One and Done: The Case For Having Only One Child.

[LeslienScott 6]

I was raised as an only child & although it was a little lonely growing up, I look back & think that my childhood was perfect. My son is an only child & never wanted a sibling. My fiance is an only child & his son is an only child.

With our upcoming marriage, I have had more people ask if we are going to have children together. Are you kidding me??? My son is 21!!! I am almost 41!!! Why the he## would I want to have another child?!?! This is OUR time. I don't want to share this with anyone but my new husband. And yes, that is my only child trait...I am selfish, & I don't share.

[SMR 368]

I see this trend as a direct result of the disappearance of stay at home moms. Naturally, if both parents are working it becomes harder and harder to have more kids. Not only do daycare costs become unmanageable, there is simply no time to take care of the kids when they are not in daycare. $1600/month on daycare is $20,000 a year. By the time you have 2 or 3 kids, that second salary has to be pretty healthy in order for it to even be worth it.

Single child families are a bad thing for society in general. It works okay when you have single child families here and there because you'll still have cousins, aunts, uncles, and other extended family. But, as has been pointed out, if all families are single child, you have no cousins, no aunts, and no uncles. That gets pretty lonely. Moreover, it's simply not sustainable in terms of population. The population will become too top heavy and collapse.

We just had our first and plan on having more (although not for a couple years). The issue of dividing resources is misstated by the author. We can all get by with a lot less and the affluence of the parents doesn't have much to do with the eventual success of the children. Admittedly, if the parents are successful their habits and knowledge that made them so will likely be taught to the children. But those habits and knowledge can be passed on to many children without risk of division provided the parents spend the time. When both parents are working and have little time with the kids, dividing time resources becomes an issue. But the problem is not money or financial resources but simply the time that the parents spend with their children.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

So...how exactly will I live without having to pay college tuition until I retire? Oh...wait, we could just skip college...oh, no, wait. I don't want my kids to be Democrats. Never mind.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

I see this trend as a direct result of the disappearance of stay at home moms. Naturally, if both parents are working it becomes harder and harder to have more kids. Not only do daycare costs become unmanageable, there is simply no time to take care of the kids when they are not in daycare. $1600/month on daycare is $20,000 a year. By the time you have 2 or 3 kids, that second salary has to be pretty healthy in order for it to even be worth it.

Single child families are a bad thing for society in general. It works okay when you have single child families here and there because you'll still have cousins, aunts, uncles, and other extended family. But, as has been pointed out, if all families are single child, you have no cousins, no aunts, and no uncles. That gets pretty lonely. Moreover, it's simply not sustainable in terms of population. The population will become too top heavy and collapse.

We just had our first and plan on having more (although not for a couple years). The issue of dividing resources is misstated by the author. We can all get by with a lot less and the affluence of the parents doesn't have much to do with the eventual success of the children. Admittedly, if the parents are successful their habits and knowledge that made them so will likely be taught to the children. But those habits and knowledge can be passed on to many children without risk of division provided the parents spend the time. When both parents are working and have little time with the kids, dividing time resources becomes an issue. But the problem is not money or financial resources but simply the time that the parents spend with their children.

That is why you married a woman from the FSU. Do not expect others to understand, they do not value women and their role as we do.

To them, women are just money machines, whores, really. Get out there are make $$$$!!!! The husband is just the pimp and the family are just crack babies. Bring home the bacon, baby, we will eat from a box! The kids can let themselves in.

Of course, if you do not believe in marketing your children's mother for dollars, they will call you a "misogynist".

[Empress of Groovy 373]

Uh...how about considering the size of one's family as no one else's goddamn business?

Do people really have more than one kid because they think it's better for society? Good grief.

[GabiandVi 34]

Uh...how about considering the size of one's family as no one else's goddamn business?

Do people really have more than one kid because they think it's better for society? Good grief.

I certainly hope no one is producing offspring for the sake of society. If they are, I wish they'd stop. However, there are a more and more countries or pockets of society in which only-child families are becoming more and more the trend. In China this is not exactly a trend as much as a mandate, but the one-child policy has created a societal situation that is sort of frightening, which is why they have loosened some restrictions in certain cases.

And it is in the interest of their societies that places such as France have paid people to have babies.

