Runaway wife will not co-operate

[Michael Palmer 0]

Dude..I totally agree with Just Bob..What you have written here will get you fined and possibly imprisoned because you claim your willing particiption to commit Immigration Fraud..pretty serious stuff considering the hoopla now going on in that area. Just save any correspondence where she says she is coming home and to where she now claims to be, file your notice in the local papers for the two areas and present the receipts and a copy of the print with your other paperwork to the Court. Very simply process. As for your wife, sounds like she is one of the very people that causes the creation of such enormous amounts of red-tape in the VISA process. Marrying someone just to cross the big pond is what we try to guard against. Guess it's better you found out now than a year or two down the road with a kid in the mix. Inform Immigration by sending them a copy of those conversations with your wife regarding where she is and all along with your divorce papers but, do it now. Don't sit on your bumpkus because the clock is ticking..for you..not her..

[Cdnwmn 0]

agreed that you have been kicked to the curb, buddy. she has gotten the ticket to USA. that is all she wanted from you, and now you are just a piece of trash for her to leave on the side of the road and let the dogs (us) rummage thru.

man up and level the playing field. file a divorce for cause of abandonment with a decent lawyer. don't give her the annulment. this would be to her benefit, but in no way benefits you. stop kissing her azz and pull up your pants. she is done whipping you, and we have no interest in continuing the process.

if you want help getting thru this, hang around and we will advise you on how to save your own azz while being entirely indifferent to her plight. she doesn't love you dude, so you need to leave the love you want to give to her exactly where she has left it (in the garbage) and develop an attitude of indifference to her.

god bless.

Totally agree after reading this back on April 16, 2010 by the OP when he talked of problems back then:

Thanks for everybody's input. I have definitely picked up some valuable information. For those that are encouraging me to give the marriage a chance, I am doing that. But since she has a large family here in the US, she spends most of her time with them (she comes home at night usually) and we are not growing together. She just escapes to their homes. So that has made it difficult.

Thanks everybody! Visa Journey is a great web service. Please feel free to continue posting advice.

We have not applied for the Adjustment of Status, and she is pressuring me to file it. I have delayed filing because of our personal problems, but more so, because I haven't had enough money handy to pay the fee. Now that divorce looks like a likely reality, I'm not sure it is even practical to file it. She seems to think she will stay here and work and live with cousins and friends. She is from the Philippines but has three first cousins that live right here in the same town as us, who are married to Americans, and have lived here for years. She has a decent sized social network here that rivals my own. She always talks about getting a job, and says she will not return to the Philippines no matter what. I told her there are rules the government has about all that stuff.

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/252107-adjustment-of-status-and-divorce/

Edited July 22, 2010 by Cdnwmn

[Nicole-N-Nattoy 24]

Maybe you did something to her to make her want to stay far away from you.

[justashooter 430]

Maybe you did something to her to make her want to stay far away from you.

more likely she "shopped him" based on his city of residence. his earlier post indicates that she has 3 family members in the same town. from what we have read it seems that she would have married anybody in that town in order to get a paid for immigration into a family nest.

[justashooter 430]

I always think of the scenario you are going through. I am working on my fiancee visa but always keep one eye open..oh well...sometimes this thing is like flipping a coin... head or tail.

flipping is usually the way to transition from one to the other. azz, gas, or grass, nobody rides for free.

[Tanya and Barry 59]

Maybe you did something to her to make her want to stay far away from you.

Maybe, but would you be asking this question if it was a woman posting here. Women seem to get much more benefit of the doubt here.

It does look like the OP was used as a mule. He didn't choose the best words by using "comply with my demands" but he's probably going through a lot and who among us hasn't said the wrong thing when we were upset.

The bottom line is the only thing that is going to make the OP feel better now is to take control of his life and minimize the damage. There is excellent advice on what to do from other posters here.

[Nicole-N-Nattoy 24]

Maybe, but would you be asking this question if it was a woman posting here. Women seem to get much more benefit of the doubt here.

It does look like the OP was used as a mule. He didn't choose the best words by using "comply with my demands" but he's probably going through a lot and who among us hasn't said the wrong thing when we were upset.

The bottom line is the only thing that is going to make the OP feel better now is to take control of his life and minimize the damage. There is excellent advice on what to do from other posters here.

Yes! I agree I am probably biased and would look at it different if it were a man who went awall, but hear me out...We need to know more of why the marriage fell apart in 3 months. Having 3 cousins married to Americans close by, she should know the ropes and know that she is making it very hard for her to get GC by leaving this way. How can going back to the Philipines be better than putting up with marriage for a few years? UNLESS IT WOULD BE TO THIS GUY. It sounds like she's between a rock and a hard place. Why have the cousins not been in touch with him? Wouldn't they try and get her to go home and help the husband get her back? Unless something is wrong. All the other philipino wives in this story are staying married 2 their American man, why is she not joining the crowd? Why is she running away?

[Nicole-N-Nattoy 24]

more likely she "shopped him" based on his city of residence. his earlier post indicates that she has 3 family members in the same town. from what we have read it seems that she would have married anybody in that town in order to get a paid for immigration into a family nest.

My philipio friend married to an American by K-1 told me that the family will pick the prettiest daughter to be looking for American to marry. the ideal case is to find a man they really love who is American. i know it doesn't always work that way though.

...We need to know more of why the marriage fell apart in 3 months. Having 3 cousins married to Americans close by, she should know the ropes and know that she is making it very hard for her to get GC by leaving this way. How can going back to the Philipines be better than putting up with marriage for a few years? UNLESS IT WOULD BE TO THIS GUY. It sounds like she's between a rock and a hard place. Why have the cousins not been in touch with him? Wouldn't they try and get her to go home and help the husband get her back? Unless something is wrong. All the other philipino wives in this story are staying married 2 their American man, why is she not joining the crowd? Why is she running away?

