Is love really blind or are we all looking for a good catch?

[KarenCee 3]

In my case, I was looking for a PhD., frustrated cellist who composes Haiku. But cupid brought me a dentist who likes to sing and crack jokes.

This is a pretty specific list...what you're describing though isn't who the person is, but what they've done or accomplished. With all due respect in terms of the broader question you pose in the subject line, I'm not sure if one necessarily equals the other. Does one fall in love with someone and/or evaluate that solely on personal achievements/accomplishments? Maybe but IMO I don't think it's the most stable thing to base a marriage on.

A "good catch" in my world is someone who has certain personal qualities and also has the mindset to grow with me and within the relationship. That I found, in spades. What he have each brought to the marriage and to one another is what matters in terms of our commitment and fundamental personality, as well as the road we continue to travel together as we develop individually and as a team. The fact that we support one another in our endeavors (learning the cello or not), is to me the crux of the matter, not whether or not one of us brought it to the table.

Of course, he does compose Haiku. He doesn't even mind that most of my poetry naturally flows to iambic pentameter.

I was looking for a man who would treat me as a person, not as a piece of property. I can honestly say that looks were not first on the list. His profession was not of major importance. I remember thinking I do want this man, whoever he may be, to be a man who would work though and not rely on me to do it all. What I got was more than I ever imagined I would find.

I was given a man who is incredible to look at (to me :0 ), one that I can actually have a conversation with. He listens to me, and thinks I am worth something in this world. He loves me unconditionally and wants to take care of me and my daughter (well, OUR daughter) by finding the best possible job. He is intelligent yet humble about it. He shares whatever he has with me, as I do with him. He causes me to want to expand my horizons, and he enjoys doing the same. He takes time to explain hockey to me (awesome!) and doens't think I'm an irritation for asking a question for the umpteenth time Shall I go on? If that is called a "good catch" then I caught a damn good one!

Nope...my love isn't blind...I see pretty clear these days

Edited August 10, 2006 by KarenCee

[pedroh 21]

as roi said.. loveblindness lasts until novelty wears off.. yea yea.. we're not trying to marry a rockefeller or a vanderbilt or something like that.. but still, I don't think i.e. a successful woman who i dont know owns a company is gonna marry a janitor who never finished elementary school and will live happily ever after.. now.. the thing here is not the job, or the credentials.. but the mentality... i know some people who will try and improve themselves, get a career, this and that.. but there's a difference between a janitor who tries to complete a degree by night than a janitor that goes home everynight and drinks a 6 pack of budlight..

now.. lol, nothing against janitor,, they do a hell of a job.. but i dont think any ladie from this site would like to be a sugar momma for the rest of their lives cuz their 'love of their life' doesnt have a job or can't get one or tries to improve himself..

[Alex+R 0]

as roi said.. loveblindness lasts until novelty wears off.. yea yea.. we're not trying to marry a rockefeller or a vanderbilt or something like that.. but still, I don't think i.e. a successful woman who i dont know owns a company is gonna marry a janitor who never finished elementary school and will live happily ever after.. now.. the thing here is not the job, or the credentials.. but the mentality... i know some people who will try and improve themselves, get a career, this and that.. but there's a difference between a janitor who tries to complete a degree by night than a janitor that goes home everynight and drinks a 6 pack of budlight..

now.. lol, nothing against janitor,, they do a hell of a job.. but i dont think any ladie from this site would like to be a sugar momma for the rest of their lives cuz their 'love of their life' doesnt have a job or can't get one or tries to improve himself..

eee yeah. My fiance has not finished college, but he works at a very white collar job and is I believe a certifiable evil supergenius. We already have the rest of his college figured out, and he is aiming to end up with a PhD. So the fact that right now I have a degree and he doesn't is not really relevant, in that he will eventually have one.

I fell for an Irish guy while I was studying there, and pretty hardcore. But he was a (VERY sexy) vending machine repairman who was happy in that job and had no desire to go to school. He was witty but he didn't read or really want to make a difference or really OWN his own life. I just knew it wasn't worth fighting for... just my .02

So is this really ultimately a question of class?

