legal advice pls

[n_deep_jen 0]

I came here for a fiance visa,got married and had a baby two months ago.Unfortunately me and my husband have been into many fights till we reach physical fight but baby isn't involve though,i mean wasn't hurt.The last time we had a fight,he was the one who left the house first as always coz he knows i can't go somewhere else coz i don't have work,car or money so maybe he thinks that i will be stuck at the house.He put passwords in the computer and laptop,no cellphone,no allowance.He restrict me of many things.So what i did,i went to my neighbor's house and she was the one who called a police and the police did a report and brought me to a shelter with my baby and no one can tell wherever i am.3 days after staying at the shelter,i went back coz he asked for another chance and i was hoping this marriage will work out.Unfortunately,his family was very upset and said many nasty things against me because they said i should have called them and asked their help instead of going to a shelter and called a police.But the reason i went there to the shelter coz i want him to learn a lesson coz for me,i deserve a better treatment as his wife.I was very sad with their reactions because they were being biased,but of course they will really favor my hubby coz he is their son even if he did something wrong.They threatens me that i can't take my baby coz i don't have work or money but i know that whenver i go back to Philippines,i can find work and take care of my baby esp.that my families are there to help.His mom offered me plane ticket to go back to the Philippines and she insist me to do it but i don't think i can really do it coz she will just buy plane ticket and no allowance and i was thinking that someone might stop me at the airport.Last night,he tried to take my baby away without my permission and went to his sister but i was able to follow.I called a police,they came but they told me i can't do something about it coz they said he is the father.I just don't want him to take away my baby from me.he can't even take care of me how much more of a baby?I gave him a chance and he said he will try to improve better to make this marriage work out and he suggested counseling.My questions are:

Is there really a chance that instead of the baby will go to me,it will go to the father coz i don't have money?

I told him i want divorce but he said he will contest it and he told me that i will be the one to file but the problem i don't have money for the lawyer for some other expenses.What should i do?

if i decide to go back to my country,and i take my baby with me?Does she need a passport?do i have a consent from the father?what are the other requirements?

The police report,will it affect my aos application?

[pushbrk 13,068]

I came here for a fiance visa,got married and had a baby two months ago.Unfortunately me and my husband have been into many fights till we reach physical fight but baby isn't involve though,i mean wasn't hurt.The last time we had a fight,he was the one who left the house first as always coz he knows i can't go somewhere else coz i don't have work,car or money so maybe he thinks that i will be stuck at the house.He put passwords in the computer and laptop,no cellphone,no allowance.He restrict me of many things.So what i did,i went to my neighbor's house and she was the one who called a police and the police did a report and brought me to a shelter with my baby and no one can tell wherever i am.3 days after staying at the shelter,i went back coz he asked for another chance and i was hoping this marriage will work out.Unfortunately,his family was very upset and said many nasty things against me because they said i should have called them and asked their help instead of going to a shelter and called a police.But the reason i went there to the shelter coz i want him to learn a lesson coz for me,i deserve a better treatment as his wife.I was very sad with their reactions because they were being biased,but of course they will really favor my hubby coz he is their son even if he did something wrong.They threatens me that i can't take my baby coz i don't have work or money but i know that whenver i go back to Philippines,i can find work and take care of my baby esp.that my families are there to help.His mom offered me plane ticket to go back to the Philippines and she insist me to do it but i don't think i can really do it coz she will just buy plane ticket and no allowance and i was thinking that someone might stop me at the airport.Last night,he tried to take my baby away without my permission and went to his sister but i was able to follow.I called a police,they came but they told me i can't do something about it coz they said he is the father.I just don't want him to take away my baby from me.he can't even take care of me how much more of a baby?I gave him a chance and he said he will try to improve better to make this marriage work out and he suggested counseling.My questions are:

Is there really a chance that instead of the baby will go to me,it will go to the father coz i don't have money?

I told him i want divorce but he said he will contest it and he told me that i will be the one to file but the problem i don't have money for the lawyer for some other expenses.What should i do?

if i decide to go back to my country,and i take my baby with me?Does she need a passport?do i have a consent from the father?what are the other requirements?