Surely people should not have children unless they want to and can provide for them. However, the number of children people have and the family structures in which those children are raised does affect society, good, bad, and ugly. It's an interesting observation if nothing else.

Edited July 12, 2010 by GabiandVi

[Trompe le Monde 1,107]

wow! And hear I thought I was going to work doing a job I loved. Crazy!

On topic - only child is probably more the norm now, so the issues around it have probably become less pronounced.

[Dan J 277]

I certainly hope no one is producing offspring for the sake of society. If they are, I wish they'd stop. However, there are a more and more countries or pockets of society in which only-child families are becoming more and more the trend. In China this is not exactly a trend as much as a mandate, but the one-child policy has created a societal situation that is sort of frightening, which is why they have loosened some restrictions in certain cases.

There was a series of stories on Marketplace about China's one child policy. In one province, as an experiment, families are allowed to have two children. But many families stayed with only one child for economic reasons. They wanted to get ahead, and having more children made that much harder.

http://marketplace.publicradio.org/display/web/2010/06/23/pm-in-china-more-kids-or-more-stuff/

[Trompe le Monde 1,107]

One child policy also created Little Emperor Syndrome:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Little_Emperor_Syndrome

[Empress of Groovy 373]

I certainly hope no one is producing offspring for the sake of society. If they are, I wish they'd stop. However, there are a more and more countries or pockets of society in which only-child families are becoming more and more the trend. In China this is not exactly a trend as much as a mandate, but the one-child policy has created a societal situation that is sort of frightening, which is why they have loosened some restrictions in certain cases.

And it is in the interest of their societies that places such as France have paid people to have babies.

Surely people should not have children unless they want to and can provide for them. However, the number of children people have and the family structures in which those children are raised does affect society, good, bad, and ugly. It's an interesting observation if nothing else.

I get that, and I don't disagree. Our society has undergone a huge transformation over the last few generations, and family size is just one piece of it. It's kinda funny that some of the same people who like to throw around phrases like "social engineering" to describe social policies they don't like still feel free to tell people how many kids they should have. I'm generalizing, of course.

Now that I'm visibly expecting a kid (our first), I've suddenly had to field all kinds of nosy and intrusive questions, along with buckets of unsolicited advice. People are already asking me if we're planning on having another--and I'm not due until October. I'm also old. ####### is the matter with people?

[Trompe le Monde 1,107]

Now that I'm visibly expecting a kid (our first), I've suddenly had to field all kinds of nosy and intrusive questions, along with buckets of unsolicited advice. People are already asking me if we're planning on having another--and I'm not due until October. I'm also old. ####### is the matter with people?

When it comes to babies some people have no boundaries - I get all manner of unsolicited advice about my lack of children from people who think they know how I should feel about it. STFU people!

[GabiandVi 34]

One child policy also created Little Emperor Syndrome:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Little_Emperor_Syndrome

I know it well.

somewhat. It also created a situation in which there aren't enough girls for boys. Fathers in some outlying regions sell their daughters into marriage, and there are kidnappings of women, especially around the North Korean border.

[Gemmie 142]

I'm of the opinion that people should mind their own business.

When we got married, people were constantly asking "when is the baby coming?" Hello, we're in our 20's, it's not like the world is going to end if we don't have children ASAP. Especially when they're aware that we were in a bad financial situation. This is what I've come from though - having children without thinking of the money, the relationship, the sacrifices.

And I know that when we do have our first child, people will ask "what is the next one coming?" We don't want more than one or two children, and these decisions should be private unless we tell others.

I'm sick of people saying to my best friend "you'll change your mind" about not wanting any children.

Not everyone wants two children, a puppy and a white picket fence.

[elmcitymaven 9,712]

wow! And hear I thought I was going to work doing a job I loved. Crazy!

No, H is whoring you out. Pay attention, Robin. Sheesh.

Now stop being a high-powered executive, go put on your heels and fix H some pie.

[Trompe le Monde 1,107]

I know it well.

somewhat. It also created a situation in which there aren't enough girls for boys. Fathers in some outlying regions sell their daughters into marriage, and there are kidnappings of women, especially around the North Korean border.

I read some scary statistic that there will be 20 million more boys than girls - not good for social cohesion, I would imagine

I'm sick of people saying to my best friend "you'll change your mind" about not wanting any children.

just wait until you're pushing 40!