The Vent Part Quatre

[Ontarkie 14,221]

Not sure about the honey sauce thing, but I have seen honey here too with HFCS and it didn't say anything about being a sauce or syrup or anything else.

[Sprailenes 47]

Wow do I ever have one big fvcked up family! Sometimes I'm glad I moved 500 freaking miles away.

[Ontarkie 14,221]

Sometimes I think the same thing about mine

[Hugglebuggles 60]

Agreed!! But sometimes I'm not sure what's worse... Being back home and getting to stay away from the family and thus stay away from the conflict, or being here and constantly "on call". My mother calls me everyday to dish.

[Sprailenes 47]

I love my mom but she has the ability to make me feel like complete ####### and she knows it.

I really need to rid her of that power.

Oh and being on call sucks, I'm in the same boat.

Edited July 16, 2010 by Sprailenes

[Kimbear 53]

this is going to sound harsh, but since my family pretty much acts like i don't exist..well..they don't exist for me either. i used to drive from ottawa to montreal to visit my mother and sister, and all they did was criticize every aspect of my being. what i do with my life, what i do with my hair clothes etc. i pretty much stopped seeing them and calling them. mom used to call me all the time at work etc. just to ###### about everything including her neighbours..my family is very racist and i honestly couldn't care less who pissed her off by just looking at her...

i made sure to see them before i left Canada. they coudln't care less that i was leaving, mom made me driver her around to do errands etc. they had my contact info when i left. never called for my bday the last few years, never said congrats on getting married or moving or anything. never bothered to email or call when i know they have free long distance and facebook.

Meh. tbh. it hurts a bit but the way i figure it...i musta been adopted, felt that way all my life tbh. so now..i dont have a canadian family anymore. and i'm sure some of you ask " but what happens if you mom falls ill or dies", well..my older half sister can deal with that..especially since mom decided she needed money from her life insurance policy to go out drinking and cancelled it. I helped her move and stuff so many times..travelled over 2hours to help her every time she needed it when my sister who lived 5 mins away couldn't be bloody well bothered to help her. And who got the reward or the thank you all the time..my sister. Ya ..sorry family, but i'm done with you. I dont need people in my life who just take take take, and try and shove you down a flight of stairs. Good riddence i say.

[Sprailenes 47]

http://calgary.ctv.ca/servlet/an/local/CTVNews/20100714/CGY_rethink_alberta_campaign_100714/20100714/?hub=CalgaryHome

[Sprailenes 47]

I mean really? A smear campaign??

#######.

PS: Nina~ always comes in and lurks but never posts. Hi Nina~!!

Edited July 16, 2010 by Sprailenes

[Tick Tock 3]

Tick Tock's totally restrained vent-in-a-nutshell...

1) Family visited; left a few days ago. Stress the entire time. Need to do the "I am an adult, I made these choices" talk-thing. Holding off because I'm afraid of the consequences (gotta get over that) and I'm sure my parents don't want to deal with me/that discussion on top of:

2) Grandfather is in the "we can only make you comfortable" stages of cancer. He will pass away. I am stuck in USA. Both my grandfathers will have passed away without me being able to see them before, or pay respects. Living with this guilt.

3) Aunt had big surgery. She's recovering and dealing with her father's (my grandfather's) declining health.

4) Brother just got wisdom teeth out. I'm sure he's miserable, on top of stressful atmosphere at home.

If something serious is affecting 1 person in the close family, it tends to affect everyone, or at the very least, everyone knows what's going on. Moving onwards...

5) Father dropped off my passport at a Passport Canada office 30 minutes ago.

a) FIRST, he was told at the initial counter that I was lied to over the phone by someone working at Passport Canada because it is NOT possible to use a permission letter to allow family (like parents) to drop off an application form on the passport holder's behalf. The next person he spoke with (after his number was called), had no issue with the permission letter and accepted the application. However...

b) He was told they may not accept my pictures because they were taken on a gray background. I'm waiting to hear from Passport Canada, but there's no guarantee when they may call by. All I know is that if I don't hear from them, they either haven't gotten to processing my application OR there the pictures are usable. If they call, I will need to take more pictures. For the 4th time.

Moving on...

6) One of my relatives-in-law has passed away from cancer. She led a full life and lived older than my grandfather. I am going to try and attend the funeral later today and pay my respects, and respects on behalf of my husband. Thoughts on the brain...

a) Attending funeral of someone I barely knew but will be unable to go to my own grandfather's funeral.

b) Afraid I'll start crying - for my grandfather rather than the relative-in-law.

c) Maybe I shouldn't go?

Big hugs to everyone who's feeling down - whether related to family, the immigration process, or just stubbed a toe on top of a bad hair day.

[Gemmie 142]

this is going to sound harsh, but since my family pretty much acts like i don't exist..well..they don't exist for me either. i used to drive from ottawa to montreal to visit my mother and sister, and all they did was criticize every aspect of my being. what i do with my life, what i do with my hair clothes etc. i pretty much stopped seeing them and calling them. mom used to call me all the time at work etc. just to ###### about everything including her neighbours..my family is very racist and i honestly couldn't care less who pissed her off by just looking at her...

I think we were both adopted and are actually biological sisters. This is exactly the experience I've had too. I used to take the train to visit my dad and brother and all I ever got was criticism for the decisions I've made, the way I dress, colour my hair, having a blemish on my face, even having friends. I still get a weekly call so they can ###### about everyone they know, and yes they are incredibly racist and paranoid about everyone. My husband says they way they are towards me (and your family to you) because of jealousy. I'm guessing you've done things in your life that they've never done or will ever get to do. We're the black sheep and it's easy to make fun of the black sheep.

