Why are we turning our kids into sissies?

[ChristinaM 0]

Being polite is one thing, and it's a very underused skill in America - in my experience. "Please", "Thank you" and "excuse me" seem to be very much lacking. But that's beside the point.

When you work, you are being PAID for your time and professionalism. That means you're being PAID to be at least civil to people you don't like. When you are having a birthday party, you want to be surrounded by the people that you do genuinely like - regardless of whether they're the people you like that day, that week, or you've liked them for a number of years.

Far better, in my personal opinion, to be civil where it is appropriate and pleasant when you choose than false all of the time.

What are we teaching kids by giving them all a medal for competing? That it's not the winning that counts, but the taking part? If someone who had just got the promotion that you were up for came up to you and said "Thanks for playing", you'd probably smack them in the mouth. It's condescending and inappropriate. And by leading kids to believe that they will always be valued for their contribution, no matter how poor it is, we're patronising them and setting them up for nothing but disappointment in later life. Anyone who pretends that the world is a nice, fair place where you get a little token of appreciation with your pink slip is either very stupid or very naive.

[Alex+R 0]

When I was a kid, I was a really crappy runner. I was also awful at softball. The other stuff I was ok at in gym class, but these two things I could not do.

Some of my most humiliating, stinging moments were the following:

a) when I received a special ribbon for finishing last in the 50-yard dash and everyone acted like I'd done something special.

b ) when everyone clapped for me when I managed to hit the damn softball after trying and trying and being given unlimited tries despite my begging to just be out.

Edited August 9, 2006 by Alex+R

[Trompe le Monde 1,107]

In the original article no one was saying all the kids needed to be invited to a birthday party - just that they couldn't talk about in class unless that was the case. Which is tactful. I don't see anything wrong with teaching children tact.

[Fandango 1,439]

[ChristinaM 0]

In the original article no one was saying all the kids needed to be invited to a birthday party - just that they couldn't talk about in class unless that was the case. Which is tactful. I don't see anything wrong with teaching children tact.

It did say that you can't give anyone a Valentine's card unless you give one to everyone though... Isn't that the same thing?

Doesn't it completely invalidate the point of Valentine's Day?!

Edited August 9, 2006 by clmarsh

[Trompe le Monde 1,107]

You know what? That was the rule in my day (and I am older than most of you, so it was aaaaaggges ago) and I emerged from it pretty unscathed and a general appreciation for the reasons behind it.

Back in those days most 7 year-olds thought the opposite sex had cooties -- I guess these days when they give out valentines it's followed by a discussion of where the relationship is going and "taking it to the next level" lol

[*Robert* 2]

When I was a kid, I was a really crappy runner. I was also awful at softball. The other stuff I was ok at in gym class, but these two things I could not do.

Some of my most humiliating, stinging moments were the following:

a) when I received a special ribbon for finishing last in the 50-yard dash and everyone acted like I'd done something special.

b ) when everyone clapped for me when I managed to hit the damn softball after trying and trying and being given unlimited tries despite my begging to just be out.

And what did you come away with from those experiences? Would you have wished things have happened differently? What would you have wanted to happen?

Being polite is one thing, and it's a very underused skill in America - in my experience. "Please", "Thank you" and "excuse me" seem to be very much lacking. But that's beside the point.

I certainly agree with that. I was raised to always say "Yes Sir" or "Yes Maam", "Please", and "Thank You". By not using those words, there were often dire consequences!

Being polite is something that needs to be taught, and exhibeted, at home. As for sports, the idea of "it's not whether you win or loose, it's how you play the game". Sorry, that's just NOT reality!!! In a perfect world, maybe. There is nothing wrong with winning, and if people are okay with loosing, then go join Bart Simpson's underacheiver club! Competition is what separates the wheat from the chaff.

[ChristinaM 0]

As much as I appreciate that it's nice to make kids feel special, I also feel that it's very important to instill a sense of realism. Competitive sports are one way to do that in a social context without offence - particularly team sports, because a whole group of you lose together. As much as it's important to tolerate people that you don't like - at work, your in-laws, whatever - it's also important to know how to be a good loser. As Lisa said, you can't throw a temper tantrum in your bosses office because you didn't get the promotion. You have to know how to deal with it, and that skill is easier learnt (as are many things) early in life.

Being polite is one thing, and it's a very underused skill in America - in my experience. "Please", "Thank you" and "excuse me" seem to be very much lacking. But that's beside the point.

I certainly agree with that. I was raised to always say "Yes Sir" or "Yes Maam", "Please", and "Thank You". By not using those words, there were often dire consequences!

Being polite is something that needs to be taught, and exhibeted, at home. As for sports, the idea of "it's not whether you win or loose, it's how you play the game". Sorry, that's just NOT reality!!! In a perfect world, maybe. There is nothing wrong with winning, and if people are okay with loosing, then go join Bart Simpson's underacheiver club! Competition is what separates the wheat from the chaff.

I pull my husband up on it from time to time - it's always "will you" and "can you" and "do this!", which bugs me hugely!

I agree entirely.

