How to deal with the down time

[treehugger 23]

I certainly don't mean to sound heartless by saying this, so don't misunderstand. These stories are really sad and heartbreaking.

It's frustrating, annoying, and enough to drive me nuts on occassion. What's holding us up now? An incompetant police department who can't seem to get it together enough in a week to sign some damn photographs.

At the end of the day the frustration for everyone on this forum is the future of OUR lives rest in the hands of a stranger. I don't think there could be much out there that is more nerve racking than that.

No, I don't think you're being heartless at all. You have waited a long time, there's no denying that, and your personal circumstances are not ideal. However, the difference between your situation and those of us stuck waiting for waiver approvals or AP is that you have some control over the situation, whilst we have none. Throughout these three years you have been working on improving certain aspects of your situation. It's a bit like being a university student, and now you're approaching your final exams. Even now, I imagine you can pick up the phone or go to the police station and ask them politely but firmly to sign those photos! At every step of the way, you do have some control / options, even though it may not feel like it at the time.

We can't do that. We can't do anything. We just wait. If USCIS or NVC go over the stated timeframes, a lawyer or congressperson CAN actually help. I don't even have that. AP deliberately has no timeframes. I have to wait approx two years before a lawyer will accept my case, let alone a court hear it. Two years of just sitting there doing nothing in the meantime, twiddling my thumbs. No lawyer, congressperson or senator can help - even they get the same bog standard reply I get when I contact the embassy - "Your application is currently still subject to additional administrative processing, which is mandatory and cannot be waived." A petitioner's representatives are not even allowed to know why the case is in AP. And if the worst came to the worst and it is denied, you're not even told why it's denied!!

Of course I can no longer visit the US under the VWP as any border guard will decide that I am probably going to stay, and of course I can't apply for a visa either. It doesn't help that, thinking I had my visa, I gave up my job, and returning to it is out of the question. There's over 5000 miles between my husband and I, and although I don't want to go into details, we also have difficult personal circumstances. At this point in time, it's not an option for my husband to move to the UK.

So, it's my turn to say that I don't mean to be heartless, but it doesn't change my perspective that three years working on being together is not as difficult as being stuck in a black hole where one has absolutely no idea what is happening or why, doesn't know what to expect and has zero control over the situation. Don't forget, I've already been through USCIS, NVC and the interview. I've already stressed about RFEs, what questions am I going to be asked, forms taking too long to arrive at their destination. I look back now and think I didn't know how lucky I was!

Never mind - everything happens for a reason, and what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. I'm not usually one for cliches, but they do have some truth to them! Good luck, Rob and Jill, I hope you fly though the rest of this process and that you're together very soon

Edited June 23, 2010 by treehugger

[Nich-Nick 3,354]

I have no idea. I haven't seen his paperwork, not sure what it's called or where to look for it to find out. I did find out today he can go ahead and book his medical, so I am going to have him do that soon.

Here's the application for the police certificate. I hope he's not doing the old way where you apply for one at the local police department, because that's not accepted. If you look on page 6 of the document, you'll see the list of who can endorse the photographs confirming that the photo is a true likeness of the applicant.

http://www.acpo.police.uk/Certificates/Application%20Form%20Version%2011%20-%20English.pdf

Edited June 23, 2010 by Nich-Nick

[Gemmie 142]

We also waited 2 years before we could file the petition (due to finances, school, etc) and then 9 months for the K1 to be granted, and you know what, I bitched and moaned about the wait a lot while I was going through it. Now when I look back, I thank my lucky stars that our case didn't really suffer any problems.

I wish I could give a big hug to those of you are who still waiting to be with your fiance/spouse.

[Fandango 1,439]

No, I don't think you're being heartless at all. You have waited a long time, there's no denying that, and your personal circumstances are not ideal. However, the difference between your situation and those of us stuck waiting for waiver approvals or AP is that you have some control over the situation, whilst we have none. Throughout these three years you have been working on improving certain aspects of your situation. It's a bit like being a university student, and now you're approaching your final exams. Even now, I imagine you can pick up the phone or go to the police station and ask them politely but firmly to sign those photos! At every step of the way, you do have some control / options, even though it may not feel like it at the time.

We can't do that. We can't do anything. We just wait. If USCIS or NVC go over the stated timeframes, a lawyer or congressperson CAN actually help. I don't even have that. AP deliberately has no timeframes. I have to wait approx two years before a lawyer will accept my case, let alone a court hear it. Two years of just sitting there doing nothing in the meantime, twiddling my thumbs. No lawyer, congressperson or senator can help - even they get the same bog standard reply I get when I contact the embassy - "Your application is currently still subject to additional administrative processing, which is mandatory and cannot be waived." A petitioner's representatives are not even allowed to know why the case is in AP. And if the worst came to the worst and it is denied, you're not even told why it's denied!!

Of course I can no longer visit the US under the VWP as any border guard will decide that I am probably going to stay, and of course I can't apply for a visa either. It doesn't help that, thinking I had my visa, I gave up my job, and returning to it is out of the question. There's over 5000 miles between my husband and I, and although I don't want to go into details, we also have difficult personal circumstances. At this point in time, it's not an option for my husband to move to the UK.

So, it's my turn to say that I don't mean to be heartless, but it doesn't change my perspective that three years working on being together is not as difficult as being stuck in a black hole where one has absolutely no idea what is happening or why, doesn't know what to expect and has zero control over the situation. Don't forget, I've already been through USCIS, NVC and the interview. I've already stressed about RFEs, what questions am I going to be asked, forms taking too long to arrive at their destination. I look back now and think I didn't know how lucky I was!

Never mind - everything happens for a reason, and what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. I'm not usually one for cliches, but they do have some truth to them! Good luck, Rob and Jill, I hope you fly though the rest of this process and that you're together very soon

I haven't been following your case, but I really do hope and pray it's resolved soon.

