new here but needs help

[divorcing 0]

I really appreciate all your response and support. I guess I have to just suck it up until it's right time for me to go. If I don't have a kid, I really don't mind going back to the country where I'm from, really. I tried going home (November of last year, with my parents paying for my fare) and spent a month in my country but he wasn't bothered at all that we were gone. I was thinking if we had to separate, I needed to do it formally so he would continue to support our daughter -- it's one of the reasons why I came back. PLus, my parents really want us to be together despite of, you know. In the Philippines, if we're married to a wrong person, we're forced just go along and endure the relationship for lack of options but I know I have options in this country.

I'm sorry, it looks like I'm using this board for venting out which is no use at all since he's not here and won't be able to hear what i'm ranting about. But thank you guys for hearing me and giving me your words of support. It does help.

[w8inglongtime 29]

So, you are saying he is a friendfinder paid member just so he can socialize or something! Read the OP's post carefully. There are so many ways you can cheat on your spouse. And this is one of them in its most degrading form. Lets leave this topic at that since the main purpose of posting has been furnished. Our arguements are of no importance.

The general thoughts from everybody is for the husband to seek help so whatever we think beyond that is our own opinion which we are entitled to. I said what I think the OP should do and I don't want to contribute to taking focus from her post. I'm done with this topic. Have a blessed day.

[Brother Hesekiel 2,235]

I don't care if you criticize me for not blowing sugar around. There are two main questions to ask:

1) Does the drug addict want to get off the drugs more than anything? Is he willing to do whatever it takes? Will he willingly sign off being detained in a closed facility?

If you can't answer this with Yes, Yes, hell Yes, the answer is No. First a problem has to be recognized as such before attacking the problem can begin. Many alcoholics claim they have no problem.

Which brings you to question number 2.

2) Are you willing to go through hell to safe this marriage? Are you willing to sweep up his vomit and hold his head when he screams in the middle of the night? Are you willing to keep an eye on him for the next decades to come? (My business partner's ex wife used a soup spoon to scrape a hole in the floor tiles near the toilet because she thought there is somebody down there yelling for help!)

I don't expect you to be even able to answer these questions before you know what you are dealing with. Do yourself a favor and invest one weekend exploring alcohol addiction. Visit a facility with a councelor and find out what sounds pigs make when they are being slaughtered.

I know this is harsh, I am sorry I feel compelled to do this. But I would be sadened much more if you ten years from now came back and told us that you wasted the most wonderful decade of your life trying to win a fight that could not be won. Know what you are dealing with. Google alcoholism, join a group, go to an AA meeting and talk to people who've walked the walk.