Why are we turning our kids into sissies?

[Hilarious Clinton 452]

Expose kids to porn and fireworks.

Simultaneously?

NO!!! that would be bad.

[*Robert* 2]

[...] I don't think with children it's necessary for them to adapt a "winner takes all" mentality. In fact, I would say that it can have a detrimental effect depending on the child. A child can learn to excell and strive to do their best and that for me as a parent is what I not only would encourage, but I'd praise them, even if it means they're last in place of a race - if I know my child is giving his best, what more should I ask for?

If a child is giving their best, then that is all you can ask for. The question is knowing what their best is. Praising a child even if they came in last place, if it wasn't their best effort, would be sending the wrong message, IMO. I was never rewarded for bad grades, or told "that's okay, try better next time". I was punished!!! Conversely, I was rewarded for having good grades, like being allowed to go to work to earn money to buy things that all the other kids had that their parents bought for them!!! Or being able to borrow the car that I had requested at least 3 days in advance, or being allowed to go out on a non-school night. Anything less than a 3.0 was unacceptable. As for sports, we were never encouraged or discouraged, as long as our grades were good and we completed all our household choirs as expected.

Yeah, kids these days have it so rough. Poor babies. All this psycho babble non-sense has done nothing but put money in "therapists" pockets!

Even the U.S. military boot-camps coddle the recruits now. It's just appauling to me how weak this nation is becoming.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

If a child is giving their best, then that is all you can ask for. The question is knowing what their best is. Praising a child even if they came in last place, if it wasn't their best effort, would be sending the wrong message, IMO. I was never rewarded for bad grades, or told "that's okay, try better next time". I was punished!!!

My dad said he struggled in grade school and the constant low grades in such subjects as math made him question whether he was even smart enough to go to college. After a stint in the Navy he went on to get two Bachelor degrees and a Masters. Some kids just do not thrive in a traditional school environment. Montesori schools have proven there are other effective ways in which kids can excel scholastically. Kids need a lot of encouragement and while I agree that some parents and educators have taken that to an extreme, it doesn't have to be one way or the other. As Alex pointed out with her experience in sports - she was fully aware just when the praise became humiliating. I think we should give kids more credit - they're keen on knowing what the real 'score' is if they've learned from their parents that self-worth is not dependent on external factors.

[I'm Gone 60]

If a child is giving their best, then that is all you can ask for. The question is knowing what their best is. Praising a child even if they came in last place, if it wasn't their best effort, would be sending the wrong message, IMO. I was never rewarded for bad grades, or told "that's okay, try better next time". I was punished!!! Conversely, I was rewarded for having good grades, like being allowed to go to work to earn money to buy things that all the other kids had that their parents bought for them!!!

The problem now is I think grades in school are meaningless. Schools are like Lake Wobegon where all the kids are above average. No one fails a grade anymore. Hell my daughter did even get ABCDE grades until I think it was third grade. Up until then she got "I" for improving and BS grades like that. Plus when I went to school the students were grouped in classes by ability. Now they spread the speds around in all the classes so I guess it doesn't hurt their feelings that they are as dumb as a brick and then it slows up everyone else in the class.

[*Robert* 2]

If a child is giving their best, then that is all you can ask for. The question is knowing what their best is. Praising a child even if they came in last place, if it wasn't their best effort, would be sending the wrong message, IMO. I was never rewarded for bad grades, or told "that's okay, try better next time". I was punished!!! Conversely, I was rewarded for having good grades, like being allowed to go to work to earn money to buy things that all the other kids had that their parents bought for them!!!

The problem now is I think grades in school are meaningless. Schools are like Lake Wobegon where all the kids are above average. No one fails a grade anymore. Hell my daughter did even get ABCDE grades until I think it was third grade. Up until then she got "I" for improving and BS grades like that. Plus when I went to school the students were grouped in classes by ability. Now they spread the speds around in all the classes so I guess it doesn't hurt their feelings that they are as dumb as a brick and then it slows up everyone else in the class.

