Hide and Go Seek

[HeadsTailsYouWin 0]

My husband and I have been seperated (he went to live with a friend in the same town) since the 21st of February. Until April 15th we were seeing each other once in awhile, and I thought that reconciliation was slightly possible in the future... (at least cohabitation, if not full reconcilliation).

After a blow up on April 15th. I have only seen him once (around the 18th of April) when I he accompanied me to close our joint bank account. He then refused to answer any of my calls, or reply to any text messages, etc. I ran into him once and he said "I'll call you" but he never did.

Last Tuesday for the first time since he moved out I went by the apartment he was staying in for the last 2 months, no one was home. Coincidentally he called me that afternoon and said he had left our state and had travelled about 2400 miles away to take a job. He asked me to come there to stay with him... Since then I have not heard another word from him... he doesn't answer or return my calls/texts.

Something tells me that he's moved on in more ways than one...

I know he is supposed to file a change of address with the USCIS when he moves around (he hasn't). I have not been able to verify that he is working where he says he is... nor do I know, with any certainty, where he is living, or have any shred of evidence to prove that he's even left our state.

Do I have any obligation to report this to anyone? Anything I'm obligated to do?

Thanks in advance for any information provided (of a constructive nature)...

*For those of you who wish to analyze the relationship - please do so in your own mind without moving your fingers to actually type a response...

[nane1104 146]

First of all, I am sorry you have to go through this.

I don't think you have to do anything at this point. According to your profile, your husband has a 2 year greencard now? That means, soon he will have to file for removal of conditions and if you are not divorced by then, he would have to do that jointly with you. Latest then, he will remember that he has a wife...

If you chose to divorce, he can file by himself with a waiver, but he will have to proof that he entered the marriage in good faith.

The only thing you have to keep in mind is, that you signed the Affidavit of Support, so if you don't want to get any bad surprises down the road, it's probably in your best interest to find out where your husband is and what he is doing.

I am sure someone will come and correct me if there is something you would be obligated to do at this point.

Best wishes to you!

[HeadsTailsYouWin 0]

Thanks for your kind response. You're right, he does not have his permanent green card... He got it in April of 2009, so there's still a ways to go. I've had some ideas of how I might find him, but don't know what to do with him when I do find him... (at least I'd know where to serve the divorce papers when it comes to that...) Was thinking of putting his picture on a milk carton... but I think they only do that based on the missing person's chronological age (49), not the age he acts (3)... which means I'm outta luck with that idea... but at least it makes me smile to think of him seeing himself on the carton... gray beard and all...

Thanks again.

First of all, I am sorry you have to go through this.

I don't think you have to do anything at this point. According to your profile, your husband has a 2 year greencard now? That means, soon he will have to file for removal of conditions and if you are not divorced by then, he would have to do that jointly with you. Latest then, he will remember that he has a wife...

If you chose to divorce, he can file by himself with a waiver, but he will have to proof that he entered the marriage in good faith.

The only thing you have to keep in mind is, that you signed the Affidavit of Support, so if you don't want to get any bad surprises down the road, it's probably in your best interest to find out where your husband is and what he is doing.

I am sure someone will come and correct me if there is something you would be obligated to do at this point.

Best wishes to you!

[HeadsTailsYouWin 0]

This is a big group.... Anyone in Dayton Ohio want to help me check out where I think he might be working??? It's a very public place, you wouldn't even have to speak to him or ask about him... he'd be behind the cash register or stocking the shelves in a 2 person shop in a mall.... (the other employee is female so it wouldn't be hard...)

If anyone is willing to help, please send me a private message...

[trillium13 84]

I have a feeling that if you see a lawyer and actually want to file for divorce, that they will be able to find him. They could at the very least be able to advise you what to do.

You can file for divorce without knowing his exact location, I'm sure.

[HeadsTailsYouWin 0]

I have a feeling that if you see a lawyer and actually want to file for divorce, that they will be able to find him. They could at the very least be able to advise you what to do.

You can file for divorce without knowing his exact location, I'm sure.

I can definately file for a divorce without knowing where he is. It just takes an order from the judge (which means I have to go to court) and weeks of posting ads in the newspaper... a much more long and drawn out (and expensive) process than simply having him served divorce papers, or better yet him agreeing to the divorce and us signing a mutually agreeable divorce settlement....which the judge signs and we're done in 30 days. It's likely he's avoiding me thinking he can postpone a divorce, and if I go through with it he can avoid dealing with the consequences of it.

I don't think he will be found if he doesn't want to be... that's how in the US manage to elude deportation all the time... I'm sure an attorney would recommend a private investigator, but I'm not even planning to use a lawyer for the divorce at all, and would never spend the $$ for someone to hunt him down... I've already spent thousands of $$ on this "caper" and don't want to throw good money after bad... It would give me some small sense of "closure" to know what he thought was better than living with me. I want closure more than anything.. and that I doubt I'll get.