How do you cope?

[Henia 11]

Today is Friday ..should be a great day... but it isnt. Just came back from California...and havnt talked to my guy in about week....and just as i came back he flips a 180 on me.

I feel so terrible. I mean I can handle seperation, but it seems he cannot.Should we even continue?

How do you all cope, more the point, how do your SO cope?

Henia

[noura 0]

it's so tough sometimes Henia... Said & I cope by talking 2-3x/day on the phone and seeing each other online as much as humanly possible b/t both of our work schedules. When it seems really tough, Said reminds me that soon we will have the rest of our lives together. Patience and faith.... I know we are meant to be together and soon this journey will be behind us and we will walk the rest of our lives hand in hand living under the same roof.

Noura

[amarceau 0]

I'm sorry to hear that. I know the good ole phrase "hang in there" just doesn't seem to help, does it. The only think I can say is I think every single person on here at one time or another goes through the stress of seperation and wondering if it's all worth it. We can't control who we love. I know both myself and my SO just take it one day at a time. We talk to each other every day and make sure we always share all the little details of our day with each other. That way even while being seperated we both feel like we are a part of each others lives.

Good communication is key. When you can't see each other, it's all you have. Talk to your SO, find out exactly what the issue is. Don't let it drag on. You'll only drive yourself crazy.

Good luck

[ya falaha! 0]

My husband is handling this separation like a trooper. We talk once a day on the phone. I, on the other hand, am on the verge of an emotional breakdown at any given moment. I cope with cigarettes and medication.

I was discussing this with my husband last night...why on Earth would anyone CHOOSE to put themselves smack dab in the middle of a self induced nightmare such as the visa process? My thoughts...glutton for punishment.

Happy Friday y'all!

[Henia 11]

it's so tough sometimes Henia... Said & I cope by talking 2-3x/day on the phone and seeing each other online as much as humanly possible b/t both of our work schedules. When it seems really tough, Said reminds me that soon we will have the rest of our lives together. Patience and faith.... I know we are meant to be together and soon this journey will be behind us and we will walk the rest of our lives hand in hand living under the same roof.

Noura

Yes Noura , I am trying to explain that to my guy, but it seems he cannot get past it. Usually brings this up, trying to get me to move permanently to Algeria. I wouldnt mind it, but I would to fix somethings here in the states in order to do that...and he cannot seem to get that. Just wants to be with me...at any cost.

How to get your SO to understand we MUST do this, not cos we want to but we MUST????

I wonder now what is even the point of going to Alger now?

[limah 1]

I agree. You have to talk as much as possible without breaking the bank. ' A LIL TOO LATE 4 ME THO". Me personally, I send him letters and pics as often as I can, I have some i need to get now from walgreens to send it to him. My husband copes because we talk everyday, he trieds to kick me off the phone because he knws it is costing me a lot, I tell him it'll get paid. If I dont talk to him I get sick. If we don't talk he gets worried about me. I think that what else keeps us going is different conversation all the time, we change it up..... this is funny to me..... we were talking a few days ago about how many children we wanted to have. He said many , I said I need a number... he said 10 , I told him he was crazy! So he asked me, I already have a daughter that just turned 13, I told him I wanted him to choose and give me a number. I told him my mom had this saying, 2 is a couple, 3 is a few, and 4 is some... I asked him again, and he said many is 10!!!

I hope he aint for real!!!!!!!!!!

I hope you can talk to your honey, I am sure he is just uptight and misses you a lot, thats all!

Kisses

[Henia 11]

I agree. You have to talk as much as possible without breaking the bank. ' A LIL TOO LATE 4 ME THO". Me personally, I send him letters and pics as often as I can, I have some i need to get now from walgreens to send it to him. My husband copes because we talk everyday, he trieds to kick me off the phone because he knws it is costing me a lot, I tell him it'll get paid. If I dont talk to him I get sick. If we don't talk he gets worried about me. I think that what else keeps us going is different conversation all the time, we change it up..... this is funny to me..... we were talking a few days ago about how many children we wanted to have. He said many , I said I need a number... he said 10 , I told him he was crazy! So he asked me, I already have a daughter that just turned 13, I told him I wanted him to choose and give me a number. I told him my mom had this saying, 2 is a couple, 3 is a few, and 4 is some... I asked him again, and he said many is 10!!!