The police report,will it affect my aos application?

Legal advice is not available here but my advice is to consult with a local woman's shelter organization. They will have access to the kinds of legal assistance you will need.

[DouglasFiel 53]

Going to the Woman's Shelter Organization is a good advise..

During our Pre-Departure Orientation Seminar in the Philippines,they give us some telephone numbers

for our support network here in the USA just in case we need it.

You can contact:

NATIONAL DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HOTLINE:

Telephone number: (1-800) 799-7233

(1-800) 787-3224

Fax no. : (512) 453-8541

Email address: ndvh@ndvh.org

May God guide you and your baby..

Regards,

Mrs DOug

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

Don't consider this legal advice, only you can decide what to do.

Is there really a chance that instead of the baby will go to me,it will go to the father coz i don't have money?

This is an idle threat. In the US unless you can prove that the mother is absolutely the worst then she generally has first dibs on physical custody. The father will be required by law to pay child support and in some cases spousal support.

I told him i want divorce but he said he will contest it and he told me that i will be the one to file but the problem i don't have money for the lawyer for some other expenses.What should i do?

If you return to the shelter they will be able to connect you with legal resources. Your lawyer will most likely request he judge order emergency support for you & the baby in addition to requesting your husband pay for your lawyer.

if i decide to go back to my country,and i take my baby with me?Does she need a passport?do i have a consent from the father?what are the other requirements?

Yes, she will need both a passport & consent from the father. You can't even get her a passport without his consent.

The police report,will it affect my aos application?

Have you already filed for AOS? The police report will not negatively impact your AOS filing. If you haven't filed AOS and really need to leave him because of the abuse/neglect then you can self file under VAWA.

Edited May 24, 2010 by Bob 4 Anna

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

Bob 4 Anna is correct. Although the law in most states is written so as not to bias either parent in determining child custody, family courts in most states are still heavily biased in favor of the mother. Unless he can prove you are an unfit mother, you have a better statistical chance of getting custody than he does. The courts will order him to pay child support.

Spousal support is a different matter, and depends on how long you were married. You'll likely be able to get a temporary order of spousal support while the divorce is pending, but don't expect to receive it for a long time unless you've been married for a long time. In California, for example, the courts aren't compelled to order spousal support in cases of marriages less than 5 years in duration, and the terms are usually that support is paid for 1/2 the duration of the marriage. I've known quite a few people who've tried to get spousal support after a marriage of 2 or 3 years and were flat out denied, even though they had no income and their spouse had a good income.

You could also try to use the affidavit of support to enforce support payments, but this is difficult to do in a state court. The odds are that a family court (where you'll be getting the divorce) won't even consider the affidavit of support because they have firm guidelines in the state's family code that they have to follow in determining support. You'd have a better chance in a federal court.

About your child - you cannot take the child back to the Philippines without the permission of the father. He has parental rights, and it is extremely rare for a court to revoke those rights. If you try to leave with the child you could be charged with parental child abduction, and end up in prison.

Courts often do not consider which parent is better equipped financially to support the child because it is presumed that both parents will be contributing financially to the child's support, regardless who has custody.

A police report will not affect your AOS application, but a divorce definitely will. If you file for divorce before your AOS is approved then your AOS will almost certainly be denied. In states where legal separation is a mandatory precursor to divorce, then even getting legally separated will result in your AOS being denied. Your eligibility to adjust status is based on your marriage to a US citizen. If that marriage ends, or is in the process of being terminated, USCIS will deny the AOS. You can re-apply as a VAWA self-petitioner, but you're going to need substantial evidence of abuse to get approved.

