got 2 year GC, now divorceHei!

[justashooter 430]

I'm sorry but I do agree here.. to a point. It's INCREDIBLY rude to speak another language in front of someone who doesn't understand it BUT there are rules. For instance, if he's actually sitting there supposed to be involved in the conversation but being left out of the conversation, then it's ridiculously rude and shouldn't be done. If he's sitting there just in the same room doing his own thing then there's nothing wrong with it. It's like sitting in the room and MSN'ing to someone else. he knows you're talking to someone but doesn't know what you're saying.. its the same thing.

living in china for some years i learned to speak some chinese, but don't get everything, especially as it is a figurative language and quite dialectic, and all i have is mandarin. i understand what the guy must feel like with a constant babel of blather going on in the background during his time home in the evenings. she is obviously not an english first language speaker, and we can assume that he is not fluent in her language for argument's sake. in such a case his home is invaded by strangers whose intent he cannot determine. his wife's intent in the moment also becomes undeterminable. constant exposure to this kind of thing undermines trust in any normal human being, kumbaya-lets all love one another we're all the same bullshit not withstanding.

that being said, the woman talks about the importance of family in her post. perhaps she should consider just exactly how her family is now defined. she married an American, who is not going to be comfortable with an intrusive set of in-laws and brothers and sisters and uncles and aunts sticking their noses into his relationship, his career, his finances, etc. some accomodation is required. perhaps she should devote as much time and energy to him as she does to her skype-mates.

it's rude to speak in anything other than the dominant language in public, and if it must be done it should be done discretely. it is rude to do it in the home in front of those who do not speak the foreign language, unless they are incredibly tolerant and have a very high degree of trust based on years of happy relationship. anything else just creates discomfort and provokes ill-will. english use in international business, of course, is an obvious exception.

your husband may be an insensitive jerk, but let's nto blame him for things that you are doing.

[Fandango 1,439]

She gave up her entire life as she knew it, and now she should pussyfoot around her husband and not talk to her family because it's considered 'disrespectful' to him? That's a shocking theory.

[MeggyMo 4]

She gave up her entire life as she knew it, and now she should pussyfoot around her husband and not talk to her family because it's considered 'disrespectful' to him? That's a shocking theory.

Agreed. I'm sorry I just finished reading all of this and while I agree that speaking another language in front of someone who does not speak that language can make the person uncomfortable BUT he decided he wanted to be with this person. What did he expect her just to give up her native language.

Come on now man give me a break. I feel for the OP and I definitely hope that she can get this all sorted out for herself and get her back in the best situation for her. And I believe the last thing she needs is this guy telling her to suck it up and basically do as he says, Justashooter I believe your image of a how a woman should act and behave is quite twisted. Your wife may be like that to you sir but a woman should not have toobey every ridiculous demand that she is given. She should be able to keep in contact with her family and speak whatever the hell language she wants WHENEVER she wants. I find your views on women appalling. You may not have said much but what you did say was disturbing.

Now with that being said I really hope you find what you need OP. Good luck

[nane1104 146]

WOW, just wow! It's not even funny how people jump to conclusions here....

As to speaking your own language to your family being considered rude- then he should have married an english raised woman where the whole family speaks english!

My husband would never say a word to me when I speak german with my folks. For one, he knew that they don't speak english and that we would speak german only and secondly- he could learn german too if he wanted to.

Of course I am always translating if he is somehow involved in the conversation but otherwise he doesn't even care...

[MeggyMo 4]

WOW, just wow! It's not even funny how people jump to conclusions here....

As to speaking your own language to your family being considered rude- then he should have married an english raised woman where the whole family speaks english!

My husband would never say a word to me when I speak german with my folks. For one, he knew that they don't speak english and that we would speak german only and secondly- he could learn german too if he wanted to.

Of course I am always translating if he is somehow involved in the conversation but otherwise he doesn't even care...

