The poor get poorer and deserve to

[^_^ 5,021]

I have a cousin who was once a waster. His dad started his own business when he was young and built it into something that made him a good sum of money. He decided to let his waster son handle day to day operations and he almost ran it into the ground. And then the unexpected happened, my cousin married a young lady who worked for him. And she's turned out to be an amazing influence on him. He is not as awesome a businessman as his daddy was, but he is much better than he used to be. His wife saved his life.

[ValerieA 350]

I have a cousin who was once a waster. His dad started his own business when he was young and built it into something that made him a good sum of money. He decided to let his waster son handle day to day operations and he almost ran it into the ground. And then the unexpected happened, my cousin married a young lady who worked for him. And she's turned out to be an amazing influence on him. He is not as awesome a businessman as his daddy was, but he is much better than he used to be. His wife saved his life.

Women do that. We are awesome.

[Captain Oates 911]

Hugs, Maven.

I don't think it's all down to you, Alan.

My dad tells me how proud he is of me, and says he doesn't know where I got it from. He's happy that I'm getting to see the world, more than he ever did. And that I have the ability to one day own my own house, and drive my own car. He also tells me that he has regrets about his parenting, and I tell him that no one is perfect. He was home, he worked full-time cleaning toilets and factories to put food on the table, and he let me make my own decisions. That was the important thing. And yes, whenever my brother needs money or food, he's there to give it to him, whatever the reason.

I don't know WHY exactly kids turn out differently. I'm only 23, I don't know if I even have any idea what it's like to raise children. But I have seen the way people turn out so different, it's not just your kids. My best friend is completely the opposite from her sister, and doesn't know why. It could be a mixture of genetics, upbringing, mindsets, social reasons, culture, the generation. As long as you feel you tried your best, and attempted to give them work ethic and instill values, you've done what you can. I just think that he needs a kick up the ####### to realise that changing his life comes from him, not you. You giving him money to help him is just a bandaid, not a cure.

Think I will adopt you when you are free.

I told him to go back to England if it's so bad. Get an apartment, be a postman. Wear shorts walk about and smile and say good morning to people. I could do that and be happy. He says no way. He likes the boozing and gorging and cocaine and loose girls on holiday in Tenerife.

It's a different mind set that's all. I reckon I have given him great advice and support and I am at the end of the line. Rather than him now picking himself up and doing it right, he will descend and wipe out. Too late for hard love. Too late for soft love.

But the thing is, if anyone went to any UK city centre on a Saturday night, the tens of thousands of yobs and yobesses would fit this description and many of them will have decent parents who tried hard to bring them up right, and are left wondering why

I told my daughter that I would unconditionally back her in anything she wanted to do. If she wanted to be a nurse or a midwife or anything else she fancied - I would pay her living expenses and training for any amount and for however many years it took. I gave her the number for the careers advisor.

I called her 2 weeks later and asked what the careers advisor had said. She said "Oh I called but they were engaged"

She is still on the dole smoking 80 a day and drinking 6 pints a night. So are all the other women in her street.

jeez if I made that offer to some genuine kid in India it would be the making of them.

[Captain Oates 911]

I have a cousin who was once a waster. His dad started his own business when he was young and built it into something that made him a good sum of money. He decided to let his waster son handle day to day operations and he almost ran it into the ground. And then the unexpected happened, my cousin married a young lady who worked for him. And she's turned out to be an amazing influence on him. He is not as awesome a businessman as his daddy was, but he is much better than he used to be. His wife saved his life.

I had a guy worked for me as an accountant. He was 40, lived with his dad, smoked heavily and walked to the club with his dad every night and drank 8 pints.

A woman with 5 kids got off with him, cleaned him up, stopped him smoking and drinking, got him to pass his driving test and buy a car .

Then she dumped him !

He went back to it all and has just has a stroke at 48

[Peikko 1,575]

It's ironic that if you and I and he were sat having a conversation , you would judge him to be happier and more together and as having a more attractive personality than me. A lot of people who are like this are very 'likeable'. All con men/women for a start.

