Off Topic Part Cinq

[lilacvioletiris 11]

so...living with in laws since April, been two months..and they are already driving us crazy..so we are moving again..probably this week. just waiting on an answer for an apartment. in the end it will cost us 150 more than living with them. i'm a bit worried as to how tight money will be david thinks we'll be fine.

at least i wont have to put up with the heat being on and the house at 75 degrees....and the deaf old people listening to tv til 1am while we have to get up at 5 am...among other annoying things..lol.

i guess having a place of our own will be better than being cramped into a tiny bedroom, me david and the two dogs.

Have mercy! I hope the apartment comes through for you guys. Some alone space that isn't shared is an absolute necessity!

[Sprailenes 47]

Yea I think if I could write a list of things with the theme: "If I only knew then what I know now" when it comes to immigration "Don't live with the in-laws" would be in the top five.

[Kimbear 53]

seriously..we should start up a vj book or something

hopefully we'll be able to get back to "our usual selves", not being able to argue or stuff without others eavesdropping will be nice too..we can't be ourselves and we always have to watch how we act, what we say etc. i mean don't get me wrong, i'm very grateful to them for everything they have done for us. But yes..we definately need time alone with a romantic dinner etc..

[Sprailenes 47]

It's true. I did it for a year... it was hell.

[Marilyn. 340]

I love my in-laws but there is no way I could have lived with them ..lol

I remember I stayed the night once while my hubby went fishing with his dad and brothers and my MIL was up to all hours of the night watching her Spanish shows with the volume really loud...

[Gemmie 142]

I've also been living with the in-laws for a year. At first it was slightly irritating but now it's absolutely awful, and it's making us feel quite depressed. I completely get the need for your own space, and what you said about needing to argue sometimes without having them eavesdrop. His mother sometimes even asks what happened! And it's just the little things, you know. They have a joint living room and kitchen, which means if we want to cook, we have an audience. And they've still not figured out that we are adults that don't need questions and comments on everything. If we're going out, they actually ask where we're going (just for curiousity sake, but I still don't like it) and when my husband gets home from work, he has to walk past their room/s so he gets stopped to have small talk every day.

Occasionally they'll go out on the weekends so we our own space, and then in a few hours they come home, turn all the lights on, and talk over everything, and we end up going back to our (small) bedroom.

If I could've done this differently, I would've held off on coming to the US until we could have our own place. It's a necessity. As it was, we thought it would be for a couple of months. To add to that, it looks like my husband's grandfather (who has Alzheimers) is coming to stay. Shoot me now.

Sorry to butt in. But I feel your pain.

Edited June 28, 2010 by Gemmie

[Sprailenes 47]

Yep I lived in my husbands bedroom for that year too... so awkward. It never feels like home and you just don't feel right. Also just annoying that they have a front seat to your marriage... in it's beginnings which is always a little difficult and you're still getting adjusted. I definitely would have told him to get his own place first too.

Edited June 28, 2010 by Sprailenes

[Sam and Ben 2]

Grats Sam!! i'm sure that will help out lots so you guys can save up to move out of the in laws

Haha, that's the plan. Already spoke with the mortgage manager at our bank, and we basically have the savings for our downpayment/closing costs, we just need my income to help with pre-approval. Of course, hubby decided to let his mother know... but that's something for the vent thread! Haha.

Got a job at Best Buy, part-time to start but with the promise that it'll grow into more. It's real good pay, close enough to the house that it won't kill me on gas and commute, and it's something I already love to do. If this hadn't come through, I did have a backup offer with similar pay, but working every weekend and throughout the week, mostly outdoor. Thankfully I was able to turn it down when this came through.

Working now on a couple of side part-time positions too, until this becomes full-time. Hopefully one of those will work out.

[Gemmie 142]

Yep I lived in my husbands bedroom for that year too... so awkward. It never feels like home and you just don't feel right. Also just annoying that they have a front seat to your marriage... in it's beginnings which is always a little difficult and you're still getting adjusted. I definitely would have told him to get his own place first too.

Yeah, definitely. Everyone says the first year of marriage is the most difficult (which is hard for me to comment on because we've spent the entire year at his parents') but it really does suck some of the life out of it. We didn't even feel comfortable having "alone time" for a while when they were around, and were scheduling it for when they went to bed.

Edited June 28, 2010 by Gemmie

[Kimbear 53]

OMG ty so much guys..now i KNOW i'm normal!!! You have echoed everything i've been feeling for the last couple months. And truthfully, our k1 took so long we didn't want to wait another 6 months to save up money..wish we did in a way..

I've been so fucused on not being an inconvenience to them, that i don't focus on my marriage enough..i mean it's not like we lived together and got to know each others habits beforehand..an LD relationship for 2 years is quite a bit different. So this is very trying on both of us, and neither of us can be ourselves.

Awww Sh1te...David just told me the apartment wants a co -signor..they want him to make 3 times the amount of the rent..damn..it's the only place that will take the dogs and his credit score is under 700 so getting a mortgage is out ...course trying to even get a house cheaper than 80 near is work is almost next to impossible too..blargh..

