Abuse, divorce, and the 2 yr GC (I am the USC)

[Rania 1]

In all fairness to the cops, they get false reports of abuse a lot. They are rightfully suspicious when the report comes long after the actual abuse was said to have taken place. You have to see it from their perspective. If the abuse wasn't bad enough to justify calling the cops and seeking their protection at the time it occurred, why is it bad enough to justify calling the cops long after it actually happened? In most cases, there is an ulterior motive - the accuser wants a police report to use against their spouse, usually for a divorce case.

It's not the job of the police to rubber stamp your accusation in order to give it credibility so that you can use it in a divorce or immigration case. It's their job to solve crimes, capture criminals and offer protection. In most states, if you call them at the time the abuse occurs, and they see any evidence of abuse, they are required to make an arrest. This is intended to give you some safe time so you can file for a restraining order. They are understandably reluctant to believe someone who didn't take any action to protect themselves at the time the abuse occurred, and only decide to report the abuse when they need a police report.

I take issue with this. Where do you get your 'a lot' from? How do you know there are 'a lot' of false reports? Are you a cop? I don't understand why you automatically assume that cops will not want to take an accusers side rather than do take their side and if it turns out to be false than so be it.

Secondly, battered and abused women will have serious injuries, go to the hospital for broken bones and concussions and still not report the batterer because they fear their abuser, they often have no where else to go, and their psyche is so broken down that they 'rationalize' the situation. I also know of battery situations where the cops WERE called and took so long to respond that the situation was diffused by then. Thank god the women weren't dead.

It's POV like yours that trivialize the tragedy that women go through when they are abused or make them think twice about EVER seeking justice for what happened to them. Of course there are people who abuse the system, but it isn't fair to stigmatize the whole issue by those people alone.

ANYWAY. I filed my restraining order today and will try and get a hold of border patrol, perhaps they can be more helpful in terms of getting him at the airport.

[Leedah 22]

Rania,

I applaude you for taking action. It doesn't matter when abuse is reported. As long as it IS reported. Good for you! It took me awhile to realize that my ex was an abuser also. He is finally ordered to be deported and he will soon be carted out of this country.

It's really a journey, but you will get through it.

Leedah

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

I take issue with this. Where do you get your 'a lot' from? How do you know there are 'a lot' of false reports? Are you a cop? I don't understand why you automatically assume that cops will not want to take an accusers side rather than do take their side and if it turns out to be false than so be it.

Secondly, battered and abused women will have serious injuries, go to the hospital for broken bones and concussions and still not report the batterer because they fear their abuser, they often have no where else to go, and their psyche is so broken down that they 'rationalize' the situation. I also know of battery situations where the cops WERE called and took so long to respond that the situation was diffused by then. Thank god the women weren't dead.

It's POV like yours that trivialize the tragedy that women go through when they are abused or make them think twice about EVER seeking justice for what happened to them. Of course there are people who abuse the system, but it isn't fair to stigmatize the whole issue by those people alone.

ANYWAY. I filed my restraining order today and will try and get a hold of border patrol, perhaps they can be more helpful in terms of getting him at the airport.

No, I'm not a cop. My next door neighbor is a cop, and he loves to talk.

Cops get called in cases of domestic disputes frequently. Many times, one person will make an accusation of abuse against the other. The cop will look for evidence of the abuse. If he finds any evidence - bruises, scratches, torn clothing, whatever - he's compelled to make an arrest. Why? Because there's evidence that a crime occurred, and there's a witness (the abused) who made a statement about who committed the crime. It may not necessarily result in a conviction, but it meets the minimum requirements - evidence of a crime, and evidence identifying the perpetrator.

There are a lot of divorce cases where one party wants evidence of abuse against the other, either because they are divorcing "for cause", or because they want leverage against the other party, perhaps for child custody. They call the cops to make a report of abuse. The cop will do the same thing he would do if he'd been called during the dispute - look for evidence that the abuse occurred. If he finds it, he'll take the report, though if the complainant isn't in immediate danger he may not make an arrest. If he doesn't find any evidence, then the investigation stops right there. Without evidence that a crime occurred, there is nothing further to investigate. An accusation by the alleged victim may be relevant to a family court judge during a divorce hearing, but it's not enough for a cop to open a criminal investigation. As I said, it isn't the cops job to certify an accusation of abuse. It's his job to determine if a crime was committed, to investigate the crime, and to arrest the perpetrator.

