Male friend is in abusive marriage, need advice

[justashooter 430]

Justashooter, my credentials are not relevant. I prefer to display them where it actually matters.

If you really wanted to help, you could have given advice on how he could respond to the emotional instability. You could have encouraged the husband to have her see a psychologist/psychiatrist. This is what someone who abides by the "do not harm" rule does.

my friend, your credentials appear to be irrelevant to this discussion, though you do have a surface understanding of BPD. perhaps you are an engineer?

i really wanted to help, so i told the guy how to handle the situation. re-read my reply regarding how to handle a borderline. it is good advise for someone who is not prepared to "out borderline a borderline", which is tricky business requiring significant sophistication and tremendous restraint combined with a willingness to become completely unhinged in a highly controlled manner.

with borderlines, in a family situation, rules are whatever works. i suggested the most dignified and least harmful solution. you can try to get borderlines to "see a psychologist" till you're blue in the face. most of them won't until they have banged their heads into a brick wall (figuratively). nothing cures a borderline better than complete abandonment, but it's less harmful to let them abandon a trust object that is imperturbable. such a person is the only thing they cannot face. dignity, respect, kind nature, faithfulness. all of these will drive a borderline away right quick, because they have no concepts for this type of behaviour.