Abused

[CATHYlovesRICK 2]

SO SORRY TO HEAR YOUR SITUATION,I WILL PRAY FOR YOU AND YOUR DAUGHTER'S SAFETY..

[thongd4me 69]

I left my husband last night. I can no longer take him me being slave and aggravating my daughter. My problem is my daughter jsut got here two months ago and i'm a conditional cardholder.. me and my 5 yrs old daughter have no place to stay tonight.. What will happen now to us? what steps i need to take?

You should (hopefully you have already) have notified the police of this

(they could force him to find somewhere to stay as it is your house as well as his).

Where there is a child involved there is more reason for this.

You have to file a complaint against him (I'm sure others have recommended this).

You should get a divorce attorney; husband can be required by the court to

pay for him/her if you don't have the resources (I'm guessing you are not

employed as your 5 yr. old is still quite young).

There may be some social services associated with your city/town or with

a local Filipino church that you can avail yourself of.

The fact that your 2-year card is not up will be a problem, but not insurmountable.

You should be able to get a waiver of the need to file jointly.

You may find this post helpful:

2-year card & divorce

You may decide to go back to the Philippines, but you may not realize

that the US court system heavily favors a wife who can prove abuse as

you should be able to. The fact that you are a GC holder or not a US

citizen has NOTHING to do with reducing your rights in a case such

as this. You have equal rights under the law as any US citizen and

that is the FIRST thing you should be aware of. Your divorce attorney

can fill in the details.

Edited July 16, 2010 by thongd4me

[Ban Hammer 13,334]

do not call 911 as previously suggested. you may find yourself facing charges for misuse of the 911 system.

[thongd4me 69]

do not call 911 as previously suggested. you may find yourself facing charges for misuse of the 911 system.

911 is only reserved for "active" situations - a fire, a threat with a firearm or other weapon or a

clear danger that requires an extraordinary rescue effort.

Call your local police station or visit them and give a report.

[Rob and Jill 82]

For those of you who are advising her to "call 911", please do not give out this advice in THIS situation.

911 is an EMERGENCY number for IMMEDIATE danger. As bad as this situation is for our original poster, this is NOT an IMMEDIATE DANGER situation because she has already LEFT the abuse.

To the original poster:

Go to your local police department and file a police report. Ask them what steps you should take from there, as they have contacts with local shelters and organizations who can help you.

[DouglasFiel 53]

I think much of the advise,,, for seeking a shelter and or church assistance are great suggestions. Please help others by posting your experience in attempting to end the cycle of abuse. It may help others in the same situation to have the courage as well.

Good luck and God bless.

[Confusedgal 0]

Thank u for all the replies and advices. That day when i posted my situation i found a nice shelter for me and my daughter. We went there that night and now were in a safe place. Im so thankful about this and my case manager were working so much to help us. It's so amazing how God's wonder works. After i called the hotline number they sent a cab to pick us up and while waiting i seek for God's guidance to give me a sign if that is the right thing to do coz im so nervous where is that cab taking us. Then when i turned around i saw a man standing infront of me and turned around towards me then on his shirt is a big bold written "Go Get Help". I ran with my inlaws and told them about it and they saw it..and They said God is with u and ur daughter. Isn't that amazing?

And now the only problem of the shelter is they dont have enough trasportation for a long distance places.. But overall everything is good... And one thing i dont have money right now.. my daughter is having a toothache but i dont have money to bring her to the doctor. and she keeps on crying about it. i already applied for the free check up but still i need to pay 85 but i dont even have a penny.. Im getting crazy about it. I wanted to work but where im going to put my daughter i already answered all the applications for free day care but i dont know when theyre gonna approve it.. Oh God!!

Edited July 24, 2010 by Confusedgal

[thongd4me 69]

Thank u for all the replies and advices. That day when i posted my situation i found a nice shelter for me and my daughter. We went there that night and now were in a safe place. Im so thankful about this and my case manager were working so much to help us. It's so amazing how God's wonder works. After i called the hotline number they sent a cab to pick us up and while waiting i seek for God's guidance to give me a sign if that is the right thing to do coz im so nervous where is that cab taking us. Then when i turned around i saw a man standing infront of me and turned around towards me then on his shirt is a big bold written "Go Get Help". I ran with my inlaws and told them about it and they saw it..and They said God is with u and ur daughter. Isn't that amazing?

And now the only problem of the shelter is they dont have enough trasportation for a long distance places.. But overall everything is good... And one thing i dont have money right now.. my daughter is having a toothache but i dont have money to bring her to the doctor. and she keeps on crying about it. i already applied for the free check up but still i need to pay 85 but i dont even have a penny.. Im getting crazy about it. I wanted to work but where im going to put my daughter i already answered all the applications for free day care but i dont know when theyre gonna approve it.. Oh God!!

