Ummm, maybe another stupid question!

[TracyTN 237]

Melissa, we all want what is best for you, despite what Julian is surely telling you about us. Personally, I think how someone treats you at this point in the relationship are shades of things to come. Given what I have seen here and the incident you noted in your blog, you have a long, hard road ahead of you if you decide to marry this man.

But ultimately, you're an adult and you have to make your own decision and live with any consequences that may bring. Going on with this any further in this thread is honestly pointless - it seems clear you've made up your mind, and beyond this post, I have nothing further to contribute.

I wish you luck and am happy to lend an ear on PM at any point if you're so inclined. Immigration is sort of my passion, so I will be happy to answer any immi questions you have out on the open forum (note I said you ).

[Rebecca Jo 1,962]

24 hours later, I'm a bit annoyed with myself for having gotten so carried away with all this.

[elmcitymaven 9,712]

24 hours later, I'm a bit annoyed with myself for having gotten so carried away with all this.

Why, may I ask?

[Fandango 1,439]

24 hours later, I'm a bit annoyed with myself for having gotten so carried away with all this.

Don't ever be annoyed with having a heart!

Edited May 28, 2010 by Happy Bunny

[Rebecca Jo 1,962]

Why, may I ask?

Well, because as welshcookie says, we really must let Melissa and Julian figure it out for themselves.

[Rob and Jill 82]

You're joking, right? My fiancee has been called a door mat, my words have been twisted, insinuations about my relationship have been pulled from thin air, and I'm just supposed to turn the other cheek? Now don't get me wrong, I'm a good CoE boy, but this is beyond the pale. Why don't you ask the same of Johnny boy here? Or does he have home pitch advantage and so not bound to the same rules of discourse?

Perhaps I was not clear enough. You're way of "defending" is to attack and make it seem like all Americans are ignorant rednecks. Defending your relationship is necessary as much as the two of you find it necessary to do. You've both been judged. Most of it was overly harsh given that we saw one side of the story. (Hence my reasoning for thinking the "Irriating BS your spouse does thread" was a BAD idea. My exception to all of this is not you or Melissa defending yourselves or one another. It's the snide comments you continue to make regarding your perceptions of Americans.

[elmcitymaven 9,712]

Well, because as welshcookie says, we really must let Melissa and Julian figure it out for themselves.

I know. All I can do is try to be here, at least locally.

[Rebecca Jo 1,962]

I know. All I can do is try to be here, at least locally.

We can all be here.

If she wants us.

[JulianMelissa 52]

Well, because as welshcookie says, we really must let Melissa and Julian figure it out for themselves.

Smartest thing you've said this entire thread, thank you for finally acknowledging this. Still waiting for you to apologize to my fiancee.

Perhaps I was not clear enough. You're way of "defending" is to attack and make it seem like all Americans are ignorant rednecks. Defending your relationship is necessary as much as the two of you find it necessary to do. You've both been judged. Most of it was overly harsh given that we saw one side of the story. (Hence my reasoning for thinking the "Irriating BS your spouse does thread" was a BAD idea. My exception to all of this is not you or Melissa defending yourselves or one another. It's the snide comments you continue to make regarding your perceptions of Americans.

Grow some thicker skin please. Obviously if I thought all Americans were ignorant rednecks I wouldn't be marrying one now would I? When someboy acts in a stereotypical manner I will call them out on it. I'm sorry if this offends you, but you don't seem to be bothered in the least that my fiancee was called a door mat or that I have been accused of flaunting my wealth, despite the fact that not a single person can find a post where I've actually done this. Or that I have been accused of censoring my fiancee despite the fact that she has been openly posting on this forum and her blog with nary a word from me. You're full of criticism for me, where's your admonishments of Johnny Boy and the other internet police hmm?

I know. All I can do is try to be here, at least locally.

She says through crocodile tears.

[Rebecca Jo 1,962]

Smartest thing you've said this entire thread, thank you for finally acknowledging this. Still waiting for you to apologize to my fiancee.

Julian, I'll not be apologizing to Melissa or to you. If you want peace around here, you'll simply start conducting yourself differently. Others will reciprocate in kind.

