She's Afraid of the USA...

[J&N* 68]

Yes, thank you all. She feels a little better now, after I talked with her. But I really do believe that she will not like the USA. It is so much different than what she is used to. Like for example, I just went to our farmers market to find out if I could purchase "fresh" milk, straight from a cow. The lady at the dairy said "no, it is illegal in VA to sell milk that way" OMG! Really? I know it seems minor, but that's just one example she will hate. Especially when USA is supposed to be the "country of freedom". We are forced to cut our grass, or we will be fined... Stuff like that is just bad. And there is so many "little" things like that- that will drive her crazy. I only hope her love for me will be enough to keep her here.

P.S. If I could afford to live there, and speak the language, I would move there in a second!

I'm still on the k1 process, haven't traveled yet so I know how she feels now, but you see, some days I'll be really excited about it (Change is very good and interesting!) and some days I'm freaking out, there are good and bad everywhere and you just need to take the good and leave the bad, I'm sure there are bad things in Ukraine but bec. she's used to it, it doesn't shock her anymore, so it just takes time, I'm also used to living in cities, having EVERYTHING after 2 minutes walking down the street, streets with people walking, not highways with just cars, but the States has it's advantages, let her think about all the shopping she can do! (I know that makes me happy!) all the new food, it's fun to taste things for the first time, and all the places you can go, it's 50 states!

And after a while, it'll be her home, she'll have her husband, her job, her kids in the future and she'll call the US, HOME.

It's a phase, just support her, all she needs right now is "I totally understand hun, thank you for doing this for me"

we just need the support!

I hope it all works out!

[Vivi6 12]

Vika reads this stuff, and gets mad enough to post when she sees posts like "the food in America is so bad" etc.

But the food in america IS bad...

[Brad and Vika 129]

But the food in america IS bad...

Like anywhere else, I think it depends on what and where you eat. Vika actually likes plenty of our native fare (not fast-food of course). If the portions are too big, she just doesn't eat it all and gets a go box. Lesson for me there somewhere.

[Mithmeoi 29]

But the food in america IS bad...

I wonder why my husband misses it so much then. He's from Belgium and he loves it and almost every day I hear about how much he misses the food and the large servings it comes in. If it weren't for me I think he'd move just for the food.

[Lorenzoid 12]

I wonder why my husband misses it so much then. He's from Belgium and he loves it and almost every day I hear about how much he misses the food and the large servings it comes in. If it weren't for me I think he'd move just for the food.

Happy Belgian National Day (today)!

My wife (the Belgian) complains about the bread and cheese here in the U.S. I go to an artisan bakery once a week to keep her happy.

[Mithmeoi 29]

Happy Belgian National Day (today)!

My wife (the Belgian) complains about the bread and cheese here in the U.S. I go to an artisan bakery once a week to keep her happy.

Thanks! To you and your wife as well!

Oh yes he doesn't much care for our bread, but he doesn't like cheese at all in either country so he's safe there. He will have frituur withdrawal though, gotta find a substitute.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Yes, thank you all. She feels a little better now, after I talked with her. But I really do believe that she will not like the USA. It is so much different than what she is used to. Like for example, I just went to our farmers market to find out if I could purchase "fresh" milk, straight from a cow. The lady at the dairy said "no, it is illegal in VA to sell milk that way" OMG! Really? I know it seems minor, but that's just one example she will hate. Especially when USA is supposed to be the "country of freedom". We are forced to cut our grass, or we will be fined... Stuff like that is just bad. And there is so many "little" things like that- that will drive her crazy. I only hope her love for me will be enough to keep her here.

P.S. If I could afford to live there, and speak the language, I would move there in a second!

Move to Vermont! We buy milk fresh off the cow and eggs fresh off the nest and it is perfectly legal and done on the "honor system" I go right into the milk house and fill 1 gallon pitchers fresh off the cooling tank and leave $4 per gallon, then I go in the refrigerator in the milk house and take out as many eggs as I want and leave $2.50 per dozen and the empty cartons. Most states in New England allow this, I know MA and CT do also.

However if someone told me when to cut my grass (besides Alla) I would have to blow my brains out. Sorry.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

But the food in america IS bad...

Not sure how? Factory made food...yes. But who eats that sh*t? And why would you when you have a Ukrainian wife? If the food in our house is "bad" it is because Alla ruined it. You buy meat, vegetables, fruits, etc and make it from scratch. If a cake you make from 4 scratch ingredients is bad, who's fault is that?

There IS good bread and good cheese, fresh milk and eggs, you may have to look around a bit. I would think even in VA you could find someone to sell you milk off the cow, I don't believe farmers are buying milk for their families in the store when they have a cow to milk. I bet you can buy cocaine and other illegal stuff in VA, why not milk?