This has nothing to do with cops taking one side over the other. It has to do with cops doing their job.

As far as battered women not reporting the crime because they fear the abuser, I have absolutely no doubt this is true. Unfortunately, there are not enough cops to assign every battered woman a personal protector. I wish this were not the case, but this is the reality of the society we live in. More often than not, there will not be a cop to protect you when you need one. Cops usually respond after the crime has been committed. The courts are also little help. They can issue a restraining order, but a piece of paper is not much protection. They can't arrest and detain the abuser indefinitely because he may commit another crime in the future. This is the reality of living in a country where people have rights. People are often left to defend themselves against aggressors, and seek justice from the cops and courts afterward. A woman in this situation needs to seek protection, and not rely on the cops to protect her. A battered woman's shelter is a start. A body guard is also good. She could also get a gun and learn how to use it. If the abuser shows up and threatens her then she can call the cops, but first and foremost she needs to take measures to protect herself because the cops probably won't be there when they're needed.

My point of view is irrelevant, and I never said anything to either trivialize what abused woman go through, nor to indict the entire system because some people abuse it. I explained, in a rational way, why a cop would not take a report when he was not offered any evidence that a crime was committed, in spite of the fact that many women might ask him to do so.

[andrea2774 0]

In all fairness to the cops, they get false reports of abuse a lot. They are rightfully suspicious when the report comes long after the actual abuse was said to have taken place. You have to see it from their perspective. If the abuse wasn't bad enough to justify calling the cops and seeking their protection at the time it occurred, why is it bad enough to justify calling the cops long after it actually happened? In most cases, there is an ulterior motive - the accuser wants a police report to use against their spouse, usually for a divorce case.

It's not the job of the police to rubber stamp your accusation in order to give it credibility so that you can use it in a divorce or immigration case. It's their job to solve crimes, capture criminals and offer protection. In most states, if you call them at the time the abuse occurs, and they see any evidence of abuse, they are required to make an arrest. This is intended to give you some safe time so you can file for a restraining order. They are understandably reluctant to believe someone who didn't take any action to protect themselves at the time the abuse occurred, and only decide to report the abuse when they need a police report.

I understand them...and I see your point..but as a police officer, they have to keep records of whatever reports they receive from whoever, without discrimination and looking at other people's race. They should not pretend to record everything that you say..then throw it in the garbage when you're gone..then laugh at you when you aren't there, plus laugh with the perpetrator????...he asked me what were my plans..I told him that I will go back to the Philippines...know what he did???He told it to my Ex-husband..then what my ex-husband did???He sent all my papers to the immigration "so you will be a fugitive" that's what my ex-husband told me...So i stayed in the women's shelter for months!!!! without even going out...no money, no nothing..then one day...a man called the women's shelter asking if there's a lady from _______ staying there...how did he know???huh!!!.where was my safety there??? ... In my case, If it was just me who was abused, I can probably bear it, sacrifice for the sake of my marriage, but not when my son's life is at stake...Never...

I am sorry that I poured out my emotion here, but the way I understand it, police officer are supposed to make sure that there are no crimes, and if they have their doubts, why can't they do their own investigation????Record everything...facts...then in the end, if the filed report is fraud, then they can throw it if they want, arrest the person who file false report, whatever they do I don't care, But never throw any report while it's still in the process...Because if we died because of what he did...can he still laugh...he don't believe me, not because I filed false report but because he is prejudice! He is supposed to protect the truth from wrong not the color of the skin and the citizens...

[andrea2774 0]

No, I'm not a cop. My next door neighbor is a cop, and he loves to talk.