If you haven't been to a lawyer yet you are way overdue. I'm the one who always tells people they don't need a lawyer

but this is not a visa issue it's an issue that can only be solved by a COURT ORDER for him to pay you support which

you have an absolute right to. The shelter will provide good services and may even give a referral for a lawyer but YOU

have to meet with one ASAP.

While a divorce or separation is pending, the court will order support for the non-monied spouse.

You don't have to prove anything except you have no money.

That can only happen with a visit before a judge after the initial divorce papers have been filed.

The lawyer should take the case on contingency because your husband has enough money to support you both;

that was the deal when he brought you here.

Edited July 24, 2010 by thongd4me

[Confusedgal 0]

If you haven't been to a lawyer yet you are way overdue. I'm the one who always tells people they don't need a lawyer

but this is not a visa issue it's an issue that can only be solved by a COURT ORDER for him to pay you support which

you have an absolute right to. The shelter will provide good services and may even give a referral for a lawyer but YOU

have to meet with one ASAP.

While a divorce or separation is pending, the court will order support for the non-monied spouse.

You don't have to prove anything except you have no money.

That can only happen with a visit before a judge after the initial divorce papers have been filed.

The lawyer should take the case on contingency because your husband has enough money to support you both;

that was the deal when he brought you here.

Im going to meet my lawyer this coming monday. We took care of everything thats necessary first. But, now everything is rolling and I don't want my husband to go in jail or lose his job but he also needs to learn a lesson.. I don't know what's gonna happen next. Pls pray for us..

[thongd4me 69]

Im going to meet my lawyer this coming monday. We took care of everything thats necessary first. But, now everything is rolling and I don't want my husband to go in jail or lose his job but he also needs to learn a lesson.. I don't know what's gonna happen next. Pls pray for us..

Your husband won't go to jail unless there has been proven abuse of you or your child.

The court is not in the business of settling emotional issues between the couple.

If it was the backlog of cases would be 3 or 4 times as great as it already is.

If you want to know more about what can happen in your state, best to ask your lawyer.

My first lawyer was very vague and unclear, my second lawyer was very good at this.

If you're not sure because of any language barrier, ask again - your lawyer works for

YOU, not the other way around, even if your ex will be paying for him (that is also the

standard in many states).

Support (for the child) and maintenance (for you) WILL be awarded by the court according

to the general principles of "equitable distribution" which vary from state to state.

They will not arbitrate the emotional issues or try to settle things - the job of reaching

an AGREEMENT is up to the two of you and your lawyers - the court (judge) just

sits and waits for you to get it done. If it takes too long (more than a few months),

the judge may step in and make a ruling that the BOTH of you may not be happy with,

so it's up to you and your soon-to-be-ex to agree on what will be in the divorce decree,

with the assistance of your lawyers. One or both lawyers may attempt to derail the

agreement if they think they can get more money (they are paid by the hour!). Therefore,

it's up to the parties to take control of the process if they can.

You may have some ideas about what can or can't be done in a divorce, but only

your lawyer can answer those. If your lawyer is foot-dragging, get another one.

Soon we'll be going to church with my 84-yr old mom; we'll pray for you.

[PaigeOsvald 2]

Thank u for all the replies and advices. That day when i posted my situation i found a nice shelter for me and my daughter. We went there that night and now were in a safe place. Im so thankful about this and my case manager were working so much to help us. It's so amazing how God's wonder works. After i called the hotline number they sent a cab to pick us up and while waiting i seek for God's guidance to give me a sign if that is the right thing to do coz im so nervous where is that cab taking us. Then when i turned around i saw a man standing infront of me and turned around towards me then on his shirt is a big bold written "Go Get Help". I ran with my inlaws and told them about it and they saw it..and They said God is with u and ur daughter. Isn't that amazing?

And now the only problem of the shelter is they dont have enough trasportation for a long distance places.. But overall everything is good... And one thing i dont have money right now.. my daughter is having a toothache but i dont have money to bring her to the doctor. and she keeps on crying about it. i already applied for the free check up but still i need to pay 85 but i dont even have a penny.. Im getting crazy about it. I wanted to work but where im going to put my daughter i already answered all the applications for free day care but i dont know when theyre gonna approve it.. Oh God!!

Im so glad to hear that you are at a safe place....work with your attorney and your case worker...everything will be ok eventually...I was wondering about you guys the other day and wanted to follow up...take care.

S