What do think?

[Lostlove 0]

how do i start. My husband came here last year on a K1. We got married and filed for GC and he was approved in no time. From the time he recieved his GC he has been looking for a job, but of course i told him that at this time its hard for even a USC, but dont get dicouraged. Where he is from men take care of the household and that is what his dad does also. When we first got married we were tlking about family planning. he stated tht he wants to get started making his family, but at the time i was not ready to. Instead of me using my common sense and stop procrasting to go to the doc and get BC pills i did not go in and get them. I had been feeling a little not myself and noticed a missed cycle. Took a preg test and it says postive So I call him in to look at the test he just walked away. I went in the room he said that we are not ready for this. Which I agree, but what is done is done so...... He advised that i go have an abortion. Ok, this is totally against my religion and morals. He has not touched me since the day we found out 2 weeks ago. Then he gets upset and say that he cant do this he cant even feed himself and dotn have a job. before he got here he knew that all of that will take time. I have a good job making good $$$ and ask for help from anyone. And i have held us down with no problem or us wanting anything that we can not get. i talkd to him about not wanting to kill the baby, but he is not bending. I think this will ruin our marriage and he says do you know how many married people do this? im like uhmm no. I thought when you make the vow to be with each other threw thick and thin what ever happens you are to face it together and pray and believe that God will guide you. All he can say is that he planned to get a job and go to school and other ####### that is like ok you can still do it, but it will just be a little more work. All he can say is that he borrowed 2000 from his brother when coming here and he want to pay it back. I think he is a ####### and dont think this will work. What about u?

[TAMH 2]

Awww! So sorry to hear hubby is being selfish and insensitive.I can understand his frustration of not being able to contribute and pay his debts but that doesn't justifies his actions. It's a bit odd that at one point he wanted to make babies right away and now that there's a baby he wants you to get rid of it Something is just not right with how he's acting I personally don't believe in abortion and I'm gonna appeal to you to not give in and do it. It's a blessing to be able to conceive cause many can't.

I wish you all the best and hope everything works out for you and your innocent precious baby.

[KittyPollitt 284]

how do i start. My husband came here last year on a K1. We got married and filed for GC and he was approved in no time. From the time he recieved his GC he has been looking for a job, but of course i told him that at this time its hard for even a USC, but dont get dicouraged. Where he is from men take care of the household and that is what his dad does also. When we first got married we were tlking about family planning. he stated tht he wants to get started making his family, but at the time i was not ready to. Instead of me using my common sense and stop procrasting to go to the doc and get BC pills i did not go in and get them. I had been feeling a little not myself and noticed a missed cycle. Took a preg test and it says postive So I call him in to look at the test he just walked away. I went in the room he said that we are not ready for this. Which I agree, but what is done is done so...... He advised that i go have an abortion. Ok, this is totally against my religion and morals. He has not touched me since the day we found out 2 weeks ago. Then he gets upset and say that he cant do this he cant even feed himself and dotn have a job. before he got here he knew that all of that will take time. I have a good job making good $$$ and ask for help from anyone. And i have held us down with no problem or us wanting anything that we can not get. i talkd to him about not wanting to kill the baby, but he is not bending. I think this will ruin our marriage and he says do you know how many married people do this? im like uhmm no. I thought when you make the vow to be with each other threw thick and thin what ever happens you are to face it together and pray and believe that God will guide you. All he can say is that he planned to get a job and go to school and other ####### that is like ok you can still do it, but it will just be a little more work. All he can say is that he borrowed 2000 from his brother when coming here and he want to pay it back. I think he is a ####### and dont think this will work. What about u?

I'm so sorry for your situation..

If you feel strongly about not having an abortion, don't do it. Just don't do it. He may be able to live with it, but he can't make that choice for you. You have to live with the choice you make. Stick to your guns. As far as your relationship with him, I don't have enough details to feel right about giving you marriage advice. But as a mother, I'm telling you, if you can't live with the thought of having an abortion, don't do it.

[Phayamoa 0]

I sincerely hope you do not proceed with your abortion, but rather be pleased that you have been blessed. Many families from third world countries make do with less food and money than what we have and earn in the United States. If you think you really have it bad and not have the resources to raise a child, think again. There are many resources out there that can help you plan your delivery. If you really need it, you can get WIC (food stamps), have your hubby volunteer at a food pantry (get a ration every week/month).