After talking to him, there is no way you would think he needs psychological evaluation.

If it was just him then fair enough, but I am getting away from the original post that there are hordes of such people and they don't all need psychiatrists. They turn on to the shopping channel etc an spend 30k on silly rings and take om these mortgages etc. They are not all crazy - they are ... what ? irresponsible, stupid , unwise ?

Really I was bemoaning society as a whole and just holding my son up as an example of this malaise.

Every single woman in my daughter's street would fit the general description too so it isn't just my kids. The chemist's shop in my sleepy little village in rural Yorkshire has a plastic sack for drug addicts needles -they empty it twice a day !

Were they all brought up badly ?

One of my favourite people in college was messed up in a similar way and he did have psycological problems. Being 'likeable' is not a definition of being well adjusted. My friend from college was highly intelligent, could have done almost anything if he didn't have the psychological disorder, but he did. In many ways he has adjusted to his problems, but he has never achieved anything like his true potential - he never had the desire or the ability to fall back on his family to bail him out - whether or not that helped or hindered I can't say but my point remains valid. Many people have some form of depression or phsycological difficulty that holds them back, that does not mean they are crazy but it does mean that they do not behave in expected ways and it is difficult to see from the outside just why they fail.

As to the daughter, I think that is a different problem to be honest - but the thing is not every girl your daughter's age is doing the same things, whether or not there is a huge problem in that particular village or not.

[Captain Oates 911]

I don't think it's fair to say that they're stupid. I agree with the part about being short-sighted though. I've found that people who grow up in poverty often have this attitude like what good is it to die with money in the bank.

This doesn't really apply to your kids though - I'm presuming they didn't grow up in poverty.

When I was 36 I lived in a rented council house and I owed 500 pounds on my credit card. That was my total net worth financial situation.

I was working hard for my future though. So the kids never had money and never will have. I have seen my son make 3k in a week and it goes on wine and women and night clubs and lost wallets and fines and up his nose.

He always wanted something for nothing. He used to be an exotic dancer - max money, min time.

It's a mind set. I saw it when he was 7

[Nina~ 431]

I had a guy worked for me as an accountant. He was 40, lived with his dad, smoked heavily and walked to the club with his dad every night and drank 8 pints.

A woman with 5 kids got off with him, cleaned him up, stopped him smoking and drinking, got him to pass his driving test and buy a car .

Then she dumped him !

He went back to it all and has just has a stroke at 48

Because she got tired of being his mom.. Been there, done that!

Edited July 9, 2010 by Nina~

[Captain Oates 911]

My brother and I had identical upbringings. We were afforded many privileges that my parents really had to put themselves out for -- private schooling, music lessons, dancing lessons (for deb balls), French tutors, etc. My parents were NOT rich and I realised what an amazing opportunity I was being given. Every time I saw they were offering me something special, I ran with it. My brother on the other hand was obsessed with being "cool." As soon as he hit 15, he demanded to come home from boarding school and go to the local public school, which was a mess. He ended up not graduating from high school despite being absolutely brilliant because none of the administrators at the school caught that he was one credit shy of completion. This is while he was actually TEACHING his fellow students elective courses on history. He had to get his GED instead. He railed against me, saying I was given all the benefits, but it just wasn't true. I took advantage of things that he had rejected. There was a lot of jealousy on his side, as he saw me graduate from prep school, and a fancy uni, and grad school, and law school...

He managed to make something of himself in computers though, and he married and had two beautiful, brilliant sons. He wanted to do something with his life though, something bigger. Three years ago he was able to realise his dream of going back to university. He just graduated with a First from University College London in archaeology, and is now on the PhD track there. He'll be 42 this year and has 20+ years on some of his classmates but he doesn't care. He's happy at last, and I'm so proud of him I could burst.

Don't burst ! Cat was sick here so been cleaning it up !

This story has a happy ending and I like that...

[Jenn! 918]

Does waster mean alcoholic or druggie or does it just mean "loser"?

[Dan J 277]

An ex GF is really responsible though not rich.