Grow some thicker skin please. Obviously if I thought all Americans were ignorant rednecks I wouldn't be marrying one now would I? When someboy acts in a stereotypical manner I will call them out on it. I'm sorry if this offends you, but you don't seem to be bothered in the least that my fiancee was called a door mat or that I have been accused of flaunting my wealth, despite the fact that not a single person can find a post where I've actually done this. Or that I have been accused of censoring my fiancee despite the fact that she has been openly posting on this forum and her blog with nary a word from me. You're full of criticism for me, where's your admonishments of Johnny Boy and the other internet police hmm?

I did not call your fiance' a doormat. Go back and re-read if you must.

She says through crocodile tears.

This is why others criticize you, Julian. You do what you accuse others of. You can't take what you dish out.

Edited May 28, 2010 by JohnnyQuest

[Rob and Jill 82]

Grow some thicker skin please. Obviously if I thought all Americans were ignorant rednecks I wouldn't be marrying one now would I? When someboy acts in a stereotypical manner I will call them out on it. I'm sorry if this offends you, but you don't seem to be bothered in the least that my fiancee was called a door mat or that I have been accused of flaunting my wealth, despite the fact that not a single person can find a post where I've actually done this.

Nope, I am not bothered in the least by the fact that you intentionally do things to provoke people on the forums with your attitude. I am also not bothered with Melissa being called a doormat. Why? I didn't do it. What have I done? Suggested you both need therapy. I'll stand by that remark as well as you obviously both have issues you need to work through.

Furthermore, if you didn't want opinions of other forums members in regards to your relationships, then it shouldn't have been posted on a public forum in ANY manner. You made your post on the BS thread, and Melissa made hers on her blog. Once those avenues were open into your relationship, you INVITED people in to your problems.

The internet is not a diary with a lock and key on it. It's a wide open space packed full of people who are just waiting on someone to screw up so they can tell him/her what losers they are and how obviously the internet troll is so much better than such previously listed screw up. Do you both not see this? Obviously you were not expecting an innocent little forum or a blog post to effect your relationship in any way, yet here you are day 3-4 later still defending it. Still talking about it. Still trying to make people see why you are right and they are wrong.

Why don't I jump on the other people about it? I'll tell you why. Most of them in some way or another have apologized or said they should let you two work it out. You have yet to give an apology once on these forums. Not even a simple "I'm sorry you misunderstood what I meant. I meant..."

Julian and Melissa both: There is a simple way to stop this whole mess. You tell people you two have and/or are working it out and you'll no longer respond to the thread. Ask the mods to lock it or remove it and suddenly your problems will go away. Stop commenting. Stop giving people things to comment about. Do you really think that once you two are together anyone is going to come back to THIS THREAD and cause you problems? Do you really care if they do?

You both need to step back and make a decision as to whether or not this kind of consistent drama is healthy for your relationship. If it is, then go for it, do what makes you happy. However, if you find yourself sitting around at night wondering what kind of ####### you're going to see every time you log in to the forum, and it causes you or your relationship stress, then I would step back and wonder if my actions are causing the behavior of others, if I can change anything happening, or if this is the place for me.

My advice: Lock the thread and walk away from it. Do not continue to let people bait you into arguments, and even if they do, IGNORE it.

Edited May 28, 2010 by Rob and Jill

[JulianMelissa 52]

I am also not bothered with Melissa being called a doormat. Why? I didn't do it.

So you're bothered when I supposedly attack somebody, but you're fine with somebody attacking Melissa, so long as you didn't do it. I see.

Why don't I jump on the other people about it? I'll tell you why. Most of them in some way or another have apologized or said they should let you two work it out. You have yet to give an apology once on these forums. Not even a simple "I'm sorry you misunderstood what I meant. I meant..."

Bollocks. Nobody has apologised. But at least you recognise an apology is owed. Thanks at least for that.

And by the by, I *did* try to start another more productive topic. Seemed only a few were interested. I suppose bashing on the newcomers is more fun.

[Rob and Jill 82]

Julian. Go back and slowly read what I said. Think about it. Then type.

[Empress of Groovy 373]

Melissa, FYI, as Jill mentioned, you can PM a mod to close this thread if you want.

[elmcitymaven 9,712]

She says through crocodile tears.

Julian, I have been there for your fiancee more than you have in the past week. I was the one picking up the mess YOU made, and I barely know the girl. Your actions, which you have tied up in pretty paper and a big red bow to mask the steaming ####### within, have hurt her perhaps more than a sub-cretinous douche like yourself is capable of acknowledging. It is personal now for me. The gloves are off. I may be only a woman to you, feeble-minded, weak, but I wouldn't rely on that judgement.