I hope he aint for real!!!!!!!!!!

I hope you can talk to your honey, I am sure he is just uptight and misses you a lot, thats all!

Yes i pray he is just missing me, but my whole day/week/month has been shot with his phone call this morning. I am pray he gets through...but felt so helpless...couldnt even get him to laugh...usually that works.

Kisses

[jpaula 20]

Yes Noura , I am trying to explain that to my guy, but it seems he cannot get past it. Usually brings this up, trying to get me to move permanently to Algeria. I wouldnt mind it, but I would to fix somethings here in the states in order to do that...and he cannot seem to get that. Just wants to be with me...at any cost.

How to get your SO to understand we MUST do this, not cos we want to but we MUST????

I wonder now what is even the point of going to Alger now?

Henia, please think long and hard before any decision to move here permanently. Come visit. I think seeing each other face to face is important. It lets you talk when you want to, not just when the phone rings and catches you in whatever mood has blown through at that moment. And, you have to see his life here to better understand where he is coming from. I think men waiting here have a much tougher time than a SO in the US because there just isn't much to do with your time here. Life isn't full. No distractions. And, people around you are not incredibly supportive, especially if they think you are going to get out. It can be quite toxic that way. My husband and I prop eachother up all the time--no one else will. Coming to visit will help him and it will help you understand what he is going through. And, it will give you some idea if you could really live here.

[Together4ever 1]

I disagree. Life may be *different* but it is not easier to cope. Mohammed used to tell me the same and it made me want to break things. "At least you are THERE." Big deal. I sleep, get up, go to work, talk to no one just do my job, go home, talk with him on the phone, take a shower and go to bed again. Whee. Big deal. Everything is hollow and empty. There is very little color in my world. And this is BETTER?

Well, I guess its in the eye of the beholder. I think all of us here have faced that "breaking point" at one time or another in this process. This separation doo doo will definitely strain you at times. It's the frustration and lack of control.

We talk about our feelings. We learned early bottling things up is deadly... both to our respective health and our relationship. We are both extremely emotional people so we HAVE to express. We talk about the good and the bad. If one is stuck in a rut, the other generally gives a hearty kick in rear to get out of it.

It's not easy. But you can do it. This process will make you find depth in your character you never knew you had... or be eaten alive by the stress. Blah.

Take a deep breath. Try to remain positive. He'll cool down and it will pass.

[ya falaha! 0]

OMG, Jean..you and I are living the same life! I call it the 40 year old Virgin life

[morocco4ever 63]

You know it makes me feel so guilty when I whine that we have been doing this so long. My husband has a computer and the internet. We talk everyday, even while I am working. Then at night he falls asleep as I watch. When I am tired I sign into his yahoo so he can sleep the rest of the night (morning? ) in peace. Then we start again the next day.

Hugs to all of you that are going through this. One day at a time.....

[Together4ever 1]

OMG, Jean..you and I are living the same life! I call it the 40 year old Virgin life

Girlfriend, it's been 15 months... don't EVEN go there. LOL

[babybunny 2]

I cope by consuming myself in my studies and into my work.

VJ sometimes helps the blues.. but, the thing is you have to live

phone call to phone call, chat to chat. thats the only way to make it each day.

[jordanianprincess 0]

Its the opposite for me. I have gotten so used to dealing with the separation that I'm not quite sure how I am gonna get used to him being here.

[Zizi & Zuki 0]

Ya know, Henia, I just bet everything will be better tomorrow. Since you are both pretty emotional, like me and Aziz, I've figured out that's just how things work. That would be a long time to go without communicating...I think you really need to reassure him of your love and make a real effort not to allow such a long lapse in your communication again. It messes up the rhythm of life and your relationship together, and even more so, being a long distance relationship. He might be worried there is someone else, too...or that you are eyeing someone, even though you had laid out your travel plans before.

Hope you have a much better day tomorrow....hang in there!

Susan