And TT, I'm sorry for everything you're going through right now. I missed my grandfather's funeral as well because I was stuck in the US and if it's any consolation, I didn't feel as bad once the actual day was over. I went to a cliff and released a letter on a balloon for him instead. Maybe you can do something like that. And if all else fails, ask your family if you can be on speaker-phone during the funeral.

[Ontarkie 14,221]

Hugs to Kim and Tick Tock, its just terrible sometimes.

Sprailenes- I saw that smear campaign too its just dumb, did you see the adds Alberta has put out promoting the trade, they did a good job.

[Sprailenes 47]

Maybe some parents are just like that. My mother is the same, very critical of my every decision and never will be happy with anything I do. She just expects a lot of me, and I can't give it all to her. It's also hard because she's single, so I am sort of her only leaning post and it gets hard to juggle sometimes.

[Colleens 40]

I am very close with most of my family. They have just spent 10 days here with me for the wedding, and I loved having them here. Because of the distance they really haven't had much chance to get to know Simon, and they finally got to spend some quality time with him and get to know him. When I was home after my interview one of my sister's was worried that I was making a mistake and spoke to me about it. I did my best to reassure her that I wasn't, and after spending the time here this week, she now feels that I have made the right decision The only person in my family who has issues is my brother. He always seems to have a chip on his shoulder and thinks that he always gets the short end of the stick. When I go home, I try to divide my time equally among my family, but my brother always seems to have more important things to do. And eventhough I try to plan to do things with him, he is busy doing other stuff. Then when I go home...he is pissed off that I didn't do anything with him. He has never congratulated us when we announced that we were expecting, never called to wish us good luck or congrats on the wedding. His kids had to ask my sister to give us a card and gift from them. I always hang out with his kids when I am home and take them to do things, go to watch their hockey games and such, so I have a good relationship with them. It is just my brother. I know that I have done everything I can to make an effort to have a good relationship with him, but he chooses to make it difficult. When the time comes he is going to be the one who has regrets, not me. That is how I look at it. The rest of my family is very supportive and we have a great relationship, so that is who I choose to surround myself with!

[Tick Tock 3]

Gemmie, thank you for the warm thoughts. I am glad that you were able to deal with the loss of your grandfather. <3 The idea you had about releasing a balloon with a letter is a sweet one. I do not know if I'll be able to do something exactly similar, but writing a letter may help me cope. I was not incredibly close with either of my grandfathers, but they are still close relatives who were present in my life and that's certainly not something a person should overlook. I don't know how well it would work to "appear via speaker-phone" because with my heritage, funeral viewings go for a few days usually and close relatives tend to stay each day for several hours at a time. Mainly to shake hands/speak with those paying their respects, or to stay and grieve/cry.

I was able to see my grandfather (and vice versa) via webcam when he was recently hospitalized. I would like to accept this as some form of "point of closure" but that's not sitting entirely right with me. Hoping that doesn't sound melodramatic.

Aside from this all, I've decided not to attend the funeral today for my relative-in-law. I know I would be going to pay my respects to her, however I know I would also inevitably end up thinking about my grandfather and (not to sound selfish) I do not want to make more emotional/psychological stress for myself. I'll hopefully be able to see Bob (not real name), as he's one of the relative-in-law's son. Bob is a super awesome guy and I want to get the chance to give him a big hug and give him my condolences. Bob is the only member of that part of the family I've seen/spent time around on a more regular basis. If I had gone to the funeral, Bob would be one of the few people I'd recognize and would have reason to talk to other than obligatorily (but honestly) shaking others' hands and offering condolences.

About family treating members "poorly"...

To Gemmie, Sprailenes and Kimbear, Ontarkie and Hugglebuggles,

More hugs for you guys. I hate to read about other people being treated with a lack of respect by family - whether family is unaccepting, insulting, jealous or what have you. It certainly is not fair and yes, I think in some cases, perhaps said family members just cannot recognize or comprehend that a person is happy with their life and would hope that their family is happy FOR them. Distance can certainly be comforting but definitely creates problems as well.

Colleens makes a great point: "The rest of my family is very supportive and we have a great relationship, so that is who I choose to surround myself with!"

You all are good people - thanks for the kindness.

[Kathryn41 3,205]

this is going to sound harsh, but since my family pretty much acts like i don't exist..well..they don't exist for me either. i used to drive from ottawa to montreal to visit my mother and sister, and all they did was criticize every aspect of my being. what i do with my life, what i do with my hair clothes etc. i pretty much stopped seeing them and calling them. mom used to call me all the time at work etc. just to ###### about everything including her neighbours..my family is very racist and i honestly couldn't care less who pissed her off by just looking at her...

i made sure to see them before i left Canada. they coudln't care less that i was leaving, mom made me driver her around to do errands etc. they had my contact info when i left. never called for my bday the last few years, never said congrats on getting married or moving or anything. never bothered to email or call when i know they have free long distance and facebook.

Meh. tbh. it hurts a bit but the way i figure it...i musta been adopted, felt that way all my life tbh. so now..i dont have a canadian family anymore. and i'm sure some of you ask " but what happens if you mom falls ill or dies", well..my older half sister can deal with that..especially since mom decided she needed money from her life insurance policy to go out drinking and cancelled it. I helped her move and stuff so many times..travelled over 2hours to help her every time she needed it when my sister who lived 5 mins away couldn't be bloody well bothered to help her. And who got the reward or the thank you all the time..my sister. Ya ..sorry family, but i'm done with you. I dont need people in my life who just take take take, and try and shove you down a flight of stairs. Good riddence i say.

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Kimbear))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I'm so sorry. That's hard but it sounds like you have certainly tried your best to make it work. You don't need people like that in your life, but it's tough when those people are family.