Why are we turning our kids into sissies?

[samir_shannon 0]

i will tell you that this new generation is not going to be able to accept exclusion or failure because they are going to feel everything is automatically entitled to them. everyone said that my generation (80's kids) were going to be so bad but, i dont think so ... i think its this generation who isnt gonig to be able to handle the problems that will arise in thier adulthood.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

I love when Steven does that backtracking moonwalk dance

It's often difficult to effectively communicate across the internet without being misunderstood. Hopefully there's enough people reading what I post that understand the points I'm trying to make. Not much else I can do, but it seems that I get baited into over-explaining what I say. I can always hope to do a better job of communicating.

[rebeccajo 14]

I would think it would be much better for little Johnny to learn early on that maybe he isn't cut out to be a star pitcher for the White Sox so that he can focus his attentions elsewhere.

OMG. That's the most salient, spot-on argument in this entire thread.

My son has had 2 extracurricular loves his entire school career. Music and running. He has a god-given talent and passion for music. He stinks at track - at least as far as scoring points go. He comes in last or dead last each time.

Three years ago he nearly gave up band for cross-country. The two activities cross over each other in the school calendar. Guess which one is more 'cool' than the other? That's right - the athletic activity. This would never have been an issue in our house if our school system didn't let all comers sit on the bench, even if they aren't capable of contributing to the scoreboard.

Luckily my son has enough self awareness to question where his attentions should be focused. A skill of lot of 'placated' kids don't acquire.

Now he runs track in the spring because after all he does love to run and it gives him physical release. In the fall he marches in the band. And this year he happens to be the drum major. A position that he earned after auditioning over a 4 week interval against some very stiff competition. He's damn proud of it too and especially likes the fact that he had to prove himself to get there.

Of course Mom is busting her buttons.

Weaker kids in the 'entitlement' system often come away confused about themselves. No wonder. They haven't had any bars set to help them find the gifts they've been given.

Edited August 10, 2006 by rebeccajo

[Fandango 1,439]

I love when Steven does that backtracking moonwalk dance

It's often difficult to effectively communicate across the internet without being misunderstood. Hopefully there's enough people reading what I post that understand the points I'm trying to make. Not much else I can do, but it seems that I get baited into over-explaining what I say. I can always hope to do a better job of communicating.

We hope you do too

Meanwhile, you never answered one of my posts where I was asking you why you felt it was more important to teach cooperation over competitiveness. I think the article was about being more PC than competitve, but somehow you've taken this to mean cooperation....which I don't feel is diametrically opposed to competition.

Everything you've focused on....wolf packs, MBA teams, etc....do you really feel the majority of people work in an infrastructure such as that?

[one...two...tree 2,762]

I love when Steven does that backtracking moonwalk dance

It's often difficult to effectively communicate across the internet without being misunderstood. Hopefully there's enough people reading what I post that understand the points I'm trying to make. Not much else I can do, but it seems that I get baited into over-explaining what I say. I can always hope to do a better job of communicating.

We hope you do too

Meanwhile, you never answered one of my posts where I was asking you why you felt it was more important to teach cooperation over competitiveness. I think the article was about being more PC than competitve, but somehow you've taken this to mean cooperation....which I don't feel is diametrically opposed to competition.

Everything you've focused on....wolf packs, MBA teams, etc....do you really feel the majority of people work in an infrastructure such as that?

I'll have to get back to you on this, need to run... I promise to give you a worthy answer later.

[Trumplestiltskin 5,791]

There's a clear difference between helping your kid dealing with loss and the harsh realities of life and brow-beating them.

[I'm Gone 60]

There's a clear difference between helping your kid dealing with loss and the harsh realities of life and brow-beating them.

Why the name change?

[Trumplestiltskin 5,791]

There's a clear difference between helping your kid dealing with loss and the harsh realities of life and brow-beating them.

Why the name change?

Why indeed.

[I'm Gone 60]

There's a clear difference between helping your kid dealing with loss and the harsh realities of life and brow-beating them.

Why the name change?

Why indeed.

I didn't catch on it was you until I noticed Country: Granbretan and then "it had to be you." You in the witness protect program and this is your new identity? LOL

[Trumplestiltskin 5,791]

There's a clear difference between helping your kid dealing with loss and the harsh realities of life and brow-beating them.

Why the name change?

Why indeed.

I didn't catch on it was you until I noticed Country: Granbretan and then "it had to be you." You in the witness protect program and this is your new identity? LOL

Something like that.

[Laura_and_IanM 0]

DAMNIT...I never got that MALIBU BARBIE THAT I WANTED...so instead, I made my very own voodoo dolls of EVERYONE I hated....a needle here, a needle there....

#######? Thank GOD my boys aren't going to be sissies...THEY ARE ALLLLLL BOY...My oldest son has this losing streak and yes he does get upset, but we just tell him that he will someday find something that HE is good at and that HE will excel at that others won't. He understands that. Is it upsetting in the mean time to see him lose and be upset? Of course it sure is, but we aren't going to pamper to him just because he is down. We support him in carrying on and trying to find that nitch of his.