[pedroh 21]

not class.. but looking for improvement in life.. yes.. not everybody had the chance to go/finish college.. but there are lots of people who try to improve themselves every day.. so.. that's very different to a guy that says 'school is boring' and is happy flipping burgers when you/they know they can do way much better..

but of course some credentials help.. as in my case.. my wife is a college graduate who soon will pursue her master's degree.. I really know I wouldn't have stand a chance if when we met I would have told her 'i dont go to college, that's dumb', or 'i dont care for an education'

[PlatyPius 5]

not class.. but looking for improvement in life.. yes.. not everybody had the chance to go/finish college.. but there are lots of people who try to improve themselves every day.. so.. that's very different to a guy that says 'school is boring' and is happy flipping burgers when you/they know they can do way much better..

but of course some credentials help.. as in my case.. my wife is a college graduate who soon will pursue her master's degree.. I really know I wouldn't have stand a chance if when we met I would have told her 'i dont go to college, that's dumb', or 'i dont care for an education'

Rant follows....

I didn't finish college. I thought it was dumb. I still do.

I was an auto mechanic and never got ASE certified.

I am an I.T./Computer guy and have never gotten A+ certified.

Why?

Because the whole concept of certification annoys me.

I have worked with many ASE certified mechanics who could fix most GM products, but give them a Nissan or a Volvo, and they were as useless as t1ts on a bull. (ASE certification tests are about 75% GM-oriented, btw). Since I detest GM products and avoided working on them, was I afraid of failing the test? No. I know perfectly well that I would score at least a 90% on any ASE test. It's the "idea" of it. I have 10 years of experience as an auto technician. I am certified by Nissan and Ford. (Not pursued...comes with the mandatory training, experience, and such) If that doesn't tell an employer that I know what the hell I'm doing, then I have no interest in working for them.

Same with A+ certification. I've been in this industry for 5 years now. I am a Microsoft Partner, a Western Digital Partner, an AMD partner, etc. I work with a lot of A+ certified computer "techs". They were amazed to learn that you can bypass the memory test on boot by hitting the Esc key. I think that illustrates my point the best. Certification doesn't mean #######. All throughout school I scored in the 99th percentile on any test I took. Does that mean I know anything about anything, really? No. Without experience, I'm as dumb as the next guy. I work with guys who have 4 year degrees in computer science/engineering. They were also amazed to learn about the Esc key. Essentially they know nothing, because they haven't been in the real world.

I did attend college. Credit-wise, I'm a junior (3rd year) Did I learn anything at all in college? No. Nothing useful, anyway. I learned that it's PC to call a class "American History", make it required, and have the entire content of the class deal with the oppression of females throughout the history of the US. If I'm going to be brainwashed, I can get it done for free by the popular media, I don't need to pay $10,000/year to get it done. Would I be able to get a better job if I had a degree? Maybe. In the I.T. industry it isn't typically as important as in other fields. What's important is being able to demonstrate a working knowledge of the language/skill related to the job. Emphasis on "WORKING knowledge".

This is a subject I'm passionate about, in case you haven't noticed. College education means nothing to me. What I consider much more important are questions such as: "Can this person THINK?" "Does this person have common sense?" "Will this person get the job done?" "Is this person book-smart, but life-stupid?" "Does this person learn new things or further their knowledge of the things they do know?". These are the things I consider most important, intelligence/personality-wise.

Sian does not have a college degree. She has the UK equivalent of "trade school" training. She is at the highest level of her field. Could she get a job in the US? I don't know. The US is overly concerned about college degrees rather than experience. Will she pursue a degree once here? Possibly. Will I? Maybe. I have the "real world" experience now to prove that I know what I'm doing without the degree. I would still likely refuse to work for a company that required a college degree, though.

Would I consider education or income as a major qualifier in who I married?

Never.

[Carola 0]

Love isn't blind; it just only sees what matters.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Love isn't blind; it just only sees what matters.

Nice! More wisdom in those words than in this entire thread!

[Carola 0]

Love isn't blind; it just only sees what matters.

Nice! More wisdom in those words than in this entire thread!

Thanks

[PlatyPius 5]

Love isn't blind; it just only sees what matters.

I agree completely.

[KarenCee 3]

Love isn't blind; it just only sees what matters.

I agree completely.

That says it all

[aussiewench 9]

My philosphy is that love is blind in the beginning when pheromones are involved...more so when one has partaken of a few too many alcoholic beverages. Hence why I met my pirate on the net. I dont trust my pheromones and they have brought to me a few duds

Edited August 11, 2006 by aussiewench

[*Robert* 2]

My philosphy is that love is blind in the beginning when pheromones are involved...more so when one has partaken of a few too many alcoholic beverages. Hence why I met my pirate on the net. I dont trust my pheromones and they have brought to me a few duds

hmmmmm... wench pheromones.... gotta be potent!!!