Very well said

[IncorrectPolitics 26]

living in china for some years i learned to speak some chinese, but don't get everything, especially as it is a figurative language and quite dialectic, and all i have is mandarin. i understand what the guy must feel like with a constant babel of blather going on in the background during his time home in the evenings. she is obviously not an english first language speaker, and we can assume that he is not fluent in her language for argument's sake. in such a case his home is invaded by strangers whose intent he cannot determine. his wife's intent in the moment also becomes undeterminable. constant exposure to this kind of thing undermines trust in any normal human being, kumbaya-lets all love one another we're all the same bullshit not withstanding.

that being said, the woman talks about the importance of family in her post. perhaps she should consider just exactly how her family is now defined. she married an American, who is not going to be comfortable with an intrusive set of in-laws and brothers and sisters and uncles and aunts sticking their noses into his relationship, his career, his finances, etc. some accomodation is required. perhaps she should devote as much time and energy to him as she does to her skype-mates.

it's rude to speak in anything other than the dominant language in public, and if it must be done it should be done discretely. it is rude to do it in the home in front of those who do not speak the foreign language, unless they are incredibly tolerant and have a very high degree of trust based on years of happy relationship. anything else just creates discomfort and provokes ill-will. english use in international business, of course, is an obvious exception.

your husband may be an insensitive jerk, but let's nto blame him for things that you are doing.

There isn't anything wrong with speaking your native language to your family in front of your spouse. If her family spoke English I guess it would be inappropriate, but they don't, and she shouldn't have to sneak around just to speak to her family. As for your comment about how she married an American guy and he will not feel comfortable with her entire family in their personal lives and finances I know what you mean. I know quite a few people who have an Asian spouse and some of the in laws are too nosy and don't seem to understand that the spouses finances are not the concern of the entire family, and it really puts a strain on the relationship.

[howdydoodle 0]

I have a similar situation regarding my spouse.

Her 2 year conditional GC expires in November.

I discovered through private emails she sent to friends, she's planning to divorce me right after she gets her 2 year condition lifted at the end of the year and receives her 10 year permanent green card.

Could someone please tell me which department to contact regarding this issue since I consider it fraud.

I'm planning not to submit and sign form I-751 which is required to be filed within 90 days of the expiration of the conditional green card.

Thanks,

[TBoneTX 45,536]

Could someone please tell me which department to contact regarding this issue since I consider it fraud.

See the "Important Disclaimer" at the bottom of this VJ page. The number for ICE is there. A case officer can tell you how to proceed. Sorry to hear about your situation, but good for you for following through.

[justashooter 430]

I have a similar situation regarding my spouse.

Her 2 year conditional GC expires in November.

I discovered through private emails she sent to friends, she's planning to divorce me right after she gets her 2 year condition lifted at the end of the year and receives her 10 year permanent green card.

Could someone please tell me which department to contact regarding this issue since I consider it fraud.

I'm planning not to submit and sign form I-751 which is required to be filed within 90 days of the expiration of the conditional green card.

Thanks,

if your wife is savvy, at all, she will understand that she needs to file independently, if not jointly. if i were you, i would have plans for an ambush, and another place to live when that time comes.

if you really wanna stick it to her, go thru the process of filling out the forms, getting all the signatures, and then pretend that you are taking them to the post office. mail an empty envelope to USCIS with return receipt requested so that you can show her the receipt and the card. when you get the return receipt in the mail your deception is nearly equal to hers. then find another place to live, without her, take all the documentation regarding the 751 filing with you, and post copies of her e-mails on the front door. then file for divorce.

it's gonna get ugly, but then, it's already ugly, and she's an ugly woman for deceiving you.

[sachinky 465]

Ooo, sneaaaaaaky.

[Mithra 1,185]

Diabolical! I like it.

Re: speaking another language in the home. I don't think it's rude, personally. When my husband speaks Arabic on the phone to family or friends I just tune it out. I suppose if I were the paranoid type I would think it was rude and may even think I was being talked about in a bad way but I'm not so I don't. The noise level of an Egyptian man speaking Arabic is the worst part of it not the language he's speaking.