[tokyo.lovers 6]

tell her you will cook for her. hahah

[FrostyMist 1]

It didn't quite hit me how scary moving to a new country is until I was actually at the airport waiting to board the plane. Prior to my leaving, I'd been living a life of limbo (applying for K1, waiting to leave, etc) and the knowledge that as soon as I left England, I could begin my new life with the one I loved filled me with anticipation. Sometimes I was nervous, but my memories of the time before I left were mainly ones of anticipation and impatience. It probably helped a lot for me that my then fiance (now husband) was with me from Feb to April (when I left England).

It didn't really hit me that it was happening until I said goodbye to my mum and brothers at the airport. I have very clear memories of sitting with my then fiance in the departure lounge and sobbing hysterically. I came close to having a panic attack and it was one of the more hardest, most terrifying things I have ever had to do.

My then fiance (now husband) was wonderful, and it is only with his support and understanding that I can look back on my fear and be glad that it is now so much eased. He could not make that worry go away completely, but he helped me to take things just one tiny little step at a time so that I would not feel so overwhelmed. I knew he was going to be there with me as I adjusted to life away from England, and I know he was 100% sincere when he told me "we don't have to get on that plane." Had I said the word, we would have walked right out of that airport... though I don't know what would have happened next, and even in all my terror, I knew that leaving England was the only way to be with him and be happy.

Roughly three months later, and there are still times when I feel overwhelmed and fearful, but every day brings new things to discover and I am slowly regaining the independence and confidence that I had in England. If anything, I have gained much more of both since I got here.

It is a very scary and major decision to make. I do not think that there are any easy ways to make it better for the one leaving, but I do believe that a lot of the worry and fear can be eased if you can identify what the major concerns are.

[1American1 0]

OMG. Such a wonderful Post! I must have her read this! Please go on!

[Jamie and Skye 0]

It didn't quite hit me how scary moving to a new country is until I was actually at the airport waiting to board the plane. Prior to my leaving, I'd been living a life of limbo (applying for K1, waiting to leave, etc) and the knowledge that as soon as I left England, I could begin my new life with the one I loved filled me with anticipation. Sometimes I was nervous, but my memories of the time before I left were mainly ones of anticipation and impatience. It probably helped a lot for me that my then fiance (now husband) was with me from Feb to April (when I left England).

It didn't really hit me that it was happening until I said goodbye to my mum and brothers at the airport. I have very clear memories of sitting with my then fiance in the departure lounge and sobbing hysterically. I came close to having a panic attack and it was one of the more hardest, most terrifying things I have ever had to do.

My then fiance (now husband) was wonderful, and it is only with his support and understanding that I can look back on my fear and be glad that it is now so much eased. He could not make that worry go away completely, but he helped me to take things just one tiny little step at a time so that I would not feel so overwhelmed. I knew he was going to be there with me as I adjusted to life away from England, and I know he was 100% sincere when he told me "we don't have to get on that plane." Had I said the word, we would have walked right out of that airport... though I don't know what would have happened next, and even in all my terror, I knew that leaving England was the only way to be with him and be happy.

Roughly three months later, and there are still times when I feel overwhelmed and fearful, but every day brings new things to discover and I am slowly regaining the independence and confidence that I had in England. If anything, I have gained much more of both since I got here.

It is a very scary and major decision to make. I do not think that there are any easy ways to make it better for the one leaving, but I do believe that a lot of the worry and fear can be eased if you can identify what the major concerns are.

I'm leaving for the states in under 2 weeks and I'm terrified, I thought it was just me, so I kept it to myself for months, the USA in not my favorite place in the world, I could think of a least 6 other places I would choose 1st. I thought because I chose to go there I shouldn't be scared, it was my choice. I have been traveling around the place for some time and didn't think I would miss my family but leaving forever is different to a year here and there. Reading you post I couldn't stop crying, because I let the feelings up and mostly because other people feel the same, which is a huge relief. Thank you so much for you story, now in 2 weeks when I'm crying hysterically at the airport I wont be hard on myself, it doesn't mean I don't love him.

[FrostyMist 1]

It is completely natural to feel a whole mixture of emotions during this time of your life. Although prior to my leaving England, most of my feelings were of anticipation and excitement, there were times when I felt very scared. At those times, although I had my then-fiance to confide in, I felt very isolated from family and friends because I didn't want to admit to them that I was scared. I knew I was causing my family a great deal of heart ache by leaving them behind and could not bring myself to express anything but excitement and anticipation about leaving England because I didn't want to worry them. To admit "I'm scared" felt like saying "I don't know if I'm doing the right thing", and I bottled those feelings up because I told myself that I was a fool for leaving my home country if I had such worries. I realize now that I was not being a fool for having those worries. I was being a sensible adult.

