Abuse, divorce, and the 2 yr GC (I am the USC)

[Rania 1]

I am facing quite a dilemma. My husband came to the US on a k-1. We did the AOS, he was approved in Nov 09 and everything was quite easy.

The problem is this: As soon as my husband came to the US, he became very abusive. I chalked it up to all the stress of the immigration process, the fact that we became new parents in the middle of all of it, the fact that the economy was so bad and we were hurting financially, that he was so far from home...etc. However, as things started to get better, he still was extremely abusive to me. Not only physically, but he didn't allow me access to any money. I became distant and cold towards him. I did so much, excused so much of his behavior, and he continued to be abusive. I never reported it because I was scared of him and to be frank, I was stupid.

On Easter Sunday, he hit me in front of my sister, which created a huge problem between he and my family. He emptied our bank accounts (months before, I realized), demanded I pay him back the rent he paid, told everyone he was going back home and never coming back, bought a one-way ticket and left, all the while I was dealing with a baby who was running a fever. After he left, instead of dealing with the shock of it all, I had to run the baby to the ER for her fever. I couldn't believe he would leave knowing our baby was so sick.

I didn't hear from him for weeks. He left me with no money to support the baby or myself. I sold the truck he used for work (it was in my name) and his tools for some quick cash for rent and bills and baby supplies. Then, he started to send me emails saying how he was so happy to have left me, how he's getting married again, etc. I emailed him a curt message back telling him I sold his stuff, as I suspected this is when the games were about to begin. I wanted to make it clear that we didn't have a chance of getting back together. Then the avalanche of threats and abuse began - apparantly he was intending to come back the whole time. He was putting on this big production to teach me a lesson, and didn't expect me to move on so quickly. He threatened to kill me, wait outside my work to beat me, to steal my car, to hurt my family. After ignoring him and his threats for weeks he emailed me today and said he was coming back sometime this week and better find him a place to live and lend him my car until he buys a new one. I ignored him still.

I don't want him to come back, let alone be able to file to get his 10 year greencard. This man bought his one-way ticket back home, stood in front of our 1 year old daughter and told her he was never, ever going to see her again, only to turn around and play games. Not only is he abusive, but I cannot risk him play these games with my daughter when she actually understands what is going on. I want him out of our lives.

I know from reading other posts that many people on here stress personal responsibility when it comes to this whole immigration process, but I cannot allow him to ruin my daughter's life. I entered this marriage in good faith, and he became a monster after coming here. We have been together for 6 years and I was in denial of his behavior because he changed so much after coming here. What can I do to prevent him from being able to stay permanently in this country and just causing my family trouble? I don't want to have to deal with restraining orders, abuse shelters and living in fear. Tomorrow I will file for divorce, but from what I understand he may be able to lift conditions despite a divorce. What are my options?

[Okalian 41]

pass his information along to ICE (their number is in the fine print in the bottom of the page). They'll give him a very difficult time if he tries to reenter. And if he stays outside the US long enough, he'll lose his GC.

[VanessaTony 3,567]

Because you never reported the abuse unfortunately it's easier for him to ROC without you. I am in no way saying that's your fault, I understand the fear I'm just saying NOW you need to protect yourself from that and you need to report it. Doing it now should be fine. Have your sister who witnesses the easter attack on record as a witness.

I hope you kept records of his emails and threats etc. I think you should file for divorce on the grounds of abuse. I also think you should file a restraining order (it will help stop ROC). I would report the death threats etc to police. Make sure it's on his records.

Contact ICE (like said above) and give them all this information as well. You might not want a restraining order but you need to protect your child and yourself and that's the first step.

Best of luck.

[Leedah 22]

Contact ICE while you still have a chance.

Also get in a women's support group for domestic violence victims.

You seem to be suffering from battered women syndrome and he may be either on drugs, bipolar or just looking for a way to scare you into going through with the green card.

Read my article to learn more about domestic violence and drug use.

Sorry your going through this all.

Once you leave him completely (get a restraining order), you will feel much better.