[Matt&Kaci 3]

I sincerely hope you do not proceed with your abortion, but rather be pleased that you have been blessed. Many families from third world countries make do with less food and money than what we have and earn in the United States. If you think you really have it bad and not have the resources to raise a child, think again. There are many resources out there that can help you plan your delivery. If you really need it, you can get WIC (food stamps), have your hubby volunteer at a food pantry (get a ration every week/month).

I totally agree. However, don't they have to be careful with WIC (food stamps) since she signed the I-864 wont she get in trouble if they end up on food stamps. I know in the I-134 it says if the beneficiary ends up on welfare or food stamps the petitioner can be found liable.

On another note I hope your husband realizes you have been blessed and cherishes the fact that you are pregnant, many people arn't so fortunate.

[Lostlove 0]

I totally agree. However, don't they have to be careful with WIC (food stamps) since she signed the I-864 wont she get in trouble if they end up on food stamps. I know in the I-134 it says if the beneficiary ends up on welfare or food stamps the petitioner can be found liable.

On another note I hope your husband realizes you have been blessed and cherishes the fact that you are pregnant, many people arn't so fortunate.

Well actually we dont need to apply for food stamps or any assistance. When I filled out the 1 864 we had no problem with meeting the requirements because of the amount of $$$ I make. As stated before i have a good job.

[Matt&Kaci 3]

Well actually we dont need to apply for food stamps or any assistance. When I filled out the 1 864 we had no problem with meeting the requirements because of the amount of $$$ I make. As stated before i have a good job.

No I didn't say you did. I was commenting on Phayamoa post, he mentioned it. I realize you don't need food stamps. I was letting Phayamoa know that the I-864 and I-134 that we signed, does not allow for going on food stamps, as far as I know.

[TAMH 2]

When he married you, he said for BETTER OR WORSE so your husband need to cut the #######.

Awww! So sorry to hear hubby is being selfish and insensitive.I can understand his frustration of not being able to contribute and pay his debts but that doesn't justifies his actions. It's a bit odd that at one point he wanted to make babies right away and now that there's a baby he wants you to get rid of it Something is just not right with how he's acting I personally don't believe in abortion and I'm gonna appeal to you to not give in and do it. It's a blessing to be able to conceive cause many can't.

I wish you all the best and hope everything works out for you and your innocent precious baby.

[VanessaTony 3,567]

If you think you really have it bad and not have the resources to raise a child, think again. There are many resources out there that can help you plan your delivery. If you really need it, you can get WIC (food stamps), have your hubby volunteer at a food pantry (get a ration every week/month).

Yes exactly. WIC is a good thing to point out to him. Will help with formula etc

I totally agree. However, don't they have to be careful with WIC (food stamps) since she signed the I-864 wont she get in trouble if they end up on food stamps. I know in the I-134 it says if the beneficiary ends up on welfare or food stamps the petitioner can be found liable.

The BENEFICIARY isn't the one on food stamps, the BABY is and his/her mother is. They are perfectly entitled to use government welfare.

Well actually we dont need to apply for food stamps or any assistance. When I filled out the 1 864 we had no problem with meeting the requirements because of the amount of $$$ I make. As stated before i have a good job.

Doesn't matter. It might take a load off his mind to know that when you need to stop working because of the baby and the pregnancy that there are other options. You might earn good money now but you WILL need to take time off. Maybe you need to write down how everything will be okay. Like a "plan" for what will happen. How much you need to save before the baby. How much time you will need to take off and how you'll survive after birth etc until you go back to work. What about child care? The babies needs? Will your husband be expected to stay home with the baby? Maybe this isn't what he believe in? Some guys are very particular about "gender roles".

No I didn't say you did. I was commenting on Phayamoa post, he mentioned it. I realize you don't need food stamps. I was letting Phayamoa know that the I-864 and I-134 that we signed, does not allow for going on food stamps, as far as I know.

As I stated, WIC is for the baby and the mother (the USC). NOT for the immigrant. The immigrants wife (the OP) and the baby are both permitted to use government welfare because THEY are not the immigrant.