Thinking back to my fears then, I think the two biggest ones for me were my fear of loss of independence, and fear of the unknown. Prior to leaving England, I had only spent five weeks in the US (during a visit in 2008). Had I wanted to spend more time in the US prior to moving, it would have meant us dealing with long distance for years and years more. That wasn't an option for us. Costs were mounting, the distance was destroying us, and we were desperate to be together. I was fed up of living life in limbo.

When we first applied for our K1 in March of 2009, I knew that leaving England was the right thing for us both. We had gone as far as we could together in our long distance relationship--it was time to make things permanent. But just because I knew it was the right decision for us and our relationship, did not mean that it might not turn out to be the right thing for me as an individual.

Now that I am in the US and getting settled into my new life here, I can say that my moving here was not only the right thing for us and our relationship, it was also the right thing for me as an individual. But even though I am happy and love my new life here, some days are still hard. They say that it can take years before you are completely adjusted to life in a new country, and sadly, for some people, (although this is rare) that feeling never completely goes away.

Some of the things I found useful in order to adjust to living here was to find out what there was about the US and England that was similar. And even what it was about America that was better than England. During my first few weeks of being here, I watched a lot of TV shows that were my favorites back in England. I imported some of my favorite British food and brought with me my favorite blanket and pillow case. After I recovered from my hysterics at the airport, I called my mum and brothers whilst waiting to board my plane. This really helped tremendously, because I was assured I could still feel somewhat connected to them. When I got to the US, we made it a priority to find an affordable way to phone my family. I spoke to someone from my family at least once a day. I sent them emails and photographs whenever I could. We set a date so that I would know when I was going to visit England and see them again.

For me, I began to feel settled once I had "regained" the things that were important to me in England. I like to read a lot, so I felt a lot happier when we had a comfortable reading set up in any room I might want to read in. We even set up a an Amazon Prime account, so that we can get 2 day shipping for free (this was helpful for me because I buy things online a lot from Amazon, and having the Amazon Prime account meant that ordering products was about as easy and convenient as it had been in England). My then fiance drove me around the town, showing me a little of it at a time so I wouldn't be overwhelmed with too much all at once. It helped me to learn what sorts of places there were that I might want to visit. I feel more settled now that I am not dependent on him to choose where we eat-because I know what the choices are, and can make suggestions too.

It's a slow and gradual process. Sometimes, it seems like it's the silly little things-like figuring out what brands of food I like-that are helping me to adjust to my new life here.

Edited August 9, 2010 by FrostyMist

[Gemmie 142]

I felt the same as Frosty Mist, I was mostly excited to start my new life with my husband after being in limbo for so long. Every time one of my friends started to get upset because I was leaving, it would tear me apart and make me feel selfish because I couldn't wait to get to my husband. I was so excited when I got my visa, and we all went out to dinner to celebrate but I felt so awful for being so happy, while I could tell they were slightly disappointed that it was really happening.

As the time got nearer, I grew more and more nervous. I didn't really question if I was doing the right thing until the final week when I was packing all of my things. My friends threw me a huge party that lasted all day and night, and it was the most emotional time of my life. It was a very "final" moment when I looked around my room on the morning of my departure and seeing it completely empty, and my best friend taking my things to the car. Honestly, as much as I thought that saying goodbye to my husband was the worst thing ever, I then learned that facing the reality of saying goodbye to my friends was the single hardest thing I had to do. They were all standing in a row next to the bus, and I had to give them all a hug and none of us could stop the tears. I had never cried in front of my friends before until then. The bus driver was telling me to hurry up because he was running late, and I never even got time to say a proper goodbye to my best friend who I saved until last - but maybe that was for the best because she had spent the night before sleeping on the floor beside my bed, crying her eyes out. I cried on and off until I reached the US. When my husband was there to give me a big hug, he asked if I was OK and I just couldn't stop crying, and I did it all the way home. In fact it came in waves for about a week. He never took it personally.

I couldn't tell my family how I was feeling because they had told me that I hadn't thought moving to the US through properly, and knew they would be the first to tell me they were right. Some people don't understand that all of those negative emotions are natural, even when it's something you've been dying to see happen for a long time. It comes with a loss, you're supposed to grieve, and even though you know you're going to see your loved ones again soon, or that you're going to have phone calls often, it's the finality of the situation that makes you feel it all.

I've been here for over a year now, and I'm still adjusting, and I still miss my friends so much. I went back to see them in February and again, there were so many tears when I had to leave. I woke up in the night to hear my best friend crying into her pillow. I don't think I'll ever get used to that. But I know I did the right thing in being with my husband, and to be fair - I have some pretty amazing friends to have stuck by me through everything, and smile at my happiness even when they were crushed.