WTB EAD ASAP!!

[Nina~ 431]

When my husband and I got married, I was finishing up my last semester in school and he had just graduated and was starting his first real full-time job. So we decided to stay at his parent's place for a couple of months to save up some $ before moving out. It was quite an experience living with them.

Don't get me wrong, I love my in-laws and they are the nicest people ever. But they just kill me with their kindness. My FIL would fix me breakfast every morning and I am really not a breakfast person ( never been able to stomach breakfast ever since I was a little kid) and I had to eat it because I didnt want to offend him. And my MIL, god bless her, is a nurse who works 12 hour shift. And she would spend her days off doing our laundry instead of relaxing. So I had to hide our dirty clothes in an old suitcase and wash them before she gets a day off. And if my in-laws ever thought that I was upset about something, they would take my husband aside and lecture him on treating him nice

I really love my in-laws but I could never live with them again.

[Gemmie 142]

OMG ty so much guys..now i KNOW i'm normal!!! You have echoed everything i've been feeling for the last couple months. And truthfully, our k1 took so long we didn't want to wait another 6 months to save up money..wish we did in a way..

I've been so fucused on not being an inconvenience to them, that i don't focus on my marriage enough..i mean it's not like we lived together and got to know each others habits beforehand..an LD relationship for 2 years is quite a bit different. So this is very trying on both of us, and neither of us can be ourselves.

Awww Sh1te...David just told me the apartment wants a co -signor..they want him to make 3 times the amount of the rent..damn..it's the only place that will take the dogs and his credit score is under 700 so getting a mortgage is out ...course trying to even get a house cheaper than 80 near is work is almost next to impossible too..blargh..

WTB EAD ASAP!!

I hear ya, Kimbear. We're having exactly the same problems. We can't really be ourselves either because we have to suppress how we're feeling to not make them feel uncomfortable. Also, both of my in-laws recently became unemployed so they're around me ALL FREAKING DAY. I love them to death and I really appreciate them letting us stay, but jeez, I really need some space, you know? I don't have any friends yet so I can't escape them.

Like you, we found an apartment that is PERFECT (including allowing pets) and we can afford it, but they're asking for 3x the rent. Bill only makes 19K a year so I need to find something decent and stable, but I can't find a job that will take me on because of issues like funding or needing my own car, etc.

Let's keep our fingers crossed, eh... hopefully you'll find something as soon as that EAD comes in!

Nina - Your in-laws sound so sweet. But I do understand. My MIL doesn't want us to move out (self-admitted), and I swear she comes up with things just to keep us here sometimes.

Edited June 28, 2010 by Gemmie

[Marilyn. 340]

so this morning I listed a bunch of stuff on Craiglsist and it looks like I have someone interested in the computer stuff we have for sale... but now thinking about it I probably listed it to low ..lol.. the person would be getting a working monitor, 2 working keyboards and mouses, some working speakers and a computer tower that doesn't really work all for $20.. lol oh well, I just want to be rid of the stuff

Edited June 28, 2010 by Marilyn.

[Hugglebuggles 60]

Ah, living with the inlaws! I could write a whole book about my feelings on that! We lived with my inlaws for a little over 8 months and needless to say, I was ecstatic when we finally moved out. They tried to give us space, and we had our own floor, but they were always way to interested about what we were doing, where we were going, and my favorite- what we were spending money on. It was just way to intrusive. It was also very awkward- I completely get what you were saying Gemmie!

Overall, it was 8 months of inconvenience but it was a smart decision. We saved a lot of money- enough to move out and buy our first house! It really helps looking at the future and thinking how things will only get better.

Awww Sh1te...David just told me the apartment wants a co -signor..they want him to make 3 times the amount of the rent..damn..it's the only place that will take the dogs and his credit score is under 700 so getting a mortgage is out ...course trying to even get a house cheaper than 80 near is work is almost next to impossible too..blargh..

WTB EAD ASAP!!

Not necessarily Kimbear! My husband's credit score is a dash under 700 and he qualified for a mortgage. Like you, I had no credit (and still don't really have much) so I couldn't help the situation. We qualified for a pretty moderate loan, but it was enough for us to buy a cute little house to start out our marriage. We probably won't live here much longer than 5-7 years, but in the meantime its perfect and our monthly mortgage is actually cheaper than a lot of the apartments we were looking at. It may be something to at least explore.

Best of luck in finding a place of your own!

[Kimbear 53]

Based on your advice Huggles, David contacted our bank..his credit score actually went up 5 points..and he was pre qualified for a 70k mortgage. unfortunately out here that means a forcloseure / roe far from work or a manaufactured, prefab trailer home...and well..after beign a fan of trailer park boys lol i dont know if we want that some of them do look nice like real homes but..you have to pay soo much extra and condos are retarded, sigh..why did david have to live in greater chicagoland..