Ummm, maybe another stupid question!

[English Muffin 59]

I'll just say this. This only makes me feel more angry about this situation. If your support comes in the form of helping her stand up to a misogynistic ignorant bully then I'm with you. Otherwise, forget it. That behaviour is unacceptable from both of them and as your friend I cannot support it. Sorry.

(I think I'm channeling Charles!)

[elmcitymaven 9,712]

I'll just say this. This only makes me feel more angry about this situation. If your support comes in the form of helping her stand up to a misogynistic ignorant bully then I'm with you. Otherwise, forget it. That behaviour is unacceptable from both of them and as your friend I cannot support it. Sorry.

It's certainly about standing up to him. I had my own misogynistic ignorant bully in my past and I wish the internetz had been in place for me to turn to for help.

[Empress of Groovy 373]

I was thinking the same thing. Maybe they snort coke off each other's arses?

...and maybe a third person could take a picture of the activity and send it on...as a big drunken joke, of course.

[English Muffin 59]

So either Julien or Alex has an ####### like a female hooker?

[Empress of Groovy 373]

So either Julien or Alex has an ####### like a female hooker?

Depilatories are very advanced these days.

[bakofoil 27]

...and maybe a third person could take a picture of the activity and send it on...as a big drunken joke, of course.

Is there a way of subscribing to this news feed?

[MelissaJulian 30]

Really, I don't know what to say. How would you like it if your husbands' best friends sent you pictures of them doing something really terrible? Or even if it just looked like something terrible but wasn't? How would you feel if you reached out for support but all you got was people making fun of you? Calling your husband gay and accusing him of having an affair with his best friend AND maybe doing drugs and using hookers? I know for a FACT that Julian is not gay. FACT. Do you want me to get into the details of my sex life? And not that I really care much about Alex, but my own experience would seem to be that he likes women, and seems to go through women pretty quickly.

I just don't know what to say.

[Empress of Groovy 373]

Really, I don't know what to say. How would you like it if your husbands' best friends sent you pictures of them doing something really terrible? Or even if it just looked like something terrible but wasn't? How would you feel if you reached out for support but all you got was people making fun of you? Calling your husband gay and accusing him of having an affair with his best friend AND maybe doing drugs and using hookers? I know for a FACT that Julian is not gay. FACT. Do you want me to get into the details of my sex life? And not that I really care much about Alex, but my own experience would seem to be that he likes women, and seems to go through women pretty quickly.

I just don't know what to say.

I feel I should address this because I brought this element into the discussion, and not 100% as a joke. Alex's behavior, as indicated by your blog posts (well, the recent ones I read) and some stuff here, is bizarre and transcends the usual guy-who-thinks-his-best-friend-is-making-a-big-mistake stuff. His actions are closer to jilted (or perhaps overlooked) lover than concerned friend. Perhaps he has feelings for you, as is often the case when someone declares emphatically to the contrary. Most reasonable people who are disapproving of a close friend or relative's relationship eventually discover that the best way to preserve the friendship is to ultimately support the person and the relationship. Alex seems to have no such inclination, which suggests that something else is going on.

[MelissaJulian 30]

Empress, I'm guessing you read my blog. Alex and I have (had?) a very complicated relationship, much more complicated than the friendship he has with my fiance, and much more complicated than I have written about. When I became their friend I messed things up between them and it shows what good friends they are that they were able to get over something as big as infidelity. I guess the best possible outcome would have been that we all were friends again, but in the end only Julian was able to be friends with us both again. I guess it also shows I never was good friends with Alex in the first place. That's ok because I still have Julian. I would have been very sad if I had lost them both.

I can't say if Alex feels anything for me, but he certainly makes a big show of not liking me. I don't think I actually have ever thought about whether he still cares about me because he has told me again and again what an idiot I am, and how a pretty face will only get you so far, and how Julian might be fooled but he knows me better, what I'm really all about. I don't think I've even told Julian that last one.

[Ban Hammer 13,459]

(I think I'm channeling Charles!)

another sign of the impending apocalypse

for the op - you pm a mod, use the report button to request the thread be closed, or just state something to the effect of "lock this thread" as i'm visiting it quite frequently.

[Empress of Groovy 373]

Empress, I'm guessing you read my blog. Alex and I have (had?) a very complicated relationship, much more complicated than the friendship he has with my fiance, and much more complicated than I have written about. When I became their friend I messed things up between them and it shows what good friends they are that they were able to get over something as big as infidelity. I guess the best possible outcome would have been that we all were friends again, but in the end only Julian was able to be friends with us both again. I guess it also shows I never was good friends with Alex in the first place. That's ok because I still have Julian. I would have been very sad if I had lost them both.