[GabiandVi 34]

marginal VAWA at best. grounds for divovce? up to you.

being yelled at a few times is not spousal abuse. being asked to provide some document about a car that was bought as marital property is no big deal. he can prolly get a benefit by proving the expense. female TV shows are really negative in their influence on married women, in general. texting used-to-be's is wrong for either of you. don't get me started on the gun stuff. as for skyping with family every night in front of the husband, avoid it. do it in the daytime when he's working. if it has to be done while he is around there should be a limit, especially if the skyping is done in a language the husband does not speak. continuing relationships in front of him that he is left out of is disrespectful.

you knew who he was when you married him, or should have. too many internet marriages on this site based on no real knowledge of the other person. what did you expect?

I don't think this is about the yelling. It's about the utter contempt the husband has for his wife, who left everything and everyone to make a happy home with him. It is impossible, of course, to know for sure from a few lines on a forum such as this one if this will escalate into something really dangerous, but it sounds like it to me. If this were someone I knew or a loved one, I'd be marching them out of that house and hiding them from the SOB.

As for the skyping in a different language, I support you on that. It doesn't bother me one bit when my husband chats in his language or talks on the phone in his language, but I can see how it might bother some people, and out of respect for the one you love, if it bothers him/her, keep it to an absolute minimum in their presence. Regardless, it's better to stay off the computer or phone as much as possible during together time with your spouse. The different language thing might not be rude to some people, but talking on the phone, texting, or chatting on the computer when someone else is just sitting there IS rude no matter what language it is done in!!!!

[NutMagnet 2]

Hei!

My marriage is over. I got GC last week and I also applied for Social Security card, it must come in 2 weeks. Im going to wait to receive it and then Im flying back to my homecountry.

Sounds very convenient. Another fraudster. Have a nice flight.

[dluke77 9]

I have a similar situation regarding my spouse.

Her 2 year conditional GC expires in November.

I discovered through private emails she sent to friends, she's planning to divorce me right after she gets her 2 year condition lifted at the end of the year and receives her 10 year permanent green card.

Could someone please tell me which department to contact regarding this issue since I consider it fraud.

I'm planning not to submit and sign form I-751 which is required to be filed within 90 days of the expiration of the conditional green card.

Thanks,

Agree with another post that letting her know you know is a mistake. I would print the emial(s) that are undeniable proof of her intentions. DO NOT Let her know she has been found out. Ensure that you have an interview... because I know they always don't conduct one before the issuance of 10 year green card--someone else might be able to chime in on how to ensure you have an interview. Let her talk in the interview about how great the marriage is and than when its your turn or towards the end of interview... state excuse me mr or mrs interviewer... here is some of the love that she shows for this marriage in these emails I have here. Then go home change the locks and tell her to have fun back in her home country.

Or just arrange plane tickets and take a vacation home--without her knowing change her ticket to one way and yours for a flight the day earlier. Leave her in her home country and report and provide the emails to immigration when you get back.

[dluke77 9]

Siska... If you want to stay married then you need counseling. I am not a professional--but sounds like you need some couples counseling and he needs some individual counseling. If he loves you and wants you then he will do this for himself and the marriage.

If he doesn't want to or refuses counseling and is just going to be the way he is and if your not willing to change his behavior toward you and also you change or adjust your lifestyle habits to accomadate his desires then just get divorced now and save yourself time and unhappiness. Go back to you country and get your career back and rejoin your family who will love you unconditionally.

You mentioned he is military. Well the military has Family Service Centers with a huge array of different types of classes and do have trained counselors that are good. And they are especially good at dealing with mixed marriages of different countries. Just remember though it takes two people to have a successful relationship, or at least one person willing to be misearble in order to make the other one happy and believing they are in a successful relationship.

Good Luck to You.

Edited July 8, 2010 by dluke77