Cops get called in cases of domestic disputes frequently. Many times, one person will make an accusation of abuse against the other. The cop will look for evidence of the abuse. If he finds any evidence - bruises, scratches, torn clothing, whatever - he's compelled to make an arrest. Why? Because there's evidence that a crime occurred, and there's a witness (the abused) who made a statement about who committed the crime. It may not necessarily result in a conviction, but it meets the minimum requirements - evidence of a crime, and evidence identifying the perpetrator.

There are a lot of divorce cases where one party wants evidence of abuse against the other, either because they are divorcing "for cause", or because they want leverage against the other party, perhaps for child custody. They call the cops to make a report of abuse. The cop will do the same thing he would do if he'd been called during the dispute - look for evidence that the abuse occurred. If he finds it, he'll take the report, though if the complainant isn't in immediate danger he may not make an arrest. If he doesn't find any evidence, then the investigation stops right there. Without evidence that a crime occurred, there is nothing further to investigate. An accusation by the alleged victim may be relevant to a family court judge during a divorce hearing, but it's not enough for a cop to open a criminal investigation. As I said, it isn't the cops job to certify an accusation of abuse. It's his job to determine if a crime was committed, to investigate the crime, and to arrest the perpetrator.

This has nothing to do with cops taking one side over the other. It has to do with cops doing their job.

As far as battered women not reporting the crime because they fear the abuser, I have absolutely no doubt this is true. Unfortunately, there are not enough cops to assign every battered woman a personal protector. I wish this were not the case, but this is the reality of the society we live in. More often than not, there will not be a cop to protect you when you need one. Cops usually respond after the crime has been committed. The courts are also little help. They can issue a restraining order, but a piece of paper is not much protection. They can't arrest and detain the abuser indefinitely because he may commit another crime in the future. This is the reality of living in a country where people have rights. People are often left to defend themselves against aggressors, and seek justice from the cops and courts afterward. A woman in this situation needs to seek protection, and not rely on the cops to protect her. A battered woman's shelter is a start. A body guard is also good. She could also get a gun and learn how to use it. If the abuser shows up and threatens her then she can call the cops, but first and foremost she needs to take measures to protect herself because the cops probably won't be there when they're needed.

My point of view is irrelevant, and I never said anything to either trivialize what abused woman go through, nor to indict the entire system because some people abuse it. I explained, in a rational way, why a cop would not take a report when he was not offered any evidence that a crime was committed, in spite of the fact that many women might ask him to do so.

I know what you mean..and they are true, but in my case it's very different that's why I was so upset. That happened to me when I was new here in US, no friends, don't know how to drive, no work, no money, no nothing, plus I have a son who cannot talk english, so the police officer cannot ask my son what happened to him...And I believe that there are too many false reports...but I just hope he didn't do that to me...I just hope he didn't take sides...I just hope he didn't say anything to him...but whatever I reported to him...he went to my ex-husband and tell exactly what I told him..and together they laughed...and I might be wrong but I think he was part of the plan...he might be the one whos suggested to my ex-husband whatever he did to me........

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

I know what you mean..and they are true, but in my case it's very different that's why I was so upset. That happened to me when I was new here in US, no friends, don't know how to drive, no work, no money, no nothing, plus I have a son who cannot talk english, so the police officer cannot ask my son what happened to him...And I believe that there are too many false reports...but I just hope he didn't do that to me...I just hope he didn't take sides...I just hope he didn't say anything to him...but whatever I reported to him...he went to my ex-husband and tell exactly what I told him..and together they laughed...and I might be wrong but I think he was part of the plan...he might be the one whos suggested to my ex-husband whatever he did to me........

If you believe the cop was discourteous, insulting, or did not do his job correctly then you can file a complaint against him. If his supervisors determine he was wrong, then he'll be appropriately reprimanded.

You also have the right to go to the police station and file a report directly. You aren't subject to the whims of a single police officer.

[Radkova 11]

so did he came home or something??

Edited May 30, 2010 by Sherry&Scott

[Darnell 8,479]

Rania - any news?

[llxxll 5]

we havent heard from Rania...I hope she is safe