I can't say if Alex feels anything for me, but he certainly makes a big show of not liking me. I don't think I actually have ever thought about whether he still cares about me because he has told me again and again what an idiot I am, and how a pretty face will only get you so far, and how Julian might be fooled but he knows me better, what I'm really all about. I don't think I've even told Julian that last one.

Well, what's done is done. It says a lot about Alex that he's flinging insults at you, trying to humiliate you, and doing his best to sabotage your relationship with Julian. It's also pretty rich that Alex played no small part in the situation he's now judging you for. What a colossal fvckstain.

Anyway, the fact remains that you and Julian reconciled and are now engaged. That implies a clean slate. You can't allow the past stuff to pollute the current relationship, which seems to be what Alex is trying to do (why is the question). He needs to STFU and butt out, and support Julian in what wants to do, which is to marry you and live in the States. Why can't he allow himself to do this? That's what I find odd. You can't beat yourself up over what happened before. I agree it's a tricky situation, but you shouldn't allow yourself to be bullied like this, by anyone. I can't imagine what Julian was thinking, having Alex call you.

[MelissaJulian 30]

Well, what's done is done. It says a lot about Alex that he's flinging insults at you, trying to humiliate you, and doing his best to sabotage your relationship with Julian. It's also pretty rich that Alex played no small part in the situation he's now judging you for. What a colossal fvckstain.

Anyway, the fact remains that you and Julian reconciled and are now engaged. That implies a clean slate. You can't allow the past stuff to pollute the current relationship, which seems to be what Alex is trying to do (why is the question). He needs to STFU and butt out, and support Julian in what wants to do, which is to marry you and live in the States. Why can't he allow himself to do this? That's what I find odd. You can't beat yourself up over what happened before. I agree it's a tricky situation, but you shouldn't allow yourself to be bullied like this, by anyone. I can't imagine what Julian was thinking, having Alex call you.

Thanks so much for understanding. F^ckstain -- I love it!

Yes, I think it should be a clean slate. Julian certainly treats it like one since he has forgiven me before, and he has never, and I mean NEVER wanted to talk about it. Even in the middle of all of this, he never threw it back at me, like I think a lot of guys would. I just can't get Alex to get out of this, and that's why I think my fiance moving here to America is such a good idea. If there are 6000 miles between him and us, there's a lot less opportunity for him to make things difficult. And also, Julian does tell Alex to cut it out. I just feel like it isn't my place to tell him who he can and can't be friends with, especially one he's known so long.

I don't know what Julian was thinking either in getting Alex to call me, except maybe if I heard someone else back up what he had said I would believe it more. And the explanation is believable. It wasn't in good taste, but there weren't "hookers and blow" like everyone keeps repeating around here like the punchline to every joke. I believe them.

I don't know what to do about Alex, except hope that he leaves me alone from now on. We should be getting our NOA2 in the next three weeks, and after that we'll have a better idea about when we can expect Julian to be able to leave and come here. I'll hopefully never see or hear from him again, and that is what I want and what I deserve!

[Fandango 1,439]

In order to have a 'clean slate', Melissa...I have to say, your willingness to divulge certain information - like when you asked Alex if he ever loved you...why on Earth would you care? Secondly, why would you divulge that? Also, putting on your blog that Alex said you were 'the best #### he's ever had' is quite crass and actually disrespectful to your fiance. I'm starting to see different aspect at play here, where I might have rushed to judgment chastising J.

If I ever shagged my fiance's best mate, you can sure as hell take it to the bank that I wouldn't be divulging that to the internets while planning my wedding. I cannot understand the need for your full disclosure. At all.

I will rush to judgment again, and say you seem like you do need validation and attention. There was a comment on your blog that albeit harsh, I found myself sort of agreeing with.

I actually pm'd Maven asking her if she really met you, because this all seems too ridiculous to actually be real, lol

[Rebecca Jo 1,962]

It's really not so hard to understand when you take into account the coagulant for the behaviors of all the parties.

And that would be youth and immaturity.

A lot of stuff comes out of that you know. Naivete' and bluster are a couple of them.

[Fandango 1,439]

It's really not so hard to understand when you take into account the coagulant for the behaviors of all the parties.

And that would be youth and immaturity.

A lot of stuff comes out of that you know. Naivete' and bluster are a couple of them.

Maybe the key word is immaturity....I was 21 not that long ago, and wouldn't have fathomed taking part in any of this public debacle.

I agree with what you said about getting so involved and going overboard....I am done bashing Julian as the 'evil' one...it takes two...in this case, maybe three.