Help my language please !!!

[Captain Oates 911]

He said I could be his VJ internet girlfriend

shhh it's a secret - jeez you would be no good in Washington - you have to be diskreet !

The owl and the ##### cat will scrag me - and you ! Let's meet when they are talking about something thingmybob

Cor 500 cops and immigration guys took over range for 2nd day running so I couldn't shoot or talk ####### or drink carfie with the gimmers.

I went to walmart instead and saw the most incredible couple I have ever seen. I mean, I have been on the 'people of walmart' sites but these two were surreal and in another league !

Actually I have to pay RESPECT coz if you are going to be an extreme walmartoid, you might as well go for it and these guys had gone for it. Even if I had had a camera phone I wouldn't have dared coz they were scary !

ps I can't believe the software xxxx's out pssy ! I mean they are a very popular pet. Good job I didnt put prickly hedgehog or it would have been xxxxxly hedgehog

Edited June 9, 2010 by saywhat

[Gemmie 142]

I just found this in The Sun:

He was unaware he was pursuing a madman who had cold-bloodedly been slaughtering

[Captain Oates 911]

WHAT?????

twowls, where are you? We need to take this interloping pretender downdowndowntown stat. No time for my fluffy boudoir kitten-heeled mules, pass me my hairbrush and microfilm, I am taking this "Nina" out.

There is hardly enough room for Owl in Alan's life after me, though she is getting more gracious about this. Alan does not have a No 3 Internet Girlfriend! No! No!

And proud of it!

She threw hersef at me ! I was powerless - and anyway nothing really happened coz I couldn't stop thinking of the owl and the sassy cat ! We could all move to salt lake city and be a happy family ?

[elmcitymaven 9,712]

She threw hersef at me ! I was powerless - and anyway nothing really happened coz I couldn't stop thinking of the owl and the sassy cat ! We could all move to salt lake city and be a happy family ?

A likely story, Alan. You disappoint sassycat Maven. If we moved to SLC, we'd have to take in Jewel too, since she's there already. I'm not sure if I can handle having three other women jostling with me, unless they are willing to also take part in librarian ticklefests too. And even then, they'd have to be willing to cede the spotlight to Owl and me.

I bet she's a bimbo anyway. I'm just going off to cry in a corner of the library, poutily and sexily, while I take solace in reading The Sorrows of Young Werther in my lace teddy.

[Pooky 3,786]

I just found this in The Sun:

I know it's the Sun, but I'm not sure if this is actually wrong.

[Captain Oates 911]

A likely story, Alan. You disappoint sassycat Maven. If we moved to SLC, we'd have to take in Jewel too, since she's there already. I'm not sure if I can handle having three other women jostling with me, unless they are willing to also take part in librarian ticklefests too. And even then, they'd have to be willing to cede the spotlight to Owl and me.

I bet she's a bimbo anyway. I'm just going off to cry in a corner of the library, poutily and sexily, while I take solace in reading The Sorrows of Young Werther in my lace teddy.

I say young tootyfruit - that's a bit extreme isn't it ?

Not as if I had cast you into the pit (South Carolina)- not at all - more's the merrier as Freddie Mercury used to say.

I know - lets all get some bags of feathers and go down to the beach in Loosyanna and role about in the surf

Then we can lay down beside each other in a rowing boat and pretend to be a box of huge fluffy chocolate marshmallows

Bet you have never had that offer before this week

Edited June 9, 2010 by saywhat

[elmcitymaven 9,712]

I say young tootyfruit - that's a bit extreme isn't it ?

Not as if I had cast you into the pit (South Carolina)- not at all - more's the merrier as Freddie Mercury used to say.

I know - lets all get some bags of feathers and go down to the beach in Loosyanna and role about in the surf

Then we can lay down beside each other in a rowing boat and pretend to be a box of huge fluffy chocolate marshmallows

Bet you have never had that offer before this week

Whatever you say, Alan.

[Captain Oates 911]

Whatever you say, Alan.

Gobsmacked at last eh ? Who would have thought we would see the day.

These Albertson's ginger biscuits (cookies) are hallucinogenic when mixed with out of date yoghurt.

[elmcitymaven 9,712]

Gobsmacked at last eh ? Who would have thought we would see the day.

These Albertson's ginger biscuits (cookies) are hallucinogenic when mixed with out of date yoghurt.

It hardly ever happens that I'm silenced on VJ, but twice recently it's been by you. Well played.

I'll have some of that ginger biccie/yoghurt combo please. I'm dodging my real life ex-boyf tonight.

[Captain Oates 911]

It hardly ever happens that I'm silenced on VJ, but twice recently it's been by you. Well played.

I'll have some of that ginger biccie/yoghurt combo please. I'm dodging my real life ex-boyf tonight.

You could try the Michelle Bachman eyes and clothes like liza minelli ploy - it would cool my ardour for sure times 10. I would be scared of being bitten without my rabies booster.

He would run back home home and get stuck into the GIN - and at 3am get an online subscription to a san francisco male bath-house

[Captain Oates 911]

bachmann eyes

http://www.treehugger.com/michele-bachmann.jpg

minelli clobber

http://cache.gawkerassets.com/assets/images/7/2008/08/340x_liza_minelli_02_wenn2015030.jpg

but not this unless you are sick of me:

http://www.newprophecy.net/Liza_Minnelli__2.jpg

[Krikit 1,164]

You could try the Michelle Bachman eyes and clothes like liza minelli ploy - it would cool my ardour for sure times 10. I would be scared of being bitten without my rabies booster.

He would run back home home and get stuck into the GIN - and at 3am get an online subscription to a san francisco male bath-house

Reliving fond memories? lol

[Captain Oates 911]

Reliving fond memories? lol

hey it worked for Freddie Mercury and my sergeant used to say don't knock it til you have tried it.

Think I would be less scared sleeping with John Edwards than Michelle Bachmann of the drugged race horse eyes.

[elmcitymaven 9,712]

Well, I did see him across the bar. I managed to dodge him for three days but on the last one... We had a perfectly civil chat. When he remarked I wasn't wearing my ring I told him that I was splitting up. He raised his eyebrows and told him I was happy. He asked how California was and I asked about London and although he asked me to join him and his colleagues for a beer I said no, because I knew that way led to a hotel room that wasn't my own, and my train is at 8.30am so it was never going to happen. I told him to get in touch, but I doubt he will, and I am just fine with that.

I told him I was saving myself for a big strapping Yorkshireman who had ginger biccies for me anyway.

[Krikit 1,164]

You disappoint me, Maven. I thought you just wanted a shag.