Ummm, maybe another stupid question!

[Justine+David 218]

I don't know who is worse...Alex being a complete @-hole to Melissa or Julian putting up with his friend treating his fiance like that--telling Alex that if he doesn't stop that Alex won't be allowed to go on the gentleman's cruise or whatever that was.

Wait...it's not funny.

Melissa sounds like a nice girl who is caught up in all of this #######. I really do hope the best for her. She deserves happiness.

[Fandango 1,439]

I think what's worse is that all of us who have gotten sucked into this story, have been feeling outraged for this 'poor Melissa', we're all fighting in her defense, and she's nowhere to be found. I saw her earlier at the bottom of readers in this thread, but has been conspicuously absent. Yet, there's a new blog up today where she's all talking about the wedding, and house hunting, etc. Even mentioned Maven where Maven was 'very sweet' but has dismissed her away as not knowing Julian as well as she does.

I think that's the worst thing. That she buys into this #######, allows herself to be disrespected, and goes back for more. Reaches out for help, then backtracks, and the 'helpers' become the ones who are in the wrong, have the wrong idea, etc. That's the saddest thing.

[Rebecca Jo 1,962]

The original car was chosen by us both and I've made no demands on wedding colours. Speaking of sanctimonious, I hope the irony doesn't escape you.

Julian, your little game of manipulating words and situations might work with your friends and your poor woman, but it doesn't work with me.

You've typed yourself into your own little box around here. If you don't like what people are saying, you might want to think about what they are seeing.

[Nik+Heather 121]

Although I find Julian's attitude makes it hard for me to say anything which even appears to defend him, and I know I'm totally breaking the "girl code" here, but I just can't be 100% on team "poor Melissa". I just keep thinking about this.

And yes, he does pamper me and no, I don't complain. Would you if every time you had a big, big fight you got a nice piece of jewelry as a way of saying "I'm an idiot"?

I also haven't always disagreed with Julian (like about the car "thing") in basics, just in style - I think they are both guilty of airing their personal life online.

[Fandango 1,439]

Although I find Julian's attitude makes it hard for me to say anything which even appears to defend him, and I know I'm totally breaking the "girl code" here, but I just can't be 100% on team "poor Melissa". I just keep thinking about this.

I also haven't always disagreed with Julian (like about the car "thing") in basics, just in style - I think they are both guilty of airing their personal life online.

I have to be fair and agree with some of this. Who knows, maybe they're made for each other?

[JulianMelissa 52]

Julian, your little game of manipulating words and situations might work with your friends and your poor woman, but it doesn't work with me.

You've typed yourself into your own little box around here. If you don't like what people are saying, you might want to think about what they are seeing.

Actually...*YOU* have typed me into your own little box. You've decided I am a certain way, and no evidence to the contrary will satisfy you. Hmm, let's talk about *YOUR* poor woman...how horrible it must be to live with such a close-minded person such as yourself; a person who refuses to change their mind even when the evidence shows how wrong they are. I hope she thinks exactly like you because if you've decided a thing is a certain way, then no amount of discussion will change that. The poor dear, life must be so intolerable under your iron-fisted rule.

Who knows, maybe they're made for each other?

Isn't that why we're all here?

[Rob and Jill 82]

I'm sorry, is 'been sorted' too foreign sounding? Does 'done got er fixed up' sound better? I apologise for being so difficult to understand, it's just that I don't speak 'Sarah Palin' very well. Perhaps however, there's a translation guide available for purchase in one of your finer 7-11 shops which will allow you to better follow along.

Julian:

Notice, not once during any of these threads have I personally attacked you or your fiance. However, I must tell you I am quite fed up with your constant need to act like every American is some back woods redneck with no education, common sense, or class.

You might be feeling a bit attacked around here. Whether it is justified or not is between you and Melissa. However, your reaction to the "attacks" are what is making you lose face in my world.

Quite frankly, you're coming across as an elitist horses a$$ in nearly everything you say here. Perhaps you should consider taking your snobby and prejudicial comments and keeping them to yourself. Making those kind of comments in general are no different to me than calling a Black person the N word, or any kind of racial or deragatory slur. If it is said in a negative fashion with a malicious intent, it's prejudiced.