Her son is a postman in the UK and permanently broke

He bought a jar of soil 'from the holy land' online for good luck. It cost him £75

He didn't get good luck so he concluded he needed more - now he has 5 jars at £75 each.

5 jars of muck ?

I hear this sort of stuff from everywhere. They are the majority. It's scary !

I will never be a fan of Beck and Limbaugh and Bush and Cheney - but that leaves me as.... an abstainer ?

Don't you think that might be more of a reporting bias since its more outrageous to be poor through your own mistakes than not? Sort of like how people are much more inclined to write a bad review about a product than a good one.

[elmcitymaven 9,712]

Don't burst ! Cat was sick here so been cleaning it up !

This story has a happy ending and I like that...

You know you like me best when I'm happy.

[BishopM 114]

My brother and I had identical upbringings. We were afforded many privileges that my parents really had to put themselves out for -- private schooling, music lessons, dancing lessons (for deb balls), French tutors, etc. My parents were NOT rich and I realised what an amazing opportunity I was being given. Every time I saw they were offering me something special, I ran with it. My brother on the other hand was obsessed with being "cool." As soon as he hit 15, he demanded to come home from boarding school and go to the local public school, which was a mess. He ended up not graduating from high school despite being absolutely brilliant because none of the administrators at the school caught that he was one credit shy of completion. This is while he was actually TEACHING his fellow students elective courses on history. He had to get his GED instead. He railed against me, saying I was given all the benefits, but it just wasn't true. I took advantage of things that he had rejected. There was a lot of jealousy on his side, as he saw me graduate from prep school, and a fancy uni, and grad school, and law school...

He managed to make something of himself in computers though, and he married and had two beautiful, brilliant sons. He wanted to do something with his life though, something bigger. Three years ago he was able to realise his dream of going back to university. He just graduated with a First from University College London in archaeology, and is now on the PhD track there. He'll be 42 this year and has 20+ years on some of his classmates but he doesn't care. He's happy at last, and I'm so proud of him I could burst.

Great story about your brother.

I am the only one out of four kids that graduated college(s), and I paid and suffered through every moment of it... ...and it is one of the bestestest things I've ever done. I am now the 'bank' for the rest of the family when they need it, which is fine, but at times I think of how I really 'worked' to try to do the right things while they didn't...

Oh well...my family is still great. However, with regard to kids and the OPs post, I think that one thing that Parents fail to do is to set expectations for their kids. For instance, my parents never instilled it in us that we HAD to go to college...so 3 out of 4 kids didn't. That is a lesson I learned, and my son just finished his Freshman year with a 3.2, and my 15 year old daughter definitely realizes that my expectations are that she WILL go to college and work. In the end though, its a combination...parents and kids take responsibility for the kid's success or lack of success. However, I guess in the end its really up to the kids, because they'll own the outcome. As parents we need to set the expectations, but the kids still have to achieve them...

Women do that. We are awesome.

Men definitely do better in all things when they have the right woman with them. On our own, we are lushes

[Captain Oates 911]

Does waster mean alcoholic or druggie or does it just mean "loser"?

I guess it translates best as 'loser' except that they never try so they never lose

and it's just the stupidity of my friend's son spending $ 125 on a bottle of dirt from the holy land and then buying 5 more ?

How can someone like that survive in this tough world ?

Is it stupidity or what ? They have special shopping channels for fat ladies to buy cheap rings - there are millions of these gals - what is with them ? They all max out their cards and add 25 lbs a year - why can't they see what they are doing ?

Edited July 9, 2010 by saywhat

[Captain Oates 911]

Men definitely do better in all things when they have the right woman with them. On our own, we are lushes

ah but jesus and Barny Frank didn't have a right woman with them...

John Edwards did and look at him.

Bill Clinton ?

[elmcitymaven 9,712]

ah but jesus and Barny Frank didn't have a right woman with them...

John Edwards did and look at him.

Bill Clinton ?

My husband had the right woman with him, as he'll still say to anyone, and he still ruined everything. It was not enough for me to have the will for him to succeed; he needed to have it too.