visiting home

[littlepoem 0]

hi everyone,soon i will be going home for my son's wedding...the more i think about going it kinda makes me nervous...weird huh? my mom passed away and i haven't been back since...now it is going to seem strange to see my dad alone for the first time...i know people seem to think that it will be the same as when you left..but i also know things change..people move on and they get involved with new things and you lose touch..really i don't even quite know what i am trying to say..i guess it was like leaving a life and starting a new one, even though i loved the one i used to have as well as the one i have now..has anyone else had these feelings...even saything"these feelings" i say to myself what feelings!...geesh...do i sound a wee bit confused?? lol.. when you figure out what i am trying to say, please let me know...thanks!

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[KaiserD 12]

Hey,

I just got my conditions removed like yesterday. I've been waiting for that because I was afraid that if I left I would get called for an interview. Well anyway, now I can get my passport updated and DH has accured enough days for us to go back home, it will be the first time for much of my family (everyone except my mum) to see both my husband and my baby, who's almost 2 now.

We've been waiting for so long to go back, but for some reason I feel really hesitant and I have no idea why. They will both be adored and although for a while I've been afraid that if I go home I won't want to come back here again but I don't think it will be like that...yet feel anxious anyway. It really doesn't make sense.

Yours makes a little more sense, I mean I can see how you would feel anxious about leaving your dad once it's time to come back. He also may not want you to go back but may not say so. Are you afraid things will not be as you left them? That you will feel like you don't belong there any more?

I'm sure everything will work itself out for you, once you get there everything will be fine. You can enjoy the company of the people you love and see the places and eat the food you miss!

[littlepoem 0]

KaiserD, your son is adorable....Thanks for the reply...you may have hit the nail on the head...maybe my fear is that i won't feel like i belong there anymore..i don't know if my sense of belonging anywhere will ever be the same...i have the feeling, that even though i love america and living in AZ, there will always be a longing for my own country..and the funny things is, before i moved here i never thought that i was that patriotic...have an amazing time on your trip...i am surte you will!! grandma is gonna love that baby!!!!!

[KaiserD 12]

Haha thankyou! He's a total troublemaker

That seems understandable. It seems a lot of people place a lot of their individuality, who they are, on where they come from and perhaps they don't realize it until they leave, the greater environment where we come from counts for a lot of what makes us, us. As non-USCs I'm pretty sure that most people struggle with finding their place here and during that time they will change and become something a little different than when they left, which will not go away even if you decided to move back tomorrow.

You might not talk the same, you might have found a different way of looking at something and your family has/will notice. You may even find that there are things about them that bug you that were not important before.

Ultimately I suppose it doesn't matter, live for the moment and all that

You too! A wedding is a great reason to make sure you get yourself back home and get reconnected with everyone

[Kathryn41 3,205]

Hi Littlepoem,

I can very much sympathize with your situation. While I hadn't lived with my parents for many years, the last time I was 'home' before I moved to the US was for my Mom's funeral. My Dad is on his own in the family home - and even his elderly cat had passed away. My husband had never been to my parents' home and so it was his first visit as well.

I honestly didn't know what to expect when we arrived. It was strange and I really did expect to 'feel' my Mom's presence around the house. I didn't know if it was going to be painful or lonesome or what. Surprisingly, though I didn't sense her presence there anymore. Dad had basically taken over the house and it was really now his home, not 'their' home. Hehehe, while it certainly wasn't as tidy as it was when Mom was home and that is one of the things I noticed, it was more than that. The place had changed as Dad spread out his hobbies and interests through the different rooms and didn't worry about having things put away - he just left them out for when he next worked on them. Dad lives very much on his own schedule now and it was apparent that things were let 'slide' - I was surprised to see that some of the house was looking older and worn. My 'vision' of it certainly was nicer than the reality when I saw it afresh again. It was still the house I grew up in but I had moved on from it.

I did some baking and cooking for my Dad and put some stuff in the freezer for him while we were there and I thought it would be uncomfortable using all of the old dishes and pots and pans Mom used to use, but it wasn't - it was nostalgic. He had invited old family friends over to meet my husband while I was there for a party, but my Mom was always the one who entertained so outside of having the idea he really didn't know how to proceed - so I stepped in and got everything organized which he loved. I realized then how many things we had taken for granted when Mom was alive and were missing now she was gone. He also realized anew how much she had taken care of in their lives and realized he missed it now too, although he had taken it for granted at the time.

You really can't go home. Not only have you changed, but home has also changed - especially if one of your parents has passed away. Go to enjoy the time with your Dad. Collect your memories but don't be surprised to find that it isn't really 'home' anymore. That doesn't mean you won't enjoy your visit - you will - it will just probably be somewhat different than you anticipate in unexpected ways.

Edited May 29, 2010 by Kathryn41

[trillium13 84]

I can relate to your stories somewhat, and I am the USC. I was born and raised in Central NY, and I now live in East Texas. It's so different, it almost might as well be a different country.

Just last week I drove up to NY, it was planned on short notice, as my mother has decided to move back to her own home state of PA. It was the last chance I would ever get to see the house I grew up in. It was also the first time my mom met my husband.

It was strange and surreal to see it again, especially knowing it would be the last time. I really haven't had time yet to fully process it. I really miss some things about there, and going back made me realize how much I do miss. I was really glad I had the chance to go back and see it again, and collect a few things of mine, and get some family stuff. We took over a thousand pictures.

You really can't go home. Not only have you changed, but home has also changed - especially if one of your parents has passed away. Go to enjoy the time with your Dad. Collect your memories but don't be surprised to find that it isn't really 'home' anymore. That doesn't mean you won't enjoy your visit - you will - it will just probably be somewhat different than you anticipate in unexpected ways.

Kathryn put this really well. I don't know how I could have said it better.

Edited May 29, 2010 by trillium13