Edited June 17, 2010 by Vanessa&Tony

[Gemmie 142]

how do i start. My husband came here last year on a K1. We got married and filed for GC and he was approved in no time. From the time he recieved his GC he has been looking for a job, but of course i told him that at this time its hard for even a USC, but dont get dicouraged. Where he is from men take care of the household and that is what his dad does also. When we first got married we were tlking about family planning. he stated tht he wants to get started making his family, but at the time i was not ready to. Instead of me using my common sense and stop procrasting to go to the doc and get BC pills i did not go in and get them. I had been feeling a little not myself and noticed a missed cycle. Took a preg test and it says postive So I call him in to look at the test he just walked away. I went in the room he said that we are not ready for this. Which I agree, but what is done is done so...... He advised that i go have an abortion. Ok, this is totally against my religion and morals. He has not touched me since the day we found out 2 weeks ago. Then he gets upset and say that he cant do this he cant even feed himself and dotn have a job. before he got here he knew that all of that will take time. I have a good job making good $$$ and ask for help from anyone. And i have held us down with no problem or us wanting anything that we can not get. i talkd to him about not wanting to kill the baby, but he is not bending. I think this will ruin our marriage and he says do you know how many married people do this? im like uhmm no. I thought when you make the vow to be with each other threw thick and thin what ever happens you are to face it together and pray and believe that God will guide you. All he can say is that he planned to get a job and go to school and other ####### that is like ok you can still do it, but it will just be a little more work. All he can say is that he borrowed 2000 from his brother when coming here and he want to pay it back. I think he is a ####### and dont think this will work. What about u?

I don't know what you expect here, there isn't really an immigration question. If this is about the situation personally:

So he DID want to have a baby, and then changed his mind when it happened? Sorry, but if that's true, he needs to stand up and take responsibility for what he wanted. And if he never wanted this baby, he shouldn't have been sleeping with you, unprotected. If I were in this situation, I would discuss that with him, and if he isn't willing to grow up, I would move on and look at what I'm going to do to raise my baby.

[hadydot 0]

I totally agree. However, don't they have to be careful with WIC (food stamps) since she signed the I-864 wont she get in trouble if they end up on food stamps. I know in the I-134 it says if the beneficiary ends up on welfare or food stamps the petitioner can be found liable.

On another note I hope your husband realizes you have been blessed and cherishes the fact that you are pregnant, many people arn't so fortunate.

I totally agree

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

I'm going to play devil's advocate...

I think her husband is having a crisis of self-esteem. It's obviously very important to him to be the provider and take care of his family, and he's not having any luck. Now he has the added pressure of a new mouth to feed, and he hasn't been able to feed himself and his wife yet. Knowing that he, and now his new child, will be totally dependent on his wife for support is wrecking his self-confidence.

Ok, I know this is probably hard for you modern American women to understand, but a lot of men in the world still think a bit like cave men, and feel like they should be the provider and protector of the family, even if they don't dare say it to your face. I have suspicion he'll improve a lot once he finds a job.

[rika60607 215]

I think it was irresponsible of you to have an unplanned pregnancy. I also think your husband may need a bit more time than 2 weeks to adjust to the news. He wasn't planning on it either, was he.

But now that you have it, you are ultimately the one who is responsible for making the decision. If you want the baby, you should keep it.

[Lostlove 0]

I think it was irresponsible of you to have an unplanned pregnancy. I also think your husband may need a bit more time than 2 weeks to adjust to the news. He wasn't planning on it either, was he.

But now that you have it, you are ultimately the one who is responsible for making the decision. If you want the baby, you should keep it.

You are correct that we should have planned better, but looking at your timeline it's seems that not everything that is even planned turn out the way we want it to right. It's not like it's any man in the street this is my husband. thanks for ur opinion, have a great weekend.

[cappucino boy 29]

Lostlove,

I know that you have had plenty responses but I just want to add one more in aggreement to everyone else please don't end that baby's life. The real key is for you to be healthy both mentally and physically. It's understanding from a man's perspective that we just can't sit around and let a woman support us especially if we have been self supporting. My response to him is get over it and move on, you have a baby coming and it's time to plan. You stated that you have a good job well I'm assuming that you can keep it in spite of being pregnant and later after the baby is born. It sounds like to me that perhaps him not having a job is a blessing so that there is someone at home to care for the baby. It might not be perfect but it is a plan and you definitely have a plan to make this work. I notice that you have submitted to the California service Center are you in CA and if so where? I'm here in L.A.

I hope that you are able to work this out, my wife wants a baby but right now I can't make one so I hope that you are able to work this out. Children are a blessing and I hope that he sees the light and works out this difficulty and supports you and the baby.

Just my 2 cents, please let us know what happens.

B. Franklin