[RDDIXON 0]

Although the law in most states is written so as not to bias either parent in determining child custody, family courts in most states are still heavily biased in favor of the mother.

they are in favor of whomever keeps the kids from day 1 after separation which so happens to usually be the mother.

when fathers keeps their kids and mom goes traveling or goes to stay with family after a separation then the courts will favor dad.

the courts/judges do not want to disrupt kids from their bedrooms, their home, their schools, their playrooms, the kitchen they have grown to know, their neighborhood friends.. all things familiar so if dad stays with the kids and mom goes, the courts will rule in favor of dad.

even if dad takes the kids with him and they are in unfamiliar surroundings while mom stays in the family's home, judges will still rule in favor of dad if dad has had custody of the kids from day 1 after separation.

to say what you said above would mean that judges are bias. being unbias is job number one for judges so i don't buy that they play favorites.

[RDDIXON 0]

n_deep_jen, all the decisions that judges make with regard to child support and spoual support are made a long time after you actually need the support.

there are countless number of women that go years without any support, because some men instruct their lawyer to delay hearings in every way possible.

when it comes to separation, divorce, child support, spoual support, their is no finger snapping magic. it takes time for the same reason it took time immigrating.... there is a backlog... there are women and men in front of you so you must be able to survive while you wait.

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

they are in favor of whomever keeps the kids from day 1 after separation which so happens to usually be the mother.

when fathers keeps their kids and mom goes traveling or goes to stay with family after a separation then the courts will favor dad.

the courts/judges do not want to disrupt kids from their bedrooms, their home, their schools, their playrooms, the kitchen they have grown to know, their neighborhood friends.. all things familiar so if dad stays with the kids and mom goes, the courts will rule in favor of dad.

even if dad takes the kids with him and they are in unfamiliar surroundings while mom stays in the family's home, judges will still rule in favor of dad if dad has had custody of the kids from day 1 after separation.

to say what you said above would mean that judges are bias. being unbias is job number one for judges so i don't buy that they play favorites.

I don't know what state you're in, but it doesn't work this way in California. First, while judges have the final word in child custody, they are required to defer to Family Court Services to make an initial determination. FCS will assign a mediator and interview both parents. In better than 90% of the cases (from my own observation) they give primary custody to the mother, and joint custody to the father (i.e., a couple of weekends a month and a couple of weeks in the summer). I've known many many women who packed up the kids and headed for a relative's home in another town, and they STILL got primary custody. There is nothing whatever in the California family code that gives preference to the parent who lives in the family home, or who had physical custody on the day the separation began. I know one father who fought FCS for four months to prevent his unemployed, homeless, crack addicted wife from getting primary custody. He almost lost, but finally got the FCS mediator to see things his way. When the judge got the recommendation, he almost didn't go along with it, and wanted to order joint custody anyway. The attorneys spent an hour in the judges chambers before the judge finally came around.

BTW, the FCS mediator's argument was that granting custody would solve numerous problems for the mother, including being able to obtain section 8 housing and regular support payments from the father.

It has nothing to do with judge's bias, and everything to do with an attitude by society that a single parent home should consist of a full-time mother and her kids, and not a working dad and his kids.

Re. spousal support - In California you can get a temporary order of support at the first hearing, usually within weeks of filing the divorce petition.

[RDDIXON 0]

i'm in california and my best friend works at the court house and is involved in these cases day in and day out and i know, from what she has told me, that the father is not biased.

if the father is primary caregiver from day 1 after separation and maintains primary caregiver, the courts will not favor mom. i don't know where you get your information from, but you are dead wrong.

you can claim the courts are down on dad, but that is not true when dad steps up right from the beginning just like a lot of women do. a lot of fathers for whatever reason do not step up from day 1 so women get custody and to some this makes it seems as though courts favor mom. they don't - it is basic training for judges not to bias anyone based on race or gender.

[TracyTN 237]

Why doesn't the OP consult an attorney instead of going on what ANYone says in this thread? We can conjecture all day long, but that's what they do for a living.