Excellent point, and I saw that with my ex's kids, especially the oldest. She could barely read, but was getting an "A" in reading... #######? I was pissed at the school and the teacher, for just passing her along. Sometimes I wonder if its not a case where some teachers can't be bothered, and leave it for another teacher to deal with. Not to say that all teachers are that way, especially considering their working environments and poor pay. Our school systems DEFINITELY need an overhaul!!!

[Karen_L 1]

We have become a wayy too politically correct, eggshell walking, bunch of crybabies.

!!

Disappointments and challenges during childhood don't just help the child prepare for the nature of the adult world; they also build character, shape an individual's personality, etc. If everyone in a class, a school, a neighborhood, etc. have virtually the same experiences growing up (ALL positive, ALL pleasant) how will they ever blossom into individuals and shape a personality? All throughout grammar school, I was shy, overweight and very unpopular. I think those experiences helped me become an individual and develop my own ideas and opinions instead of just following the herd. It's funny because I often run into people from my grammar school (the girls who were, and are, popular and skinny with a zillion friends) and it makes me laugh because, as they were carbon copies of each other in elementary school, they are EXACTLY that same way today; nothing interesting or different about them at all. On the flip side, some of the funniest/wittiest/most interesting people I know were "losers" all throughout school and they are (what I would consider) great and successful adults.

Granted, some people's childhoods are torturous and everyday at school is a nightmare, but there is a huge difference between not making the baseball team because you don't play as well as other kids, and being teased mercilessly and beaten into a pulp by those other kids.

[KarenCee 3]

If a child is giving their best, then that is all you can ask for. The question is knowing what their best is. Praising a child even if they came in last place, if it wasn't their best effort, would be sending the wrong message, IMO. I was never rewarded for bad grades, or told "that's okay, try better next time". I was punished!!! Conversely, I was rewarded for having good grades, like being allowed to go to work to earn money to buy things that all the other kids had that their parents bought for them!!!

The problem now is I think grades in school are meaningless. Schools are like Lake Wobegon where all the kids are above average. No one fails a grade anymore. Hell my daughter did even get ABCDE grades until I think it was third grade. Up until then she got "I" for improving and BS grades like that. Plus when I went to school the students were grouped in classes by ability. Now they spread the speds around in all the classes so I guess it doesn't hurt their feelings that they are as dumb as a brick and then it slows up everyone else in the class.

Excellent point, and I saw that with my ex's kids, especially the oldest. She could barely read, but was getting an "A" in reading... #######? I was pissed at the school and the teacher, for just passing her along. Sometimes I wonder if its not a case where some teachers can't be bothered, and leave it for another teacher to deal with. Not to say that all teachers are that way, especially considering their working environments and poor pay. Our school systems DEFINITELY need an overhaul!!!

I agree with the grade comment. However, President Bush passed the No Child Left Behind Act, which makes the teacher more accountable, and that's a good thing (this coming from a teacher!). Still, it makes it hard to teach a kid who doesn't want to learn and won't even try (and no support from the parents either - grrrrr). Then when standardized testing time rolls around, these same kids do the "christmas tree" answering system on the test and it makes it look like the teacher hasn't done his or her job. President Bush doesn't want any child left behind in school. While I think that's a noble idea, what are we supposed to do with those children who just don't make it? What if they EARN that failing grade? Yet, it's not a good thing to let a child repeat a grade for fear that it will cause harm to his or her self esteem. There are times that education is a frustrating field to be in. Those the the frustrating times.

Here in GA...if a child fails the CRCT (end of year testing) then they get the chance to redeem themselves. It's called summer school. Then they can retake the CRCT and hopefully pass it again. OK...that's great. I'm all for a child having a second chance. But, IMHO, there are so many that I've seen throughout the 12 years I've been teaching that should have been kept back and they weren't. GRRRR....this is my soapbox.

There are times I wish I'd stayed in my other career....land survey drafting. *sigh*

[one...two...tree 2,762]

President Bush doesn't want any child left behind in school. While I think that's a noble idea, what are we supposed to do with those children who just don't make it? What if they EARN that failing grade? Yet, it's not a good thing to let a child repeat a grade for fear that it will cause harm to his or her self esteem.