And btw, you said what I was trying to say, in a much better way.

[arwilson80 0]

Of course I can no longer visit the US under the VWP as any border guard will decide that I am probably going to stay, and of course I can't apply for a visa either. It doesn't help that, thinking I had my visa, I gave up my job, and returning to it is out of the question. There's over 5000 miles between my husband and I, and although I don't want to go into details, we also have difficult personal circumstances. At this point in time, it's not an option for my husband to move to the UK.

Similar story to mine... and while i don't have difficult personal circumstances it's still hard.

I (fortunately) do have the option of my Fiancee moving to the UK, but i made the decision to move there as it's generally a daughter stays close to her parents and i believed that we would have a significantly better quality of life than we could have in the UK. Add to that the fact that i would consider my 'values' to be a lot closer to those of the US. In fact i'd consider the US 'home'. My only problem is - i wasn't born there!

[treehugger 23]

We also waited 2 years before we could file the petition (due to finances, school, etc) and then 9 months for the K1 to be granted, and you know what, I bitched and moaned about the wait a lot while I was going through it. Now when I look back, I thank my lucky stars that our case didn't really suffer any problems.

I wish I could give a big hug to those of you are who still waiting to be with your fiance/spouse.

Thanks, virtual hugs appreciated

I haven't been following your case, but I really do hope and pray it's resolved soon.

And btw, you said what I was trying to say, in a much better way.

Thank you, and thanks

[treehugger 23]

Similar story to mine... and while i don't have difficult personal circumstances it's still hard.

I (fortunately) do have the option of my Fiancee moving to the UK, but i made the decision to move there as it's generally a daughter stays close to her parents and i believed that we would have a significantly better quality of life than we could have in the UK. Add to that the fact that i would consider my 'values' to be a lot closer to those of the US. In fact i'd consider the US 'home'. My only problem is - i wasn't born there!

Aww, that's quite sweet and considerate, your fiancee is very lucky I hope you'll be there before long!!

[Gemmie 142]

When I'm feeling sh1tty that I can't find a job and move out of the in-laws, my best friend tells me something that helps:

You have the rest of your lives to live together and enjoy every moment on your own. So look at the big picture and feel lucky that you've found the person you want to do that with already, because when all of this is over and you get what you wanted, you'll probably end up wanting to get away from him!

Also, I went for counselling for a few years when I was a teenager, and she used to say that when you're stressed about something, ask yourself if it's really going to matter in 6 months or a year. Chances are, you're worrying about something that will be over by then.

Hope that helps a little.

[Rob and Jill 82]

So, it's my turn to say that I don't mean to be heartless, but it doesn't change my perspective that three years working on being together is not as difficult as being stuck in a black hole where one has absolutely no idea what is happening or why, doesn't know what to expect and has zero control over the situation.

It does suck. It's very very sad and I couldn't imagine being in that sort of situation. Although you gave a good example with the final exams, and I completely see your point and sympathize, it doesn't change my persepctive. Why? My perspective is this:

It sucks to be away from the SO. No matter the how or why.

I do wish you the best of luck Treehugger! I honestly do and if you need a sounding board, I would be happy to help any way I can.

Edited June 24, 2010 by Rob and Jill

[Trompe le Monde 1,107]

time away from your SO is hard no matter what the circumstances, but especially hard when your destiny is in the hands of some government worker

[yankepeach 2]

I have to say.....it does indeed suck to be away from my SO.

[treehugger 23]

It does suck. It's very very sad and I couldn't imagine being in that sort of situation. Although you gave a good example with the final exams, and I completely see your point and sympathize, it doesn't change my persepctive. Why? My perspective is this:

It sucks to be away from the SO. No matter the how or why.

I do wish you the best of luck Treehugger! I honestly do and if you need a sounding board, I would be happy to help any way I can.

Well put, Rob and Jill And thanks both for your good wishes and your offer I hope you enjoy the weekend

[treehugger 23]

time away from your SO is hard no matter what the circumstances, but especially hard when your destiny is in the hands of some government worker

Indeed

[AJones 2]

The waiting has been driving me up a wall, and we've got an easy case (I'm the USC). So far I've remodeled two rooms, laying down new flooring, painting, and generally straightening them up, as well as building myself a work table in the one that's "mine" so that my crafty stuff is no longer spread out all over the house. I stepped up dog training (my dogs wish I would find another hobby), went back to school full time while working full time, have been spending weekends with friends, got involved with cat rescue and have placed 3 homeless kitties, and this weekend I'm building a 10' x 10' habitat outside for a box turtle someone dropped on me.

In short, I am busy as heck and wearing myself out and I STILL find the time and energy to fret about the visa process (we're gathering docs for his interview at the London Embassy now). I can't imagine how y'all who have been waiting years do it... you have my thoughts & prayers, for whatever the thoughts & prayers of a VJ n00b are worth!

[Fandango 1,439]

The waiting has been driving me up a wall, and we've got an easy case (I'm the USC). So far I've remodeled two rooms, laying down new flooring, painting, and generally straightening them up, as well as building myself a work table in the one that's "mine" so that my crafty stuff is no longer spread out all over the house. I stepped up dog training (my dogs wish I would find another hobby), went back to school full time while working full time, have been spending weekends with friends, got involved with cat rescue and have placed 3 homeless kitties, and this weekend I'm building a 10' x 10' habitat outside for a box turtle someone dropped on me.

In short, I am busy as heck and wearing myself out and I STILL find the time and energy to fret about the visa process (we're gathering docs for his interview at the London Embassy now). I can't imagine how y'all who have been waiting years do it... you have my thoughts & prayers, for whatever the thoughts & prayers of a VJ n00b are worth!

I this post.