters call me an attention ####### BECAUSE I have comments on, but that isn't the case at all. I want comments, if I want comments, because I want to hear other people's opinions on what I'm going through. In a lot of ways, I know I have a very straightforward case with my fiance and the visa, but it doesn't mean I'm not always confused about how I feel about things.

I also think the comments are making me tougher! When I started, everything made me really upset and I cried a lot. But now even when someone DOES make me want to cry, I start to think that I don't have to listen to everything everyone says and treat it like it is the gospel truth.

[*julez* 124]

Leave 'em on. It is great entertainment for the rest of us!

[mandyu1 5]

Thanks guys. I'm trying to figure out what I want the blog to be. Yeah, to some extent it IS a diary, but I also really appreciate the feedback and I don't want to lose that. Some commenters call me an attention ####### BECAUSE I have comments on, but that isn't the case at all. I want comments, if I want comments, because I want to hear other people's opinions on what I'm going through. In a lot of ways, I know I have a very straightforward case with my fiance and the visa, but it doesn't mean I'm not always confused about how I feel about things.

I also think the comments are making me tougher! When I started, everything made me really upset and I cried a lot. But now even when someone DOES make me want to cry, I start to think that I don't have to listen to everything everyone says and treat it like it is the gospel truth.

True, I have read some of your remarks back and have thought OMG I can't beleive she said that. Also, you need to consider your fiance's feelings, if some of the comments are bothering him because of his mum then I think you should respect his feelings and turn the comments off, or refrain from discussing her in such detail on your blog.

[elmcitymaven 9,712]

Melissa, I've stayed away from all of this for a while because I thought things were a little heavier than I could deal with, given my own current stable of issues. But here's my little bit of cod-psychology for you:

I think you have already made your mind up to keep the comments turned on, and you have come here to VJ to get back up for this so you can tell Julian other people agree with you. Am I right?

[Manjie 0]

if the comments upset u so much then send them off but if u think some of the comments help u alot its better u just keep d cool ok

[Mags 112]

I would have thought this would have been a more appropriate question for your blog. Although you are a member here, and you are currently undergoing a "visa journey", I fail to see why you would feel the need to ask this question on VJ.

My only answer would be for attention seeking purposes.

And, for the record, I had no idea who you were before today, so have never read your blog nor left a message on it.

Edit for spelling. The horror.

Edited July 21, 2010 by Mags

[Rob and Jill 82]

Melissa,

As I have told you before, I have a very public blog. I am also very opinionated and tend to tick people off with some of the topics I post. I used to have it locked down as completely as possible due to a true and honest to god internet/real life crazy stalker. Real life as in, went to the prosecuting attorney with a 4 inch thick file to ask him how to get the stalker to stop. After years of losing sleep, feeling harassed, stressed, and more, I have learned two things:

1. I should have sued her with a personal injury law suit. It probably would have stopped earlier.

2. I don't give a flying hoopty hoo what some person on the internet says in ANY WAY if it is a personal attack against me. They don't know me. They don't know my mom. All anyone on the internet knows about you is what YOU TELL THEM and what they can find with a google search.

After that, I left it wide open, and if someone says something I don't like, I read it a few times over. If I feel it deserves some kind of return comment, I comment back, if not, I ignore it.

However, if you have not grown past the point where you feel you can let it go, then turn off the comments.

On a side note: Are you just trying to get more traffic to your blog for some kind of payment you get due to traffic?

[MelissaJulian 30]

Jill, I don't make any money out of the blog. I don't even know how to do that. I just have the comments up because I find them pretty interesting most of the time. I'm getting better at not being so sensitive about everything everyone says because a lot of it is clearly just people trying to be funny and failing. I like your philosophy on comments though, and I think I will take some time to think about doing just that.

Mags, I asked the question here because I wanted to hear what other people had to say about it. My comments section gets crazy sometimes, and VJ seemed like a calmer place to ask this question.

[Gemmie 142]

Personally, I would keep the comments on, because you admit you want to get feedback and viewpoints from things that are going on in your life.

Solution to the horrible comments; 1- Don't react to them at all. You'll notice that as soon as you posted how upset you were about the comments, they came in BUNDLES. If you blank them entirely, people will get bored. 2- Shrug them off when you do get them. I don't even find them funny. Jokes about being gay or sex with animals or whatever? Boring, and silly.

The only thing I don't understand is that you say you want this feedback from outside your perspective, but then whenever gives you some that doesn't fit with how you see things in your life, you quickly defend why your view is the right one. It might be, heck it's your life. But if you feel certain that you know yourself and the people in your life are the way you perceive them - why bother about what others think? Seems like a contradiction, and I think that's where people are accusing you of attention seeking.

For example, "I just bought these jeans, what do you think?"

"Hmmm, I think they might be a little too small for you."

"Well they're not, and I can't believe people think that! They're perfect for me."

[Nina~ 431]

Melissa,

As I have told you before, I have a very public blog. I am also very opinionated and tend to tick people off with some of the topics I post. I used to have it locked down as completely as possible due to a true and honest to god internet/real life crazy stalker. Real life as in, went to the prosecuting attorney with a 4 inch thick file to ask him how to get the stalker to stop. After years of losing sleep, feeling harassed, stressed, and more, I have learned two things:

1. I should have sued her with a personal injury law suit. It probably would have stopped earlier.

2. I don't give a flying hoopty hoo what some person on the internet says in ANY WAY if it is a personal attack against me. They don't know me. They don't know my mom. All anyone on the internet knows about you is what YOU TELL THEM and what they can find with a google search.

After that, I left it wide open, and if someone says something I don't like, I read it a few times over. If I feel it deserves some kind of return comment, I comment back, if not, I ignore it.

However, if you have not grown past the point where you feel you can let it go, then turn off the comments.

On a side note: Are you just trying to get more traffic to your blog for some kind of payment you get due to traffic?

I got to agree with Jill. I went to your blog and was able to figure out Julian, Alex, and your's full name with a couple of clicks. And if I can do that in a couple of minutes, any crazy stalker can do it AND plus easily figure out where you guys live and work. I really think you should reconsider blogging or using you real names.

[Nich-Nick 3,354]

I got to agree with Jill. I went to your blog and was able to figure out Julian, Alex, and your's full name with a couple of clicks. And if I can do that in a couple of minutes, any crazy stalker can do it AND plus easily figure out where you guys live and work. I really think you should reconsider blogging or using you real names.

I doubt those names are real names.