Extremely fearful and worried that Ex may have completely misrepresented himself

[twowls 217]

lemme guess. this guy is from africa, north of the equator.

1.) your shrink is making the mistake of using her western education to try to evaluate a person with a different cultural orientation. you, being largely acculturated to western thinking, are doing the same thing. it could be that he was part of a militant group in his home country, but here he has little to no basis, if he tries anything, he is just a common criminal. relax for a moment and focus on healing yourself. YOU are all you should be thinking about right now. he should be left to deal with the consequences of his own actions.

the "law of natural consequences" is about to smack him right in the back of the head, and he might be aware of it at a conscious level, but at a gut level he is still thinking that he is in his home country where corruption reigns, connections speak, and thugs wander the streets with impunity. this perception will all change when he is found by police, tasered and handcuffed by policemen, locked in the back of a car, fingerprinted, photographed, and held in a jail cell until bail is made by his "friends". violation of a PFA is a serious misdemeanor, and this kind of response by law enforcement is standard treatment.

2.) the current occupant of the oval office notwithstanding, connections in a 3rd world country don't mean squat in USA. America is a nation in which rule of law still prevails. if not, our current dictator wouldn't have lasted a day. msot Americans (myself included) respect due process. your ex-husband will experience due process. in the meantime you need to stay out of his way and give him no communication. most people cannot enact aggression unless they feel a connection to their victim. you need to eliminate all connections for your personal safety.

3.) the secretive behaviour is standard practice in a case in which a man is using a woman to arrange fraudulent immigration. it is standard practice for unscrupulous persons whenever they are about to take advantage of someone. your guy is a fish out of water here. he may have been a big fish in a small pond in his home country, but here, he is a small fry who can't even get off the beach. the phone in your mother's name is the only suspicious component of the behaviour, but could have been old habit for a guy who uses dodges and deception as a life skill. hell, i've had aliases and phones that weren't in my name when the need arose. all men know how to do this. YOU NEED TO CLOSE THE ACCOUNT YESTERDAY.

4.) his "friends" are his exit path from your relationship. they are going to support him so that he can float for awhile. he doesn't want to be findable, so naturally will provide you with no information about them. he will not feel safe if you know where he is. he feels guilty at a subconscious level for using you, and is afraid of your "wrath", which seems non-existent to me. he is a scared little boy in a large body, and nothing more. everything he knows in his cognitive schema does not work here unless he is in company of other immigrants from his country. the other 99.99% of USA frightens him terribly.

5.) his horrific temper and enacted and threatened aggression are an indicator of his feeling of powerlesness. have no contact with him, so that he will have no release for this feeling. it will tear him apart day by day. getting out of the relationship is the best thing that could have happened to you in this situation. if you had stayed the abuse would have worsened. until he is deported you need to stay out of his way and give him no communication. most people cannot enact aggression unless they feel a connection to their victim. you need to eliminate all connections for your personal safety.

6.) you need to call USCIS to keep them updated on what you are going through, anyway. the next time you call, ask who you should send a letter to in regard to these concerns. then write out a simple outline with names, dates, events described in 1 or 2 sentences. long handwritten letters do not get read, so type it and keep it simple, and send it where they tell you. US law enforcement operates under a strict protocol. certain offices have authority that others do not, and you don't want to waste tiem or have this lost in the shuffle. telling the truth is a noble thing, and would be good for your soul right now. you need somebody to unburden to, so don't delay

i'm sending you a PM to explain some things. you are welcome to write me back if you need a friend.

general warning on this thread. anybody treats this one disrespectfully will be dealt with harshly.

OP, I don't know much, but the above sounds crazy convoluted to me. All kinds of baseless reading into what your husband might be thinking. You've got a freaked out, somewhat substantiated feeling your man may be planning some potentially devastating sh*t. He's proven himself absolutely harmful. Handle it. I have no idea what the preceding novel is about.

[john & jean 37]

[quote name=NVC FAN ' date='20 June 2010 - 07:48 PM' timestamp='1277081333' post='4016290]

i would not listen to anything other than what others have said, call the fbi. dont listen to the guy who is a master at world culture,

If your american , or trying to become american. its your duty to report this man, if everything you said is true. call them now!

THE TIMES SQUARE REMARK IS PROOF ENOUGH :thumbs:

[BlueBonnet 84]

I find this strange though.

It was my understanding that USCIS does background checks and criminal checks on both the petitioner and beneficiary. They look for certain names, and red flags. They - im assuming - have access to pretty much anything about anyone that they want if they look.

I read a story on here once about a woman, whos fiance or husband was denied. She didnt know why. But the people responding to her post told her that her beneficiary has something in his background that he hasnt disclosed to her and that USCIS found out. They went on to tell her to have a heart to heart with him and find out the real problem.