We need a standardized system of alternative schools for children who are just not making it. Sadly, many children who fail academically aren't mentally challenge or have learning disabilities, but rather their home life sucks. The teachers are frustrated as I'm sure you experienced this - because when you try to get the parents involved you realize that is where the problem originates. So what do you do with kids who have mornonic parents like that? Some kids are able to succeed in spite of their broken family life, but for the ones who are failing, what do we do? And then, at some point when the child reaches a certain age, society then places the responsability on the adolescent. There's got to be some way to reach those kids - or to somehow enable the school system to address the problems in the home that are effecting the child's ablility to learn.

My ex-wife was came from such a broken home. Her stepfather and mother were alchoholics - use to the leave the kids to fend for themselves at night while they hit the bars. The stepfather would lose his job and they'd have to move frequently. The schools could recognize a problem but seemed to have their hands tied without any hard evidence of abuse. Her learning suffered greatly for it. Was it her fault?

[Kajikit 65]

Handing out valentines to all and sundry is a stupid idea anyway... it doesn't mean anything if you give one to everyone, and too many kids use it as a weapon to hurt others... 'You didn't get ANY because you smell bad and everybody hates you' or 'I'm giving my Valentine to Tina because she's pretty...' Preventing cruelty and intolerance is a Good Thing and it's not going to turn anyone into 'sissies'. Anyone who thinks that it will is one of the people who have never been on the receiving end of child-cruelty.

There's a difference between EARNING success (in a sporting event or a competition) and winning a popularity contest. Earned successes should be celebrated and encouraged.

[hockeygal 0]

my whole life was the receiving end of child cruelty! And I still don't agree with the everyone or no one theory. For one thing, it doesn't give kids a chance to decide things for themselves.

I have a very clear memory of one kid giving out lots of valentines in Grade 2, and being excited and getting only one in return. He looked so dejected, I have never forgotten it. And that was when I decided to give cards to not just my friends, but all the kids I was sure wouldn't get many otherwise (you know, the booger eaters and non-bathers, and even a few bullies) I did it because I felt like it, not because the teacher told me to. It was my choice to do so for my own Grade 3 reasons.

Ditto the sports thing. I never won a thing. Until I started cheating on the distance runs... you know, the old fashioned way.

[*Robert* 2]

[...] I decided to give cards to not just my friends, but all the kids I was sure wouldn't get many otherwise (you know, the booger eaters and non-bathers, and even a few bullies) I did it because I felt like it, not because the teacher told me to. It was my choice to do so for my own Grade 3 reasons.

[...]

People like you are the ones that end up being doctors, nurses, peace corps volunteers, or working some kind of job where you help those in need, which is very admirable.

Out of curiosity, what do you do now?

[hockeygal 0]

aw....

erm.... I work for the Government...

[*Robert* 2]

aw....

erm.... I work for the Government...

hahahahaha

The "good" government, or the "bad" one?!

[Ban Hammer 13,636]

aw....

erm.... I work for the Government...

and you're here to help.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

my whole life was the receiving end of child cruelty! And I still don't agree with the everyone or no one theory. For one thing, it doesn't give kids a chance to decide things for themselves.

I have a very clear memory of one kid giving out lots of valentines in Grade 2, and being excited and getting only one in return. He looked so dejected, I have never forgotten it. And that was when I decided to give cards to not just my friends, but all the kids I was sure wouldn't get many otherwise (you know, the booger eaters and non-bathers, and even a few bullies) I did it because I felt like it, not because the teacher told me to. It was my choice to do so for my own Grade 3 reasons.

I can understand the need to let children decide for themselves how to behave sociably and my experience is that it happens once they are in Jr. High and High School. But for the more impressionable 9 year old, they are still in a stage of development where they look to adults (parents and teachers) for protection. If a student displays a form of rudeness or cruelty within the classroom without any reprimand or involvement from the teacher, a young child will feel betrayed by the teacher for enabling it to happen.