Furthermore, as someone who has extensively studied mental abuse from men towards women, I can say many of the comments you have made towards Melissa reek of an abusive personality on your part. On more than one occassion I have seen your need to put her down or affirmate your own "superiority" to her. While I have never met either of you in person, your actions here show me you both need therapy. You to help with a severe superiority complex, and Melissa to work through her self esteem issues.

I won't say anything else about this because quite frankly it's not my business. However, I do ask that you have some common decency to turn the other cheek when some of the people here are attacking you on a personal level, and save the comments about your incorrect perceptions of Americans in general for another venue.

[Fandango 1,439]

pwnd by Jill, lol

[Rebecca Jo 1,962]

Actually...*YOU* have typed me into your own little box. You've decided I am a certain way, and no evidence to the contrary will satisfy you. Hmm, let's talk about *YOUR* poor woman...how horrible it must be to live with such a close-minded person such as yourself; a person who refuses to change their mind even when the evidence shows how wrong they are. I hope she thinks exactly like you because if you've decided a thing is a certain way, then no amount of discussion will change that. The poor dear, life must be so intolerable under your iron-fisted rule.

Isn't that why we're all here?

The evidence is your words Julian. Your. Words.

And as far as my wife goes, she doesn't have to worry about evidence to dispute any of my actions. I gave up hookers, blow and that sort of general male stupidity when I met here. Not married her but met her.

And if I decided to pull a stunt and then buy her off with a pretty bauble, she'd stuff it so far down my throat while walking out the door that I wouldn't have time to talk my way out the predicament. I like that about her. I have a doormat out front. I don't need one in my bed.

[MelissaJulian 30]

Hi everyone. Melissa here. I have to say I am actually really hurt by what some of you have been saying about me, but especially about Julian. I really appreciate everyone's concern and I understand that on VJ everyone has an opinion. I know I should probably have a tougher skin but that's just not who I am.

I don't want to get into it too much but Julian has explained the picture to me and I understand what it is. After all, none of you have seen the picture, only I have. It was a very bad joke and Alex has himself called me today to apologize for scaring me.

Thanks again to everyone for being concerned about me. It has been a hard couple of days but I am feeling much better.

[Rebecca Jo 1,962]

Hi everyone. Melissa here. I have to say I am actually really hurt by what some of you have been saying about me, but especially about Julian. I really appreciate everyone's concern and I understand that on VJ everyone has an opinion. I know I should probably have a tougher skin but that's just not who I am.

I don't want to get into it too much but Julian has explained the picture to me and I understand what it is. After all, none of you have seen the picture, only I have. It was a very bad joke and Alex has himself called me today to apologize for scaring me.

Thanks again to everyone for being concerned about me. It has been a hard couple of days but I am feeling much better.

Melissa, just think of what has been said as some sort of internet intervention. Seriously.

[JulianMelissa 52]

Melissa, just think of what has been said as some sort of internet intervention. Seriously.

Yes, an intervention being held by the inmates.

[Rebecca Jo 1,962]

Yes, an intervention being held by the inmates.

Whatever makes you feel superior, Julian.

[MelissaJulian 30]

Please, everyone! I understand not everyone can understand what is going on in my relationship but I don't know what's going on in yours. I didn't mean to put my life under a microscope for everyone to look at but it looks like I accidentally did. Julian is just very forthright and I respect that in him; as I think I said before not everyone is comfortable with that but I am. And he is NOT manipulating me. I took down the post because I was embarrassed about what I wrote. Many thanks to the people who commented -- I read the comments and really did think about them and whether staying in this relationship is right for me. I love my fiance too much to lose him again for something as silly as this. I only wish I had picked up his calls yesterday so I could have fixed things then, and maybe all this, all these posts and everything never would have happened.

[JulianMelissa 52]

Whatever makes you feel superior, Julian.

You propose to psychoanalyze my fiancee, and I'm the one with the superiority complex? That's rich.