[Nicole-N-Nattoy 24]

I was thinking to... she probably has access to this website and has read this.

[~happyndinlove~ 540]

1) My philipio friend married to an American by K-1 told me that the family will pick the prettiest daughter to be looking for American to marry. the ideal case is to find a man they really love who is American. i know it doesn't always work that way though.

2) How can going back to the Philipines be better than putting up with marriage for a few years?

Putting aside the particulars of the OP's situation and just reflecting on your comments.

1) You are stereo-typing the entire culture based on input you received from one Filipina.? ! I admit that my wife and I have met Filipino's here in America and there in Fili, that just want(ed) into America. We are not so naive to assume that this is a condition existing only in Fili. In the (relatively short) time we have been members of this site, we have read many stories about visa scammers from various countries and will say that the Philippine visa- scammmers are reported less than others. Furthermore, we have read many more stories about marriage bliss, from the Fil-Am couples. Please do not let the thought of one person influence your opinion of a whole society. That is a pretty racist attitude your exhibiting.?

2) Have you ever been to Fili? Have you witnessed the pure happiness that exudes from many Filipino's? Are you suggesting that Filipino's would/should sale their integrity just to stay in America? Are you projecting your own values/scruples onto the Filipino's or demonstrating your American pride (arrogance)?

BTW...(speaking from my own experience) Many Filipino's will not challenge your comments. Not because you speak the truth, but because they have found a (spiritually motivated) humble strength and choose to ignore ignorance and insignifigance. I'm American and I reply to your post because your predjudice is embarassing.

[Tanya and Barry 59]

I have this feeling that we mostly only hear of the succssful relationships here. Most men that are used as mules probably never even hear of this site and if they are aware they are probably to embarrased to tell there story or ask for help.

[Nicole-N-Nattoy 24]

Putting aside the particulars of the OP's situation and just reflecting on your comments.

1) You are stereo-typing the entire culture based on input you received from one Filipina.? ! I admit that my wife and I have met Filipino's here in America and there in Fili, that just want(ed) into America. We are not so naive to assume that this is a condition existing only in Fili. In the (relatively short) time we have been members of this site, we have read many stories about visa scammers from various countries and will say that the Philippine visa- scammmers are reported less than others. Furthermore, we have read many more stories about marriage bliss, from the Fil-Am couples. Please do not let the thought of one person influence your opinion of a whole society. That is a pretty racist attitude your exhibiting.?

2) Have you ever been to Fili? Have you witnessed the pure happiness that exudes from many Filipino's? Are you suggesting that Filipino's would/should sale their integrity just to stay in America? Are you projecting your own values/scruples onto the Filipino's or demonstrating your American pride (arrogance)?

BTW...(speaking from my own experience) Many Filipino's will not challenge your comments. Not because you speak the truth, but because they have found a (spiritually motivated) humble strength and choose to ignore ignorance and insignifigance. I'm American and I reply to your post because your predjudice is embarassing.

I really didn't mean to come of as a racist jerk. I know that every situation is different. I know everything that you are saying.

[mojorayjones 2]

I think a spouse has the right to demand certain things. Especially if my spouse is in the US under a K1 Visa, there are rules and requirements. You just can't do whatever you want. I just want her to comply with the terms of the visa. You act like I'm keeping her in my garage on a leash, when I give her a great home and brought her to doctors, bought clothes. So I think you are totally over reacting. Demand is not a bad word.

Yeah, I have to say the "shouldn't she comply with my demands" part made my skin crawl. I don't know you from Adam but you might want to figure out some things about yourself. Any guy that believes that his fiance or wife should comply with his demands makes me a little nervous.

Your marrying a person not training a dog. Time to take a step back.

[mojorayjones 2]

I think your reply is quite narcissistic. I have in no way been kicked to the curb. She is the one without a definite place to stay nor is her visa status secure. I have a nice home, my own career, and a secure life. She is actually begging me to come back, but I won't let her.

I was just asking advice on how to serve her and about the USCIS. I always think guys who make posts like this are just revealing that they have serious problems in there own relationships and feelings of inadequacy and somehow feel you are showing others you are a "man" by making insensitive statements like yours. Get real. Good luck.

flipping is usually the way to transition from one to the other. azz, gas, or grass, nobody rides for free.

[mojorayjones 2]

Thanks everybody who made sincere and earnest replies. I was really only looking for advice on how best to serve her, what to tell the USCIS, etc...

Like I posted, I had already come to terms that the marriage had failed. I didn't really need any relplies on "what she is really up to", or me needing to "step back" because I had a wife and not a dog. I always thought VJ was a great website with concerned members but was a little shocked to read that I had been "kicked to the curb" and have to face it, while I'm sitting here drinking a tall ice tea in my home where I work. Doesn't feel like street living to me, hmmmmm. Sounds like that person posting it is just revealing what's happened to themselves.

And I already knew about having no AOS vs having filed it, etc.. Divorce vs. Annulment. But thanks anyhow.

I just wondered what other people had done in my situation and what worked best. Thanks to all the people who gave straightforward, clear, tactical advice, like doing the Divorce by Publication, which I've definitely considered.

Fact is she is very docile, scared person. Some people here posted that she is some highly sophisticated scammer, which is not valid. She is young and both of her parents are dead. She is running around because she is panicking about going back to the Philippines, and if the people in ARMM are as bad as people say, then she has the right to be scared. Just because a marriage has failed doesn't mean that you have to be enemies. You can still care for them, even if they are not co-operating.

I will have her served in the next few days, and it should be over soon. I guess I will call the USCIS and tell them what's up. Thanks again everybody who posted the advice that I was looking for.