*Waves Hi Lorelle!!*

[Laura_and_IanM 0]

If it isn't a good catch, or the right catch, it will end up getting thrown back in!!!

Blind love only lasts till the noveltywears off!

I agree with you. ONe thing that I pointed out to my best friend back at home was that whenever we are in a relationship, typically I lose interest within a year. Yeah a year may seem like a long time to finally see someone for who they are to some, but for me I am the type of person who likes to give benefit of the doubt, and try to "work" on things. I knew the day I married my ex that we weren't going to be together forever. But I had no support from my family who at the time wouldn't speak to me (go figure..nothing new there), and then on the other side I had my ex's family telling me that I HAD to get married because I was pregnant and the child would be a #######, and I would be living in sin for which GOD won't forgive me for. I honestly felt like I had no choice, but felt that my love would make it work. How wrong and naive was I??? LOL. With Ian, I sware, I fall in love with him more everyday. I never thought that I would be able to say that. HOnestly, everyday he does something that makes me love him more. And, I haven't gotten bored of him..lol...we have been together now for almost two years. Married for 4 months. Yeah, financially he is alright. I don't think he gets paid a fair wage tbh for the field of work he is in, but does it mean that I love him less because of it?? NO...I understand what you are saying Pedroh about the immigration issue, and I know we are fine for that. But once it goes through, I honestly don't care. All I ask is that we have a roof over our head, food on the table, and a happy home. The rest will take care of itself..

LJ

[Welshcookie 17]

I have been in relationships where love was certainly blind

I am glad to knew my husband as a friend before we became 'involved' .. I saw his bad side as well as his good side during our friendship. In fact our getting together was quite clinical because we both knew we were putting a friendship on the line.....we both put our cards on the table as to what we wanted out of it (and yes even marriage was discussed ) luckily our expectations were the same, we already knew we liked one another and were compatible so we went for it!.....and the rest is history Yep...this one was with eyes wide open

[Fandango 1,439]

I don't get the OP.

Everybody has their own idealized sets of traits they look for in a mate, but sometimes cupid throws a monkey wrench into it and your prince charming winds up being a janitor with only a 3rd grade education. How important is your mate's profession or education in making the relationship even possible? Physical appearance? Habits? Or is love truly blind?

Intelligence - Vital

Phy Appearance - ...had to have 'that spark'

Profession - I respect him no matter what he does, but the ability to make a good life for HIMSELF and his future family was vital in my choice.

B@lls - HAD to have someone who I knew would have my back. Someone who's not afraid to stand up for himself or me, someone who would stand by my side and protect me as much as I would do the same for him...

there are many other things I factored into my ideal partner...I think character is a BIG part of that...whether they are trustworthy, honest, upstanding, etc...

Without these factors being met, I don't think D and I would have gotten together. I was definately discerning with choosing my partner. A very good friend of mine said that most people take more caution in choosing a washing machine than with a partner....I agree with that completely! It's like 'oh you love me? Let's go!' hahhahah

I was just sent the most beautiful poem ever...lemme paste (my fave part in purple).

It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living.

I want to know what you ache for

and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me how old you are.

I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool

for love

for your dream

for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon...

I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow

if you have been opened by life’s betrayals

or have become shrivelled and closed

from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain

mine or your own

without moving to hide it

or fade it

or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy

mine or your own

if you can dance with wildness

and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes

without cautioning us to

be careful

be realistic

remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me

is true.

I want to know if you can

disappoint another

to be true to yourself.

If you can bear the accusation of betrayal

and not betray your own soul.

If you can be faithless

and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty

even when it is not pretty

every day.

And if you can source your own life

from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure

yours and mine

and still stand at the edge of the lake

and shout to the silver of the full moon,

“Yes.”

It doesn’t interest me

to know where you live or how much money you have.

I want to know if you can get up

after the night of grief and despair

weary and bruised to the bone

and do what needs to be done

to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me who you know

or how you came to be here.

I want to know if you will stand

in the centre of the fire

with me

and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom

you have studied.

I want to know what sustains you

from the inside

when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone

with yourself

and if you truly like the company you keep

in the empty moments.