Edited August 9, 2006 by clmarsh

[Meliss 0]

With kids it's "monkey see monkey do..." So I am always aware of what I say in front of my kids aswell as what they see me do----so if I'm rude to someone? What do they see? Really it is not that hard to be nice. Manners say alot about someone, just try and think about your kid being the only one with out a invite or valentine. Being a kid is hard enough. Show compassion and show them how to treat others with respect. It's your job as a parent.

[PlatyPius 5]

My feelings about this are probably easy to guess....

Yes, we're raising a bunch of spineless wussies who feel like everything they do should be congratulated.

Everyone gets a trophy just for playing....the same trophy....so where's the incentive to excel? If the reward is the same, no matter your effort or skill, why bother? If you knew that you and Bob would get the same raise, no matter what, and Bob was a lazy slob who barely did his job, why would you try to do your job well? If kids are all "rewarded" the same in sports, then what incentive is there for a kid to practice and become exceptional early on - when it's most important for future success?

I would think it would be much better for little Johnny to learn early on that maybe he isn't cut out to be a star pitcher for the White Sox so that he can focus his attentions elsewhere.

Welcome to the Wussified States of America.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

As for sports, the idea of "it's not whether you win or loose, it's how you play the game". Sorry, that's just NOT reality!!! In a perfect world, maybe. There is nothing wrong with winning, and if people are okay with loosing, then go join Bart Simpson's underacheiver club! Competition is what separates the wheat from the chaff.

In terms of real world skills - which is more important for your child, that they be competitive or cooperative?

[ChristinaM 0]

Manners say alot about someone, just try and think about your kid being the only one with out a invite or valentine. Being a kid is hard enough.

Manners is one thing. Forcing kids to be in the company of those that they don't like - on their own time, no less - is hard. Being a kid with your friends is not.

Being the last kid chosen for softball is much like getting a form rejection letter - it's something that everybody goes through. Does that mean we should disband all of the fraternaties and sororities because the students who don't get in might feel left out? That an employer should hire everyone who applies for a job, so as not to hurt anyone's feelings? Everybody should be paid equally, since it's not your contribution that counts, but the fact that you contributed? When you extrapolate it, it leads to a country gone crazy.

Why should you be the first kid picked when you can't even hit the ball?! Maybe that kid's the head of the debate team though. We should be teaching kids to play to their strengths, not to feel entitled to 1st place all the time. Newsflash - nobody is wonderful at everything!

I was that last kid to get chosen in gym class, I was never cool enough to be popular and even my friends stopped inviting me to parties. I seem to have turned out ok, with a healthy desire to earn my place in the world because I'm sure as heck that nobody's going to hand it to me on a silver platter.

And Steven: Cooperation is vital. But competition is a fact of life - as I said earlier, life is a competitive sport! Children need to know when each is appropriate.

Edited August 9, 2006 by clmarsh

[*Robert* 2]

As for sports, the idea of "it's not whether you win or loose, it's how you play the game". Sorry, that's just NOT reality!!! In a perfect world, maybe. There is nothing wrong with winning, and if people are okay with loosing, then go join Bart Simpson's underacheiver club! Competition is what separates the wheat from the chaff.

In terms of real world skills - which is more important for your child, that they be competitive or cooperative?

Competitive, all the way.

Everyone in my family is that way, and every one of them has a very fulfilling and rewarding life to show for it. Cooperation is for people who can't do it on their own.

Compete for sports, for music, and for grades in school. Then compete for jobs and for promotions. Competition is a part of life, if that person has any ambition at all.

Survival of the fittest!

[Fandango 1,439]

As for sports, the idea of "it's not whether you win or loose, it's how you play the game". Sorry, that's just NOT reality!!! In a perfect world, maybe. There is nothing wrong with winning, and if people are okay with loosing, then go join Bart Simpson's underacheiver club! Competition is what separates the wheat from the chaff.

In terms of real world skills - which is more important for your child, that they be competitive or cooperative?

Are they mutually exclusive????

I don't think it's a question of 'coffee or tea' the way S&J posed it.....I think you can teach a child both.. BUT if I had to pick one...it would be competitive...for all the reasons Robert mentioned

Think about your own jobs and where you would be if you were the office go getter, or the office doormat. No one's saying to teach children rudenes...but come on people! get those rose colored glasses off!

You think people who really excel in life didn't get the drive from somewhere??? Many self made millionaires can pinpoint in their childhood the exact moment they felt unfulfilled enough to push themselves to the point of breaking out of a mold. And if we celebrate mediocrity, we'll be a bunch of pansy-azzed whiney crybabies with such a feeling of entitlement who are just beige...nothing remarkable whatsoever...

This isn't a communist country

Edited August 9, 2006 by LisaD

[Trompe le Monde 1,107]

I don't think they are, or need to be.

I also think this idea that the world is a meritocracy where "the best" always get rewarded/promoted/recognized is equally as naive as giving a kid a trophy for last place. The best people doesn't always get the job, and the person who works the hardest and produces the best results doesn't always get promoted -- especially if the person doing the promoting thinks he/she is a dickhead.