So, if this guy gets into the USA .. how did he get past all that ???

Or is he really just messing with the OP's head ?

[JohnAnwesha 4]

if I dont report him and he does something like sept 11 ...will I be in trouble too ?

There will be a lot more lives in danger.Would you feel better about that then?

Please,please inform the local FBI or whoever concerned if you have not yet.

[DoneWaiting 15]

We are reading two different cases here, the OP's personal situation and the General Public's possible end result.

For the OP.. whether or not your husband represents a national treat, you have the moral and legal responsibility to take actions in this situation.

We all are evaluating their situation base on what we read and unfortunately, we know very little. But from any meaningless overlook, $h!t can happen and blow over proportion. People come to this country in pursue of a dream and some other individuals come to this country to do harm. And don’t tell me he is just a fish out the water. I respectfully disagree with that statement. People sneak into this country, live among us and then we get the amazing surprise our next door neighbor just blow himself in the middle of the plaza..

Your responsibility to this great nation who has giving us shelter is to report any possible treat. Is not our responsibility to say if the OP's husband represent or not harm to us, that responsibility belongs the FBI/Homeland Security Department..

[Amit-N-Melody 11]

the fact that I didnt know him too well before getting married

It was my understanding that USCIS does background checks and criminal checks on both the petitioner and beneficiary. They look for certain names, and red flags. They - im assuming - have access to pretty much anything about anyone that they want if they look.

I know right... and still even with all this ppl still get scammed into fake fraud marriages... isnt it funny how she said that she really didnt know him before the marriage and then she still brought him over here... wow... why would you marry and spend the time and money on someone that you didnt really know? Its situations like this that makes the rest of us suffer in longer AP and security checks with legit Relationships and Marriages... If you really didnt know this man and you married him and brought him over to the USA maybe you should have something to worry about because that looks like you knew the marriage was fraud.. and why complain about it? Its like adopting a dog at the pound... and then returning him beacuse he shits in your floor and bites you when your back is turned... you either deal with it or dont take a big #### risk like marrying someone before you know them.

My advice.. you should call the FBI.. what do you have to loose... if he is filling your head with a bunch of BS then so what and if he isnt and he is a real threat then they will deal with him, and atleast they will have him flagged in the system.

[Kathryn41 3,205]

Inappropriate, off-topic comments more suitable for Off Topic forum have been removed..

I will remind everyone that the OP did not ask for your judgments; she is asking for your advice in what appears to be a frightening and potentially dangerous situation. Some of you object to a post advising everyone not to treat this topic disrespectfully. While the words used are strong, the sentiment is valid. Please answer the questions asked and keep your judgments and off topic comments to yourself.

[Vivi6 12]

hell, obama did it when he went to pakistan.

I don't know how this is relevant, anyways...

Recent events have proved some sort of failure in the system, but it looks like your concerns are pretty legitimate here, so as others advised you should contact the local FBI and they will know (hopefully!) what to make of your story and if they need to proceed with some kind of in-depth investigation.

Good luck and keep us posted!

[Kathryn41 3,205]

I do not have the ability to edit within a post. I can only remove the whole post or leave the whole post.

The post under discussion plus post quoting same have been removed with the acceptable parts of the comments returned below:

Justashooter: the guy is from a country with corrupt government. changing identity is just a matter of money.

i can get a doctoral degree in chinese philosophy in luoyang for about 200USD, an IT degree in hyderabad for twice that, and a new passport in @@@@@@ for a bit more.

fingerprints are not available to CBP for all suspected persona non-grata.

]Idaho_ and_ surigao [/b]: Interesting how some "the guy is from a country with corrupt government. changing identity is just a matter of money.

i can get a doctoral degree in chinese philosophy in luoyang for about 200USD, an IT degree in hyderabad for twice that, and a new passport in @@@@@@ for a bit more.

(comment removed)

fingerprints are not available to CBP for all suspected persona non-grata." get to stay and others do not.

Edited June 21, 2010 by Kathryn41

[llxxll 5]

thanks one and all for your input ...I will keep you posted on what I do next and what happens

[Fandango 1,439]

If what you say is even half true, I am struggling to see where the question is as to why you shouldn't call the FBI.

[llxxll 5]

i have reported all information I have to ICE ...they took down a detailed report...thanks everyone for your advice...I had just been scared to report ...dont ask me why...but i feel much better now that I have done it

[Staashi 371]

i have reported all information I have to ICE ...they took down a detailed report...thanks everyone for your advice...I had just been scared to report ...dont ask me why...but i feel much better now that I have done it

Whatever information you have also needs to be directed to the FBI as ICE might not do anything with it. Just sayin'.

[Kathryn41 3,205]

Thread closed at the OP's request.