I use to babysit for this family that had two sons. They were the same ages at my oldest son and my middle son. GOSH...you would think that the world was going to end if they lost at something or if something didn't go as THEY wanted. The parents really did baby both of those boys. It's sad really, because I don't think its letting them be children. My boys are rough and like to play like boys. You would NEVER see these two boys throw a ball or wrestle or anything of the sort. It was all considered to be to violent and disturbing. Needless to say, I didn't stick around to babysit those two boys for long.

LJ

[Mandi+Ryan 1]

If we make them too sissified, they will be bullied when they are older for acting like a sissy. SO, it's a lose-lose situation I think.

[*Robert* 2]

I'm sorry I missed out on this! I didn't mean to post and run earlier today, I actually was busy today, getting ready for my move.

Steven, I was ginving an extreme example about cooperation. You've been using sports teams as analogies, and with that, it's called "teamwork". Even in my business, we have "teams", and yes, it is necessary for people to get along and cooperate. The question is, where do you fit into the team? Do you want to be the leader, or the follower? Do you want to make it through life on someone elses coat tails, or take the bull by the horns? When it comes to wolves... do you want to be the Alpha Male, or a submissive/subordinate member of the pack?

Granted, not everyone can be the "alpha male", or the leader, but people can have confidence in who they are and about what they are doing. When you think about competition, that's all you see anymore on TV... it's called "reality TV"!!! They are all about winners and loosers. Competing against others, and seeing who is best. Do people remember who was booted off early on in the season, or who the final four/two were?

Teaching are kids to be motivated, competitive, while at the same time "getting along", are key. We can't have total chaos, that's why we have laws and people to enforce them.

You asked me which was more important, and I gave my answer; competition. However, cooperation is still a skill that should be masted, other wise know as "tact"!

[one...two...tree 2,762]

I'm sorry I missed out on this! I didn't mean to post and run earlier today, I actually was busy today, getting ready for my move.

Steven, I was ginving an extreme example about cooperation. You've been using sports teams as analogies, and with that, it's called "teamwork". Even in my business, we have "teams", and yes, it is necessary for people to get along and cooperate. The question is, where do you fit into the team? Do you want to be the leader, or the follower? Do you want to make it through life on someone elses coat tails, or take the bull by the horns? When it comes to wolves... do you want to be the Alpha Male, or a submissive/subordinate member of the pack?

Granted, not everyone can be the "alpha male", or the leader, but people can have confidence in who they are and about what they are doing. When you think about competition, that's all you see anymore on TV... it's called "reality TV"!!! They are all about winners and loosers. Competing against others, and seeing who is best. Do people remember who was booted off early on in the season, or who the final four/two were?

Teaching are kids to be motivated, competitive, while at the same time "getting along", are key. We can't have total chaos, that's why we have laws and people to enforce them.

You asked me which was more important, and I gave my answer; competition. However, cooperation is still a skill that should be masted, other wise know as "tact"!

That makes sense but I don't think with children it's necessary for them to adapt a "winner takes all" mentality. In fact, I would say that it can have a detrimental effect depending on the child. A child can learn to excell and strive to do their best and that for me as a parent is what I not only would encourage, but I'd praise them, even if it means they're last in place of a race - if I know my child is giving his best, what more should I ask for?

Edited August 10, 2006 by Steven_and_Jinky

[one...two...tree 2,762]

I love when Steven does that backtracking moonwalk dance

It's often difficult to effectively communicate across the internet without being misunderstood. Hopefully there's enough people reading what I post that understand the points I'm trying to make. Not much else I can do, but it seems that I get baited into over-explaining what I say. I can always hope to do a better job of communicating.

We hope you do too

Meanwhile, you never answered one of my posts where I was asking you why you felt it was more important to teach cooperation over competitiveness. I think the article was about being more PC than competitve, but somehow you've taken this to mean cooperation....which I don't feel is diametrically opposed to competition.

Everything you've focused on....wolf packs, MBA teams, etc....do you really feel the majority of people work in an infrastructure such as that?

The end of the article ties it all in to say essentially that all this coddling is creating children who won't be able to compete in the real world. The examples of school policy where children must invite the whole class to a birthday party if they hand out invitations during class or must share things with all the students, in my opinion is just teaching kids to be polite. Exclusion can be devastating to young kids and while I agree that in the real world they will be faced with rejection, that doesn't mean that practicing inclusion in school is going to set them up for disaster later on in life. Rejection sucks no matter how many times it happens to someone. Nobody wants to feel left out. We all naturally have a desire to feel we belong.

I wasn't suggesting that cooperation and competition are diametrically opposed - I was pointing out that the focus in this thread seems to be that it's most important for children to be competitive. If by competition, we mean that we want our kids to strive to do their very best, than sure - that's good. But if the focus is about winning, then we've got it wrong.

"Although competition can be a very strong motivator, problems arise when too much emphasis is put on being the best. If a child can't enjoy each achievement on its own merit, winning may not be a goal worth reaching."

http://www.ces.ncsu.edu/depts/fcs/human/pubs/fcs404.pdf