One and Done: The Case For Having Only One Child.

[sachinky 465]

I'm very thankful for my cousins. Things would've been a lot different if they we weren't in the same age range or if we didn't live fifteen minutes apart in Calcutta. I was sort of a quiet, much more introverted, 'shy, lonely child,' if you will, as a kid and they were instrumental in getting another side of me to 'pop' -- they are much more outgoing and sociable than I am.

Over the last five years, we've been unable to stay in touch as much as I'd like -- the distance and time difference makes things a wee bit difficult -- I'm in the US, the older one is in U.K. and the younger one is in Singapore but we try and email and Skype as often as we can. They had a week's notice to fly down for my wedding which was a sudden, spontaneous affair and I'm glad they were there. I couldn't imagine getting married without them being present for it. They also refused to let me get married without them approving Mr. Sachinky first.

Edited July 12, 2010 by sachinky

[chri'stina 190]

You and your sister's relationship with your third sister reminds me of myself and my two gfs (who are twins). I'm like their third sister. Their mom, cousins, aunts and uncles are like a family to me, also. I actually get along with them better than my own family.

You are very lucky that you have such a good relationship with your sister. I never know what my brothers are up to. Interactions with them tend to be awkward as we have nothing in common.

That is sweet about your two gfs, and yes that is really how it is in our case too with our 3rd "sister". The funny part is we are all brown eyed and she is blue eyed, have different looks feature-wise, yet people still think she is our actual sister if we are all out together. People say "oh you all look alike!". We think that's weird and funny!

[chri'stina 190]

I'm very thankful for my cousins. Things would've been a lot different if they we weren't in the same age range or if we didn't live fifteen minutes apart in Calcutta. I was sort of a quiet, much more introverted, 'shy, lonely child,' if you will, as a kid and they were instrumental in getting another side of me to 'pop' -- they are much more outgoing and sociable than I am.

Over the last five years, we've been unable to stay in touch as much as I'd like -- the distance and time difference makes things a wee bit difficult -- I'm in the US, the older one is in U.K. and the younger one is in Singapore but we try and email and Skype as often as we can. They had a week's notice to fly down for my wedding which was a sudden, spontaneous affair and I'm glad they were there. I couldn't imagine getting married without them being present for it. They also refused to let me get married without them approving Mr. Sachinky first.

For about 2 years I haven't lived near my sis and it stinks! We lived with or near each other our whole lives until then. It's not as far away as in your case though!

[Jenn! 918]

I grew up an only child. My parents divorced and remarried and started "second families". So now I have 4 siblings between the ages of 12 and 16. I feel more like an aunt to them than a sister, but I still like to say that I've had the best of both worlds when it comes to the only child issue.

[Texanadian 10]

Do people really have more than one kid because they think it's better for society? Good grief.

Actually just the opposite would be "better for society." Having less or no kids. Why? Think about how much the "green" environmentalism has grown over the last decade. Global warming, green house gasses, recycling carbon taxes and offsets etc. What is the difference between having zero or one child vs having three or four? More kids = more resources used, more materials needed, more garbage produced, more cars and car use, (gotta get a bigger SUV rather than small car when you have 3-4 kids. And they're each going to drive in the future), more gas, more food, more paper, more utility bills . The list goes on and on..........Now all the over the top pro environment stuff hasn't really touched on population yet. But that's because it's one thing to tell people to recycle paper and plastic. It's another thing to tell them it's socially irresponsible to have multiple kids. Especially more than 2 as that's increasing the population. That will anger a lot of people.

Getting back to the original debate of one kid vs many. My two closest neighbours growing up had 4 kids and 5 kids. I was an only child. I wouldn't have traded with them for anything. They were ALWAYS fighting, in an argument, complaining that somebody else hit them or took something. It was always noisy over there. I would have hated it. I liked time to myself. Sure I had school friends to hang out with. But when I was at home, I enjoyed time to myself. I still do. When I get home from work, I thoroughly enjoy some quiet time to myself before my wife gets home. The strange thing (to me) is that the neighbours did poorly with alone time. They were bored when their brothers and sisters weren't home.

For a couple of years, I was pretty much by myself at home. Step dad worked away in camp during the week. Mom worked until 6PM. Got home around 6:30. So from 3:30 until 6:30, I was by myself. I would have been age 9-12 during these years. Ironically I think it would have been less safe had I had a brother or sister as one of us would have tormented the other. Or got in a fight. And there would have been nobody to break it up. I remember my neighbour chasing his brother with a butcher knife one time. I didn't have to worry about that sort of thing at home by myself. During the summer when school was out, I was home by myself much of the time. But then again, I would go swimming at the pool. Or go bicycle riding with friends. Or play baseball. I kept busy enough. The odd year my step dad would be off for the summer (seasonal work). So we'd go to the lake and go swimming almost every day during the afternoons.

I wouldn't say I was spoiled. I wore $30 no name shoes and jogging pants, 2 year old jeans. Lots of clothes that Mom had sewed. The neighbours all wore Nike Airs (even when they were 5 years old). I probably had more toys individually. But combined they had more. But they got to go places in the family station wagon. I got to cruise around town in a 2 seater sports car. I have many great memories of riding in the passenger seat as a kid driving around at night. Going on trips to see distant relatives. During the summer, I got to go camping with Mom. The neighbours would argue the entire time about anything if they went camping. (He got more marshmallows than I did....) And they would always be cramped when it came to sleeping.

I think it's hard to compare the amount of time kids spend with parents. Because if you go back 30-50 years ago when everybody had 3 brothers and sisters, the kids played outside by themselves. They roamed the neighbourhoods. They walked to the movies or took the bus. Today, parents are afraid of everything. Kids must have cell phones. Parents must know exactly where they're at at all times. It's sad. Because kids don't learn responsibility. They don't learn how to keep themselves occupied.

As for having brothers and sisters for when parents get old? I don't think it makes any difference. Why? Because typically the parent will depend mostly on one child. If Mom is old and needs to live somewhere, she'll usually live with one of the kids. She won't live here for awhile. Then there for awhile. Then there for awhile. Often it's the child who lives the closest that cares for Mom. Or maybe it's the one that already has her own children grown up and moved out.

[Jenn! 918]

I think it's hard to compare the amount of time kids spend with parents. Because if you go back 30-50 years ago when everybody had 3 brothers and sisters, the kids played outside by themselves. They roamed the neighbourhoods. They walked to the movies or took the bus. Today, parents are afraid of everything. Kids must have cell phones. Parents must know exactly where they're at at all times. It's sad. Because kids don't learn responsibility. They don't learn how to keep themselves occupied.

I heard a radio interview not too long ago with a woman who was promoting "Leave Your Children at the Park" day. She's gotten much criticism and charges of promoting neglect. I actually thought it was a great idea.