[RDDIXON 0]

Why doesn't the OP consult an attorney instead of going on what ANYone says in this thread? We can conjecture all day long, but that's what they do for a living.

did you read the OP? she has no money so VJ is the best she has at this point. there are millions out there, in line, waiting for some free legal service to call them back. i imagine a lot of lawyers willing to help these folks get quite frustrated considering they whine a lot, but usually are easy to forgive the offending spouse so lots of the legal work become a waste of time after the spouse goes back. i know, if i were a lawyer, i'd not rush in to help unless the situation was a lot more graver than the OP has disscribed. on a scale of 1 to 10, the OP's situation is minor in domestic abuse circles so getting attention from free source won't be wham-bam.

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

i'm in california and my best friend works at the court house and is involved in these cases day in and day out and i know, from what she has told me, that the father is not biased.

if the father is primary caregiver from day 1 after separation and maintains primary caregiver, the courts will not favor mom. i don't know where you get your information from, but you are dead wrong.

you can claim the courts are down on dad, but that is not true when dad steps up right from the beginning just like a lot of women do. a lot of fathers for whatever reason do not step up from day 1 so women get custody and to some this makes it seems as though courts favor mom. they don't - it is basic training for judges not to bias anyone based on race or gender.

If you are in California, and your friend works at a court house, then you know that the judge doesn't make the assessment. It's made by FCS after the mediator interviews both parents. In the majority of cases, the judge will go along with the mediator's recommendation. The judge never even talks directly to the parents unless they represent themselves in court. The only time a custody case doesn't go to FCS is if custody is uncontested.

Above all of the other factors the mediator takes into account, the one thing they prefer over all others is a primary custodian who can be a full time parent. The deck is stacked against a father who works, or earns significantly more than the mother. They don't care who "steps up on day 1", and there's nothing in the California family code that would make them care about it.

[RDDIXON 0]

If you are in California, and your friend works at a court house, then you know that the judge doesn't make the assessment. It's made by FCS after the mediator interviews both parents. In the majority of cases, the judge will go along with the mediator's recommendation. The judge never even talks directly to the parents unless they represent themselves in court. The only time a custody case doesn't go to FCS is if custody is uncontested.

Above all of the other factors the mediator takes into account, the one thing they prefer over all others is a primary custodian who can be a full time parent. The deck is stacked against a father who works, or earns significantly more than the mother. They don't care who "steps up on day 1", and there's nothing in the California family code that would make them care about it.

again, you are so wrong it isn't funny anymore.

[TracyTN 237]

did you read the OP? she has no money so VJ is the best she has at this point. there are millions out there, in line, waiting for some free legal service to call them back. i imagine a lot of lawyers willing to help these folks get quite frustrated considering they whine a lot, but usually are easy to forgive the offending spouse so lots of the legal work become a waste of time after the spouse goes back. i know, if i were a lawyer, i'd not rush in to help unless the situation was a lot more graver than the OP has disscribed. on a scale of 1 to 10, the OP's situation is minor in domestic abuse circles so getting attention from free source won't be wham-bam.

Yes I read the OP. I don't know many lawyers who don't offer at least a free consultation so she would know what her options are/aren't.

But if you'd rather her base everything she does on your feedback, then that's fine. I personally wouldn't want that burden, nor would I be apt to trust it if I were the OP.

[JimVaPhuong 4,863]

again, you are so wrong it isn't funny anymore.

I'm not laughing, and I never implied it was funny. I approached my last divorce with the same determination that I approached the visa and immigration process for my current wife. I read large portions of the California Family Code repeatedly. I've been through FCS, and fought vigorously for custody of my daughter, which I eventually won. My divorce took nearly 5 1/2 years to finish, so I was immersed in the process for a long period of time. The child custody alone took more than a year to resolve, though I suppose you could say it's never really resolved since custody is temporary by nature, and can change any time a parent wants to return to court.

During that time I read the family code, numerous articles on divorce and child custody in California, and spoke with numerous lawyers, including many hours with my own attorney. Never once did anyone mention anything about preference being given to the parent who had default custody (i.e., who was living with the child) at the time the divorce was filed, or a motion for custody was entered.

By the way, I was the father I referred to in my previous post, and my ex-wife was the unemployed, homeless, crack addict.