Leedah

[nane1104 146]

First and foremost you need to protect yourself and your daughter from him and if that means a restraining order or a shelter to stay out of his reach, then you need to go for it. Definitley report him to the police and ICE, maybe you can even get a warrant for his arrest once he tries to get back into the US.

My hopes would be that he stays home long enough to abandon his status but he sounds like he will be back sooner than that to happen.

I wish you all the best!!

[Rania 1]

Thanks for all the advice. I am going to the police and ICE today as well as filing for a divorce.

I now know he has a flight booked for this Saturday. I haven't been responding to his emails at all, but should I contact him to inform him of the divorce, the police report and contacting ICE? I am hoping this will have him think twice about boarding that flight. I have been debating whether I should do this or not, or just hope he gets a nasty surprise at the airport. But what if they do nothing?

[TracyTN 237]

I guess you know him best - if you think the police and ICE situation will keep him away, then I'd tell him. I'll be curious to see what CBP does with him after he's been reported to ICE and (hopefully) has a restraining order out against him. I suppose there are no guarantees, though. I would be sure to be in a safe place on Saturday, preferably with other people around you so that you are not in harm's way. Maybe even a shelter where you cannot be found.

I can't believe he hit you in front of your sister on Easter (well, I can't believe he hit you any time, but you get my meaning!). My sister would have had him out of there at gunpoint - but I suppose that's par for the course when your brother in law is a sheriff's deputy.

[Rebecca Jo 1,962]

You have his threats in the form or e-mails?

I'd be printing these off, showing them to the police, and to a lawyer.

[Miss smarty pants 84]

Thanks for all the advice. I am going to the police and ICE today as well as filing for a divorce.

I now know he has a flight booked for this Saturday. I haven't been responding to his emails at all, but should I contact him to inform him of the divorce, the police report and contacting ICE? I am hoping this will have him think twice about boarding that flight. I have been debating whether I should do this or not, or just hope he gets a nasty surprise at the airport. But what if they do nothing?

If he ever hits you are threatens you again (if he is able to make it back), then I highly reccommend that you immediately call the police and have it documented. It may take a few days to get a restraining order, so please stay safe and keep someone around you while you go through this process.

[milimelo 4,554]

Definitely report everything to ICE and police ASAP. Include printouts of the threatening emails.

If you know when exactly he is arriving on Saturday, see if they can somehow flag him in the system so CBP/ICE get him on arrival.

Also see this topic: http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/248685-husband-in-india-but-i-the-usc-wants-a-divorce-need-help/- the poster managed to get her husband served with divorce papers at the airport when he returned - I think even ICE or CBP took a hold of him.

[Brother Hesekiel 2,236]

You have been played.

You need to file a police report for the physical violence you had to endure (luckily you have witnesses -- take two with you), report that he threatened to kill you, and file for a restraining order. Then inform ICE that he is entering the country on Sunday and you are afraid of a blood bath. That's all you can do right now. All of this needs to be documented.

[Radkova 11]

What an awful #######. you need to forward all those emails to ICE and your local post office. Don't be afraid sweetie. Glad your divorcing him. Sorry but it seems like this jerk used you and hopefully they won't let him back in the country. Please if you can, move out of your apartment and find yourself a new place. change your phone number. go live with family or your sister for a while if you have to.. sorry you have to go through this. Hope you and your daughter have a better life.

Edited May 25, 2010 by Sherry&Scott

[Jenn! 918]

I just wanted to say I'm so sorry to read your story. I will never cease to be amazed by how low some people will go. I'll be hoping for the best for you and your daughter.

[Rania 1]

Thanks again for all the replies. I have just come back from the police station and the family law clerk where I filed a police report for the threats and the past abuse and I also filed for divorce. That was a harrowing experience as I felt the police officers did not believe me since I hadn't reported the abuse from before, even with all the emails, but I did it anyway just to have it on record. Tomorrow morning I will go to file the restraining order (I told the police officer it was urgent, but he said urgency applies only to those in the US) so I missed the time period to file the order. I am going to call ICE in a bit before I get to work.

[Rania 1]

I am on the phone with ICE right now and they say they can do nothing as there has been no immigration violation and he is not in the USA right now.